"I'm not sure yet," I answered my mother as she spoke to me on the other end of the phone. This was probably the first time in a while since I called to check up on life back in Michigan.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't fearful. Finding a gun in Aaron's room really did shake me up. Granted, it's not the first time I've ever seen or held one before. When I was younger my father took my brothers and I on a field trip to a shooting range. He wanted us to know what it's like to hold, reload, and shoot a gun. But that was years ago, when I was in high school. I think my shock was just finding that Aaron has a gun he never showed or told me about.
"Well honey," My mom said, "Let your brother know as soon as you can because prices are rising."
James and Ashley want to come visit for spring break. There was still a lot of time before they would come but my mom was right. Plane tickets were slowly increasing in price—especially for break. "Ok," I said to my mom quickly as I unlocked my apartment door. "I'll let them know soon."
The likelihood of them coming was very high. I wanted them to visit and see what it's like all the way here in Florida. The only time Ashley was in the state was to go to Disney. Whereas James has never been to Florida. The closest he was ever at the beach was when he and his best friends went to Texas for a week vacation.
"Alright Park," My mother sighed. "I'll let you go. I've got girls night anyways."
I hesitated for the second, keeping my hand on the handle of my apartment door without pushing it open. Biting my lip I said, "Mom..."
"Yes, baby girl?" Was her immediate answer.
"If I uh..." I hesitated unsure what to say. My voice automatically spoke softer, afraid that someone else might hear. "If I need to head back up to Michigan you won't be overbearing, would you?"
I could picture her perking up. I hope she couldn't hear the distress in my voice. I felt anxious and somewhat ignorant. For once I wasn't sure what to do. Instead of my mother suddenly squealing with joy she softly asked, "If everything alright Parker?"
"Yeah," I answered rather too quickly. "Everything is fine. I was just wondering for the summer. If I'm unable to afford going anywhere and what not."
Lie.
The tone in my mom's voice lightened as she said, "Well then I'll make sure not to nag you to hell."
I let out a small laugh, "Ok...Thanks I guess."
She hung up after we said our goodbyes. I took a deep breath and entered the apartment with somewhat renewed strength. I was tired—actually more like exhausted. I spent a long shift at work after having my usual classes. Luckily, I didn't have any exams soon but I planned to spend the night in my room studying. Usually when I study, Aaron will work beside me. Instead of distracting each other we would keep in contact—whether that be us getting comfortable on a sofa and bed or my sitting close enough to him as we both work. Lately, he had been working harder and I had been studying more.
When I walked through the door I glanced around only to see that no one was home. I set my things down, grabbing an apple as I took my seat in the camping chair on the balcony. The sun was setting in the distance and for a moment I simply enjoyed the view and silence. It's really hard getting alone time when you have two roommates.
Setting to work I started to vigorously type on my laptop. I lost track of time but when I heard the door finally open and close, it was far after dark. "Marco," Aaron called into our home.
"Polo," I answered back as I stood up. I stretched quickly just as Aaron walked through the glass doors.
He looked at me up and down as an amused grin spread on his face, "Hey Birdie."
"Hi," I answered as I leaned forward to peck his lips. "What have you been up to?"
Aaron licked his lips and shrugged—following me into the kitchen as I went to go throw the apple core away. "Working," He answered vaguely. "The usual."
I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest as I leaned against the sink opposite of Aaron. "Where's Pierce at?"
"He's grabbing our supplies."
I raised my eyebrow, "Supplies?"
"Yeah," Aaron turned to look outside the glass doors. It was as cloudy night. The spooky kind of cloudy that looks like it belongs in a horror movie where a werewolf howls at the moon. The moon itself was slowly creepy behind the clouds. Aaron grinned at me saying, "We're going on an adventure."
I laughed—honestly thinking he was kidding—but my laughter soon came to a halt. Aaron raised his eyebrow at me. Looking bewildered by my small outburst. Of course, Aaron was being serious. He would never joke around about his adventures. "You're serious?" I asked for confirmation.
As if to prove my point, Pierce came into the apartment shouting, "Everything's ready Aaron."
I bit my lip—unsure what to say. I was purely exhausted from my busy day. I wanted a 'watch movies' or 'binge How I Met Your Mother' kind of night. Not an adventure. But seeing the excitement in Aaron's distraught eyes was killing me. "You coming Birdie?" He asked. Just from his tone I could tell he wanted me to go. It's impossible trying to ignore or get around his thick honey voice.
