Hours passed as Iliana mended the nets. By the time the last frayed thread was secured into place with whipping twine, the sun had begun to fall. The fading light cast growing shadows over the abandoned deck. Moments like this were part of why she'd never regret her choice of crawling out of the gutters of Ephi. If she hadn't stowed away, sights like this would've been forever out of her grasp.
Iliana was enthralled.
No matter how long she sailed, the sunset would always steal her breath. There was a certain timeless beauty in the way the dying rays cast colors over the sea's rippling waves. The peaceful lap of water against the sides of the ship was enough to lure anyone into tranquility. Gods, if only she could find the words to explain the feeling to Artemios.
She didn't need a week to decide where she belonged. The very air itself seemed to call her name, telling her to make a life where the sea was her home. The faintest breeze played with her hair, casting the rough locks away from her eyes as she closed her eyes for just a moment. She tilted her face towards the fading light, enjoying the peace that filled her.
Some part of her wanted to stay seated until the entire scene had disappeared. Until the chill of the moonlit sea began to set into her bones, reminding her of her warm bunk. Most of her body echoed agreement. Exhaustion weighed on her limbs, reminding her of the frailty of this peace. After all, the main reason she was so tired laid in the tantrum the sea had thrown their way only a night ago.
She had a promise to keep, however. And the absence of other life on the deck meant it was time to keep it. Suppressing a groan, Iliana dragged herself to her feet and started for the nest's ladder.
When she dropped down next to Kain this time, he was far from asleep. In fact, he appeared frustratingly refreshed. Rather than curled up against the railing, he stood with his arms sprawled over the top of it. Despite her annoyance, Iliana couldn't help but note how... him, the view felt. Shadowed by the darkening sky, with his dark eyes focused on something unseen in the horizon. Her heart ached.
Why did time have to threaten this? Every fiber of Iliana's being clung to the memory of Artemios' offer. This week wouldn't be the last time they watched the sunset together. As she cemented that certainty in her unsettled thoughts, Kain turned his attention to her.
"You remembered," he said with a smile.
She nodded. Feeling as if a verbal response would take entirely too much energy, Iliana settled for dropping herself down next to him. Her head rested against the weathered wood, eyes settling on his face.
Kain laughed. "Sorry for keeping you up."
"It's no problem." She shrugged. "You're heading in soon, anyways, aren't you?"
"Nah," Kain said, shaking his head. "I convinced Captain to let me stay on for the night. My schedule would get thrown even further off if I went to sleep now."
"I see."
Silence fell between them following her reply. Despite having claimed he had something to talk about, Kain seemed content to stand next to her without a word. Iliana didn't mind it all that much, if she was honest. It was soothing. Just his presence eased the churning worries plaguing her mind. She yawned.
"I don't mind if you fall asleep up here," he said. "I can wake you when I retire. You just have to promise you won't complain about back pain tomorrow."
"Deal," she muttered, letting her eyes fall shut.
Once again, a comfortable quiet took over them. After several minutes had passed, however, Iliana began to pick up on the sound of Kain shifting from one foot to the other, then back again. She sighed.
"What is it?"
"I... uh, was the course the only thing Captain wanted to talk about earlier?"
The faint memory of Artemios mentioning a money pot contributed to by the rest of the crew flickered through her mind. She'd had her suspicions, but Kain most definitely knew the answer to his question. Iliana cocked an eye open, glancing up at his hesitant expression.
"No."
"I see..." Kain muttered, allowing his voice to trail off for a moment. He then cursed, shifted his weight once again, and tugged his hat down with both hands. "I... well, are you gonna take it?"
His line of thought was obvious, but Kain looked so uncomfortable with the conversation she couldn't help herself.
"Take what?"
"The money..." he muttered after a few seconds. "I mean, well, it's not the money I'm wondering about. It's the leaving... Captain told me he'd let you stay if you wanted. What're you going to do?"
Iliana rose a brow as she opened her other eye. Had Artemios been right about Kain's reluctance for her to leave? The idea loosened something within her she hadn't realized was tense. Whereas the rest of the crew had become her family over the last three years, Kain was something more. There wasn't a label for their relationship that felt right. Friend was too simple a term, brother too light given they were all related in that way that existed beyond blood.
If Kain was against her staying, she wasn't sure she would be able to overcome it.
"I haven't decided yet," she said.
"You haven't?" Kain echoed, eyes widening. "You can't be serious."
Iliana frowned. "I mean, I probably will, but Artemios said to wait and think about it when we reached Eol."
