WARNING: READERS OF THIS CHAPTER WILL BE SUBJECT TO SEVERE ANGST. HELIA BLACKSMITH WANTS TO APOLOGISE IN ADVANCE AND EXPLAIN THAT IT IS NOW 3AM AND SHE HASN'T SLEPT. OTHERWISE HER TEENAGE ANGST BULLSHIT WOULD BE FULLY TURNED OFF I'M SURE. TO THE STORY!
.............
Helia Blacksmith sighed heavily, running her fingers through her dark hair.
She was more tired than she would have liked to admit; the phone call and the resulting several hours of shaking and retching had taken everything out of her. Hollowness struck at her core and purple bags hung under her eyes, though they could be hidden by altering the lighting slightly.
After hearing the ridiculous amount of noise that the Gryffindor boys had made in the Headmaster's office, Helia had deemed it unsafe to return to her hiding spot lest they follow her. Which was fine. She'd needed an excuse to break into the library anyway.
A small oil lamp illuminated the desk she was sat at, causing eerie shadows to dance along the bookshelves and on the cramped letters of the heavily bound volume in front of her as she turned a page. Helia glanced at the watch that adorned her wrist: 3:50 am. Sleep could wait. Still, just the thought of even her bed in Ravenclaw Tower- the one she hadn't slept in in years- and it's soft mattress with feathered pillowcases...
Stop.
She was getting nowhere by contemplating all the different surfaces in Hogwarts that could serve as a suitable place for rest. Frowning to herself, Helia returned her attention to the lines of barely legible script printed across the page.
It was once believed that both magic and non magic users were one and the same, as interchangable as spare parts. While magic could become numb with loss or severe mental trauma...
Helia idly wondered what Remus had been doing in Dumbledore's office. Knowing those boys, it was probably nothing good. And yet something seemed just slightly amiss. Why call them there in the middle of the night? It made no sense, unless...
Helia glanced once again at her watch, though the hands remained in much the same position. She should really focus on the task at hand. Who knew how much time she had left? Realising that, for the last few minutes, Helia's eyes had been skidding over sentences without any knowledge of their contents, she let out a frustrated exhale and returned her attention once more to the top of the page.
While magic could become numb with loss or severe mental trauma, muggles with little to no wizarding history or lineage have been reported to perform seemingly impossible acts while under immense stress. Occurrences such as these are often the case in life threatening situations where people with no known link to magic have lifted three times their own weight or something similar. It is important to note, however, that this description is not meant to encompass the peculiar anomalies of the so-called muggleborns...
"Whatcha reading?"
Helia would have shot out of her seat in surprise had she been anyone but Helia Blacksmith. As it was, she raised her eyebrows and sat back in her chair, closing the book so the only the back of the leather was visible, instead of the gold embroidered title. She looked up at Remus, who had somehow managed to sneak up on her.
"Good evening to you too, Moon Boy." Helia said, sounding amused. She casually and deliberately waited until the clock in the Astronomy Tower had chimed out four o'clock before saying, "Good morning, Moon Boy."
Helia could feel her inner six year old silently fist pumping the air. Thank dramatic timing for always making her look so badass.
Remus looked almost nervous. He took a step forward, narrowly avoiding a collision with her desk. Helia watched, all too aware of how her and Remus had seemed so close- so very close- only a few hours before. But now, here, the distance between them was palpable. Her eyes flickered closed as she reminded herself not to eradicate any of that impossible, invisible space. Remus couldn't know. No one could know.
And then it hit her, like a ton of bricks, why couldn't they know? What was the point in all the secrecy? Helia was sure it was the tiredness that was making her mind do stupid things, and she barely knew Remus Lupin, but the longing to tell someone, to say it out loud just to hear it being said, cut at her chest.
Was it this desperate, hungry desire for truth that made the air between them feel super charged as Remus slid onto the bench next to her? Was it the knowledge that, with just a few words, she could finally tell someone who understood the wizarding world that lead her hands to shake subtly so that she had to ball them into fists in her lap? Or was it something else entirely?
"Um," Remus cleared his throat "Hi."
If he picked up on any of the no doubt countless odd expressions parading across her face, he didn't show it.
She cocked a grin. "Hey."
"Where's Derek?" Remus glanced around as if he expected the whale to appear from behind a stack of books.
Helia shrugged "He likes the Astronomy Tower."
"So?"
Helia grinned wickedly "So Professor Trelawney is going to have a surprise tomorrow morning."
Of course she couldn't tell him. If she did, he would try to stop her. And she couldn't handle that on top of everything else.
There was a moment of silence where Helia contemplated all the things she would say if she could.
I'm scared.
The bench was obviously smaller than Remus anticipated, and as he shifted awkwardly, his legs brushed Helia's, sending little shivers of electricity dancing up them.
"What're you doing here?" Remus asked, trying to alleviate the quiet.
Scratch that, I'm bloody terrified.
Helia smirked, keeping she face impassive. "Just your average evil villain stuff. You know, plotting, wastefully murdering henchmen, sitting in a leather chair stroking a cat."
