Trust me guys, when I say that it is not easy at all to try and get over someone – or rather, in my case, the guy – you really, really love with all your heart. I have been going around all week, alone, and trying, in vain, to avoid him, at all costs. But of course, that's impossible.
Want to know why? Well, it's because we have the same schedule and are bio and chemistry partners.
And right now, just so you all know, it's Monday. And I am going to try – most likely in vain – to avoid him. But you know what? It's impossible. So I am pretty much just going to give up on that. As I don't want to waste my precious time doing something that is futile.
The threats that I have been receiving from Desmond are not so scary anymore. Don't ask me why, but they just aren't. It's either he has stopped being so threatening, or I am getting immune to his many threats.
I really want to see all of this as a joke, a dream, a thought, maybe a nightmare. Anything but reality. But you know what? It's not. So, it pretty much sucks to be me right? Because all of this? It's all real. Like every other sad thing that has been happening in my even sadder life of mine. Because that's all that has ever happened to me anyway.
I got to class exceptionally early today. Since there's pretty much no point at all in lingering in the hallways with no one to talk to. And I also don't want to take the chance of leaving home later than my normal time, as I'm scared that I might be late for class.
I don't want to linger pointlessly in the hallways because I am just another loner of the school. But I don't really mind if people looks at me like that. Because I am trying to detach myself from the social world, which has only made me depressed. And also which I've successfully done for the past three years or so.
I sat down and grabbed a few notebooks out of my bag, along with a few coloured pens as well. Being an artist, I can't help but illustrate the notes that the teachers give us. And aside from doing that out of habit and for the fun of it, it actually makes it a whole lot easier to study during the exams as well.
I rested my head on my arm that was laid limply across the table. With the other free hand, I started drumming my fingers out of boredom. The wait was making me a little drowsy, so I closed my eyes for a while.
The whizzing of some object across my face is what startled me awake from almost falling asleep. I raised my head tiredly.
"Hey," someone said from beside me, in the direction of the launch of where the object flew from.
"Hi," I replied absent minded, a little too cheerfully at the same time as well.
I turned my head towards the sound of the voice. And that was when I realised who I was talking to.
"Hi," I repeated, this time, a lot more coldly and more tensed than the last time.
I was trembling a little, or rather, shaking, with anger.
He sighed from beside me and hurt flashed in his eyes. "You know, you have got to get over whatever happened that day. I am not going to hurt you Willow, I don't want to. I love you way too much to do so, and you know it."
I snorted. "Yeah right. I doubt you even have any feelings for me. How in the world am I supposed to get over the fact that my boyfriend is a murderer?" I almost shouted the last part.
He shot up quickly and muffled my voice by covering his hand over my mouth. "Shush. If you would just listen to me for one second, Willow. I can explain. You jump into conclusions way too quickly. You should do some research first."
I gulped, swallowing the lump that had been forming in my throat. Honestly speaking, he does have a point. A good one. And I also guess that I should not jump into conclusions so easily... I should give him a chance. After all, I have known him for about – give or take – three years.
"Fine," I said reluctantly. "If you want to talk, let's talk. My place. 7.30 in the evening. And I am cooking, so don't bring any take outs."
His lips curved up into a small smile and nodded. "Okay. No problem."
"No offence, but your cooking sucks," I chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood.
And he followed as well; he chuckled at me. "Thanks for giving me a chance!" he replied sarcastically.
"You're welcome," I replied back, equally as sarcastic as him.
Just then, the bell rang. I scurried back to my seat, not wanting to be seen standing up when the teacher comes in. I sat down. I silently hoped that I didn't just made the biggest mistake of my life by inviting him over to my house tonight...
~~~ ♥ ~~ ♥ ~~ ♥ ~~~
"Well, hi," I said, still stirring the pot of beef stew, when I heard him enter the kitchen, not bothering to look up.
I wasn't surprised when he came in; I hadn't even asked for the apartment key back from him. Maybe it was a sub-conscious move I made as I still love him. Not loved!
"What's cooking?" he asked me back – as if trying to make a pun out of it – as he walked towards me, and slipped one of his arm around my shoulder at the same time, acting as if that event did not happen.
My whole body started to tense up, but I did not bother to smack the hand away from my shoulder or anything. I know I have to give him a chance, one I did not manage to give him the last time he came around.
He must've felt my body tensed up, because soon, I felt his arm leave my shoulder. We just stayed there, silently and slightly awkward, in the kitchen, with me continue to stir the stew while he just stood – or sat maybe, I don't know! – somewhere else.
"I'm done with this," I announced to no one in particular about ten minutes later, breaking the really awkward silence that had settled in the room over the past few minutes, scooping the stew into two large bowls at the same time.
I placed both bowls carefully on the kitchen table top, on two opposite sides, and I went to get the bowl of fresh garden salad and the already-cut pieces of French load and put them down in the middle of it all. Gray soon came to the table as well and passed me a set of cutleries
"Thank you," I muttered, before digging into the steaming hot stew.
