My Dearest, Luc,
My heart has never been so heavy. I apologize for not replying to your last letter sooner. Tomas has taken ill. A month ago he suffered a terrible heart attack that left him bedridden and unable to speak for weeks. He's been regaining feeling in his hands and feet, and today was able to ask for water. The winter it seems will be brutal. Agna has already moved into the cottage to help with Papa.
Just a week ago, Jia gave birth to a boy but the child passed away. I was so occupied with taking care of Papa, that Terrance had to send for another doctor. She was in labor for two days and the child was poorly positioned. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and suffocated him. Jia bled out for so long we thought we lost her.
She survived, but truth be told I don't think she'll be able to have another child after such an ordeal. The guilt weighs so heavily on me that it's difficult to breathe some nights. What if I had been there that night? What if I let Agna take care of Papa, and I went to care for Jia? Could I have saved the child? Could I have stopped the bleeding? Would the village not be dressed in black?
But what if I had left and something happened to Papa? What if he had another heart attack and Agna didn't know what to do? What if he'd died? So many what ifs torture me in the dead of night and it keeps me from sleeping. I wish you were here.
I miss you.
***
Darling Luc,
The winter has been so vicious that it's destroyed nearly everything. Fierce winds made roofs fly right off of houses and the snow is so high it reaches my waist. The roads have been blocked for miles. I haven't seen such a terrible winter since I was eight years old. I had to clear out the basement and set up cots to care for everyone that has fallen ill in the village.
I cannot remember the last time I slept or ate. This is the first time in days that I've sat down and it's only to write this letter to you. All of the mail has been delayed by weeks so you won't receive my letter for a long time. I hope your letters haven't been lost in the mail. It would break my heart if they were.
Papa calls for you in his sleep sometimes but when I wake him, he says nothing. He misses you but he won't bring himself to say the words aloud. Agna mourns you as if you were dead. Sometimes, I catch her taking your cane out of my wardrobe. She'll hold it for a moment then put it back and go about her day.
Please write to her soon. She misses you fiercely. Perhaps almost as much as I do.
Your Vivia
***
Dear Luc,
My birthday passed just two weeks ago. I spent the first day of my 17th year making soup for the fifteen people all squeezed into my tiny home. I know what you must be thinking, poor Vivia surrounded by sneezing and coughing all day long. But I enjoy having so many people here. It is exhausting and tiring work but it keeps me from feeling lonely.
I have a new person to talk to every day.
Some of the snow has finally melted and tomorrow I'll go out into the fields to tend to them. Say a prayer for me. This winter was so cold I think it might've frozen and destroyed all of the crops. I'll have to salvage whatever I can.
Papa is still in bed but he's getting better. He's able to speak more and sit up on his own. I'm so afraid, though. He's still unable to walk and has very little control of everything from the waist down. What if this heart attack has paralyzed him for life?
What will I do then?
Agna can no longer help me at home because she's in town all day managing the bank. Everything is a disaster. I feel like it's all falling apart. I'm fighting to keep something together that is bound to crumble.
The roads have been cleared so I'll be looking for your letters. Please keep an eye out for mine. I'm sorry it seems as though I'm talking only about myself. I just don't know what's going on with you these days. Are you alright? Are you safe? What are you doing right now?
Your Vivia
***
My love,
I'll be traveling for the next few weeks and should make it back to Calais before the last full moon of the year. Forgive the scarceness of my correspondence, I think of you always but I can barely manage the time to write to you all that I want to. Send Tomas my regards and Agna my love. I miss them and Canta so much I dream of them at night. Do not forget about me and don't fall in love with anyone else.
I simply won't have it.
Always,
Luc
***
My Luc!
Just as I suspected, the storm delayed your letters. I just received one from the beginning of the winter, isn't that funny? You should be back in Calais by now. Agna received your letter as well. It may have been brief but it lifted her spirits. Tomas's as well.
Where did you go, that you were away from Calais for so long? Is everything alright with the King? Is the Crown Prince no longer abdicating? Gossip has been rather delayed for a while. It drives all the old spinsters mad with boredom. I want to hear all about your adventures. Now that the flu season is almost over and everyone is making their way back to their own homes, there's only eight of us left in the house. It gets quiet quickly.
Your Vivia
***
Dear Luc,
Forgive me for being so hasty but I have something to ask of you. Papa has taken ill with the last wave of fever of the season. I don't know what to do. No matter what I give him, nothing can sooth the pain.
I don't think he'll make it.
***
Luc,
Tomas is dying. He's asking for you. Please write me back. Where have you gone? He asks for you day and night. He won't sleep or eat until he sees you. I know I shouldn't ask but he won't last another month. I'm begging you, come to see him.
Please.
***
Luc,
Do not bother coming. You are too late.
***
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This has been a really tough chapter to write but it's one of my favorites. I'm already 20k into this story and I haven't even gotten to the important stuff yet. I kind of had to cut things short and do what I like to call a "literary montage".
In these letters, you can clearly see the shift in mood, tone, and urgency. You can even compare it to Luc's other letters in previous chapters.
This is a series of eight letters all written over the course of one brutal Canta winter. I had to skip a few scenes but trust me, this is for the best. Maybe when I finish this novel I can post a "deleted scenes" chapter and post them so you can read them!
I hope you guys enjoyed! Please leave a comment to let me know what you all think, vote for this chapter, and share it! I'd love to know who my readers are and the 20 or so people that stick around for every update <3.
XOXO Lilly