Haven- 08
"...in the dark of this place, there's the glow of your face. there's the dust on the screen, of this broken machine. and i can't help but feel that i've made some mistakes but i let it go..."
Ella.
"...it's very important that you don't become an aggressive communicator in life. There will be certain situations where you just need to be a passive person, but it's best to always be assertive. I want you guys thinking about this all until next class, okay? But-- oh, my time's up. Have a good day kids, and use protection!"
"Christ. He really got into that lesson," Abby whispered when we were on our way out of our health classroom. Our health teacher has been known to have a certain skip in his step, so to speak, when it comes to teaching. He's an old man that, as stereotypical as it sounds, has too much time on his hands and owns too many sweater vests. It's safe to say I'm not a big fan of the elective-- I only took it because it was worth 3 credits.
On the contrary, it's the only class Abby and I have together though, and despite being roommates we don't see each other as often as I'd like. She-- so far-- is the only girl on this campus that isn't up your ass about studying or worrying when the next pop quiz may pop up. Then there was the opposite end of the spectrum where I often questioned how girls even got into Harvard due to their constant party like ways. I always tried to ignore both types but, with my luck, sometimes I'm not so lucky.
Luckily, Health was our last class of the day today, and with the wind blowing and the sun shining, I was feeling amazing (which I tried not to think was the result of being with Harry so much, but who am I kidding?)
"So anyways," Abby nudged me, when we were making our way back to our dorm. "What's up with you and the Brit?"
"Whatd'ya mean?" I asked cooly, ignoring her suggestive wink. I congratulated my voice on staying strong.
"That Harry guy. The one across the hall from us," she supplied, laughing-- oblivious to my mental dilemma.
"Oh," I nodded. "Not much. Been hanging out, I guess." And kissing and hugging and laughing and smiling.
"Oh, bullshit." She stopped walking to give me one of those you're not fooling me looks. I hated those goddamn looks. "Every time I see you with him he looks like he's just gotten a taste of heaven. He has those eyes."
"Those eyes?"
"Yes," she stressed. "Those eyes. You know, like how they describe in those romance novels and shit, or in those movies."
"Okay." I didn't know what else I was supposed to say.
"God, you're impossible," she groaned when she saw the confused look I wore. "When are you guys going out again?"
"I-I don't know," I shrugged, caving in like the weakling I am. "I haven't seen him since yesterday morning."
"Yesterday morning?"
"Uh, yes?"
"Morning?" She repeated as if I could read her mind and find out what she was trying to tell me. "Why were you there in the morning?"
When I gave her a blank look despite my realization of what she was implying. Her eyes went wide. "Oh my God!"
"Shut up," I hissed, looking around. "You're attracting bystanders."
"You spent the night, didn't you?" When I didn't answer she continued her escapade. "You did!"
She was shrieking. Shrieking, in the front of my fellow colleagues--in Harvard.
Great. They're looking now. "You need to quiet down, Ab. Jesus."
"No, this is golden," she said. "I knew something fishy was happening."
"Nothing 'fishy' is happening. It was a part of a bet."
She impossibly widened her eyes more, and her jaw became slack.
"A bet," she all but whispered, her face going slack.
"Yeah," I said.
"I'm gonna have to ask you to elaborate."
I looked at her like she deserved to be looked at-- oddly. With a fleeting and useless thought she sort of reminded me of my old pet tortoise, Shelly, who always had that look when ever I didn't feed it. I bid myself of that, and started explaining. "We went on a date. It was to see the Yankees play against the Sox at Fenway, and we got to talking about who we thought would win. And because I'm from New York I said the Yanks would. But he, well I guess he didn't really disagree, but we wanted to bet on it anyways... so we did." When she kept staring at me, prodding at me to go on, I explained further. "And he bet that if the Sox won, I'd have to stay over in his dorm. And, no, before you go jumping the gun, we didn't do anything. It was nice, we just watched a movie." Lies, lies, lies.
Abby was rendered speechless. I guess I could understand. She didn't get out much, and maybe that sounded like an extremely adventurous day to her, including the bet, but I didn't want to beat around the bush. Not to mention I still haven't told her about the times we've already kissed. I'm afraid she might have a few coronaries if I drop that particular bomb this early in the game. She's the only friend I have here besides Niall, and besides wanting to actually keep it that way, I figured from what I know, friends are supposed to talk about this kind of shit.
"You-you just watched a movie?" Was that all she got from everything I said?
I just nodded despite the need to groan.
"No funny business?" She continued, incessant. "He didn't even try to make a move?"