"Where are we going?" I asked even though they probably weren't going to give me the answers.
"You'll see," Aaron said walking away from me. He went into his room and I could hear his closet door opened. Before I could think too much on what was in that small room I turned my attention to Pierce.
"Can we all ride in your car?" I asked.
Pierce frowned—walking up to me. He knew how much I love riding my motorcycle. Asking on driving the car was a weird request coming from me. "Are you ok Parker?"
"Yeah," I nodded while pushing a smile. "Just tired."
That didn't change Pierce's concern. He put his hands on my shoulders making me look him in the eyes. "We can postpone," Pierce said scanning my expression and eyes. "Aaron won't be mad. Are you sure you're ok?"
I didn't want to admit I was slightly stressed. Covering it up, I took a deep breath before nodding my head, "Fine. Like I said, I'm tired. Been working a lot."
"Everyone ready?" Aaron asked taking Pierce's attention off of me. Aaron was holding a black dive mask. He raised his eyebrows at Pierce and I and slightly tilted his head to side. "Everything alright?"
"Peachy," I quickly interjected as I grabbed the straps of my backpack while slinging it over my shoulders. "We're taking Pierce's car."
Aaron blinked and looked like someone had just shocked him with electricity. "What?" He asked baffled while taking a step back. "Why?"
"Because Parker says so," Pierce said patting his brother on the shoulder while giving me a wink. "So suck it up, we're taking the car."
Aaron turned his gaze to me. I kept my eyes focused on the tile squares of the floor so I wouldn't have to stare into his. The last thing I needed was for him to read me like an open book when I hadn't the slightest idea how to read him. He looked like he wanted to put up a fight but decided against it. Finally, he shrugged and said, "Fine. But I'm driving."
"It's my car!" Pierce quickly shouted as he brought the keys closer to his chest.
Aaron raised his eyebrow, "Who bought it?"
Pierce opened his mouth to interject. Instead, he quickly shut up. Gave out a huff before extending the keys out to Aaron. Pierce bit his lip as he dropped them into Aaron's hand. "That's so unfair," Pierce muttered as we walked out of the apartment.
I chuckled, crossing my arms over my chest. "You're so spoiled," I said with a small eyeroll as we headed out.
***************
Pierce and I watched from the bottom of the boat. Swimming with dolphins I could do. But swimming with sharks I could live without. Aaron drove us to a pier where we had boarded a boat that set off into the distance. I wasn't sure who these people were, but we drove out into the ocean for about twenty minutes when their radar so happened to go off. They had found a school of sharks and although I was alright snorkeling on the surface of the water, I was not planning on going down closer to the ocean floor.
Pierce agreed with me. We had stayed close to the boat, getting into the water and watching the sharks from afar. Then one of the men asked if we wanted a closer look. Neither of us were willing to push it. Especially after we watched the men on the boat throw chum out for the sharks to eat before we got in. After seeing the school of sharks go after the dead fish like piranhas attacking—Pierce lost all the guts to go into the water.
Aaron—well he didn't.
Now I was standing in a diving suit, which was actually sort of heavy especially when wet, as I watched my boyfriend dive deeper with an instructor to the ocean floor as sharks swam around them. Pierce and I were in the observation room at the bottom of the boat. It was made of glass and I felt like I belonged in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. We watched as Aaron took out a piece of fish from a bag he was holding and stuck it out in front of a shark that snatched it away.
"This is how he dies," I muttered to myself.
"You have to admit," Pierce said shaking his head in disbelief. "It's one hell of a way to go out."
"I'm going to be a witness retelling a story during Shark Week," I said ignoring Pierce's comment.
This time Pierce laughed and put his arm around me. "Don't worry Parker," He said rubbing my arm in a comforting way. "He's done crazier things."
"Like what?"
"That's something you're going to have to ask him," Pierce was smiling as he watched his older brother. He looked somewhat afraid for Aaron but at the same time—proud. It hadn't occurred to me that Pierce probably doesn't do all the daredevil things Aaron does. He always seemed like the kind of guy to—with his travels and all. But when he backed out I realized Pierce isn't a thrill seeker like Aaron. Pierce simply wants to have fun and try things he never has but things that won't kill him.
"How'd he become such an adrenaline junkie?" I asked. It was a long time ago that Aaron admitted why he loves to go on his excursions. I thought it was the perfect moment to ask someone that doesn't share the same biased and held back opinions as Aaron.
