"You'll never find all the things you want
Breaking free from the chains that haunts you
They will haunt you
From the watergates to the break of dawn
Keep finding the things that turn me on
Turning me on
We walk the transit streets
Until you find me
Until we finally met
And I'll say that
You got to die for something beautiful
Diamonds break our aching minds
Elegance is turning us sober."
Em: I miss you too.
I sighed and held the phone to my chest. I'm not even mad at him anymore. I know hes right. I have to get help. I can't see him until I do. I'm gonna go to LA and I'm gonna get help.
I didn't reply to him. I went to sleep. It wasn't all that pleasant. I had my usual recurring nightmares because Emerson wasn't here but I had to be here with Raven. The next morning the doctor had come in. As he spoke to Raven he woke me up.
I opened my eyes and listened to what he had to say. He said that we could leave today with her if we wanted to. The adoption was already finalized. We had to stay in TX until Bryan was tried which would be in a few days. I was going to testify, and so was Raven.
The doctor signed the discharge papers. Rose was apparently already here and I just didn't notice her. I went into the bathroom and i changed my clothing. Rose had went to Bryan's house and got all of Raven's stuff. She changed into new clothes. Raven was so beautiful. She definitely got all of the good genes. They wheeled her down to Rose's car and they gave her crutches. We all got into the car and we were off to Dallas.
**********Skip to March 25th***********
It has been over a month since I've seen my best friend and Palaye Royale. Me and Emerson text every now and then. I've been focusing on bettering myself.
We live in LA now. The trial was held and I testified and so did Raven. She didn't have to but she chose to and she was so brave and I was proud of her. Bryan Vega was put behind bars for a grand total of 30 years. Fifteen for the each of us is how our lawyer described it.
Rose bought a house five miles away from Palaye's house. Rose really wanted to see Ray but she knew where she went the boys went usually and she knew I didn't wanna see any of them until I'm fixed. I have been sober for over a month. I still smoke weed here and there and cigs but I'm completely done with alcohol. April 10th Palaye Royale is going on tour with Good Charlotte and i have been invited. I would love to. I think I'll be ready by then too.
Raven is being home schooled. I couldn't bear the thought of High school for her after everything she's been through. She loves Rose though. she said she reminds her of her real mother that died not too long ago.
I go to AA meetings and everyday Raven is my reminder of why I'm doing this. Me and her went through so much shit and it was all caused by alcohol. I never ever wanted to drink another drop of it .
Raven loved LA. She thought it was her heaven on earth by the way she talked about it to her friends back in San Antonio. Yes she left her friends but it was all her call about the move and she wanted to.
I heard Emerson's ringtone go off and I answered the call hesitantly.
"Hello?"
"Hey. So I was wondering if you were interested in possibly meeting me for lunch tomorrow?" I froze.
"I-um. Sure?"
"Ok I'll pick you up at 12." We hung up and I automatically regretted everything. Fuck my life man. Am I even ready? I called Ray.
"Hey whats up?" She answered.
"Emerson and I just made plans to go out for lunch tomorrow."
"Yeah I know. I made him press the call button. You two won't stop talking about how much you miss each other so you are gonna see each other."
"But-."
"You are going damn it. Don't make me call Rose and Raven on you!"
"Fine you bitch."
"Hey Hey! I call you that not the other way around!" I laughed.
"Hate you."
"You love me." We hung up and I smiled looking down.
"Are you okay?" Raven asked coming up to me. She had healed nicely as the doctors said. Her wrist and leg were okay and her face was all healed up. Raven has become like child to me but also my little sister. I promised that when she got older I would take her on tour with me and Palaye. I was going to the Good Charlotte tour that was happening soon. Right after it Ray said that the boys were taking a mini vacation in Maine before their first headlining tour started and their tour with The Vamps. I needed a vacation. I also didn't wanna leave Raven.
Since we started living in LA I have been drawing nonstop. Ray had mailed me my art journal when they were still on tour since I left it on the van along with a bunch of other things that I could honestly get back at any time I wanted to.
"Huh? Yeah I'm okay. Going to lunch with Emerson tomorrow is all."
"Are you sure you're ready for it?" She asked me. I had my fair share of nights where I broke down thinking of him. I never get a good night of sleep because of that man. Raven was there for me through it all though. I just hope he didn't move on. I mean I wouldn't blame him at all. I didn't expect him to wait for me. I told him to let me go. I could never let him go though however.
Rose and her husband were in the living room watching TV and me and Raven were in my room. She wanted me to teach her how to do makeup.
"I think so. If not then i can cancel."
"I think you're ready. You two were meant for each other."
"Well we aren't getting back together..."
"Not now maybe. You guys are soul mates though. I know it." I laughed softly. I started showing her how to wing her eyeliner and she was so beautiful. She looked a lot like me. She was thin and fit. Only thing that littered her skin was scars. She quit self harming when I had a talk with her about it. I told her that if Rem caught her doing that, that he would be upset and she hasn't touched anything sharp since.
"When do I get to meet Ray?" Raven asked me.
"Soon. I just need to see how this Emerson thing goes."
"Ok. Ray is really pretty. Remington is very lucky."