They want me to play the hero. To fight to my last.
"And what does your villainous self think of werewolves joining your forces?"
But I don't want to be a hero.
"As long as they're willing to sit like a good boy, I don't see the problem."
And, if I fight, I want it to be on my terms.
"And if they join the good guys?"
Whatever side of this battle you're on, there is one thing in common.
Helia's eyes glittered like sapphires in the failing lamplight. "No mercy."
No mercy.
Remus returned to his common room not long after that, obviously confused by her aloofness. Helia had wanted to kick herself, but was soon reminded of the consequences by a text message when she returned to her Top Secret No One Can Know hiding place that night:
From: Unknown
Hel, I want you to know I'm here for you. We'll get through this together. Six months is longer than you think. Please don't give up.
Something in Helia was cracking, breaking open. Sixth months. She had to believe she had that long left, if only for her brother's sake.
.,..............
"Who snuck Lin in here?"
Helia followed Lin into her Sixth Year Ravenclaw Girl's Dormitory the next morning to see Jade, who had spoken, watching her friend with a not-too-pleased expression. Helia gave an exaggerated sigh to announce her presence and strolled into the room nonchalantly.
"Is that even a question?" She drawled slowly. Jade glared half-heartedly at her.
"Why have you forsaken me this way?"
Helia picked up a book from her bedside table, pretending to flick through it. "Because you were moping." She turned to Lin. "She was moping."
"As I can see." Lin gestured to the chocolate bar wrappers and empty crisp packets that were scattered around Jade's bed. She squinted her eyes at Jade. "Are you okay?"
"Yes. No." Jade ran a hand through her hair "What is okay? What is life? Argh!" She plopped down on her bed with more force than she intended and bounced slightly, which didn't help her point.
"Do you want help with anything?" Lin said at the same time as Helia asked "Do you want me to get anything?"
Jade buried her head in her pillow, muffling her voice. "A life."
"Ah." Helia perched herself gingerly on the edge of the mattress. "I'm afraid I'm fresh out of those. Have been since I was eleven." She looked at her brown haired friend hopefully "Linnypie?"
"You just gotta get out and" Lin gestured expressively "Have fun!"
"Get... Out?" Jade asked, raising her head from the pillow to stare incredulously at her friend.
"Have... Fun?" Helia seconded, also watching Lin with doubtful eyes.
Lin sighed, visibly deflating. "Maybe I'm talking to the wrong people here." She muttered thoughtfully, not looking put off in the least.
"You think?"
"You know what would help?" Lin said cheerfully, not bothering to keep her voice down.
"What?" Jade moaned.
"If I knew what the problem was."
Helia raised her eyebrows "She has a point you know."
Jade mumbled something into the pillow.
"What?" Lin asked, straining to hear.
Jade lifted her head from her pillow "Bella's transfering to Hogwarts."
"Your girlfriend?" Helia was confused "Isn't that a good thing?"
"No!" Jade wailed, fully submersing herself under the covers. Helia looked at Lin for an explanation.
"She's scared of not looking cool in front of her new giiiiiiirlfriend." Lin announced.
Jade yelled something obscene that was thankfully swallowed by the duvet.
"Personally," Lin said, grinning madly "I'm insulted by your lack of confidence in us. Aren't we cool?" Lin did not pronounce cool with a 'k'.
Even Jade emerged from her den to stare at Lin after that.
"Maybe not?" Lin shrugged, plopping down next to Helia on Jade's bed.
"I still don't understand." Helia declared indignantly.
"What if I'm not good at being a girlfriend?" Jade whined pitifully.
"So what?" Helia shrugged. "It's nothing serious, right?" Jade nodded "Right. Then if it doesn't work out" she poked Jade on the nose "then it doesn't work out."
"But everyone will be watching it not work out." Jade muttered fearfully.
"Oh, Jadeepoo." Lin said, grinning again. She leaned back on the bed next to her friend. "Since when have we cared what anyone sees?"
Helia lay the opposite way, so her feet were in between Lin and Jade's heads. Jade glowered and shoved them away, but her toes just came back, wiggling threateningly.
"Since Marlene McKinnon was a part of 'everyone'." Helia guessed. She didn't need to look up to know that Jade's face had turned red.
"Shut up." Jade shoved Helia's feet again, this time harder. Her heels hit Lin in the face.
Lin made a muffled sound of mild annoyance. "Oi!"
There was a brief second of silence before both Lin and Jade burst into laughter. And, though they couldn't see her, Helia, alone at the foot of the bed, smiled up at the ceiling. And for this single second where even impossible things seen possible, there was no trace of sadness in it.
...,......
A/N
Just wanted to say thankyouthankyouthankyou because Nothing Girl has over a thousand reads!! I know that isn't a lot to some people and I'm supposed to say the numbers don't matter to me, but I can't help but get a little kick of awesome every time I see that little 1k now. Sorry if that seems narcissistic.
Mischief Managed,
BecauseBecky