Pierce chuckled, "He's always been like this."
"Really?"
"Yeah," Pierce nodded. "When we were younger he'd go on 'field trips' all the time."
"Meaning?"
"Our mom would take him to do fun things." Pierce hesitated, "She always told us it's the small things that count. The things you always put off and see other people doing. Don't be the observers, be the doers."
I smirked, keeping my gaze on Aaron as he swam around with a shark he was petting. "Aren't I observing right now?"
"Well she wasn't your mother so I guess it doesn't count for you, does it?"
"You're observing."
"I'm a chicken." Pierce made a chicken sound causing me to laugh.
We watched Aaron for a few more seconds in complete silence. My mind felt like it was running a million miles a minute. There was so much I wanted to know. So much information I wanted to ask about. I hesitated several times—letting my voice catch in my throat. But finally, I mustered the courage to ask Pierce, "Aaron never talks about your mother. Why is that?"
Pierce glanced at me from the corner of his eyes. Instead of me meeting his gaze I kept my view locked onto Aaron. "Sometimes it's better to forgive and forget," Was Pierce's response. "Aaron can't do that."
I bit my lip, "What do you mean?"
"Aaron lives in the moment. As you can clearly see." Pierce chuckled softly as he flicked his head in the direction of his brother. "It wasn't always like that. He used to plan everything to the dot. What he would eat, his education, hours of studying, when he would go and do something fun. Our mom was the one that taught him how to be organized, successful, and enjoy everything around you. She taught him how to throw a football and shoot a hoop."
"She sounds amazing," I said honestly. "What happened?"
"Aaron's plan blew up," Pierce sighed. "Metaphorically of course."
"Meaning?"
"One day he knew exactly what he was going to do with his life," Pierce shrugged. "The next day the plan was basically torn apart. It was non-existent. Gone. Poof. And Aaron...well he was basically left with nothing. He had to work his way back up."
I frowned, "What does that have to do with forgiving and forgetting?"
Pierce turned to look at me. His eyes seemed sad thinking about it. As he scanned my face I looked down shamefully. I hated feeling like an interviewer, but the curiosity was starting to eat me away.
He didn't answer right away, which caused me to turn my attention back to Aaron. I stared at him through the glass, watching as he made his way towards the boat. I was pretty sure he had run out of fish to feed the sharks and after playing around with them it looked like he was finally coming back up. Biting my lip, I eagerly waiting for Pierce to finish his train of thought—I didn't want him to stop talking. I wanted to find out more.
Pierce sighed out, "We don't see it Parker. Aaron's skilled at controlling himself. He needs to forgive and forget."
"But why?"
Aaron tapped the window and waved at us. He looked so strange wearing a scuba mask with the rest of the gear. Pierce and I pushed smiles—pretending like everything was ok. Aaron pointed up, signaling he was going to surface. As Pierce and I walked up to the top of the boat he said, "He can't forgive. He can't forget. Aaron has rage built up as high as the sky."
I was honestly taken aback. If there was one thing Aaron wasn't—it was angry. Never have I heard him yell or become angry with anyone else. There's the occasional annoyance he and Pierce struggle with—but I hadn't even seen Aaron punch his brother lightly. He's a pacifist to the very definition of the word.
"He doesn't seem to have rage." I whispered more to myself than to Pierce.
Pierce smirked, "Rage isn't contagious and it doesn't extend unless you allow it. You know how rage is always compared to a fire? Same concept. If you let it get out of hand you'll burn everything in your path. But Aaron has it under control. He has it focused in one certain direction that he doesn't let it touch anyone else he cares about."
"But—" I was about to ask another question when I was cut off. Aaron stepped onto the end of the boat with the instructor at his side. They both quickly removed their masks and mouth pieces. The instructor was laughing with joy and Aaron grinning with pride.
Pierce gave me a look and all I could do was give him a thankful nod. I was glad he felt more comfortable giving me a bit more information over the situation with Aaron. My head was still boggled and I was trying to piece everything together. Aaron looked so carefree and happy. But I was scared. Not only for myself but for him.
***********************
We got home at some ungodly early hour in the morning. Aaron had driven us home, Pierce quickly falling asleep in the back of the car. I rode shotgun to keep conversation with Aaron, but when he told me to close my eyes I didn't hesitate. When I opened them back up we were parked in our building complex's garage.
"Goodnight Pierce," I said sitting at the dining table after having taken a quick shower. He muttered something incoherently as he retreated into his room. Aaron had been in the shower a few minutes and my intentions were on waiting for him.