"But you're a girl," he pressed. "You know that, right?"
"I had no idea," she deadpanned.
"I'm being serious, Iliana," Kain replied, no hint of his usual amusement to be heard. "You're a girl. Girls aren't merchants."
"You're talking superstition now?" she demanded. Her stomach curled into knots.
"Well, yeah. What do you think'll happen when the others find out? I might be fine with it, but that's me. The others are older. I doubt they're gonna ignore the whole deal about women being bad luck. Even Captain would have a fit if he knew you've been hiding it this whole time... he's pretty traditional, you know? Old school. The type that believes a girl and guy shouldn't room together before marriage. You've been living with us in the bunk since you got caught stowing away. Gods, it's how I found out you were a girl."
Iliana's hands formed fists in her lap as he spoke, eyes narrowing into thin slits. It appeared Artemios had been dead wrong about Kain's feelings. Hurt warred with anger. It bubbled hot in her chest, erasing her thoughts of familial ties.
"So, what you're saying is that you want me to leave."
At the cold tone of her voice, Kain flinched. He raised one of his hands, but dropped it before he touched his hat. For once, the sight of that familiar, nervous tick of his didn't amuse her. Actually, it only served to deepen her irritation. If he was having such trouble explaining himself, perhaps it should have been a hint to stop talking.
"That's not it," he muttered. "I just don't think you should be here."
Kain seemed determined to keep his foot in his mouth.
"Because that's so different," she snapped.
He put both of his hands up. "Iliana..."
"You should know better than anyone how much I hate stuff like that," she cut in.
That single detail was what pissed her off the most about his words. Kain knew.
He was the sole person she'd told everything. The fears and nightmares that plagued her sleep had made secrets impossible. Well, without blowing off his numerous offers of a willing ear. All of this meant he was far from ignorant of her feelings on being forced onto a path for no other reason than her sex.
It'd nearly gotten her killed, once. Never again.
"I do know--" Kain began.
"Then why say it?"
"Look," he sighed. "I didn't mean to upset you. I probably could have worded all of that a little bit better... Just... let me restart, will you?"
She frowned.
"Please?"
Kain clasped his hands together, his expression pleading for a chance. She gave a small shake of her head and drew in a slow, deep breath in an attempt to calm her fraying nerves.
"Fine. Start again. No guarantees, though, that I'll stick around to hear everything if I don't like what I hear."
"Fair enough," Kain agreed. "As I was saying... I really don't think that you staying aboard is a good idea."
Iliana opened her mouth and Kain put out his hand to cover it.
"Let me finish. I don't think you staying aboard is a good idea, no matter how much I would love if you could. It's just not realistic to think that things can continue how they are," he pointed out, dropping his hand. "Do you really think you can continue living here without someone eventually finding out?"
Unfortunately for her, Iliana knew he had a point. It wasn't a matter of if someone would find out, but when. She was just lucky it'd been Kain who'd walked in on her changing shortly after she'd joined. He'd been willing to hear her out and even willing to help her keep it a secret. Kain was probably the sole reason that she'd lasted as long as she had.
Still, knowing he was right was a completely different matter from being willing to admit it. So, she stayed silent. Iliana had gotten far while ignoring that obvious flaw in her dream, it took no effort to continue doing so. Kain must have been expecting such a response because he only paused for a few seconds before continuing.
"It's better to just make a clean break, isn't it? This is your best chance to do that."
He paused again. That uncomfortable, almost nervous edge returned to his expression. Despite her irritation having yet to fade, Iliana felt curiosity began to bubble to the surface of her thoughts, overtaking the anger curling in the pit of her stomach. What could possibly have him so nervous at this point? She was pretty certain he'd already said about everything that could possibly tick her off in this situation.
"I've been thinking about all of this a lot recently," he added, his tone far quieter than before. "And... well... you miss your sister, don't you?"
How could Kain possibly know that? It wasn't like Iliana ever talked about it.
There was no point in whining about a person she'd never see again. Sure, at times it felt as if a portion of her heart had been shredded when she left Mara behind to face the darkness alone, but the rest of her was simply glad to be free. Mara made her choice, Iliana's suffering be damned. They might have been sisters, and once upon a time the only good thing each other had, but there were more important things in the world than blood.
Living, for example.
"What does that have to do with this? Even if I leave... it's not like I can ever go back there. I'd just be back in the same situation," she pointed out.
He hesitated. Both of Kain's hands went back to tugging on his cap.
"I mean... you could."
"What?"
"You... you could go back... If you were married, that is. They couldn't trap you, then."