"Yes, yes he is." I smiled and I contoured her face for her. When we finished I curled her hair like I curl mine and she was so happy.
"I look pretty like you!"
"You've always been beautiful Rave!"
"I know but you're drop dead gorgeous!" I laughed and she went to change her clothes. She came out in shredded shorts that she borrowed from me and a Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt. We went to Universal Studios together. I promised that I'd take her when we moved. I wish the boys were with us but that has to be tested first.
First thing she wanted to do was go to the Harry Potter attraction. Of course she did. We went there and had some Butterbeer that was non-alcoholic. We went into some shops and we sent Remington a picture to make him jealous. Which he was. Next up was the Walking Dead attraction. She loved this show. The rest of the time we just walked around and did what we thought was cool.
When we got home Rave went straight to bed after taking her makeup off. I went into the bathroom and I looked in the mirror. I saw a woman that has struggled a lot in her life. Her skin was pale and had scars around her wrists. She has burgundy curled hair and she was extremely thin from lack of nutrition. She is trying to make her life better.
I took my makeup off and I climbed to the roof. I sat their and lit a cigarette. I watched as the sun set. It was like a beautiful painting. I got a call from Emerson as I lit a second cigarette about half hour after my first.
"Hello?" I said as I breathed out the smoke.
"How are you?"
"Doing good. And you?" I took a drag.
"I'm ok."
"Well you don't seem ok." I said breathing out.
"I'm worried."
"About what Emerson? You're always prepared."
"I haven't seen you in over a month."
"What about it?" I took a drag.
"I think you won't like me anymore. I know what I did was fucked up and I shouldn't have said what I did. I'm like a constant reminder to you." I breathed out.
"Never thought I'd see the day that THE Emerson Barrett would be insecure."
"Shut up."
"You have nothing to worry about Emerson. I'm better this way. I had to do it for my sister. She doesn't deserve to be around alcohol after what she just went through. Plus I was becoming like my Father.
"You weren't anything like that monster."
"Maybe you didn't see it but I did. It was time for a change and you needed a change too. I told you to let me go." I took a drag.
"I don't think that will ever be possible."
"You don't need someone like me Em." I took a drag.
"So I don't need an amazing girl that is drop dead fucking gorgeous and would never hurt me, lie to me, and cheat on me?"
"Not what I meant."
"Right. But I do need you. You're all I think about." I sighed as the smoke came out.
"Surprised you haven't already moved on." I said thinking about Shy.
"Stop bringing up Shy. I told you I never loved her. I always loved her."
"I didn't say anything about her Emerson."
"I knew what you were thinking." The conversation got quiet and he sighed.
"I miss you Kat."
"I miss you too. I can't though."
"I know. I'll wait until the end of time if I have to. You'll see tomorrow. I promise."
"Its just lunch Em." I stomped out my cig.
"Its actually kinda more than that. I was hoping that if everything went ok with us that I could bring you back to the house to see the guys."
"Maybe."
"Rem misses you. I do. Ray does and Seb and Steph do as well. Even Momma Royale misses you!"
"Okay Em." It got quiet again as I stared at the starry night.
"Are you sleeping okay?" He asked me.
"No. Not really." I admitted.
"Neither am I." I would give anything to be able to sleep in his arms again, but I can't rush again. No matter how much I want it.
"I'm sorry."
"Hows Raven?"
"Good. She really wants to meet everyone soon."
"She can come with us after our lunch date if you want."
"Yeah that sounds great."
"You guys look so alike."
"Yeah we do. Shes beautiful. I taught her how to do makeup today."
"I bet she loved that. Is she still self harming?" He asked.
"No. I told her Rem would be sad if he found out."
"Oh yeah shes team Remington."
"I know. She definitely does NOT get that part from me. I think me and Ray are really sister and that's where she got it from." We both laughed.
"What are you doing right now?" He asked.
"Looking at the stars."
"Its freezing outside!"
"It doesn't bother me."
"Well I think I'm going to go sleep. You should too."
"Thats funny." He laughed softly.
"Goodnight darlin'." When he said that my heart skipped big time.
"Night pirate." We hung up and I wanted to cry and be happy all at the same time. He answered all my questions in one phone call. I wanted him. I wanted to be with him. My heart breaks more and more every time I think about being with him.
I got into bed and I wanted to cry but I didn't. I got my phone out and I skyped Emerson.
"Hey you ok?" He asked. He clearly had just got done changing.
"Yeah I think this might help us though." He smiled and plugged his phone up and positioned it on the nightstand. He got into bed and we both fell asleep eventually. The dreams were the same and this didn't help. I was considering getting prescribed for sleeping pills but I hate taking pills.
I woke up before him but I didn't get up I stayed there and watched him while I could. He had ended up hugging a pillow somewhere in the night and thats how I knew he wasn't faking the whole missing me thing. He unconsciously needs me while he sleeps...
When he woke up we just stared at each other for around 5 minutes. He would smile and I would smile back at him. Rose then yelled that she had made breakfast. I laughed.
"You better go eat." He said smiling at me.
"I'm not that hungry."