When he finally got out and walked into the kitchen, he looked at me with a raised eyebrow—I was astonished that he didn't show a single trace of exhaustion. He did the most work out of all of us and here he was, looking as awake as ever. "Aren't you going to bed?" He asked me deeply.
I shook my head my eyelids drooping while asking, "Could you make me some chocolate milk?"
He gave me a soft grin, kissing my forehead lightly before retrieving the ingredients. "You and your chocolate milk," Aaron said lowly while pouring milk into two glasses. When he was finished he set my chocolate milk in front of me, taking a seat across while holding his own glass.
"Mmm..." I said as I took a few sips. "You got it right."
"Two spoons of Nesquick and a spoon of Hershey syrup," He said automatically. I glanced at him in confusion. I never told him how to prepare my chocolate milk. I always had a very specific way of making it. Whereas Pierce simply uses the powder and I've seen Aaron use the syrup. "I watched you make it one day," Aaron clarified. "I wanted to make sure I would make it right."
I smiled, suddenly flicking my eyes to my chocolate milk. My stomach filled with butterflies and I could feel my neck turning a shade of pink. Aaron does that. His simplicity always gets the best of me and it causes reactions I never thought I'd have. You'd think after already being in a relationship with him my jitters and increases in heartrate would go down, instead I feel more.
I was about to give a snarky remark when his phone went off. He quickly pulled it out of his back pocket and let it ring until it went to voicemail. I wasn't blind, I easily saw the notification that read: 7 Missed Calls.
"Do you need to get that?" I asked hesitantly.
Aaron looked up at me and shook his head, "It can wait for the morning."
I nodded, running my thumb against the glass as Aaron finished his. Even through my tiredness, I could feel the palms of my hand sweat. Biting my lip, I was trying to figure out how to ask and what to say about Aaron's past. There were still so many questions and answers I didn't know.
This is no time to subtlety ask, I thought to myself. Just ask.
"Why is there a gun in your closet?" I asked bluntly. My eyes moved up to meet Aaron's. There was no hint of surprise, worry, even anger, traced on his face. He seemed as calm as ever as he slowly set his glass of chocolate milk down.
"Well someone's been looking through my drawers," He said with a small hint of humor tracing behind his voice. "I can promise you won't find any saucy panties in my drawer. That's very well saved in yours from what I remember."
I couldn't even take his joke seriously. Or lightly. I ignored it and with a frown I asked, "Aaron...why do you have gun?"
The edge of his lip curved up along with the rise of his eyebrow, "Are you afraid Birdie?"
"I'm curious."
"You're a bird. Not a cat." Aaron stood up, walking towards the sink holding his empty glass. I couldn't find myself to say anything. I was patiently waiting for his answer. A true answer.
Aaron calmly turned the faucet on and began washing the glass. "It's for self-defense."
"You said you were a pacifist," I argued. I'm aware that some pacifist own guns for self-defense, but even then, I didn't feel like Aaron was telling me the truth.
"It's Pierce's," He added. "Pierce's version of self-defense."
I almost laughed, remembering the political conversation I had with Pierce one day over gun control. "He wouldn't have gotten a revolver," Aaron's eyes met mine and the intensity behind them caused me to look down. I bit my lip, suddenly feeling nervous. Slowly, I raised my eyes back to him, meeting his gaze as best as I could. "The truth Aaron."
There were painful memories locked behind Aaron's eyes. The magnitude of his gaze was almost scalding. In a low voice he said, "Some truths are better kept hidden."
"That's not fair," I said louder than I had meant to. My anxiousness was rising along with my irritation. The last thing I ever wanted to become was someone who interrogated their boyfriend. But I couldn't take it anymore. I just needed one answer. I needed Aaron to tell me something. Finding information from other sources made me feel like some private investigator or journalist that was too afraid to speak with the actual individual.
"I never said it was," Aaron said with an amused expression. He finished washing the glass and began drying it with a towel.
I stood up, "Just tell me one thing Aaron. One thing. You know everything there is to know about me. You've met everyone close to me. I'm asking you—please—just answer my question. Truthfully."
The glass slipped from the towel and fell into the sink. It didn't shatter—simply caused a loud noise to echo through the kitchen. I flinched at the first sound but then locked my eyes on Aaron's figure. His hands rested on either side of the sink as he leaned onto the counter. He seemed to be deep in thought like he was staring down at a puzzle while trying to figure out which pieces should go where.
