CHAPTER 25
It was a warm and peaceful morning that I woke up to. I was about to stretch my arms when I felt a weight on half of my body. Then I remembered that Rhian slept on top of me again last night. The scene of a sleeping beautiful woman just started my morning perfectly and made a huge smile appear on my face. I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't help but tenderly kiss her lips.
I'd probably just apologize later for waking her up.
After a few damps, I felt her respond, signalling that she was already awake. Then the kiss turned more than a peck, yet we kept it short.
"I could definitely wake up to this every morning." Rhian playfully said, still keeping her eyes closed.
"Good morning, mahal ko." I softly greeted.
"And also get used to that term of endearment." She added, which made us both laugh lightly.
"I love you."
"I love you too. Good morning din, mahal ko." She greeted back.
Then she fixed her position to fully lay on top of me. I hugged her lower back with one arm as my other hand traveled to its favorite spot around her nape. We stayed in that state for a few seconds, just having our synchronized breathing echoed inside the room.
"What do you want to do today?" I gently asked.
Though I've already planned our trip, like I said... I wanted to consider more what she wants. It was no longer about us, but mainly about her now. I wanted to give her everything that she deserves.
"Can we just stay here all day?"
"Sure ka, mahal ko?" I asked while showering her temple with soft kisses.
"Yeah. Just you and me for today. Okay lang ba un?" She said as she brushed her nose to mine.
I stole a kiss again before answering.
"More than okay."
I was completely willing to give her that since last night was a bit exhausting for both of us. Besides, the whole point of taking a break was for us to spend time with each other.
"I'll just buy our breakfast. Dito ka nalang." I volunteered.
"Ehh. Order nalang tayo." She suggested.
"Ayoko nga. Gusto ko, ako ang bibili at maghahatid ng breakfast ng mahal ko." I sweetly offered.
"Ayan na. Nagsisimula na po siyang manlambing." She playfully teased, which made us both laugh.
"Hayaan mo na akong bumawi sayo. Please."
"You don't have to, mahal ko." She said after I gave her a quick kiss.
"I know. But I want to. Please?" I sweetly requested.
"Alright. I'll just wait for you. Ingat ka, please."
"I will, mahal ko." I assured her before I went to the bathroom to get change.
I just put on some sweats and a hoodie. Then I headed outside after I gave Rhian another peck on the lips.
Heck yeah, I could never get enough of how amazing that feels.
The cafes and restaurants were all over the place, so I didn't really have to go too far. I've bought several kinds of breakfast for Rhian, both sweet and savory. All of which were her favorites.
Before I head back, I decided to buy groceries as well, so that I could just cook our lunch and dinner for later; since she wanted to stay at our unit all day.
When I arrived back, I quickly prepared all the food on the tray and brewed some coffee for us two. I carefully entered the room with a bit heavy weight on my hands. Rhian was still in bed, on her chest while hugging a pillow, but had her eyes open. She threw a sweet smile when she saw me.
"Bangon na, mahal ko. Kain na tayo." I told her, and she immediately sat up and leaned on the headboard.
"Ang dami naman nito. Hanggang bukas na ata nating breakfast 'to." Rhian commented as I placed the tray in front of her.
"Bawal po kasing magutom ang mahal ko." I playfully countered while I sat across her position, making us face each other.
She leaned over for a kiss which I met halfway. Then she threw a teasing smile and shook her head a bit.
We started eating, but I volunteered to just feed her like she always does. During the first few minutes, no one said a word. We just ate and kept throwing playful stares and laughs. We were like silly and love-sick teenagers all of a sudden. There were also several kisses given in between.
She turned on the TV a while back, and when she took a few seconds to focus her attention to it... I spent mine staring at her, like memorizing every curve of her beautiful face. And I couldn't help but smile.
"What?" She softly asked when she noticed that I was looking at her a bit too long.
"Nothing. I just..." I trailed off as I kept my eyes on her for another good seconds because it was like I couldn't get enough of how perfect she is.
She waited for me to continue, but instead, I leaned over to give her a short and gentle kiss.
"I love you." I said as our faces remained close.
"I love you too."
"How I wish I realized that sooner." I sincerely stated.
"Nagsisisi ka ba?" Rhian asked.
"Sobra. I could've spent several years of my life loving you instead of fooling around with other people. I could've been with you instead of them. Na sana... lahat ng oras at panahon ko, sayo ko nalang ibinuhos." I sincerely confessed.
