Chapter 16
Sophie
This day will be my judgment day if I'm going to proceed to my internship or I'll extend one more semester to redo my thesis. I can feel my palms getting wet as I prepare my presentation. The past few weeks were a hell for me. Ilang gabi akong puyat para lang maging pulido ang lahat. Good thing I had someone to help me. Thank God I have Derrick to link me to some people in business world who are willing to take part of my study.
Kamusta na kaya siya? Ilang araw ko na rin siyang hindi nakikita.
Dahil sa pagiging sobrang busy ko halos wala na akong oras para sa ibang bagay. I didn't attend any band practices and skipped a few gigs. Laking pasalamat ko dahil naiintindihan ako ng banda. Sa aming lima, ako at si Karl na lang ang nag-aaral sa college. The rest already graduated last year. Buti na lang talaga konti lang ang gigs namin sa buwan na ito.
My thoughts lead me back again to Derrick. Ano kayang ginagawa niya ngayon? Maybe he's also taking full control of his life right now like what I do. Hindi ako kailan man ginambala ni Derrick, kahit text o call hindi niya ginawa unless kung ako ang mauna. He understands how serious I am with my thesis that's why he never bother to contact me.
Pero may mga pagkakataon na naiinis ako. Lalo na't naiisip ko na ako na lang lagi ang na uunang mag text o tumawag para lang magkausap kami. It seems like he doesn't care for me at all. Na para bang naaalala niya na lang ako pag tumatak ang pangalan ko sa screen ng phone niya. Dati kasi parang normal na sa amin ang mag usap araw-araw. It's either him or me who initiates the talk. Ngayon, parang ako na lang ang nag e-effort. Napabuntong hininga ako.
"Are you ready with your presentation Sophie?" tanong sa akin ng isa sa mga panel.
Napatuwid ako sa pagtayo at napatingin sa mga tao sa harap ko. I nodded at them and removed the lens cover of the projector to let them see my presentation.
The whole thesis defense lasted for more than an hour. I was scared and nervous the whole time I was in front of the panel. Nevertheless, I was still able to answer all the questions thrown at me. The panel then gave their feedback and pointed out the strong and weak points of my study.
"Congratulations Sophie, you can already publish your thesis!" I huffed with relief when I heard those words. Iyon lang talaga ang hinihintay ko. They gave me advices on how to improve my thesis for the last time before publishing it. Minor changes lang naman kaya hindi na ako mahihirapan.
This is going to be great news for Derrick! Sigurado akong matutuwa iyon pag nalaman niyang hindi nasayang ang pagtulong niya.
Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko sa bag at tinawagan siya. Ilang beses nag ring ang phone niya pero lagi itong busy. I dialed it again for the fifth time but he's not really answering. Siguro ay may importante siyang ginagawa kaya hindi niya napapansin ang tawag ko. If I'll leave a message, for sure he's going to read it when he's done with whatever is keeping him. Nagtipa na lang ako ng mensahe sa kanya at pinadala ito.
Dumeretso ako sa parking lot ng school at pinatunog ang kotse ko. I was about to start the engine when my phone rang. Agad kong kinuha ang phone kong nag riring sa bag ko, baka siya na ito.
All my hopes vanished when I saw a different name on my screen. I sighed and answered the call.
"Hi Sophie, nasa studio kami ngayon nagpapractice. May gig tayo mamayang gabi, game ka?" Luis asked on the other line. Rinig ko ang keyboards ni Karl sa background.
"Sige. Wala rin naman akong gagawin mamaya. Tapos na ako sa defense ng thesis ko."
"O talaga? Pasado ba?"
"Yup."
Bahagyang lumayo si Luis sa phone at sumigaw sa mga kasama niya, announcing my success to the rest of the band. Natawa ako sa mga ingay na ginagawa nila. Halatang masaya rin sila para sa akin.
"Congratulations daw sabi nila. So alam mo na anong kasunod ha?" Natatawa niyang sabi sa'kin.
My eyes rolled when I realized what he meant. "Oo na. Magdadala ako ng pagkain. Mga patay gutom!"
Drew shouted on the background telling me to hurry up. Geez! They really think of me as a food bank. Mabilis lang akong nakarating sa studio dahil hindi pa naman rush hour. I slumped on the bean bag when I arrived and dropped my things next to me.
Agad naman akong nilapitan ng banda at kinamusta ako. They even asked me why the hell I didn't bring food. Sinabi kong nagpadeliver ako at maghintay sila kamo. Actually si Luis at Drew lang talaga ang atat. Arc and Karl were just chill and more focused on the practice. Kinuha ko muli ang phone ko sa bag to check if there's a message from Derrick pero wala talaga. Nagsimula na naman akong mainis.
Tumabi sa akin si Arc at itinabi ang bag ko. "For someone who passed the thesis defense, you don't definitely look happy."
Napatingin ako sa kanya. I shook my head and half heartedly smiled. "I'm happy."
"May problema ba? Baka may maitulong ako."
Do I show too much emotion? Or maybe Arc is just really good in detecting how I feel.
