"And the dreams you left behind, you didn't need them,
Like every single wish we ever made,
I wish that I could wake up with amnesia,
forget about the stupid little things,
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you,
and the memories I never can escape,
cause I'm not fine at all." Amnesia- 5 Seconds Of Summer
Luke's hands shook with grief and misery. The assortment of colored killers lay in his palm, the biggest decision of his life in his hands.
He slid down the wall and put his knees up, still clutching the pills. With shaky hands and wet cheeks, he picked up a yellow and white pill. It was odd; he had no clue what the pills were. He found them in Ashton's bathroom drawer and it seemed less messy than a gun.
He eyed the pill cautiously, going over his options. He could take the pill and every one of them after, ending his short existence, with the possibility that Ashton isn't even in heaven. Or if there even is a heaven.
His other option is of course to put the pills back in the bottle and walk out as if nothing happened. As if he never came this close to death, as if he never met Ashton, as if he'd never lost Ashton. He could start with a clean slate. Go back to Australia, change his name and buy a farm.
He thought about the song that Ashton said he was writing. Was it about him? He didn't know what he was doing, thinking about a stupid song on the brink of death, but who cares? It was his last thoughts and if he wanted to think about something that made Ashton happy, then he would. Anything to see his boy smile. Even if it's only his imagination.
He wanted to get in another car accident. He wanted to go into another coma, and never wake up this time. He wanted to wake up with amnesia.
Why did it take him this long to realize he loved Ashton? That he needed him? That he would be willing to die to be with him? He was still denying his sexuality, for God's sake.
Then and there, in that white bathroom, Luke took that pill. And many more after that, until the light went out of his blue eyes.
Dear Ashton, April 29, 2014
Do you know what the worst part is?
I'd fallen in love with you. Again.
-Luke
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The sequel is being written by @irwindxrling and its called The Only Reason. make sure you check it out(:
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-Katie♡