Zoha pulled out a bulky hardcover book and laid it in the crook of her arm. She read the title, it was volume 2 of the last book she had read. It perhaps contained the information that she was interested in reading. She carried it to the table where Hoorain was sitting doing her work and pulled out the chair for herself.
"I found the other one," Zoha said in a low voice to Hoorain. "I will study in depth about the model structure. Even if it is not on the exam, I will still look into it."
Hoorain inclined her attention and looked at the opened textbook across the table. "You're making notes?"
"Possibly."
"Can I see your notes afterwards?" Hoorain's excitement level was low after consistently boring her eyes in the page of thousand words.
"You need it?"
"I want to look at it."
"Okay." Zoha listed her finger down the table of content and flipped the page over.
"By the way aren't you hungry?" Hoorain said. "I am starving."
"Not much." Zoha didn't look up. "If you are then get something to eat from the canteen."
"Then they won't let me in."
Zoha stopped amid flipping pages and looked. "I am not really hungry. I have to focus for the finals."
"I know." Hoorain thought for a moment. "It's okay if you have to stay. I will go eat something and then come back."
"Sorry, yaar."
"It's okay," Hoorain said. "If I don't eat I can't focus. You carry on your work." She got up, hung her sling bag on the shoulder and headed out the library.
Zoha glanced as she left. She then resumed her attention back to the book and continued flipping to the page five hundred seventy. The chapter fifteen was thirty pages long. But there were more diagrams and model drawings than paragraphs of text. She began reading the introduction and studied the pictures with captions.
Later when Hoorain wasn't back from the canteen, Zoha thought what took her so long. She checked her wrist watch. It was forty minutes since she was gone. There was her book on the table which meant she was coming back, but she had taken her stuff with her.
Zoha pulled out her phone from the bag and texted her. Where are you?
After a while, a reply came. In the canteen.
Zoha: What's taking so long?
Hoorain: Ammi called me. I was talking to her for ten minutes.
Zoha: Is everything okay?
Hoorain: Yeah. I will tell you when I come back.
Zoha: Okay.
Zoha put the phone on the table and looked in the direction of the library entrance to see if Hoorain was coming.
When she showed up later, Zoha said, "you took so long."
"I know." Hoorain was breathing harder since she had climbed the stairs-perhaps in rush. "Ammi was going for shopping. I asked her to buy me one thing so she was asking about that." She settled in her seat across from Zoha.
"Won't you go shopping with her?" Zoha was distracted from her work.
"I do. But sometimes I don't feel like going so I tell her to get things for me."
"I haven't went for shopping in a long time. I need new clothes. But sadly I have no one to go with," Zoha said.
"Can't you ask your Bari ammi?"
"I don't feel comfortable. It makes me think like she might judge me what I buy."
Hoorain covered her mouth as she coughed. "Do you want to go with me?"
"After college?"
"Whenever you feel like. We can also go in the evening," Hoorain proffered.
"Zoha closed the textbook. She couldn't work while talking. "Shopping is one thing we never did together."
"I know. We should go one day."
"We never got a chance because of the study load," Zoha said.
"Whenever you make plan, I will ask ammi that if I can go with you. Maybe she would let me. It will be so much fun."
Zoha was elated at the thought of going out with Hoorain. Why didn't she ever think of this before. She always had her best friend to go for shopping. So dumb.
"I was thinking that I should list out things I want to buy. It's not only clothes. I want new sandals and jewelries too. I love them."
"Are you going to shop for your wedding?"
"Maybe. But not at this occasion."
"You haven't decided yet?"
"No. I still hadn't told them."
"When will you then? Are you still thinking?"
"I don't know when I should tell them."
"Talk to your Bari ammi. Hasn't she been nice to you? She even came over to your bedroom to ask for your agreement."
"I know. I have been thinking about it."
"Are you going to say yes?" Hoorain curiously asked.
Zoha nodded.
"You both are made for each other. You deserve him."
"I can't believe that this is actually true."
"Believe it," Hoorain said. "Your are going to start a new life."
"Sometimes our lives turn out the way we least imagined it." Zoha was immersed in her thoughts. "I didn't know Shehrhaar was going to choose me."
"Your good times are here, Zoha. Now you will get whatever you want."
"I remember those days when I lost my everything. After losing dadi I felt like I had nothing left. It was all over."
"It's your past. Don't start your new life with sad things. Be happy. All of that was bound to happen. Even if you wished you had done something, you couldn't have. So whatever happened, happened. It was once part of your life. Now it's gone."
"It's easy to say these things. But hard to do them." Zoha teared a little.