Iliana could only stare at Kain. His words had struck her speechless. If anything, he grew even more nervous than before. He shifted from one foot to another and turned his head away to stare out at the darkened sky.
"We could get married. That'd fix everything, wouldn't it?"
For a full minute, Iliana's mind refused to comprehend the words. When they did sink in, her cheeks grew warm.
"Get married?" she echoed, voice cracking. "You... And me... Get married?"
Kain's gaze returned to her, embarrassment etched into his face.
"It... it's not a bad idea," he said.
"But... get married?"
Her mind wouldn't move past that single word.
"Hear me out," Kain urged. "Please."
"But I'm not..."
Many emotions flooded through her mind at that moment--confusion, embarrassment, irritation, and disbelief among the strongest. Fear. Even as she attempted to sort them out, however, one thing became clear.
She couldn't accept his proposal. Not like this.
So, Iliana drew in a deep breath and met his eyes.
"I'm not in love with you."
Kain flinched.
Perhaps she was being too blunt, but Iliana didn't want there to be any confusion. Until that moment she'd never considered falling for Kain even a remote possibility. From the day the two of them had gotten to know each other, she'd felt like she'd met a reflection of herself. They were similar in so many ways that friendship had been inevitable.
But love?
She couldn't see it happening.
There was no spark. No desire to touch in any way more than family. The fates had handed her a brother, not a lover. She could only hope he'd understand her refusal, and whatever awkwardness it might leave between them would be brief.
Silence consumed the air for several minutes. Then, Kain laughed. The sound felt so strange in this situation that, once again, Iliana could only stare at him.
"I know," he said. "I don't love you either."
"What?"
"I mean, not like that. Of course I love you, but, it's not... well, you know. Hearing you tell me the same with such,... utter conviction hurt a little," Kain continued. "But, I mean... I don't blame you. You're not my type, either."
Iliana was so confused. Kain wore an embarrassed smile. There was nothing in the expression to help her sort out the mess. Was he lying? Had she injured his pride with the blunt rejection, leaving Kain feeling the need to say the same? It would make sense. But, it didn't suit him. Kain wasn't the type to lie for something like pride.
If that wasn't it, though... Then why, in the name of the bloody gods, were they having this conversation in the first place?
"I don't understand," she grumbled.
"Of course you don't."
She grew tense at the amusement in his tone. If this was a joke, it was a shitty one.
"If you laugh again, I'll punch you," Iliana warned.
Kain put his hands palm out as if to ward off her anger.
"I won't laugh," he promised. "I just... I'm sort of relieved."
"Relieved?" she echoed.
"I mean, yeah. I didn't think you liked me... but there was always the chance. And it'd make my suggestion a little awkward..." he said. "It's sorta... well, really great to hear you don't."
Was that why he'd been so nervous?
"Kain," she said, tone ice cold. "If you don't start explaining yourself, I think I just might skip the punch and move to shoving you out of the nest."
"Fair enough."
"So explain," Iliana snapped.
"Right... Well... Like I said, I've been thinking about all of this recently. If you leave here and live as a girl again... Well... they can't force you into a marriage if you're already married, can they? In that situation, you'd be able to go back home and see your sister without worrying about what might happen. Plus, I imagine work would be easier. Men aren't as interested in harassing a girl with a ring on."
He had a valid point. No one wanted to risk upsetting the god of thought, bonds, and emotion, Aion. Rumor said that he gave out particularly nasty punishments to those who broke up a healthy home. Even if it was unlikely he would see a random flirt, most didn't want to take the chance.
"You've been thinking about me a lot," she muttered.
Kain shrugged. "I've been looking out for you since we met. Why should that change just because you're leaving?"
"You don't have to."
"But I want to."
Iliana fell silent, rolling the matter over in her mind. She was still irritated, but her practical side had begun to realize the potential in the situation.
At some point in the last three years, marriage had become a foreign concept. Her past made it something... frightening. If it had been anyone else, she probably would've rejected them outright. But it wasn't.
"What would you get out of this?" she asked, studying him with a narrowed gaze. "If you aren't in love with me... Why marry me?"
She wouldn't be a good partner.
Memories sprung of families she'd seen in the past. For the most part, those women didn't flinch away from affection. They didn't get angry in place of emotion that couldn't be placed. They could probably share a bed with someone without fear they'd wake up swinging.
"It'd be convenient for me as well," Kain explained.
She forced herself to focus. "How so?"