Then her eyes suddenly became worried. She quickly put her coffee mug down and placed the tray with nearly clean plates, on the bedside drawer. She pulled me closer to her and wrapped her arms around my waist.
"But you have always been with me. Hindi mo kailangang pagsisihan ung mga nangyari. Wala naman nasayang." She assured while looking straight into my eyes.
"Maraming nasayang, mahal ko. Kung noon palang, narealize ko na... hindi ka na sana nasaktan at naghintay pa. All those times that you were hurting, I could've just made you feel loved the way that you deserve."
"I waited because I knew how worth it you are, and I wouldn't care even if I have to wait for the rest of my life." Rhian genuinely stated, having her eyes glisten with tears.
I kissed her forehead to comfort her, hoping it would still make her feel the same way it always does.
"You would do that? Paano kung naghihintay ka lang pala sa wala? You'd continue even if that means your pain wouldn't stop?" I asked.
"I would never care how much it hurts for as long as I feel it because of you. You're the only one in my life that I give the right to hurt me. Mas gugustuhin kong maramdaman lahat un sayo kaysa sa ibang tao." She sincerely admitted while keeping a loving tone on her voice.
"Pero mahal ko, un na nga ang ayoko. Ayokong masaktan ka. Do you have any idea how much it breaks me knowing you let yourself get hurt because of loving me?" I was already starting to get emotional with our talk.
"But the thing is... the pain always reminded me just how much I'm truly in love with you. Sabi ko sa sarili ko noon, hangga't nasasaktan ako... ibig sabihin, ikaw parin ang nilalaman nito." She said as she pointed her finger to her heart.
"And I'm really glad that the pain never stopped." Rhian sincerely added.
I was rendered speechless by her words and the only thing I could do was cage her in my arms. Then after a few moment, I showered her temple with soft kisses, to make feel secured. It was like a silent promise that I would never let her suffer again.
"Nakakatakot kang magmahal, baby. Masyado mong isinasakripisyo ang sarili mo." I sadly commented when we pulled back from our hug.
"In love, we just need to find that someone who is worth sacrificing for. That one person who we would be willing to lose ourselves to." Rhian's tone was too gentle that it made me even more emotional.
"And you found me?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from cracking.
"No. I chose you. And I always will."
The moment needed no more words, but rather a seal. With a kiss, to be more specific. Because for the nth time, I was able to grasp just how much love Rhian has for me.
"What did I ever do to deserve you?" I whispered as our lips separated.
She didn't answer and just threw a sweet smile as she shook her head lightly. Then she cupped my nape to pull me into another kiss. I responded with equal desire and gentleness.
The next thing I knew, she was moving to sit on my lap and making my position in between her legs. I held her waist to support and guide her for more comfort.
I knew where it would lead us, so I told myself that I would not give in no matter how tempting Rhian was. We have never talked about doing it. Not that I didn't want to do it, but it was something I couldn't just allow to happen without thinking through.
Yet I kept going, letting her deepen the kiss. Based from how tight we were clutching each other's clothes and how much we were out of breath, I knew it was only a matter of time until one of us would surrender. So I had to stop it. And when I did, we kept our foreheads together while trying to even our breathing.
"Mahal ko, wag mo muna akong sagarin. Please. Baka kung anong magawa ko." I truthfully stated before kissing her cheek.
"Bakit, sinabi ko bang pipigilan kita?"
"Don't. Please... just don't." I begged with a soft tone as I caressed her face.
"Okay, mahal ko." It was like she suddenly turned sad with what I just told her.
I knew I needed to assure her, so I damped my lips onto hers again.
"I love you."
"I love you too." She replied, a smile reappearing on her face.
"Mahal ko, can you tell me everything?" I requested.
"Everything, meaning...?"
I find her very cute when she scrunches her eyebrows.
"Everything. Ung mga pinagdaanan mo noon. Ung mga tiniis mo. Kung bakit naghintay ka nang ganito katagal. As in, lahat-lahat. I want to know everything." I cleared.
"Do you really want to? Sigurado ka?" She hesitantly asked.
I gave her a nod while looking straight into her eyes. But then her eyes became worried, like she was torn if she should give what I was asking for. I didn't understand why.
"Can I just tell you later?"