"You can try, right?"
Zoha sadly looked at her.
"If you keep reminding yourself of those things, you will never be free."
"I don't know what to do."
"Just don't think about it."
"I tell myself that I won't think about this. But sometimes I can't help it."
Hoorain stuffed her pencil and folder in the bag. "Lets go outside. It really nice."
Zoha swept the water from her eyes; she didn't want anyone to have an impression that she was crying or was even sad. She gathered her things and rose from the seat.
***********************
After the last class, they again met each other in the corridor. By then Zoha was feeling better. She looked the way she was in the morning- contend. The cloud of sadness was absent in her eyes.
"Finally the day is over," she breathed out in relief. "Now I am really hungry."
"Then why didn't you eat with me?" Hoorain said.
"Because I wasn't hungry then."
"Do you want to get something from the canteen?"
"Yeah, let's go."
Zoha bought a chicken sandwich, some fried and orange juice. She sat down at the table and quickly unwrapped the food.
Just as the taste of mayonnaise and chicken unleashed on her tongue, she felt gush of relief from the hunger. It was like the best food ever in the world.
"Looks like you were dying." Hoorain laughed.
"I was." Zoha battled to speak with mouth full.
"Calm down."
"I lost my patience. Hunger drove me crazy."
"I am just kidding." Hoorain laughed.
Zoha ate without talking then. She sipped some juice and took another bite. The sandwich was actually tasty. Last time when she bought it, it wasn't as good. It was bland and dry. It made her think that canteen food was bad, so she only purchased snacks and sometimes cold drinks.
Hoorain was busy with her phone. She was looking at an image which she showed to Zoha. "Doesn't this look pretty?" she said.
Zoha drank a sip of juice again and managed to look. "That looks gorgeous." Her eyes were mesmerized. "I love the design."
"Me too. They have this on stores now," Hoorain chirruped.
"It must be a party wear."
Hoorain started searching more. "It is. Let me show you some new ones."
Zoha was already done with her sandwich. She had some fries left in her plate. "How much can they be?" she asked.
"Umm-like around four thousand to five thousand. It's little expensive."
"But it's worth it don't you think?"
"I mean yeah. But ammi wouldn't let me spend that much on a dress." Hoorain was scrolling down, looking one by one.
"Honestly I have no idea what they sell in stores. I have old fashion clothes."
"We should definitely check out the malls. I will take you."
"I feel like shopping now."
"I am crazy about new trends," Hoorain enthused.
Zoha chewed on the fries and sipped some juice. "I am done with the sandwich. It was actually good. Do you want some fries?" She offered her plate.
"Thanks." Hoorain took one.
"Aray yaar," Zoha all of a sudden remembered. "Sajjid baba must be waiting for me outside." Zoha got up and hurriedly picked her stuff.
"I thought you remembered."
"I was just too hungry to remember. We should get going."
Hoorain helped return the tray and dumped the disposable item.
"Thanks," Zoha said. "This textbook is so heavy. My arm hurts." She shifted the weight to the other arm.
"I hate taking textbooks home."
"If you want the notes, remind me. I might forget."
"Hopefully I remember."
When Zoha reached the college gate, she was surprised to see Shehryaar waiting for her, leaning against the car.
"Him?" she said.
Hoorain followed her line of sight. "Who?"
"Shehryaar."
"He came to pick you up today?"
"I didn't know about that."
Hoorain looked at the side of Zoha's face, as she was gazing at Shehryaar. "He must be waiting for you for a long time."
"He usually insisted to drop me, but never to pick me up."
"I think you should go. Don't make him wait for you any longer." Hoorain patted Zoha's back. "Go."
"What are you going to do? Are you taking the bus?" Zoha asked.
"Don't worry about me. I will probably take the bus or call Abu," Hoorain assured. "You go home."
"You sure?"
"Yes baba. Don't be crazy worried about me. It's not the first time." Hoorain chuckled.
"Okay then. I will go."
"Please. Your princes charming is waiting for you," Hoorain teased.
"Be quiet. He is right there." Zoha's heart beat quickened.
Hoorain laughed. "So let him hear it. After all he is not any less handsome."
Zoha walked away before Hoorain made anymore comments about Shehryaar.
When she went over to him, he was too engaged in his game to even realize that she was standing there.
Zoha cleared her throat.
He looked up, appearing absentminded. He tapped his game close and slid the phone in his pants pocket. "Finally you are here." He grinned.
"What do you mean? You have been waiting for a long time?" Zoha felt bad.