"I mean... I'm like you. I'm not interested in settling down somewhere. Gods, I'm not interested in ever leaving this ship. I plan to live, and die, on the ocean."
That much she knew to be true, even if his assumption of her was slightly off. Whenever they docked, Kain was always the one to stay on the ship. She could count the number of times she'd seen him walk on dry land with a single hand.
"If I were married, no one would try to make me do otherwise. I could point at my ring and the pressure to go to a bar and... uh... other places would disappear. The situation would be convenient for both of us."
"What if you ever fell for someone else," Iliana pointed out. "Or I did? What would we do then?"
"Get divorced," Kain replied with a shrug. "I mean, unless we end up changing our minds about loving each other, I don't see a reason we couldn't. There'd be talk, but it'd be no worse than the rumors that would come from having a partner no one ever sees."
It was so reasonable--and appealing--an idea that Iliana hated him for it. If she didn't stay abroad it would solve all her problems. She could go home and see her sister. Perhaps even he would be content to let her live her life, unharassed. At the same time...
"I don't know," Iliana muttered.
"You don't have to answer right now," Kain pointed out. "Captain gave you until we arrived in Eol to think over his offer, right? I'll give you the same. Think about it when we're on land. I'm not your brother-in-law. I won't force you either way. If you stay, I'll help you keep your secret as long as possible. If you leave... I'll help you."
Iliana scoffed. "You know, if you did want to get married, I bet there are some girls out there dying for a chance at a guy like you."
"I know."
"How humble."
"The humblest," Kain agreed.
And just like that, the conversation ended. The two of them once again descended into comfortable silence.
Even as her options tumbled over each other in her mind, Iliana decided to push the matter aside for now. At least, she decided to try. Both Artemios and Kain had given her time to think, and it was far too late at night for her to be making such important decisions. So, she just looked to where the stars had become visible above them.
Mental and physical exhaustion eventually prompted Iliana to close her eyes to the sight. Her fingers idly picked at the four, intertwined red strings that formed the anklet she was never without. The action was soothing, as something about the anklet always took the edge off her day. She let her head rest against Kain's leg and he--in what felt like far too natural a reaction--brushed his fingers through her hair.
It was a soothing feeling. One that tugged a wistful smile to her lips. She may not have loved him, but she could certainly appreciate him. Even after the conversation they'd just had being next to him felt about as far from awkward as she imagined possible.
"You know what...?" she murmured.
"What?"
"I think... had life gone differently... I'd be one of those girls."
His hand stilled in her hair.
"Iliana," he began, then stiffened.
She opened her eyes. Moon and starlight had replaced the dying sun, giving Kain's face an almost eerie glow in the night. There was a faraway edge to his smile that she couldn't place.
"Can you hear that...?"
Iliana frowned. "Hear what?"
She strained to pick up on whatever it was that had stolen Kain's attention. It took a bit of time, but soon she could faintly make out a voice in the wind. Her brow knitted, tired mind having difficulty figuring out how that was even possible. Even with as little as she could make out about it, she instinctively knew the voice was beautiful. No one on the Airlea sounded like that.
Kain suddenly moved. Iliana almost tumbled over in surprise, but caught herself last minute.
"Where are you going?" she asked, frowning.
He didn't reply. Alarm bells went off in her mind. She didn't know why, but something about this situation was wrong. The feeling prompted Iliana to scramble to her feet and catch Kain's arm before he could climb out of the nest.
"Where are you going?" she asked again.
"I..." Kain muttered. "It's really pretty, isn't it?"
Was he talking about the voice? She could still barely make it out. Where was it even coming from?
While tightening her grip on Kain-- as some part of her knew letting him go was a bad idea-- Iliana looked to the ocean for the answer. Uneasiness pricked her spine at the sight of thick, endless fog beyond the bow of the ship. They'd yet to fully sail into the nothing, but with their current course it was only a matter of time.
Instinct told her that nothing good laid in those waters.
Something about the situation stirred a memory in the back of her mind. Before she could fully remember it, however, Kain tore his arm away and swung his legs over the railing.
"Wait!"
Iliana hurried after him. The moment he dropped onto the deck, Kain headed for the edge of the ship. She seized the back of his shirt, stopping him mid-stride.
"Let go of me," he muttered.
"What are you doing?" she demanded. "Get a hold of yourself!"
"I just... I want to..."
As Kain spoke, he tried to pull away. In that moment Iliana realized they'd become further encased in the fog. It seemed to magnify the voice, which she now knew to be singing. The words were still indistinguishable, however.
"C'mon," she urged uneasily. "Let's... let's go inside."