I almost laughed.
I mean, I guess there was business, but it wasn't funny. In fact, every time my mind so much as visits that section of my memory I start getting goosebumps. I mean for God's sake, I was the one who kissed him yesterday after getting breakfast at the diner. On a sidewalk. Where anyone could've seen. And it didn't even bother me or cross my mind twice.
I just shook my head, entering the world where Abby and I were having a conversation again. I said, "No."
"He's got it bad," she muttered, turning to lead the way to our dorm again. Maybe it was me who had it bad.
Harry.
I was trying to think of some sort of plausible excuse to get out of this fucking classroom where I was sat distracted, and jumpy at the first instinct to go hunt down Ella, when Niall elbowed me in the stomach.
"What?" I asked, giving my friend my previously occupied attention.
He looked timid--a stark contrast to how he normally is-- and his featured showed defeat. "Um, so how are you?"
I frowned, searching his eyes. "Mate. What's wrong?"
"What makes you think--" he started, but stopped with a sigh. He turned his head away from me when he continued. "What's going on between you and Ella?"
I was caught off guard. Completely and utterly caught of guard, not because I never saw it coming that I'd speak with my best friend about the girl I was currently and primitively infatuated with, but it was his face when he said it that had me take a staggering step back mentally. What is going on between her and I? I mean, I'd like to think I have the answers to his question, but in reality I don't know a thing about what we're doing. Yes, we've kissed, and gone on a date, but a lot of people do that even though they're not exclusive right?
I'd like to think there will come a time when I can call her mine, we can go out to dinner together, she can stay over at my dorm and all is well, but we live in a world that's real and I've been known to be a, albeit somewhat elusive, realist.
I looked past him, staring into nothing. "I'm not sure."
"Are you guys...like... together?" He prodded. "Because, like, I'm her friend and I just didn't know. She hasn't said anything about y'guys."
My face remained on the wall of white behind Niall's head.
"Not technically," I answered, only hearing parts of what he was saying over the dull ringing in my ears. I suddenly had a migraine.
I vaguely noticed his nod, but he fell silent. My eyes found a focal point they liked and glazed over until I was seeing fuzzy doubles.
"Do you think she, um... Never mind."
"Niall," I said, coming back over to him while pinching the skin of my arm hard, alerting myself. "What's your problem?"
He looked startled. "What? Nothing."
"You don't--you don't like her do you?" I asked sounding foreign, my voice betraying me. My head was pounding, and I was trying uselessly to stop the instinct in me to jump to conclusions.
This time he looked panicked for a brief moment before he managed to cover it with feigned shock. He started tracing circles into his notebook-- something he only ever did when his mind overworked. He was avoiding eye contact.
He's never been like this. Never, in the time I've known Niall, had the chance to become friends, then best friends, to almost brothers, he's never acted as if the world around him was going to crumble. His face was a book layed open for anyone to read right now, and I would've liked to think that maybe I was reading into things too far (I did that a lot) but there was something that didn't click with that scenario.
"No," he said after a long pause, shaking his head until I was sure he was starting to have a headache like mine. I slumped back in my seat, running an incredulous hand through my hair.
"We've gone on a date." The words were out breathlessly before I could stop them. Suddenly I feel like I have to fight for my position in Ella's life. I don't like the feeling-- I hate it-- but I'm sure as hell not going to like the feeling of her leaving me for my mate either.
"Oh." I turned my head in time to watch his face fall.
If I would've known he actually liked Ella, and that he wanted to try-- no. Actually, no. I tell myself over and over that I don't regret anything when it comes to how I've gone about things with her. How could I when everything had been so perfect?
I'm so fucking privileged to know someone like her, let alone be able to hold her hand and kiss her and be with her, even if I'm still unclear on where we stand. Right now, that didn't matter to me; what mattered was how I was now somehow fighting aside Niall over her.
He was the only person I could trust around this campus until Ella came around, and I can't risk losing either of them.
Before I knew it, class had ended. Without another word-- not even a sideways glance-- Niall was out the door. It took me a mental peptalk or two to finally stand up on the limbs that were feeling a newfound weight.
While walking to my dorm, I think about how Niall isn't that type of person, and that Ella is mine. I just had to continue reminding myself that or else I'll completely lose it.
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"...and i can't help but feel that you see the mistakes, but you let it go." -vampire weekend
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just a bit of a filler aaaayyyye, next chappie will be better :D vote & comment please!
oooh and a narry gif to feed your heart up top. you're welcome.