"Yeah, kind of," Shehryaar said. "It's okay." He opened the door of the car.
"Sorry for a long wait. Actually I was in the canteen."
"No problem at all. I was busy playing game so didn't realize how much time passed."
Zoha curtly smiled. "You didn't have to come for me. Sajjid baba was fine."
"I don't come everyday," he said. "But today I was missing you." Shehryaar patted the silence on Zoha's lips.
Zoha didn't know how to respond back to that. She shifted her gaze from him and sauntered over to the back seat of the car. Just after she sat, Shehryaar sat in the driver seat and thumped the door close.
"I am restlessly waiting for the day when you give your response to mummy." He unstitched the silence.
Zoha's heart beat was louder than Shehryaar's voice. She wished she could tell him that it was yes from her, but she couldn't. Her instincts were telling her that she had to give her response to Saliha first. She was the adult and she was suppose to deal with this.
Shehryaar fixed the rearview mirror and turned the key in the ignition. As the car started, he pulled the gear and drove away.
"How was your day?" he asked.
"It was good."
"What did you do? I mean anything different?"
"Nothing much," Zoha said. "How was your day?"
Shehryaar looked in the mirror. "Not so good. I hadn't had anything do."
Zoha didn't say anything for a while. Then said, "don't you feel like going back to California?"
"Very much."
"Then why don't you?"
"I would," he said. "But not without you."
"You are going to take me with you?" Zoha was little surprised.
"Of course. Wouldn't you want to come?"
"I thought you were going to stay here."
"I can't. I have my everything over there. I just come here to visit, not to stay here."
Going to California. I would have to go that faraway? Zoha felt uneasy. "But I have my everything here. I have to complete my studies and get the Master's degree."
"You can finish your studies and then come to California. Or you can study abroad for Master's degree," Shehryaar said.
"Wouldn't it be little hard to do all of that?"
"I will help you. It's not easy to adjust in a different country and study. I started out very young in America. Daddy was working to establish his business and I was alone to manage everything."
Zoha took a breath and thought it through. Shehryaar was willing to help her. He was used to American lifestyle and he knew abundant about California. He was going to support her, then why was she so worried. I need to relax, she said to herself. Right now nothing is even decided and I am overthinking it.
"It's not like that you have to go there and immediately start studying," Shehryaar added. "You can wait one or two years."
"I would have to search for colleges that is right for my major."
"It won't be that bad. I have a college directory book I bought when I was looking for good Arts college. You can look into that. But it's kind of old." He steered off the left in a more peaceful block.
"When did you graduate?" Zoha wondered.
"Three years ago."
"Oh."
"I started looking for work after I came out of college. I mean not exactly a job because my field is little different. I did blogging to get some recognition, then decided to sell my work when I saw more people were interested to buy my paintings. Beside that I did photography and I still do it."
"That's good."
"I didn't have to struggle as much because daddy supported me a lot. He gave me the freedom to do what I wanted to do."
Zoha pondered as he spoke.
"I wouldn't stop you from doing what you want to do. I want you to achieve your dream no matter what it is."
"I always wanted to be an architect. It's my dream."
"I promise I will give you everything you want."
"You care so much about me," Zoha said. "I can't thank you enough."
"Is thank you even a word when you love someone?" Shehryaar glanced in the mirror back at Zoha.
"Maybe not for you. But I always say thank you."
"Even if you hadn't said it, I would have understood by your silence."
***********
With the bits of conversation with Shehryaar hanging on her mind, Zoha climbed out of the car in the sunny driveway. She felt like it was the longest time she had traveled the distance between college and home.Whenever Sajjid came to pick her up, he only asked her about how was her day and quietly drove. But with Shehryaar, she felt like centuries, speaking about things that she never spoke about with anyone. She realized that they had many things in common than she ever thought she had.
Going inside, Zoha smelled the aroma of curry permeating the whole house. It was spicy and delicious. She couldn't wait to find out what was being cooked.
Instead of heading to her bedroom, she strode to the kitchen, ensuing the steaming hot smell that watered her mouth. When she halted at the entrance, she noticed Saliha was hewing the cilantro on the cutting board, wearing apron on the kitchen dining table. Manal was there too, sitting and watching as if she was taking culinary classes.
Zoha decisively walked over, eager to see what was happening.
When Manal saw Zoha, she said, "oh you are here."
Zoha smiled. "I can smell this from all the way there," she complimented. "What is cooking?"
Saliha was bent forward, her strands of hair were coming in her eyes. She swept the hair away behind her ear and continued chopping the cilantro until it was how she desired.
