The stars had never shined so bright. Each speckle glistened like perfect little diamonds amongst the vast inky backdrop above the balcony where the lone figure stood. His shoulders were perfectly square and underneath the luxurious fabric of his suit, I had every inch of skin and muscle memorised. Strong arms, primed with youth - tanned skin from the constant work outdoors and that small line of hair that ran from under his navel to below his pants. Perfection.
I could feel his agitation and getting closer, he sensed me - just as aware of me as I was him. He didn't move as I came up beside him, resting my head on his back I longed to shed off his layers of clothing so all I would be touching is his warm skin. Looping my arms around his waist he finally relaxed before taking my hands in his own and pulling me around to stand in front of him. I felt so small, so vulnerable and unworthy in the company of the most perfect male specimen I had ever come across.
"You are a vision." He whispers into my ear and closing my eyes I shiver with need. "The most beautiful she-wolf I have ever seen."
I swoon, leaning against him and just enjoy being held.
"Shall we dance?" It's not really a question and with the band playing softly from inside, we move around in perfect sync as if we had rehearsed it a hundred times or more.
"Oh Nate, tell me I'm yours!" I beg as he carefully cradles me in his arm, arching me down in the finale move of our routine. Bringing me back up to face him, he smiles causing my heart to bloom with love and hope.
"You are mine and I am yours, it's how it's always meant to be, mate."
I part my lips, anxious for his kiss as he lowers his face towards mine.
This is it.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
After slamming my hand down on the old windup alarm clock, I rub my face and groan. Just five more minutes...
Getting up, I stretch and shaking my head I try to leave my dreams where they belong. Just like the feelings that haunt me from that imaginary place I seem to take myself to each night. Kissing Nate, let alone having him say any of the stuff he does in my dreams is never going to happen.
Just like getting five minutes of snooze time in.
Pulling on my boots I pray it hasn't been raining overnight thanks to the new hole in the toe and quickly chuck my hair up in something that resembles a ponytail. Kissing my fingers, I plant the kiss on my parents photo that sits beside my bed and leave the ex-tack turned my bedroom behind. The barn is freezing this time of morning and rubbing my hands together in the arms of my sweater, I am actually looking forward to going into the main house for five minutes of warmth the heating in there offers.
In a perfect world I'd be living in a house. I'd also have heating available. Best friends last forever and not just until times get tough. Then there is the ultimate perfect world perk - parents don't die. In a perfect world for a wolf shifter, pack is the one aspect of life you're able to rely upon. You may not all be related, but you are united. You work together; look out for one another.
I don't live in a perfect world. I used to, until my parents died. These days I only get to see it, walk amongst it and surround myself with it. Every day. I don't get to experience it though, no I just watch from the outside. Alone.
Well, maybe not completely alone.
Opening the back door as quietly as I can, I freeze as someone is already in the kitchen. The coffee machine is on and so is the oven, yet I relax now I've sensed who it actually is. Nate's familiar form is the closest thing I have to a friend. Probably explains my soft and mushy feelings towards him in my dreams. He smiles as he sees me, the kind of smile that every girl wishes a guy would send her way and memories of my fantasy hit me hard. It is ruined though as the familiar shadow of pity behind his hazel eyes gets my attention instead. Distracting myself, I think of the breakfast I need to put on over the thought of what those lips would actually feel like on mine.
"Morning." He whispers, sipping his coffee before offering me the cup. He frowns as I rub my arms, trying to shake the chill the brisk walk over her has left on my clothes.
"Morning." I take a quick gulp, using all the senses we are gifted with as wolf shifters. No one else is awake, or at least down here to witness Nate's act of kindness. The beverage warms my insides and I hand it back.
"Got these on for you." He points the oven and obviously the coffee machine too.
"You really shouldn't do that!" I move past him to get out the egg mix I made the night before. Joys of being the official help - breakfast was one of my duties to ready each day except for Sunday. Apparently even I deserve a day off, though it never turns out that way and there is always something found for me to do. To complain means being ungrateful and that either leads to being banned from shifting, no meal times and in extreme cases the odd beating.
"I hate this!" He growls, a little too loudly.
"Sssh! Go away before you get me in trouble!"