"Wala. Pagod lang ako. I think I exerted too much energy sa defense."
Nakita kong tinapunan niya ng tingin ang hawak hawak kong phone. He cocked his head a little to his side as if assessing what's on my mind.
"You look bothered Sophie. Come on, you can tell me."
"Wala talaga, Arc," tumayo ako at lumapit sa guitar stand. "Tara na, practice muna tayo habang hinihintay ang delivery."
Arc stood up and didn't push the topic anymore. It's just a silly thing anyway. Hindi na dapat ito pinoproblema ng kaibigan ko. Ako lang naman yung maraming arte. I decided to let go of the feeling for awhile and focused on our practice.
"O anong gusto niyo? Order na kayo, sagot ko lahat ng iinumin niyo."
Nag high five ang mga gago nang inanunsyo ko iyon. Tapos na kami sa tatlong set ng gig namin kaya heto't nakatambay kami sa isang table dito sa sulok ng bar.
"Tol, umorder ka ng mahal. Lubos lubusin na natin ang grasya," ani Drew kay Luis habang nilalaro ang stick ng drums.
"Huwag mo rin kalimutan ang pulutan," Karl suggested as well.
Tinapunan ko ng tingin si Luis na kanina pa may hinahapit ng tingin sa kabilang table. Hawak niya ang menu pero ewan ko kung nakikinig ba siya sa mga sinasabi nila Drew at Karl.
Arc cleared his throat waking Luis from his trance. "Oy, ano ba kasing tinitingnan mo sa kabila?"
"Shit tol, ang ganda niya. Simula nung makita ko siya kanina, hindi na nawala ang mga mata ko sa kanya."
Lahat kami napatingin sa babaeng sinasabi ni Luis. The girl has a sweet, pretty face like an angel. But unfortunately, she's off limits. Halatang boyfriend niya ang kasama niya. They sat so close together and the guy's hands were holding her protectively.
"Nah, malabo pag-asa mo sa kanya Luis. May boyfriend na o. Kaya umorder ka na at i-shot na lang natin 'yan," kinuha ko mula sa kamay niya ang menu at itinakip ito sa mukha niya.
Drew puffed a laugh and patted Luis' head with a drum stick. "Tigang mo na siguro ano? Panahon na ba para hanapan kita ng panibagong chix? The last time I saw you with someone was still a month ago."
"Gago! Kahit hindi mo pa ako hanapan, kusang lalapit sa'kin ang mga babae. Si Arc na lang hanapan mo. Mas matagal na yang tigang kay sa sa'kin."
Natawa kaming lahat sa sinabi Luis. I called the waiter to order some hard liquors since my friends are so consumed with teasing Arc being a celibate.
"Seryoso? 3 years ka ng hindi active sa sex?" Karl sounded so amused when he heard the confession from Arc.
Arc shrugged his shoulders and leaned back. "It doesn't matter to me. I'm more than fine having an active music life."
"Grabe ka. Akala ko ako yung pinaka inactive sa'tin. The last time I did it was a year ago," said Karl who was still amused.
"Ang sabihin mo kasi tol, may hinihintay ka," Luis nudged Arc and teasingly shot his eyebrows up and down. "Right, Sophie?"
"Huh?" inosente akong tinignan ni Karl na tila ba hinihintay na dagdagan ko ang kwneto. Arc threw a warning glare at Luis, while Drew was silently laughing like he knew something. "Anong pinagsasabi mo, Luis?"
Luis was about to say more when Arc blocked his view from me and stood up to assist the waiter who just arrived with our drinks. Isa isang nilapag ni Arc ang mga inumin namin sa mesa habang ang dalawang na sa likod niya ay panay tawa pa rin. Arc has a grim expression on his face like he could choke anyone who gets in his way.
Mga ulol. Sila lang ang nagkaintindihan. Hindi man lang kami isinali ni Karl sa kabaliwan nila. I grabbed the vodka and poured some of it on each of our glass. They cheered for my success with my thesis and drank our glasses.
Ang isang bote ng vodka ay nadagdagan pa ng dalawa. The band was extra hyper tonight. I don't know if it's because of the alcohol taking over our system or it's just the atmosphere of the place. Napuno ng tawanan at kulitan ang table namin lalo na noong isa isa silang nagkwento ng first sex experience nila. Nasimulan na kasi ang topic kaya ayun at nagtuloy tuloy na.
I grabbed my phone from my pocket to check the time. My vision was blurry and my head was starting to pound achingly. I saw a text message notification and went to my inbox to read the message.
Derrick: Congratulations!
What the actual fuck? Sa hinaba haba ng nauna kong mensahe, ito lang ang isasagot niya? Ilang oras niya akong pinaghintay tapos ito lang? Congratulations my ass! Halatang napilitan lang siyang magreply.
Magrereply sana ako kaso mali mali na ang natatype ko. Punyemas! Inis na initsa ko ang phone sa aking bag. Humanda siya sa akin dahil pupuntahan ko siya. Mas mabuting sa personal kami mag usap kay sa text o tawag. Aba kung may problema siya sa akin, deretsuhin niya ako. Hindi yung tatratuhin niya ako na parang wala lang.