No matter how much I was internally dying to find out everything that Gray apparently did not tell me about, I waited as patiently as I could until we were both finished with our meals.
"Just leave all the dishes in the sink," I told him. "We need to start talking now." I paused for a while. "Well, actually, you need to start talking," I added as an afterthought.
He nodded in acknowledgement, and dumped all the dishes into the sink as I went into the living room and sat on one end of the sofa. Gray came a while later and sat awkwardly on the other end of the sofa.
"You may proceed with whatever you have to say for yourself," I said stiffly, coldly and formerly, reminding myself of a judge at court.
He sighed. "Okay, I guess I should start talking, huh, before you lose your interest and everything..."
"Uh huh..." I mumbled, my voice sounding a little sarcastic.
"Well, as you summarised it yourself the other day,' Desmond is my boss at work – as well as Dina's boyfriend – who coincidentally runs an illegal organisation who kills people for money as well."
"I did not summarise it like that," I defended.
"Just let me finish whatever I want to say before arguing to saying anything to me."
Okay, seriously Willow... What a smart move... What were you thinking about when you invited him over to your house to talk?
"Oh, you know the reason perfectly well Willow Rayne. You are in love with this boy," a voice in my head nagged at me.
And for once, I did not argue with it. You know why? Because it's right.
Realising that Gray was waiting for me to give him the signal to continue, I nodded.
"I didn't join the organisation willingly you know, in case you were wondering."
He paused. If he didn't join it willingly, why did he even join in the first place? It was as if he read my mind, as what he said next answered my questions.
"My sister forced me to join it when I was merely twelve."
Twelve? My eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. My face probably gave away the fact that I am in a total state of shock and disbelief right now.
"She said that if I didn't join, 'bad things' as she claimed it would happen to my parents and I," he explained, using the air apostrophes when necessary.
"Bad things?" I asked questioningly, raising my eyebrow at the same time.
He held up his hands in surrender. "I was twelve!" he defended himself.
I shrugged nonchalantly. He sighed. "Anyway," he continued. "She didn't tell me what sort of things would happen to us if I didn't join, and I didn't want to take the risk."
"You were threatened by the 'bad things' but you could think about not wanting to risk your family?" I asked, challengingly this time.
"Just listen to me!" He paused for a while before resuming his speech. "To sum it all up for you, I joined the organisation at twelve, became an apprentice there – and still am in fact – but I go on solo missions now."
"I can't believe it," I muttered; tears of anger, disappointment and sorrow rolling down my face. "I can't believe you."
"I wanted to quit, but I don't know what the consequences will be. And I don't want to risk it. I don't want to risk losing my life."
I'm sobbing now, crying really. I can't believe I fell in love with a murderer. I can bet that my life is about to go extremely hair wire now, considering that I am currently a part of all this. I am now, somehow, a part of everything. But I don't like the way things are working out for me.
I don't want to be a part of it all. I don't want to be the murderer, nor do I want to be the victim. I don't want to be middleman. I don't want to find out who my boyfriend has turned into due to his evil sister. I don't want to know all of this.
I want to be out of all this tangle and webs of lies and traps. I want to be out of all this complicated cases. I want my old life back, where I was the depressed girl who cried every day, not really knowing who her boyfriend really is, even though this is just the beginning of my new one.
"Shush Willow. Shush," Gray cooed, rubbing my back comfortingly, but not daring to pull me in as he always did when I started crying.
But that only made me cry even more.
I know for a fact that all these threats will not be empty threats now. They're just not. I think he – or maybe they...? Whoever the 'they' might be – might want to kill me. Desmond, I mean, not Gray. But who knows? I might be wrong.
Honestly speaking, to me, seems like those sadistic kind of person. The type of person who would torture people just for the enjoyment of seeing them suffer. The type of person who would kill the whole world just for the sake of it. And for money, of course.
However, this is not just some 'imaginary person' or 'fictional character', he is a real person. A living, breathing, growing person. All these, it's all real. I shouldn't take all of these for granted. I know that the rest of my life is all just a huge pile of mess right now. And I also know that I should not trust Gray after what he did.
But the problem is, I can't.
I still trust him.
With my life.
And I want to give him what is best for him.
"Gray?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you lying?"
He looked shocked, and a little hurt as well. "You think that I would lie?"
I shrugged. "Who knows? Anything might happen."
He sighed. "I'm not. At least not to you anyway."
"I hope so," I muttered under my breath.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing..."
I really, really hope that he knows what he is doing, or rather, what he is about to do. Thus, this is the reason why what I am about to say next is extremely crucial for him and the rest of his life as well... If he listens to it, that is... And I really need him to. I don't want him to endanger the rest of his life on Earth.
"Well... Promise me that you will get out of the organisation, Gray, at all costs."
I hope you guys enjoyed it! Well, I'm going to go and play my guitar now so... Ciao! Until next time!