"I'll take the blame!" He argues, remembering to keep his voice low this time.
"Doesn't work like that!"
Since my parent's death, I had been under the care of Nate's family. As our Alphas, the responsibility is on them to ensure the pack is taken care of, including orphans. Problem with that was, his Mother hated mine. It started in high school because my grandparents left the pack. You don't leave your pack unless the Alpha's permit it, typically because you have found your mate. It's like an unspoken law amongst our kind. So when she returned as my Fathers mate, his mother wasn't impressed and saw her as a rogue deserter. After her joy passed from the fact my mother was gone - she realized she was stuck looking after and raising me as one of her own pups.
I was only eight at the time and things started off ok, I guess. By the time I turned ten she had managed to turn the pack against me. Rumours came first. Things like she caught me stealing her jewellery or if any of the farm equipment broke she would accuse me of being near it. Once I became a teenager, apparently I was sleeping around with mated wolves much older than me. So that made school was even worse. The more dominant could easily show off by bullying me, and the teachers never intervened. Those from packs in other area's turned against me too. If my own pack didn't stand up for me, why would they?
In the wild, I probably would have been chased away only apparently we have a more humane streak within us that rationalized since they kept me fed, clothed and sheltered - that was enough. Really I was free labour and put to work on their winery rather than sent to university or college after school as repayment for all their good deeds. Nate hates it. I manage to hide most of what goes on from him, more so now I don't see him every day while he is at university.
I think he only cares because before my parents accident, we had been best friends. None of my other friends cared enough to stick around though. We met in a pre-kindergarten group and because we share the same birthday hit off right away. His brother Dean, never liked me; back then or now. The more Nate defended me the more trouble he got himself in and I begged him to stop. So at school he tried to avoid me. Yet he still snuck into the toilets to help me fix myself back up, bringing band aids or helping stop blood noses. If I get banned from dinner, he sneaks me food after everyone else is asleep and as the years have gone by we're mostly left to this right now - Morning conversations we shouldn't be having.
He wasn't next in line to be Alpha. No Dean was the one who would spend the next ten or twenty years of his life waiting to take over when his Dad stepped down, unless he actually challenged for it sooner which I wouldn't past him since he and Nate were like chalk and cheese. I dreaded that day. Hopefully I won't be here for that. My hopes were starting to grow with the prospect of my eighteenth birthday tomorrow that I wouldn't actually be here. In my other fantasies, once I'm of an age that my wolf would be able to identify my mate, he would come from out of town and in driving by - find me. We'd leave immediately and I'd start again, having a new life where I was loved again.
"Meet me on your lunch break, up on the hill." Nate suggests, breaking into my daydream as I ready breakfast for his family.
"Why?"
"Well, you know what tomorrow is right?"
Our birthday. He would find his mate too.
"Yes, actually - great idea." I had a present for him, something small and stupid and at least I could give it to him with some kind privacy.
"Perfect. See you then Sylvia."
-x-
Laying out in the sun has me glowing. It's so quiet up in the forest and looking down over the farm, it is rather beautiful. The sound of footsteps getting louder catches my wolf's attention and getting up we relax as we catch Nate's scent. He is with me in a few minutes and again my heart skips a beat at seeing him. Until the day does come along of meeting whoever the fates chose for me, my crush on Nate wasn't going anywhere. If his mate was someone within our pack though, it was going to hurt like hell seeing him with her.
"Happy Birthday Nate!" I try and smile, holding out the gift wrapped in newspaper while trying to forget the mate issue for a minute. It's a happy time, birthdays are meant to be happy right?
"Nope, none of that for me. Happy birthday to you Sylvie! Today is about you!"
"But, what?" I ask confused. I had agreed to meet so I could wish him happy birthday, give him his lame gift and probably see him so casually for the last time. We didn't come here for him to remind me of what tomorrow was for me too.
"That's why I asked you to meet me. Today is about you because..." Here it is. The truth only rather than say it, he stops himself. "Today is about you because I say so!"
I didn't notice the bag in his hand until he went into it. Two paper party hats were pulled out and he passed the pink one to me before putting the blue one on. Next he pulled out a picnic blanket, shaking it out beside us and motioning for me sit, I obliged, amazed at what was going on.