"O Sophie, saan ka pupunta?" tawag sa akin ni Drew nang mapansin ang pag aayos ko ng gamit.
Dumukot ako ng pera sa wallet ko at inilapag ito sa mesa. "Aalis na ako. Heto ang bayad ko, kung may sukli pa ipambili niyo na lang ng pulutan."
"Hey, aalis ka na agad?" Arc held my arm to steady me.
"Oo, huwag kayong mag alala. Kaya ko pang mag drive, hindi naman ako masyadong tinamaan."
"Samahan na kita. Baka mapano ka pa."
"Wag na Arc," sinabit ko ang bag sa balikat ko. "Una na ako. You take care of them Arc, lalo na 'tong si Drew. Wala akong tiwala na makakauwi yan ng buhay. Namumula na ang mga mata o."
"Bye princess!" Luis shouted as I walk to the door.
Wala akong sinayang na minuto at pinaandar agad ang sasakyan. Just wait for me Derrick, I'm gonna make you remember this night. You don't dare mess with me.
Kinatok ko ng walang pag alinlangan ang pinto sa unit ni Derrick. I don't care if I could wake up the whole floor. I'm not going home unless I talk with this jerk.
"Open the door Derrick!" sigaw ko habang malakas na kinakatok ang pinto.
I was about to call his name again when the door opened and saw Derrick wide eyed shocked about my existence on his front door. I scanned him from head to toe just to see his big bulge on the center of his boxers. What a sight! He's not even wearing a shirt for heaven's sake!
"Sophie, it's 1 in the morning. What are you doing here?" he said as he woke me up from my trance.
Pumasok ako sa loob at inilapag ang bag ko sa sahig. I leaned my body on my side and crossed both of my arms in front of me. He looked at me questioningly like he's confused of what's happening. I raised one of my brows and advanced a step towards him.
"Sabihin mo nga ang totoo, may problema ka ba sa akin? Sabihin mo na ngayon habang kaya ko pang magtimpi."
"What?" his brows creased. "I don't understand."
"Oh come on! Ilang linggo mo na akong ginaganito Derrick. Wag kang magpaka inosente dahil hindi mo ako madadala sa ganyan."
"Naka inom ka ba?"
"So what? Huwag mong ibahin ang usapan. I'm asking you a fucking question!"
Derrick's face darkened like I triggered something forbidden. My temper suddenly changed as I look how dangerous his stares are. Lumapit siya sa akin pero hindi ako gumalaw sa kinatatayuan ko. Ayaw kong makita niyang kaya niya akong paamuhin dahil sa mga tingin niyang ganyan. From our distance I can smell his minty scent mixed with his natural manly smell. It's very intoxicating and inviting.
Focus Sophie! It's just the alcohol screwing your senses.
"Make me understand and maybe from there I can answer your fucking question," he said in a cold, authoritative voice.
I swallowed a lump in my throat before opening my mouth to speak. "You've been treating me lately like I'm nobody. I've been reaching out to you but you're so hard to reach. Lagi na lang ako nauunang magtext o tawag. We're not like this before and you know that! Hindi ko mapigilan na hindi isipin na nilalayuan mo ako kasi iyon talaga ang ipanapakita mo. Kaya kung may problema ka sa akin, sabihin mo na. Huwag mong idaan sa ganito."
My eyes started to get hot with all the feelings of longing for him. It suddenly struck me why I'm acting like this. It's because I was missing him, so much. His presence had been familiar to me since we've been seeing each other like almost everyday. At ngayon na halos ilang linggo na kaming hindi nagkakasama o nagakakusap ng matino, parang may isang bahagi ng buhay ko ang nawala na hinahanap hanap ko.
He breathed heavily while contemplating what I just said. He combed his hair with his long fingers a few times before fixing his eyes on me again.
"Are you saying that you miss me?"
He just summarized everything that I feel. He's too intelligent with this. Tumango na lang ako dahil biglang umurong ang dila ko. Agad niyang akong hinawakan sa braso at hinila ako palapit sa kanya. My chest bumped into his and that's when I realized what happened. Niyakap niya ako at ibinaon ang kanyang ulo sa aking leeg habang hinihimas ang buhok ko.
"I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. I was just too caught up with everything, mostly about work and the business."
"Sorry din, nagpadalos dalos ako. Muntik ko ng makalimutan na may responsibildad ka rin palang hinahawakan sa negosyo niyo." mahina kong bulong.
I'm so selfish. Hindi ko nagugustuhan itong nangyayari sa akin. Is it still natural to miss someone like Derrick? We're just friends but if other people would be here to judge, probably they would tell that I'm acting like a demanding girlfriend craving for attention.
"Don't be. I like it when you're honest with what you feel," he sniffed the crook of my neck and continuously caressed my long hair. "I miss you too, Sophie."
Damn! I think I'm in trouble.