She turned, intending to drag him into the hold. At that moment, however, the hatch swung open. Saul, Ancus, and the others piled out onto the deck.
"What are you--"
She cut off as Kain tore away from her grip. Before she could get ahold of him again, he darted to the railing.
Then, without warning, Kain launched himself over the side.
Iliana flung herself to the edge of the ship. The thick fog which hung in the midnight air made finding him impossible. Still, she leaned over the railing, desperate to catch a glimpse. Her hands clung to the damp wood as the waters beneath them rocked the ship.
"Kain!" she shouted.
No response. Of course not. He'd barely responded when she'd been standing right next to him. Why would he bother now?
The singing grew louder. They must have been drawing closer to the source.
Iliana's crew-mates gathered around where she stood. Like her, each of them stared out into the fog as if searching for the source of the voice. She realized then that if she didn't do something they might all jump in.
But what could she do? There was no way for someone Iliana's size to stop all of them. She could try and turn the ship around, but that would mean leaving Kain behind. She couldn't do that. Panic froze her in place as her thoughts spun about. She needed a solution, and she needed it then.
Saul climbed up onto the railing. She reacted instinctively, reaching out to grab him. Her fingers closed around his nightshirt just as someone else tried to pull themselves up. She didn't look to see who, instead just grabbed at them with her other hand.
"Such a wonderful voice..." Saul whispered.
Then, he jumped.
Iliana refused to let go and the force of his weight nearly dragged her over the side of the ship. She released her grip on the other sailor so she could hold on with both hands. Pain shot up her arms as her muscles screamed their protest. Ignoring this, she braced her feet against the railing and reared back, attempting to drag him upwards.
"C'mon," she urged. "Stop moving. Let... me..."
Someone shoved into Iliana from behind and suddenly both her and Saul were sent plunging down. She hit the ocean belly first, the impact stealing her breath away. It took everything she had not to breathe in the water. She forced herself to focus--to try and find which way was up, and then, to reach it.
The waves were harsher than she'd seen from above. They came in a constant, disorienting rhythm that made it nearly impossible for her to fill her burning lungs without taking in seawater. Despite this, she managed to spot the ship and begin kicking away from it. Even as confusing as the situation was, she knew better than to stay still and be caught by the current.
It was strange. Some part of her knew that she should be panicking even more than she had been on deck. Yet, her mind was scary calm, as if the world had slowed to give her a moment to think.
They were in the warmest part of the world. So, while the water was considerably colder than the air, exposure wouldn't kill her. That left her with three major problems: exhaustion, the crew, and whatever the fuck was in that fog.
The first problem was the most dangerous. If the rest of the crew jumped--and she was rather certain they already had--there was no one left to fish them out. Which meant they were stranded in the middle of the ocean.
No... not quite, she realized.
The voices had to be coming from some form of land. The singing seemed to echo from everywhere, however, leaving her no clue of which direction to swim in. Iliana had a slight suspicion the fog was magicked to magnify the sound, therefore hiding the location.
The sound of someone splashing around in the waves ahead of her broke into her thoughts. Was one of the crew members still nearby? They seemed to know what direction to go in. Perhaps there was something in the song that lured them the right way.
It was the only shot she had.
So, Iliana drew in a deep breath and focused on the splashing sound. It was hard to locate through the voices and the constant crashing of the waves, but she managed it. The moment she had it pinned she began swimming after whomever it was.
Please, she prayed. Whoever cares and can hear me. Please don't let me be wrong about this.
Perhaps someone was listening, because a short time later she could make out the sight of large, dark structures stretching above the ocean. The fog made it impossible to identify what they were, but they were there. The closer she drew, she realized that there was also what appeared to be the shape of a ship hidden in the distance. For a single second, she felt hopeful.
Then, she reached the current.
Iliana knew something was wrong the moment she no longer needed to kick to move forward. Instead, the water itself carried her towards the dark structures. Around her, the sound of waves crashing into rocks grew even louder than the singing. She panicked, twisting back and forth as she attempted to kick away from the pull.
That stopped when she hit her first rock with full force. It left her dazed and gasping for air as she was tossed into the second. Pain lanced her body. By the fifth rock, she could barely see through the dark spots in her vision.
Soon after that, everything went black.
A/N: A long chapter, but, in my opinion, there was no better place to cut it off.
So, what do you think? Should she marry him? Or, does that even matter with that ending?
Opinion of Kain thus far? Iliana? The crew?
Hope to see you in the next chapter. Comment and vote as you please~