someone admits to being a germaphobe to their partner, but tries to make the relationship still work
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Est. Run Time: 1:15.00-1:30.00
Suggested Props: a tissue box
Suggested Costuming: a medical mask (does not have to be over mouth; can just be on neck or forehead), latex gloves, long sleeves, pants
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O-okay, I'll admit it. I'm a germaphobe. So what? It won't change anything in our relationship. I think.
I-I mean, yeah, I wear a mask when I'm outside, and yeah, I keep an entire box of tissues with me at all times, but it doesn't have anything to do with my personality. I'm still me. And yeah, I always boil my plates and glasses at least three times to clean them, and I never wear anything without washing it at least twice, and I change underwear twice a day...oh, and I never use public restrooms or water fountains—ugh, the germs...but, but it never gets in the way of anything. It wouldn't interfere with our dates. So long as you're not allergic to latex. I wear gloves all the time. *pauses*
Oh, if you were sick? No, no, that wouldn't scare me away at all! We just wouldn't kiss until you got better. Or hug. Or hold hands. Or touch. Or be within a ten foot radius of each other. B-but I digress. It wouldn't change anything, not even if you had some horrendous disease like ebola or the plague or *shudders* a common cold. Oh, though if you had an STD...well, I never really wanted kids in the first place. They're too dirty, anyways.
See? It won't change our relationship. Well, it won't change our relationship that much, at least. *pauses*
Oh, bless you! *holds out one tissue to the "date" and another to face* D-don't get it on me! *pauses*
W-what? You're...you're breaking up with me?! Wh-why? We can make it work! *starts to "chase" "date," still holding tissues out* Don't go!
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Notes: This is one of the most fun monologues I have ever had the pleasure of writing and performing. It was fun, silly, and really had the audience laughing. I performed it in theatre class my freshman year in high school, and the teacher ate it up. It's a really fun one to do and a fun one to go all-out on - I showed up onstage with gloves on, a medical mask on, and a tissue box attached to a belt I had around my waist. That performance stood out for sure.... I'm also using this one in a mock-audition/workshop for the intensive that I am attending right now. Additionally, if performing for a younger audience or as a younger performance, feel free to take out the line about STDs if you feel it is not appropriate.