"I want you to stay out of this," He muttered quietly under his breath. If it weren't so silent in the apartment, I would have never been able to hear him. Aaron walked out of the kitchen before I could say anything else.
I plopped back down in my seat and began massaging my temples. I thought Aaron had decided to go and sleep in his room, but a few seconds later his footsteps came back into the kitchen. When I looked up I saw him walking towards me. He was holding the gun by the barrel and once he was standing in front of me he placed it on the table.
My heart starting pounding in my chest. All I could do was stare directly at Aaron, who pulled up one of the chairs to sit beside me. "The truth is," he said flipping the gun over and pushing it against the table towards me. "It's Logan's."
My eyebrows furrowed and I looked back down at the revolver. The grip was made out of wood and carved onto the side were the initials L.O.W. I wasn't sure if it was the fact I was tired or relieved, but I started to laugh softly. I hid my face behind my hands as I tried to cover up my embarrassment. "I'm sorry," I muttered pitifully feeling like I was slowly losing my mind.
Aaron put his arm around the back of my chair as he used his free hand to caress my wrist. "It's fine Birdie. I should have asked you a long time ago whether it would have been an issue to have a gun. I've had it for a long time so it hadn't occurred to me." Aaron took the gun and held it in front of him. "Besides, it's not loaded."
To prove his point, he opened the cylinder of the revolver and showed me the inside—empty. I felt like pressure had just been relieved from my shoulders. It made me think of more questions to ask, but I could already feel my heartrate dropping and my senses become calmer. I sighed out in relief, leaning against my arm I turned my attention back to Aaron and asked, "So why did Logan give you his gun?"
"It's more of a tribute," Aaron told me. He stood up again, pushing his chair in and grabbing my nearly empty glass of chocolate milk to place in the sink. Without fair warning, he walked towards me and picked me up. I rested my head against his shoulder as he walked us to my room. "That gun almost killed Logan."
"Really?" I asked causing Aaron to nod. He hit his elbow against one of the light switches that turned my lamp on. "Well what happened?" I asked as I was placed on my bed.
Aaron started stripping his clothing. First, his shirt. Then, his pants. "I saved his life," He said casually without looking me in the eye. His gaze was locked onto my legs and I let him slide my own pair of shorts off. He went through one of my drawers quickly to pull out one of the oversized T-shirts I typically sleep in.
After throwing my dirty shirt onto the ground and replacing it, I yawned while piecing everything together. "Logan gave you the gun as a gift?" I asked tiredly.
Aaron nodded, laying back onto my bed. He moved his arm to rest behind my head as I moved closer to him. My eyes were already closed and I wasn't exactly sure where Aaron was looking but he seemed distant. When he spoke, it sounded like he wasn't talking directly to me as he usually does. "He gave it to me so that I can always remember I have the capability to save lives," Aaron said densely. "And not just destroy them."
I yawned, "That's sweet. What's the meaning behind it?"
I could feel Aaron's finger tracing my back in circles. He stayed silent and didn't answer my question. Before I managed to fall asleep he said, "I think it's only fair for me to ask a question."
Aaron shifted slightly causing me to look up at him. "And that would be?"
"I've been meaning to ask you this for a while," He said gently. I naturally frowned in confusion. The end of his lip curved upwards and I could already tell he was about to say something lighthearted. "We've been dating for some time now. I don't want to move our relationship too quickly. But I was hoping you would move in with me. We could be roommates."
I shoved Aaron away from me causing him to laugh. The sound of his laughter made it all the worthwhile. Even I managed to crack a smile, "You gave me a heart attack."
"You're still here aren't you?"
I hit him lightly before he grabbed both of my wrists and pulled me closer to him. Aaron gave me a few teasingly kisses along my jaw before finally pressing his lips to mine. "Fine," He said when he pulled away. His arm stretched over behind me to turn off the lamp. The moment he did we were left in the darkness that was only pierced by the city lights flowing in from my window. "But I'm going to have to get you a bigger bed."
I snorted, "Why?"
Aaron pulled me closer, "I tend to fall off every morning."
*******************
Disclaimer: I hate cheese. But I love queso. Does that make sense?
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So sorry for not updating sooner. All my family and friends are gone. I'm going to be writing a lot more. Promise. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. I'm not going to lie, the book is actually almost done. Which is surprising right? You'd think it would be as long as 3 Stepbrothers but lol...no.
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