❝hurt (pronounced həːt or hert), verb
cause pain or injury to.❞
A month and a half passed. Elle was slowly getting better, but started going back to the hospital for her chemo treatments. Everything was slowly returning to normal. Without ever really confirming it verbally, Phoenix and Ebony started calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Ryan was closer with Hunter than ever, and it was one cold April night that Ryan rolled into their bed, past midnight. Hunter was fast asleep, his mouth slightly open, and she moved closer to him, absorbing his warmth as best she could. He stirred. "My love?"
"Hey."
"You're here late. What took you so long?"
"Amber walked into the kitchen while I was cleaning, and I made some tea, sat down with her, really spoke to her. It was the first time she's been so open with me."
"She was talking to you?"
"I realised she doesn't talk if you or Drew are around. Nothing personal, obviously, but the stuff that happened to her was nothing easy. She's been through a lot. She went into detail today, and..." Ryan shuddered against Hunter, and his arms tightened around her. "Not pretty, I can tell you that."
"Was it as bad as what happened to you?"
"Worse. So much worse. Frank... I can't believe that someone has the ability to be that cruel. I can't believe someone has the... audacity... to hurt someone that way."
"Did you have your cup of tea either way?"
"I felt a bit nauseous, so no. After I got Amber to bed, I went out with Polka. She's getting old now. I think they'll both be... you know."
Hunter sighed. He loved Blaze as much as he had loved Cole, but knew that the time was coming. "I know. What now?"
"I don't know. Drew is... understandably quite bitter. She seems to speak well of him. Says he's really nice and 'good-looking'."
"He's a good kid."
"Yeah. Poor Elle. Poor Drew."
"Poor everyone."
"Have you met Ebony yet?"
"Who, Nick's girlfriend? Not yet. But she makes him happy, and that's all we've ever really wanted for him."
"She's a sweetheart. I went to drop him off at school and she was waiting for him. I think it's good he's got someone to talk to, if he won't talk to us, you know?"
"I wish he'd talk to us more."
"Me too. But I guess it's just not that easy. I mean, you remember how we were when we were kids."
"I used to tell Lilly everything."
"I didn't really have a best friend until I met you and Mina, so I'd write everything into a diary. I never wrote much."
"George read through Lexi's diary."
"Oh?"
"After Lilly died, she went into a deep depression- we all did, but it was worse for her, somehow. She stopped emoting, stopped talking to any of us, started writing in a diary. George found it, and since she wouldn't talk to him herself, he found out how she felt through the diary. She caught him. Very nearly left him over it. It was a huge deal for her."
"Of course it was."
"It's an invasion of privacy."
"Yeah."
They were silent for a little while, and Ryan sighed. "Oh, Hunt, I don't know anymore. It's all falling apart again. Elle isn't herself anymore, she's changed so much."
"I know," he said softly, kissing her. "I know."
Her hands moved to his face, holding him there. "I love you so much," she whispered, kissing him again. "I miss you."
"I love you more," he breathed. He held her gently, letting her cry and letting her distract herself in him. His lips were on her forehead, her cheek, her neck, her lips, anywhere he could reach, and he tried to comfort her as best he could. She was breaking into pieces right in front of him, the same as their family. The same as everyone and everything around them.
"I'm... I'm not... strong..."
"Ry, you're strong. And even if you don't think you are, you and I are together, and nothing's gonna change that, you understand me?"
She looked up at him. "I... Blue, I just don't know how much longer I can go on like this."
"It'll be okay soon," he promised her, with a soft kiss to prove it. "I pinky promise."
<><><><><><><><>
Elle watched Drew.
She watched him from across the room, speaking to the nurse with a serious look on his face and nodding. She gulped slightly. Fifteen years of shots and constant needles did not make her feel any better about getting them. She watched him from afar, his neck long and his posture awful, all lanky and too tall for the room, larger than life. His hair was cut, this time into a shorter style, still with the fringe, and he glanced over at her, then back at the nurse. He chuckled slightly, nodding, and smiled, before shaking her hand and coming back to sit beside Elle.
"What was that about?"
"Prognosis. You're doing well, they said."
"Mmm?"