"Mummy is not telling me what she is making. She told me to guess," Manal whined. "Can you tell?"
Saliha looked at Zoha, softly smiling. She didn't say anything, but expected Zoha to guess what she was cooking.
"I don't know." Zoha thought. "Is it mutton curry?"
Manal looked at Saliha to see if Zoha had guessed it right. But there was no response from her.
"I don't even know that many dishes. So I couldn't guess," Manal said.
"It's not that hard," Saliha said. "I have made it before. This one is a new style."
"Is it a chicken item?" Zoha asked.
"It's beef."
Zoha mentally ran her finger down the list of beef items she knew. She thought if she checked the pot, it might ring the bell in her head.
"You have cooked so you might know," Manal said. "Don't think too hard."
"Can I check the pot?" Zoha said, gritting her back teeth as she thought it might spoil the guessing game.
"Then you know it for sure," Saliha said. "You can check. I was just playing this game with Manal because she didn't have anything else to do."
Zoha went and opened the lid of the pot. The spices and the beef were stewing in the water and the strong waft of heat blew on her face, making her back away. Closing the pot, she immediately knew which curry was it. "Karahi ghosht," she called out.
"Told you,"Saliha said.
"I recognized it immediately."
"You are genius," Manal said. "I am here, guessing and failing. Poor me."
Zoha laughed. "It's okay. You will learn soon if you come to kitchen very often."
"Are you hungry?" Saliha asked, rinsing the knife and putting it in the dishwasher.
"I ate a sandwich after my last class. So I am not that hungry." Zoha glanced at Manal, who was listening.
"The lunch will be ready in thirty minutes. You can come down if you want to eat."
Zoha nodded. "I will go up and get fresh. Then meet you again." She turned away to leave, but Saliha called from the back."When will you be free? I have to talk to you."
Zoha looked confused. "Free?"
"Anytime you prefer."
"I don't know." She thought. "Maybe in the evening."
"Okay then." Saliha gave an assuring smile.
Zoha went to her room and tossed her bag on the bed. She knew why Saliha wanted to meet her. It was about the proposal. Zoha was confident with her response after speaking to her Khala. She didn't feel like she was the one who decided everything herself. Her Khala was involved too and it was good.
Taking a body bath, she wore different shalwar kameez and performed her prayers. Then when she was done, she relaxed in the rocking chair and oscillated back and forth. It was nice and soothing. She didn't want to get up from it.
Looking at the bare wall painted with sunshine hues, she glimpsed past the drawn curtains. The sky was clear and handsomely sunny. It wasn't that hot. The temperature had fallen below thirty degree Celsius, better than the last week.
After this semester, Zoha was going to have a break of two months. She couldn't wait to be done with finals and relax. She wanted to be free from all the college work and just have some time for herself. But after talking to Shehryaar today, her mind journeyed to different thoughts about her future. She didn't know that Shehryaar was going to take her to California. She never imagined living far away from home where she was born and raised. It seemed next to impossible for her.
She fretted and hesitated to say yes to the proposal, when at the same time she couldn't live without Shehrhaar either. He promised that he was going to do everything for her and keep her happy. But she wasn't still satisfied. She wanted him to stay in Pakistan and live with her. She couldn't all of a sudden abandon everything. It was a tough decision to make. She couldn't take any side. Everything was precious for her: Shehrhaar and her home.
Getting up from the rocking chair, she paced the length of the room. Her anxiety kept her restive. She didn't know what to do. Soon in the evening Saliha was going to come and ask her for what she thought about the proposal. By then she had to stay firm on one response. Yes or no.
What do I do? What should I say? I can't tell Bari ammi to give me some more time. What will she think if I do? She might think that I am not interested and take it as no. I can't do that. I have to think of something. Ya Allah help me. I don't want to make regrettable decision. Guide me to according to your plan.
She halted amid her pace, chest pumping, fingers fidgety. She recollected what Shehryaar said to her. He was going to give her anything so she could fulfill her dream. He had promised to be with her in every turn of her life. He was never letting her hand go no matter what. He truly loved her. If I such person loves me this much and has always been there for me, then what is holding me back? Why am I so unsure?
She sat at the edge of the bed and contemplated. Her mind was lost in the tornado of thoughts and unreasonable doubts. Like always she was overthinking it and taking it to the point where she doubted her own decision. But she didn't want to think like that. She knew her heart was telling the right thing and her brain was tangled in confusion and uncertainty; it went against her instincts and what she desired from deep down. It was leading her ashtray. And she couldn't let that overpower her.
