‘Morning snorer, I’ll be a bit earlier tonight. About 16:00,’ he text the next morning.
I squealed with excitement and bounded around the house, cleaning and making cakes just to occupy my time. I had slept late so was happy to laze about and was up to my neck in a bubble filled bath when he text. Now I was planning on being seduced...if not I would seduce him. If I opened the door and kissed him we might just tear each others clothes off and... yup my best underwear was coming out!
Music was playing, candles were ready to be lit... was it too much? I’d leave the candles and play it cool. Plus it was too light anyway.
By the time it came to 16:00 I was like a coiled snake waiting to pounce on my prey! Come on you sexy bastard knock the door so I can attack you. His car pulled up and I cheered like a cheerleader both hands punching the air. Then I saw him get out and open the passenger door. Shit he was bringing someone in, I couldn’t see who as the porch blocked my view. God did I feel a twat in a dress and lace knickers. I belted upstairs and slipped the dress off. Yanked my jeans and a baggy jumper on as the door knocked and nearly killing myself on the way back down the stairs in slippers.
“Hi,” I opened the door breathless. “I was upstairs.”
He stood there with his niece Sammy in his arms. She looked sad and shy as she snuggled his neck.
“We have a dinner guest,” he kissed my cheek.
“Hello,” I said but she snuggled in more and huffed.
“You can stop being moody now, I took you with me didn’t I,” he whispered to her. She started to cry, tears streaming down her face. “Mel has a big fat cat, do you want to see him?” he made it sound fabulous. She looked around to see if she could spot him.
“He’s in the garden,” I walking through to open the door.
She gasped as she looked into the garden and saw my nieces toys and Wendy house. “Yes! Let’s play tea party!” she squealed excited and got down to run out and play. “Bring some cakes!” she yelled over her shoulder.
“Sorry about this but she cried, lots and I’m a wimp,” he pulled me to him for a cuddle. “That is a bit of a sexy bra to have on with that jumper,” the bra strap was showing as I slumped off the shoulder. “Let me see it,” he pulled the neck of my jumper out and perved down the top.
“Get off,” I pulled it back.
“Are the knickers matching?” he looked over my shoulder and pulling the back of my jeans out to peek.
“James Cavendish you little pervert, get away from my underwear,” I playfully slapped him away.
“I’m used to you in bikinis but lacey emerald knickers are much better,” he tried to get another look.
“James! Where are my cakes, the teas getting cold,” Sammy shouted with her hands on her hips.
“One minute!” he yelled back and turned to scowl at me. “What did you have on before you put the jeans and jumper on?”
“Underwear,” I replied trying to be clever.
“You liar, I bet you have a dress or something on. Where is it?”
I laughed, shaking my head in denial. “There isn’t one.”
“Go put it on, let me see,” he wiggling his eyebrows.
“No. Let me get Sammy some cakes,” I pulled out some that I made earlier.
“Wow she is going to love them,” he said nodding at the cupcakes and Victoria sponge.
“Go and set the table with the table cloth and I will bring the tea and cakes.”
I pulled out the trolley my niece had for tea in the garden. It was small, cute and pink. The tea set we got from a car boot sale. Bone china and a tea pot to match. I placed the cakes on a cake stand, along with plates, napkins and cake forks. She was going to flip. Poor little thing must be so confused with a new sister coming back, James moving out and not being the only child any more.
“Done,” James reappeared. He gasped. “I think I am more excited than she is!” he looked super cute. “Let me get my phone out so I can film her reaction for my sister.”
I waited and pushed the trolley out as he said ‘Sammy look,” and filmed her.
She screamed, bounced up and down and ran towards me. I stopped pushing it as she pushed in front and took over. “Up the table!” she shouted to James.
I fetched the tea pot as I didn’t trust it on the trolley or near children. There sat up the table on tiny pink chairs were Sammy, James and Chester the cat.
“Melanie, James touched a cake,” Sammy scowled at me.
“James!” I scolded him. He hung his head in shame.
“Now sit nicely and don’t put your elbows on the table or lean on it.”
She was so bossy.
“Melanie, you sit there,” she pointed at a seat.
I sat and wait for her to pass us all a plate. She put a napkin on our knees and told James off for trying to tuck his in his top.
“You be mummy,” she said to me. I poured the tea into the over milked cups as she stirred them and handed out cakes. We didn’t get a choice, she just plonked them on and lick the icing off her fingers. She then started conversation, “So James how was work?”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“It was lovely, thank you for asking Princess Samantha,” James was obviously used to this.
“Your highness,” she whispered.
“Sorry, your highness.”
“And how was your day Melanie?” she put on a posh voice.
“Wonderful, your highness and yours?”