"You can have your last chemo day in June. On my birthday." He smiled slightly, and she smiled back, leaning up and kissing him.
"What a birthday it'll be."
He sat back in the chair. He seemed hesitant to touch her, and she sighed. "What has Amber been saying?"
"Still haven't made any connection to her?"
"I'm trying. My therapist and I are trying, but it's just... there's a wall, and it's stronger than either of us thought."
"I get that. She's uh... I'm making friends with her. Slowly, but surely. She talks to me more than she used to."
"That's something."
"Yeah."
Elle looked up at him. "Do you still want to get married?"
He froze for a second. "What?"
"Did I f*cking stutter?"
"I- Of course I- I want to, Ellie, of course I do," he whispered, feeling the ring in his pocket, heavier than ever. He wasn't planning on doing it today, no way. But he wanted to. As soon as possible, as soon as she was better.
She sighed, leaning back. "Did you think I didn't want to marry you?" he asked, tilting his head.
"Just... the constant rejection. It hurts, you know."
"I know," he sighed. "You know I love you, don't you?"
"Doesn't feel like it sometimes."
"I care about you too much. That's why I'm so afraid to hurt you."
"You won't. Drew, it's been almost a year. I'm ready. I'll be okay."
"But Amber-"
"Isn't me. Amber is Amber. I'm Elle."
He took her hand as she watched the nurses hook her up to the drip. She was shivering, and he squeezed her hand gently, reminding her that he was there. She started getting paler, looking more sickly, and Drew brought the bucket up, letting her throw up. "F-F*ck," she whimpered, beginning to cry.
"It's okay, I've got you," he said gently. "I've got you."
When she was done, she was disconnected from the drip and allowed to sit for a bit. A nurse brought her some tea, and she sipped it quietly, looking forlorn. "Drew, I'm sorry-"
"No, don't be." He opened his phone, checking his bank account, and saw that he'd just gotten paid. "I... could book a hotel room for the two of us tonight? We could have a nice time just being with each other?"
She looked up, her eyes hesitant to even take him up on the offer. "You promise? You won't back out?"
"Not if you don't want me to." He sighed. "Ellie, I want to. You know I do. I'm just afraid of hurting you, and it's tearing me apart because- because I know what you want, but I'm afraid that- I just-" He shook his head, ruffling his hair and fixing his fringe, a nervous habit. "I dunno. I'm not making sense."
She reached up to touch his cheek. "I don't want to manipulate you."
"You're not. As long as I'm not hurting you."
"You won't, my love. You won't."
"Then it's okay." He smiled at her. "Tonight."
"Tonight," she repeated, a small smile on her face.
<><><><><><><><>
Elle woke up in a giant hotel bed, the white sheets a wrinkly mess around her, and her skin slightly sweaty. She sat up, sensing that she'd just had sex. She could remember coming to the hotel with Drew, beginning to kiss him while he gently reassured her that it was just him, that he would never hurt her, that he loved her.
But Drew wasn't here. The room was empty, as far as she could see. She rubbed her eyes, and felt a smile grow on her face. She wasn't afraid. She wasn't afraid of Drew anymore. She was okay. She'd known this would work.
She heard quiet breathing, and looked up to see Drew sitting in a chair, where there was a small desk. He was looking down at the mahogany table, wearing only black boxers, his bare back a smooth expanse of pale skin.
"Honey?" she said quietly, picking up a robe from the floor and pulling it around herself, keeping herself warm.
He didn't answer her. Didn't turn around. His shoulders were shaking.
"Drew?"
"Elle?" he whispered.
"Y-Yes," she said, frowning. "What's wrong?"
He didn't respond to her, until she slowly approached him. He turned around, and she gasped.
He had a black eye. He was sobbing, his eyes red and his cheeks soaked with tears, and his hair was curling up. His face was blotchy and red, and he looked broken. She reached out to touch him and he flinched away. "N-No, d-d-don't-"
"Drew, what the hell happened to you?!" she hissed, turning on the light. He winced at the light, squinting, tears still pouring down his face. She grabbed him the throw blanket from the chair in the corner of the room, wrapped it around his shoulders, and grabbed him a bottle of water from the fridge, they could pay for it later. He took a shaky sip, still sobbing, and looked Elle in the eye, before breaking down again.
