eleutheromania
noun
an intense and irresistible desire for freedom
Neil's POV
It was nearly here! The day was coming and Neil felt he would vomit at any moment. His play was the next day. The rush he got from just thinking about it made him giggle. He had been on a high all day. He could barely contain himself as he and Todd walked back to their dorm from classes. He wanted to skip and jump for joy.
Not being able to hold himself back, Neil latched onto Todd the second they walked into their room and kissed him. Teeth clashed together but Neil paid no mind and gripped Todd closer to him.
"Not that I didn't love that, but what's got you so excited?"
"What's got me so excited?" Neil echoed incredulously. "You couldn't have forgotten what tomorrow is!"
"Yeah Todd, how could you have forgotten what tomorrow is?" Charlie asked sarcastically, leaning against their doorframe.
The sound of their friend's voice caused Todd and Neil to jump away from each other. Both turned deep shades of red and Neil couldn't believe he had gotten so swept up that he'd kiss Todd with the door wide open for all to see.
"I mean it isn't as if Perry hasn't been going on and on about it for the past few days."
"Oh," Todd drawled out in pretense realization. "You mean the Midsummer Night's Dream play! You're right Neil, how could I forgotten? It's not like it's all you've been talking about for the past few days."
"Or weeks!" Charlie threw in.
"Yes, weeks!"
Neil pouted. "Now you're making fun of me."
Todd smiled and pecked Neil's lips, causing a pleasant tingle to run down his spine. "You're too cute not to!"
"Isn't that sweet?" Charlie gagged as he rolled his eyes at the pair. Neil couldn't find it in himself to even care. Nothing could bring him down. Nothing but....
"Shit, Perry! Your dad's coming!" Charlie said before dashing across the hall into his room.
The words processed in time for Neil to shove Todd onto his bed, away from him, before his father came storming in. His face was red and angry. Neil flinched as his father's steel eyes cut into him.
"Father," Neil said meekly, not meeting his eyes.
"Neil."
"Wait a minute. Before you say anything, please let me ex--" Neil had tried to spit out before his dad interrupted.
His father's hard, stone voice filled the room as he said, "Don't you dare talk back to me! It's bad enough that you've wasted your time with this, this absurd acting business. But you deliberately deceived me! How, how, how did you expect to get away with this? Answer me.Who put you up to it? Was it this new man? This, uh, Mr. Keating?"
Confusion mixed with the fear coating his mind. Mr. Keating? What did he have to do with this? Neil gulped as he could feel Todd's eyes on him. By this time the others had gathered nervously around the door, listening in. Shame over flooded him. It was bad enough Todd had to witness this, let alone the entire Society.
"No. Nobody--I thought I'd surprise you. I've gotten all A's in every class."
It was a weak argument. Neil was desperately trying to curve the conversation into a safer place, but his father was having none of it.
"Did you think I wasn't going to find out? "Oh, my niece is in a play with your son," says Mrs. Marks. "No, no, no," I say, "you must be mistaken. My son's not in a play." You made me a liar of me, Neil! Now, tomorrow you go to them and you tell them that you're quitting."
"No, I can't! I have the main part. The performance is tomorrow night," Neil pleaded with a thick voice and tears threatening to spill.
"I don't care if the world comes to an end tomorrow night. You are through with that play. Is that clear?" When Neil didn't answer right away, his father repeated in a much more dangerous tone. "Is that clear?"
"Yes sir."
As his began to turn around, the other scattered from the doorframe like rats.
"I made a great many sacrifices to get you here, Neil, and you will not let me down."
"No sir."
His father left without saying another word. Todd reached out and laid a hand on Neil's
elbow. He didn't feel it. Couldn't feel it. Neil felt numb. Everything around him had come crashing down. The rug had been pulled right from under his feet. With one word from his father, everything was over. Everything.
The sound of knocking jolted Neil from his darker thoughts. There he and Todd stood in front of Mr. Keating's office. Neil blinked owlishly at the door. When had they gotten here?
"Todd, what are you--"
"Neil, you know I'm here for you. You know I'll always be here for you. But...I think you need a little extra help. More than what I can give you."
Before Neil could question Todd further, Mr. Keating invited them into his office.
"It's open."
Todd tugged a nervous Neil into the room.
"Todd, Neil, what can I help you with?"
"Nothing sir--"
"Actually, Neil needs to speak to you about something."
Mr. Keating cocked his head curiously as Todd shoved Neil further inside the room, throwing him to the wolves. Neil turned towards Todd angrily. What right did he have to meddle in his business? However, that irritation vanished the moment Neil met Todd's stricken blue eyes. Sighing in defeat, Neil knew that Todd had every right to do this. Todd was worried about him. Todd wanted to help him. Neil's small smile of thanks bloomed into a real one once he saw the way Todd lit up when he realized that Neil would talk to Mr. Keating.
"Why don't you sit down?" His teacher suggested, gesturing to an empty chair next to his.
Nervously, Neil sat and bounced his legs.
"Do you want some tea?"
"Tea? Sure." Anything to distract his teacher from asking questions.
Mr. Keating walked towards a small wooden table in the corner of his office and began to pour tea for the both of them.
"Like some milk or sugar in that?"
"No thanks."
Neil glanced around the small office, trying to gather the courage to actually speak to his favorite teacher. Instead Neil only said, "Geez, they don't give you guys a lot of room do they?"
Mr. Keating laughed softly and handed Neil his cup of tea. "No, it's part of the monastic oath. They don't want worldly things distracting me from my teaching."
Neil took a sip and racked his brain for more distractions. He commented on a picture of a woman. Mr. Keating had humored him for a while but he soon cut right to the chase.
"What's up?" He asked, leaning forward onto his knees.
"I just talked to my father. He's making me quit the play at Henley Hall. Acting's
everything to me. I-- But he doesn't know. He-- I can see his point. We're not a rich family like Charlie's, and we-- But he's planning the rest of my life for me, and I-- H-He's never asked me what I want."
The words came spewing out of Neil. He couldn't have stopped them even if he tried. It felt right finally talking about what he kept bottled up. Finally talking to an adult who would listen. Todd was right to bring him here.
"Have you ever told your father what you just told me? About your passion for acting. You ever show him that?"
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"I can't talk to him this way."
Mr. Keating told him he couldn't keep up this act with his father. He told him that he needed
to talk to him father before the play and truly tell him how acting made him feel. This time the tears couldn't be held back either. Mr. Keating talked as if that wasn't what Neil had been trying to do the whole time...his whole life.
"I'm trapped," Neil said.
"No, you're not. There are always options Neil. You just have to look for them."
Mr. Keating's words were very similar to what Todd had said to him the other day. Todd. He needed Todd right now. Perhaps after hearing one more time how he did have a choice, he'd begin to believe it.