Prologue
"I like you!"
My voice echoed through the hallway. It made everyone that heard my voice halted whatever they're doing just to look at me, but the person whom I want to receive my confession didn't even bother to stop and just continue walking.
When he was already out of this embarassing scene, everyone started to murmur and whisper things about me.
Instead of feeling down, I just grinned and shook my head because of amusement.
Ang sungit niya talaga!
"What the fuck was that, Zarina?"
And here comes my friend who's going to lecture me again about my stupidity.
Ngiting-ngiti ko siyang nilingon. Nagpacute pa ako kahit na alam kong wala namang epekto 'yon sa kaniya.
"I confessed." I told her along with my sweet smile.
"Confessed to whom? Sa hangin?" She sarcastically asked.
"I confessed to Jace. Hindi nga niya ako pinansin eh. Ang sungit niya no?" I said and giggled while reminiscing Jace walking away even though I already confessed to him my true feelings.
I saw Elle facepalmed before she sighed to calm herself. If she won't calm herself, I'm pretty sure that she will growl at me.
"Jace Lael Sy?" she asked and I nodded enthusiastically. "Are you serious, Zarina? Alam mo namang walang pinapansing babae 'yon. Galit nga ata yun sa mga babae eh."
I immediately shook my head to defend Jace.
"Hindi siya galit sa mga babae dahil babae ang Mommy niya at pati ang isang kapatid niya. Si Liana, remember? Kagrupo natin siya sa PE before!" sabi ko kag Abrielle.
"Of course I still remember Liana." sabi naman niya. "But the point here is, he hates girls except for his mother and sister."
"And what makes you think that he hates girls, huh?" Paghamon ko sa kaniya at saka humalukipkip.
"Because he hates girls!" she exclaimed.
"You didn't even answer my question." I raised my eyebrows at her.
"As you can see, Zarina, kung hindi mo pa pansin o kung nagtatanga-tangahan ka lang talaga, wala siyang pakialam sa mga babaeng nasa paligid niya at lalo na sa mga nagkakagusto sa kaniya." She explained her argument. "Huwag mong sayangin ang ganda mo sa lalaking wala namang pakialam sa'yo. Ang dami-dami diyang nagkakagusto sa'yo."
"Elle, you don't understand me at all." Ngumuso ako at inalala ang unang beses kong pagkakita kay Jace nung freshmen students pa lamang kami. "Unang kita ko palang sa kaniya, alam kong siya na."
"Zarina, madami pang nandiyan. I'm sure na makakahanap ka pa ng iba. Mag-e-eighteen ka pa nga lang eh." sabi naman ni Abrielle sa akin.
My eyes slightly widened when she reminded me that my eighteenth birthday's already around the corner. My parents organized a traditional elegant debut for my coming of age.
"Nakalimutan ko!" pagsinghal ko nang maalala ko. "Aayain ko pa pala si Jace na maging escort at pang-eighteenth rose ko sa debut ko."
"You're really delusional, Zarina. You think he will agree with that?" Halos matawa siya sa akin.
I gave her a meaningful smile and nodded. "He will." I determinedly said. "I'm going to make him attend my debut."
"That's the most absurd thing that I've ever heard from you, Zarina." she said and rolled her eyes.
Magsasalita pa sana si Abrielle para pangaralan ako ngunit hindi ko na hinayaan ang sarili kong marinig pa ang mga sasabihin niya para habulin si Jace hanggang hindi pa siya gaanong nakakalayo.
I was panthing from running when I saw him walking along the corridors. His hands are both inside his pocket. Even his back profile screams out handsomeness and authority. Alam mong kapag humarap siya'y maaaring masira ang kinabukasan mo dahil handa mong ialay sa kaniya ang lahat kahit wala ng matira para sa sarili mo.
"Jace Lael Sarmiento Sy!" I shouted his full name that made him stop from walking.
Napangiti ako nang huminto siya sa paglalakad. Agad kong tinakbo ang distansyang nagpapalayo sa aming dalawa. I shouldn't waste this chance that he gave me to approach him. Sobrang bihira lamang ng ganitong pagkakataon na hinding-hindi ko dapat sayangin.
Huminto ako sa pagtakbo nang marating ko na ang kaniyang harapan. I smiled when I saw him in front me. Hindi ako makapaniwalang nandito talaga siya ngayon sa harapan ko.
He borely stared, looking down at me. We have a huge height difference. Lagi tuloy akong nakatingala tuwing nakatingin sa kaniya ng malapitan. Pero okay lang dahil ang lalaking katulad niya ay dapat lang na tinitingala.