"Please, calm down," she tried to say, but he moved away when she tried to brush his tears away.
"Ellie, don't!" he snapped, making her reel back in shock. "Just- just don't!" His face crumpled, and he started sobbing again.
She felt broken. Was this what he felt, every time she said to get away from her, every time she moved away from his kiss? She walked back to the minifridge, and got out a small bottle of Coke, handing it to him. "Put this over your eye, it'll help with the swelling."
He was breathing heavily. "I'm sorry-"
"Don't apologise," she said, brushing his hair away from his face. He'd clearly been crying for hours now; his skin was feverish and red, damp with sweat and tears. She got him a wet towel from the bathroom, letting him cool his face down, and finally calmed him down enough that he could get a word out without breaking down again. He seemed deflated. He looked small and broken.
Elle lead him to the chair she had gotten the throw from, sat him down, and gently sat with him, curled up on his lap against his chest, the way he liked her doing. His arms were shaky and weak, but he managed to wrap them around her. She touched the bruise on his eye and he winced slightly. "What happened?" she breathed.
"I hurt you." His voice was ragged, croaky from his sobbing. "You turned into Amber and- and you cried- screamed- begged me to stop... hit me when I tried to help y-you..."
"That wasn't me," she whispered, her blood icy in her veins. "It was her. You know it was her, don't you?"
He didn't say anything, staring at the wall with tears streaming down his face. She stood, and a wave of panic flashed over him. "Ellie, don't go, please-"
"I'm not leaving," she said soothingly. "I promise, okay? I'm going to go and get you an ice pack for your eye. That Coke bottle won't do much."
He leaned back in the chair, nodding slightly, and sighed. "Y-Yeah."
Elle called room service, lied and said she had fallen over and gotten a slight bruise and wanted an ice pack for it. They brought it round quickly, and Elle put up the 'Do Not Disturb' door hanger, and walked back into the room. Drew thanked her quietly, putting the ice pack over his eye. She resumed her position, curling up in his lap and resting her head on his chest, softly tracing patterns over his skin and connecting his freckles with her finger. He was so, incredibly beautiful.
His breathing was staggered, and he was shaking ever so slightly, and she kissed him gently. "I'm sorry I hit you. Even if it was as Amber."
He shook his head, looking exhausted. "No, it- she didn't do it on purpose, she just lashed out and hit me. But... just... the scream, her voice... her eyes..." His breathing hitched again. "It's all... yours. It... I hurt her. I hurt her, even if I didn't hurt you, and I never want to do that ever again."
"I'm not afraid of you, Drew," she whispered. "I love you so much, Beanbag."
He winced slightly, his eyes filling with tears again. "You shouldn't. I hurt you."
"You didn't hurt me. Amber was afraid. Drew, I know what pain is, and you weren't rough at all. You were perfect." Her eyes softened, and she stroked his cheek. "You've always been perfect."
He began to cry again. "I hurt you," he cried quietly, holding her close. "I hurt you, I'm so sorry."
"You didn't," she responded gently. "You didn't." Her lips met his again, and she soothed him quietly. "I love you. Please don't cry. You didn't hurt me. I'm okay, see?"
"You didn't hear your scream, Ellie," he whispered. "You didn't see how much you cried."
"No, but I see how much you've cried. I know. I love you."
"I hurt you."
"I love you."
"You shouldn't love me, I hurt you."
"You didn't hurt me. I love you."
He was silent, closing his eyes and leaning back, his breathing slowing. "My darling, we should go to the bed. We can sleep there."
"I can't. I... I can't, Ellie."
"I'm not afraid of you. And you shouldn't be afraid of me, either. Please, Drew. Let's get some rest, okay?"
He looked at her. "I will never hurt you again," he said solemnly, still crying. "I swear."
"I know. Let's sleep." She stood up, pulling him over to the bed and pulling off her robe, lying beside Drew. He pulled her closer, kissing her forehead. "I love you so much."
"I love you, too," he breathed. "Good night, Ellie."
"Good night, Drew."
*a/n: i've nothing to say
nethii <3*