Think Zoha. You cannot make a bad decision for life. This is your moment in which you choose what you want forever. Would you rather be with Shehryaar and go with him where he went, or stay in the cocoon of your past and sadden over the loss? Which one do you choose to be? What defines your future? You have to take the step even if you are afraid to miss it. Shehryaar will always be there for you. Forever. He will not let you down.
**********
When the sun was just above the horizon, Zoha woke up from a deep nap and rubbed her eyes. All the tiredness was sponged out of her body after some hours of rest. She felt invigorated and active. Her mind was clear and open.
Grabbing the dupatta from the bed, she went to the bathroom and splashed water: it hit cool and fresh against her soft skin. She turned off the faucet and dabbed her face dry.
It was six thirty in the evening. The daylight was slowly fading. She hadn't even started her homework. There was that textbook to read and then study for the finals. She suddenly realized that Hoorain might have called her for the notes when she was sleeping. Her phone was on silent so she didn't hear any ringtone.
Retrieving the phone from the dressing table, she swiped the screen. There was no notification of missed call. She might have forgot about it, Zoha thought. She put the phone on the bedside and prepared for Asr.
Later when she was done praying, she folded prayer rug and the scarf and neatly placed it back on the shelf. Now she had to one big thing to do. Homework. I better get started or else I will stay up all night. She grabbed her dupatta, slipped it on her shoulders and combed her hair.
As she was about to leave, turning off the room light, someone knocked at the door. The sound of it so close to her that nearly jumped away. She turned on the lights and opened the door, slowly and assuringly.
It was Saliha. Just as she was expecting her.
"Bari ammi?" she said.
"Did I disturb you?"
"No no. I was heading down to the study room."
"Oh okay. Good."
"Come in, Bari ammi." Zoha opened the door wider for her.
Saliha stepped inside and stood, watching as Zoha closed the door.
"You wanted to talk to me?" Zoha asked, unsure if she wanted to even ask that question.
"Yes. What have you thought about the proposal?" She jumped in without any further ado.
"Oh." Zoha thought.
"I don't mean to put any pressure on you," Saliha said. "We want to hear what you want."
"Bari ammi....I..I agree with this proposal," she stammered.
There was a pinch of surprise in Saliha's eyes when Zoha finally uttered the words. It was as if she was waiting to hear the opposite.
"Oh. That's good." There was an awkward silence.
Zoha glanced at Saliha. She didn't say anything. "What happened, Bari ammi? Why did you get quiet all of a sudden?"
"Nothing. I was just thinking." Saliha tried to cover her feelings by wearing a smile.
"Are you not happy with my response?" Zoha pried on.
"No no. It's nothing like that." She put the hand on Zoha's shoulder. "I am glad you said yes."
Zoha didn't believe that.
"You know last night, me and your baray Abu were talking about you. We were wondering, if we married off to you to someone else, like out of this family, would our relationship had been as strong as it is right now? Would you have ever come back to us as daughters do after getting married?" Saliha's eyes spelled out the genuine sympathy for Zoha. She kept looking at her as if after many years she realized what Zoha meant for her. "Would you have seen us as your parents?"
"This is my one and only home. No matter where I went, I would have always came back here. You and baray Abu mean so much to me. I can never abandon my family."
"I know you don't call me a mother, but at least you called us your family."
"I grew up with you guys. If you are not my family then who is."
"I am glad you made the right decision." Saliha smiled. "I can't wait to tell Zafar about this. He will be so happy when he hears that you have said yes. He loves you."
Zoha lightly smiled.
"He said that he will fix the engagement as soon as possible if you said yes. Because he has to go to California for some time."
"When will he come back again?"
"After a month or so. It's not fixed."
"Are you going to prepare for engagement now?"
"I will talk to him first and then see what he says." Saliha was really happy. "But if you want to do shopping, you can start it now. Girls always take time."
"I was planning to go with my friend. She will help me with preparations."
"That is great."
Zoha was contend after giving her words to Saliha. Her anxiety and nervousness was gone. She felt like she had dumped the heaviest burden out of her chest.
**************
Author's note
Finally I updated you might all be thinking. I am sorry. I had been occupied so many things. I had exams preparations, homework and other stuff at home. Also since it's the month of Ramadan, I don't write all the time. I prefer to read. But here it is now. Hopefully you enjoyed this a lot. I had put so much effort into making this chapter exciting for you. If you liked it, then don't forget to VOTE please. That shows your readership. And comment to tell me what you liked or what you think about the story. I love to hear from you readers. That's what I look forward to after publishing these chapters. It makes me really happy.