"Well you better be by lunch." I giggled and he smiled at me. Then Rave opened my door and came and lied behind me looking at Emerson with me.
"Hi Emerson!" She said happily. She warms my heart always.
"Hi cutie! How are you?"
"I'm great!" She giggled and I smiled at her. This little girl is my life. They talked a little before she got back up.
"Hey Kat, Rose made your favorite! Chocolate Chip pancakes!" I giggled.
"Okay!" She left the room and I shook my head smiling.
"She makes you happy doesn't she?" He asked.
"Yeah she does. I love her with all I got."
"I can tell. The way you were looking at her is how you look at me." I blushed and pulled the covers over my head.
"We are not going back to the shy Kat are we?"
"Haha no! I was um texting!"
"You're skyping on your phone love."
"Oh shut up!' He laughed.
"Well go eat sweetheart. I gotta get some things ready and then I'll be there to pick you up."
"Okay." He blew a kiss before he ended the call. I got up and went downstairs to eat some. I haven't been eating. Rave said if Emerson saw he'd be sad to get back at me for what I told her. She was so funny.
When I got down there a plate for me was already set out. I sat next to Rave and Rose. Rose and her husband, Chris, were talking about going to the beach when I go on tour. Rave was talking about a new band she found.
"Hey Rave, if you want Emerson wants you to finally meet everyone."
"Hell yes! I cannot wait! When?" I laughed.
"After Em and I have lunch."
"Okay!" She was so excited. After she was done eating she ran upstairs to message her friends.
I ate maybe half of my pancakes and I quit. I cleaned my plate and went upstairs to get ready. I did my hair and my makeup. I got into black MIW shirt with long black skinny jeans that had slits on the knees. When I was done I grabbed my phone and purse and sat outside to wait.
A uber pulled up and the back window rolled down and it was Emerson. I laughed and got in the car. The car ride was kind of awkward to me. I haven't seen him in like a month and a half. My heart was flipping in my chest though. He tried to make small talk though.
We got to the place we were gonna have lunch at and it was a family owned place. It was really nice though. We got a table inside and we sat across from each other. I caught him stealing glances over at me and it made me smile. We soon ordered and then it was silent.
I didn't realize my hand was on the table until Emerson reached across and held it.
"Kat... I know I've fucked up so many times and so much. I know I wasn't there for you when you really needed me too. I want you to know that I'm willing to do anything to get you back. At least back into my life. Everyone misses you and it breaks my heart seeing you not with us where you belong."
"Emerson I-."
"Before you say anything I got you something."
"Em you didn't have to get me anything."
"I wanted to." It was a small box. I opened it and inside it was a choker. The pendant was a camera.
"Mom helped me pick it out." I smiled and put it on.
"I love it."
'I'm glad you do."
"Em. I can't move back in with you all. Not yet at least. We can see each other everyday though. Rave needs me though."
"I know I just need you back in my life." I sighed and felt myself tear up but I didn't.
"Would you at least think about spending a couple of nights with us?"
"I'll think about it." After we got that out of the way we talked about how the rest of the Andy Black tour went. We talked about court and my father. I talked about Rave and how she was excited to meet everyone. Food soon came and when it did I ate most of it but couldn't bare to eat the rest. i went to put down money for my meal and Emerson snatched the check away from me.
"Should've know. Fucking bastard." I said sitting back with my arms crossed.
"Yeah you should've." He smirked at me and it made me wanna melt.
We got an Uber back to my house where we picked up Rave. She and Em talked up a storm in the car and when we got to Palaye's house he called out for everyone to come down that he had a surprise for them.
"What the fuck do you want at this ungodly hour Emerson?" Rem yelled at the top of the stairs. When he saw me he picked me up and spun my around, kissed my cheek and hugged me tight.
"I've missed you so much!"
"Haha I missed you too Rem." He put me down and hugged me again.
"Remington, this is your number one fan that you've talked to before." Rave inched from behind me and Remington hugged her tight and picked her up too. She was in heaven. Ray came down next and she fucking tackled me.
"I missed my bitch sooo much!" She hugged me while we lied on the floor.
"I missed you too slut." She laughed and got up and helped me up as well. Seb, Steph and Stephanie came down next. They all hugged me like normal people. Emerson came up behind me and kind of put his arm around me as he talked to his Mom.
"So Rave how would like to go to the studio with me, Ray and Sebastian?"
"Fuck yeah!" She screamed. I smiled at her and they all went out the door and so did Steph. I feel like Ray planned this too. Stephanie disappeared to do who knows what and it was just me and Em. We went up to his room and he showed me his plans for the Avant Garde Society coloring book he was making. It was beautiful. I sat on his bed and flipped through it amazed. He let me see some new pieces he was working on as well.
I was sitting across from him on his bed as I looked through all of these. They were all quite beautiful. He explained to me that some pieces were gonna be in a Art gallery again.
"Em I'm so happy for you!" We hugged and when we pulled apart our lips were inches from each others. I can't do this. But I want to.
And then.....I kissed him.
***************************************
Hey you guys! I hope you enjoyed the update! What do you think of Rave's character so far? Do you think Em and Kat will get back together soon? Will she be able to handle it?
Let me know in the comments!
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