“I got kidnapped by an ogre and had to kill him,” she announced seriously. James and I both fought to stop from laughing.
“How did the battle go your highness,” James asked.
“The usual. I stabbed him in the face with my dagger and he popped.”
I watched them chat back and forth about the problems in the enchanted forest with the wicked witch and how she was not getting anything for Christmas because of her behaviour towards Minx the mouse, it was pure pantomime and I loved it.
Full of cake, we went to watch a Disney film and let our food go down before making dinner later. She was as good as gold, sat there on the sofa with Chester on her lap and a cup of juice. She sang the songs at the top of her voice and only got up when she needed a wee.
James took her as I sorted out the tea party remnants and peel potatoes for dinner. She came down wearing my dress from off the bedroom floor. James smiled smugly and I laughed.
“She found it whilst I was using the bathroom,” he explained.
“I’m not allowed in there with him,” she said. “He’s got a thing,” she added wiggling her finger up and down like a worm. I cracked up laughing as James shook his head. “Well you do,” she nodding at me. “It’s like a stick...”
“Enough willy talk,” James tried to shush her.
“You can’t say willy, it is rude,” she scolded him.
“No it’s not.”
“Yes it is, it’s like swearing,” she insisted with her hand on her hip and a finger wag. I noticed she also had on some of my high heels and make up. She plonked herself back on the sofa and demanded another film. “For a three year old you are very bossy,” James moaned.
“I’m not three, I’m a lady. I’m seventy ten,” she replied as if that was a real age.
“Well little old lady, I am going to make dinner so sit nicely,” he gave her head a kiss before coming to join me in the kitchen. He walked over to me and started to lift up my jumper, “What are you doing?” “We can both fit in this,” he stretched it to prove his point, popping his head out the neck with me. “Now where is my kiss?” he whispered, I watched his lips descend on mine to stealing one.
I could helped but smile against it and giggled along with him at his cheeky ways. Then gasp as his hand slide up to caress my boob.
“What?” he shrugged. “I’m feeling the material. I mean you did put them on for me.”
“I hope you are not planning on getting your stick out with your niece here,” I teased.
“There is no chance but as soon as I drop her home, I am coming back and expect to find you waiting in bed, with this underwear on full display and this jumper in the bin.”
“Oooiii leave my jumper alone.”
“It’s hideous.”
“Well it is helping you have a cheeky grope without your niece seeing, so it can’t be all that bad.”
The clattering of heels on the kitchen floor announced the arrival of ‘Lady Samantha’ who looked more like ET in drag.
“I want a drink,” she gave us a strange look. “What are you doing?”
“Seeing how many people we can fit in this jumper,” James lied. She rushed over clambering underneath and up James body to pop her head out the hole and giggled.
“I saw your boobies,” she put her hand over her mouth.
“Me too,” James laughed with her.
The door knocked. “Oh great timing, everyone out of my jumper,” I lifted it off them.
James headed to the door and answered it. Sammy squealed.
“Sorry to crash the party, we were passing and...”
“Passing... yeah right, you missed Sammy, panicked and drove over,” James teased his sister.
“Shut up,” I heard her slapping him. “I lasted ages.”
“You did, well done. Come say hi,” with that he led her through to the kitchen with her husband and Emily! She ran to me for a cuddle. I swooped her up and sighed as I breathed in her scent. All shampoo and sweeties, just like every child should be.
“Are you being nosey?” his sister asked Sammy as she noted what she was wearing. Sammy nodded.
“We saw Mel’s boobies,” she whispered.
“Hold on there has been no boobie flashing, they both wrecking my jumper by getting in it with me,” I clarified.
“James hates baggy jumpers. He’ll throw it out when you are not looking or dress a snowman in it,” she glared at him. Obviously he’s done it to her. “He burnt Heidi’s on the bonfire as Guy Fawkes.”
I glared at him with a ‘don’t even think about it’ look.
“We’re just making dinner do you want some?” I offered noticing Emily’s hungry eyes on the food.
“Oh erm, if there is enough.”
“Yeah she brought the entire shop,” James passed his sister a glass of wine.
“Wine and dinner. I’ll take my coat off.”
“And Little Mermaid,” Sammy dragged her mummy off as James passed his brother in law a beer.
I showed Emily the cup cakes and let her have one before dinner, they weren’t filling and she was too adorable to say no to. Her hair had been cut by a hairdresser that my sister knew who had popped around the house. She said that Emily had issues with being outside. She got scared that the man would come get her. A police man came to see her to tell her the bad man had gone away and was never coming back. In reality he was dead, killed trying to use the women on the boat as a shield. Obviously not something you tell a child so ‘gone away and never coming back’ was enough.