Bradley
Every lesson was unbelievably awkward after that. It had reached lunch time, Tristan went outside while I stayed in the hall waiting for Connor. Minutes were passing by slowly, Connor still never came round the corner.
Bradley- hey where r u
Connor- sorry busy I'll be there in about 10
Well that's my lunch ruined. I was really excited to tell him about Tristan touching my hand then I realised again that I'm not supposed to like Tristan at all.
My final lesson is with him, he normally sits on the opposite end of the room to me so this time I could miss a bullet.
For a moment, I didn't want our hands to stop touching, I don't think I've ever experienced a feeling like that. It was excitement, dizziness, joy along with disappointment and discomfort.
Again, I'm feeling the same feelings I did yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and pretty much every day for the past couple of months.
I need to think carefully. What do I want, who do I want, why do I want them? Love has never been my strong point, I know how to love, I've just never had it. I think I'm falling for Tristan.
Tristan- Classroon 106. Now.
Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Fuck.
Now he is definitely going to kill me, I really shouldn't have done anything in that classroom. I shouldn't of let him help me I should of just told him to fuck off and called him a fag, or embarrass him in front of the class. And if his boys are around him I'm definitely getting ripped to shreds.
As I packed up my things, Connor came and sat next to me with a massive smile on his face.
"Hi, sorry I gotta go I just remembered something"
"What? You sneak off nearly every lunch time where are you going?"
"I promise I'll tell you soon but I gotta go"
"But I want to tell you something"
"Another time"
And with that I walked fast to room 106.
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I opened the door, the lights were out and he was stood in the corner. He had his hoodie wrapped round his waist which made his figure stand out.
I really want to be below that body.
"Lock the door"
"Definitely doesn't sound rapey"
I locked the door and walked over to him and sat in the seat while he leaned up the wall with his arms crossed.
I looked up at him and smirked.
"What? You got your boys ready to defend for you? Pussy"
"Did you get george in trouble?"
"Of course I did"
"Well you just got him banned from this school. He's had too many warnings."
"Well that's one less dog for you to train then, isn't it."
"I got them all excluded for 2 weeks"
"What!? Why?!"
"They were in the way, total pricks anyway. You're my problem"
"Are we really keeping this up? We sound like 13 year old girls"
"Yes we are keeping this up. I wanna know if you set your car to break down on purpose just so you could stay with me"
"Uh excuse me, the last person I would ever go to for help would of been you, you're the one who asked to meet me, you're the one who invited me to your place, and I would never want to be with yo-"
My sentence was stopped because I felt a sharp pain across my cheek and I was facing the other direction. He slapped me.
"Then why did you hold my hand!!?"
Tristan shouted and was breathing heavily. I looked at him and his face was red, tears were beginning to fall from his eyes.
"Oh my god are you okay?"
I stand up to give him a hug but he pushed me away
"No I'm not okay Bradley you're fucking me up"
"How am I"
"Because one minute I hate you and want to bury you, next minute I want to be best friends and close to you. I don't even know who you are and you're fucking me up, you show me you wanna kill me then you wanna hug me and wanna be 100 inches up my ass."
"If you wanted to be friends, you could of just said"
"We can't be friends, Brad"
"Why not?"
"Because everyone will judge us"
"You want it a secret? Or don't want it at all? Cuz let me tell you something Tristan, I'm not gonna be a secret for anyone. I'm not a secret diary, I'm not a secret key, I'm not a secret person you can just play games with, okay. If you want me so bad you wouldn't want me a secret."
"Well what do you want us to do? Fucking hold hands in the hallway and let people see?"
"Well you can take me out for dinner first"
He didn't laugh or smile at my joke.
"I'm kidding Tris, I don't like you that way"
"Yeah well... neither do I"
Silence.
No chance am I going to a secret. I don't know if I want us to be friends. I'm not 100% sure it will even work. I have only just discovered I might be clinging on to Tristan for my chance of love and he was the wrong choice.
I'm currently living with him until I get my car fixed.
And I'm in nearly every lesson with him.
Highly doubt I'll admit it to him, I can only imagine him throwing a punch repeatedly to my face and then telling me to go die.
"What do you want, Brad? What do you want from us?"
"I don't know. What do you want?"
"I don't know"
"Well... I guess I'll see you at your house tonight."
"Yeah"
I began walking to the door but he grabbed my shoulder.
"Wait. I- ... I d-"
He sighed and looked down at the floor.
"It doesn't matter"
"Okay well... tell me when you're ready"
I saw him nod and I walked out room leaving him in there. I stayed standing by the door waiting for him to come out but after a few minutes I got bored.
There was nothing better to do so I looked through the glass and saw him sat at a table, writing in a small notebook, wiping his eyes.
Now at least I know he has feelings, but I don't want him feeling these ones.
With a heavy sigh, I walked away I know I can't help him.
I want to be best friends and close to you.
I want to be best friends and close to you.
I want to be best friends and close to you.
Close to you
Maybe if I try hard enough, I can find a way to have a chance.
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Tristan- do not follow me home.
Bradley- are you saying I cant come stay anymore?
Tristan- no. I mean dont walk close to me. I have the keys i need to walk first or you'll be waiting on my doorstep for ages.
Bradley- okay phew
"Hey Brad"
I heard Connor behind me.
"Hey."
"What you doing?"
"Trying to find my car keys"
"Did you get it fixed"
"No. 2 days"
"Are they in your coat pocket"
"No, already checked"
"Where did you stay the other night? You never told me"
"I did"
"You said a friends house. I'm sorry I couldn't let you over. He is still mad and I tried to talk to him but the stubborn bastard wont let it go"
"It's fine. Ughh, I just hope they are in the room when I get back. So what did you want to tell me earlier?"
A huge smile spread across his face and he hid behind the sleeves of his shirt.
"Okay okay but you cant tell anyone"