Then came out the cake.
Sure it was store bought and still in plastic, but it had pink flowers iced on it and was chocolate flavoured. Taking off the lid, he set up a candle and a lighter.
"Nate, this isn't for me is it?" I want to cry, I want to hug him, but most of all I want some cake.
"I don't see anyone else around," He grins up at me clearly thrilled that I like his surprise and lit the candle. "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Sylvia, happy birthday to you! Now blow out the candle and make a wish!"
I hesitate.
"Come on Sylv, the wax might get on the cake. Surely you've got something to wish for?" He cringes as he says that last part. We both know I have plenty to wish for and so taking a deep breath, I blow out the candle.
"What did you wish for?" Nate asks like a five year old, instead of the nearly eighteen year old he actually is.
"If I tell you, it won't come true!"
"Good point. Can I try and guess it?"
"Only if I get cake while you do it!" Now who sounds like a five year old?
Nate is everything to me. Well he is also all I have. He is also the only one to wish me happy birthday each year and he helped through my first shift when I was sixteen.
"I bet you wished for your mate to be someone amazing!" He teases, forgetting who is talking to, again.
"My wish can't happen, I wasted it." I admit, licking the sticky chocolate icing off my fingers. "I wished to see my parents again."
"I'm sure they're still watching over you Sylv." He whispers frowning. It disappears as he takes a bite of his own piece of cake.
"Doubt it. I wouldn't want to watch my daughter live like I do."
"I'm sorry, it's not right and I try-" He is only getting angry now. He does try. I don't know how many times he has argued with his parents for me.
"Don't even start that Nate. I'd be lost without you so don't ever think you don't try hard enough!"
"I hope you get a mate who will take you away from all of this, someone you deserve!" He growls.
So do I, yet if I had to make a real wish it would be that it was him. It was even more pointless in wishing for that than wanting to see my dead parents again. For starters his Mother would never allow it and I'd end up more humiliated than ever before. Rejection rarely happened in our culture. Mates are, well they're your soul mate, your other half with whom your wolf will bond and connect to. With my luck I'd probably never find him or fall into that 1% rejection category.
"We'll see."
Our half an hour goes too quickly and I help him pack up sad that it's over. He always used to sneak me cake or lollies from his parties, as we got older he still did. This - this was something else though.
"Thank you Nate, for everything." Now I start to cry.
"Happy tears I hope?" And then he hugs me. It feels so good to be held, accepted - I even imagine loved. Then reality returns. "I won't get to see you tomorrow. I hope you get a break. At least everyone will be at my party?"
"It's fine Nate, I hope you have a wonderful birthday and that you won't have to wait long until you find her!"
"I know, I'm kind of excited about that. Just please, please gods don't let it be Paris!" He groans.
I laugh, glad at how well I can fake it these days. Paris Daley is Nate's on and off again girlfriend. Neither is willing to commit to each other, Nate because he is waiting for his mate and also can't stand her. Paris, because she wants to experiment before being stuck with the love of her life whom she also presumes is Nate.
I don't get it.
"Well I better get back before I'm missed. Thank you Nate!" We hug once more and go our separate ways. Looking back, he does it too and laughing I can't hide my smile as I get back to work.
Our farm and the majority of the pack lands make up the blink and you'll miss it town of Wolf Creek - so named due a massacre of wolves when settlers arrived. Apparently the river ran red for a month after their deaths, the whole thing creeps me out. Humans never seem to come here, or if they do they never stay for long. I don't know why. We're not weird or anything out of a horror movie with some psycho cult behind the façade. Humans attend the high school a town over and drive through. They just don't stop here.
I'm still smiling despite the cuts on my hands from picking applies off the trees when the Alpha comes over. Fear has my stomach churning at his approach and standing in front of me I stop what I'm doing and drop my gaze, looking down at the dirt while waiting for him to speak knowing better than to say the first word.
"It is your birthday tomorrow, yes?"
"Yes Alpha."
"Eighteenth?" He growls.
"Yes Alpha."
Silence follows, and I just stand there awkwardly, praying he walks away.
"So you are of an age to find a mate." It's not a question this time. "Interesting."
He leaves and looking after him, something tells me to be afraid.