I can't help but to admire his Godlike facial features whenever I see him this close to me. His thick eyebrows and pointed nose. His slightly chinky but deep hazel brown eyes. His luscious cherry lips. Hindi siya nakakasawang tignan. Tingin ko'y bawat araw ay gumagwapo siya. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasan ang mapangiti habang pinupuri ang kaniyang kagwapuhan.
He deeply exhaled before he looked away from me.
Napanguso naman ako. Ayokong-ayoko talaga tuwing inaalis niya ang tingin niya sa akin at tumingin sa iba o kung saan-saan. Gusto ko kapag kaharap niya ako ay sa akin lamang siya titingin.
I know it's wrong to be possessive, especially if I have no right to be possessive because it's very clear that he's not mine.
"You're wasting my time." I heard him say and was about to go when I held his arm to stop him.
Halos makuryente ang kamay ko nang dumapo ito sa kaniyang braso.
He looked down to see my hand holdind his arm that made me removed my gripped from him and smiled slyly.
"I have something to say." I told him.
He sighed before he crossed his arms to look at me more intently.
"It's my debut next, next week. I need to finalize my invitation that will be giving out next week." panimula ko.
"Ano namang kinalaman ko diyan?" Pabalang niyang tanong sa akin.
"Well, since I want you to be my escort and eighteenth rose, ikaw ang pinalagay ko sa invitation. Though pwede pa siyang mabago dahil hindi pa naman nakakapagproduce, pero please!" Pinagdikit ko ang aking dalawang palad at saka ipinikit ang aking mga mata. "Please pumunta ka sa debut ko. Be my escort and my last rose."
I slightly opened my right eye to look at him who's still looking at me with a bored look. Agad ko ulit ipinikit ang isang mata ko.
"No." he simply said and I felt him started to walk away.
Dinilat kong muli ang mga mata ko para mahabol siya agad na hindi pa nakakalayo.
"Please, Jace! Please, please, please!" I pleaded while keeping up with his big steps.
"I said, no!" Iritadong-iritado siyang bumaling sa akin.
Sa sobrang lapit ko sa kaniya ay natabig niya ako nang humarap siya sa akin na dahilan kung bakit ako nawala sa balanse at natumba sa sahig.
Kinagat ko ang aking ibabang labi at tinignan lamang ang lapag na kinabagsakan ko.
Narinig ko naman ang nag-umpisang bulungan nang mga nakakita. Napapikit ako sa sobrang kahihiyan.
You went overboard this time, Zarina.
"Zarina!" I heard Abrielle calling for my name and running towards me.
Lumuhod siya nang makarating sa tabi ko. Nag-aalala siyang tumingin sa akin.
"I told you not to try, Zarina. I told you to stop." medyo galit niyang sabi.
Yeah... Maybe you're right. Maybe I should just stop.
But I'm not planning to stop hanggang wala pang nararating ang kagagahan kong ito. Maaya ko lang siya at mapapayag na pumunta sa debut ko ay ayos na ako.
Tutal ay last year na namin bilang senior high, magkakaroon na kami ng kaniya-kaniyang buhay pagdating ng college. We will not meet each other again and I will meet new people.
Tiningala ko si Jace and I saw a foreign expression from him. It's my first seeing him showed a different expression from what he usually shows. His eyes became gentle than it's usual fiery eyes.
Nagsumikap naman akong tumayo mula sa pagkakabagsak at agad kong naramdaman ang pag-alalay sa akin ni Abrielle sa pagtayo.
I stared at him like how he always stare at me before sweetly smiling at him.
"If you will attend my debut and be my escort, I promise to stop bothering you after that. I promise to do my best and stop liking you." I stated. "I promise, Jace. I don't usually make promises but I promise."
I don't know if I'll be happy because he accepted my invitation or be broken because he just wants me to stop liking him that's why he agreed to be my escort and my eighteenth rose.
"Let us all welcome, the Rivadelo's princess who finally turns eighteen tonight, Zarina Cashe Rivadelo!" The emcee announced and the spotlight immediately focused on me as the invited guests clap their hands.
Sa sobrang daming nakatingin sa aking mga bisita ay kagat-kagat ko ang aking ibabang labi habang tinitignan si Jace na nasa baba ng hagdanang aking tinatahak at naghihintay sa aking pagdating.
Ang akala ko'y hanggang sa panaginip ko lang 'to mararanasan. Sa sobrang saya ay sumisikip ang puso ko.
Napanguso ako nang mapansing hindi naman sa akin nakatingin si Jace. Nakalahad lang ang kamay niya gaya ng utos ng coordinator ngunit ang tingin niya'y wala sa akin.
"Thank you for coming." I smiled at him when I finally reached his place after my dramatic entrance.
"Don't bother." He said before he turned to look at me.
Napatigil siya nang magtama ang aming mga mata. Napaawang naman ang aking bibig habang tinitignan siya pabalik. He's really breathtaking. You can't blame me for falling in love with him.
Bumuntong hininga naman siya at nag-iwas ng tingin saka kinuha ang aking kamay. Iginaya niya ito sa kaniyang braso kung saan ko kailangang kumapit.
"Let's just start and finish this already." Malamig niyang sabi.
"Okay..." Sabi ko nalang.
Kahit hirap ay taas-noo pa rin akong ngumiti at kinawayan ang mga kaibigan at kamag-anak kong dumalo para makisaya sa kaarawan ko.
My happiness shouldn't come from him. It shouldn't come from anyone. It shouldn't be that way. Pero ang hirap kapag naipalagay mo na ang loob mo sa isang tao. Bawat gawin nila, kahit ayaw mo ay magiging apektado ka.
I wasn't aware that it was the eighteenth rose already when my very close cousin left me, finishing the seventeenth dance. I wasn't counting. But when the lights dimmed, a changed of music happened and a spotlight appeared to focus on the most handsome man tonight who's going to be my last dance.
Holding a single long-stemmed rose, he slowly came to me. He looked like a Louis Vuitton or Gucci model walking at the runway.
He slightly bowed while offering me the rose. My organizer taught him that. He's the highlight of my eighteen roses that's why it needs to be extra special.
Ngiting-ngiti ako nang tanggapin ko ang rosas mula sa kaniya. Ang sarap bitawan ng labing-pitong rosas na hawak ko upang ang aking hawakan ay ang galing sa kaniya lamang.
I felt the whole zoo inside my stomach when he slid his hand on my waist. Bahagya niya pang pinaglapit ang aming distansya.
Halos hindi na ako makahinga sa sobrang lapit naming dalawa ngunit nagawa kong maging kumportable habang iniisip na ngayon ko lang mararanasan ang mahagkan ng isang Jace Lael Sarmiento Sy. Kailangan kong labanan ang kaba. I need to cherish this once in a lifetime moment with him.
I smiled and leaned my head on his chest while I'm cherishing this last sweet romantic moment with him as my eighteenth and last dance. Pilit kong pinapakinggan ang puso niyang baka sakaling nag-iiba ang tibok para sa akin ngunit ganoon pa rin ito at walang pinagbago.
I slightly pouted. He's not even bothered that we're this close.
"We're dancing for almost a minute now." Puna niya dahil hindi pa rin humihinto ang tugtog.
"You are my last dance." Sabi ko nalang.
I asked my organizer if my last dance could last a whole song, and specially requested for the song to be Taylor Swift's Untouchable. The song reminded me of him and it's five minutes long. This will be my first and last dance with him so I better do everything to make it last longer.
"Jace, I really like you..." I confessed sincerely this time.
My lips slightly parted when the beat of his heart suddenly changed.
"I never laid eyes on any boy in our school except for only you." sabi ko. "Maybe you can try to look at other people who cherish you like how I do. Ang hirap din kaya ng nababaliwala at hindi napapansin."
"I never asked for any attention or affection from you and from the others." he defended.
Bahagya naman akong tumango. "I know..." sabi ko naman. "Pero wala namang mawawala kung susubukan mong buksan ang mga mata mo para sa mga taong nandiyan para sa'yo, diba? You wouldn't know... maybe one day, bigla nalang silang mawala sa'yo bago mo ma-realize ang halaga nila."
"If they will leave me sometime, then they're not really there for me at all." he coldly said.
Napapikit naman ako ng mariin sa sinabi niya.
Now, how will I be able to tell him that I already agreed to my parents to study college in New York? If that's how he will think, I think it's better not to tell him about my future plans. Wala rin naman siyang pakialam doon kahit sabihin ko.
"Hmm... siguro nga tama ka." sabi ko nalang kahit na ayaw tanggapin ng puso ko ang sinabi niya.
Hindi naman porkit iniwan ka ay wala ka ng halaga. Sadyang may mga bagay na kailangan mo talagang bitawan dahil mas makakabuti ito. As for me, it's for my future and that's what my parents planned for me. And I also promised na hindi ko na siya guguluhin. Kapag nandito ako ay mapipilitan akong sundan siya kung saan siya mag-aaral at babaliin ko lang ang pangakong binitawan ko.
It's really for the best.
I'm just wondering why even though it's for the best, I can't feel any happiness. In my heart, there is only pain and bitterness.
The music faded away as it comes to an end and our feet stopped dancing to the lost rhythm. I slowly let go of him and moved a step back as a start of pushing myself away from him.
I looked straight into his tranquil eyes. "Thank you for making me happy tonight, Jace. I will forever cherish and remember this moment."
I gave him one last smile before I turned my back on him to go back to the main stage and continue the program of the party.