I didn't want to force her if she wasn't ready yet, so I only agreed to her request. We spent the next two hours just watching TV and throwing playful comments and insults on the characters.
That was what I appreciate most about what we have. We're so madly inlove, but we can still treat each other as bestfriends.
When I saw that the time was past 11 o'clock, I told Rhian that I had to start preparing our lunch. We both went to the kitchen. She actually wanted to help, but me being the usual protective one, didn't even let her hold a knife. So she only watched beside me.
During our lunch, we talked about my recent conversation with her parents. Both of us just took it lightly and didn't make it an issue, especially on my part, since I realized that I didn't have to do it in the first place. Yet Rhian was touched that I still considered them.
I asked her again if she could already start telling me everything, which she finally agreed to. But not before we finish eating and take a bath afterwards. She went first and as the time ran, I was beginning to feel anxious with how our conversation would turn out. I didn't know why.
...
When I was done, Rhian was sitting on the bed - Indian style. But then I decided to sit behind her and leaned my back on the headboard. So she positioned in between my legs while her back landed on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her waist and she settled in more.
We spent the few minutes just keeping our eyes on the TV. I only waited for her to start the conversation because I didn't want to pressure her into doing anything. I've only let her take her time.
"Did you ever wonder why this never felt weird?" She asked when I was showering her cheek with soft kisses.
"Maybe because deep down, we already knew. We were never really just friends or bestfriends eversince." I replied as I hugged her tighter.
"Yet it took you a while to realize that." She playfully commented which made me a little embarrassed.
"Sorry na nga, mahal ko."
Then she shortly gave me a kiss before looking straight into my eyes.
"I love you." She sincerely said.
"I love you too."
She went back to her previous position and remained silent again. When I could no longer take it, I already continued on with the conversation.
"Nahirapan ka bang mahalin ako? I mean, I would also wait for you as long as it takes. Pero buti hindi ka sumuko? Hindi ka nagsawa?" I carefully asked.
"Bakit ko naman kasi susukuan ung taong mahal ko?"
"But you never reached the point where you just want to stop everything?" I asked again.
"Not really. The only thing I gave up doing was to stop you from doing the things you do before. Kahit hindi ko gusto, pinilit ko nalang tanggapin at intindihin ka." Rhian explained.
"Like what?"
She didn't answer right away, and instead, she took a deep breath before setting her eyes on mine again.
"Mahal ko, lahat nang sasabihin ko sayo... remember na noon pa 'tong mga 'to. Tapos na. So please don't get mad, or even blame yourself for any of it. Okay? Choice ko lahat ng ginawa ko." She stated.
"Kinakabahan ako sayo, mahal ko."
"Just promise me, please."
"Okay. I promise." I assured before kissing her forehead.
She switched position, already facing me and sitting on my lap. That made me in between her legs, just like our position this morning. I pulled her closer, not keeping a distance between our bodies. And she didn't mind at all. I knew we were both comfortable with it.
"I'm not gonna lie that I never questioned how I feel about you. It took a while before I truly realized it. I've had doubts at first. That maybe I was only in love with the idea of you. Syempre, first time kong maramdaman lahat. I mean, masaya kasi ung feeling na... I have someone who I can worry and care about the same way that they do." She began her narration.
Her words made me wonder that maybe I only went through the same before. That was why I didn't realize it sooner.
"It felt like being too dependent on you. At ayoko ng ganun. But then I knew that I was really in love with you when I started to do things for you and not for myself. Kahit minsan feeling ko, mali narin ung nagiging dahilan ko." Rhian shyly added as she bowed her head.
"Bakit mali? Why? What exactly did you do?" I worriedly asked.
"Way back... you remember how I kept telling you that I don't know what I want for college? And then I ended up taking the same course as yours?"
I only nodded because I knew very well that we graduated with the same degree, also in the same university.
"Well... I... knew. I knew eversince I was kid. Noon palang, alam ko na kung ano ang gusto ko." She clarified as she met my eyes again.
"And that is...?"
"Fashion design." Rhian admitted instantly.
"Okay. So bakit hindi un ang kinuha mo?" I gently asked.
She remained silent and all she could give was a heavy sigh. I caressed her face because it seemed like she was worried about something.
"Please tell me that you didn't do it because of me." I hoped.
"Will you be mad if I tell you that I did?"
"Mahal ko!!" I nearly shouted, which made her drop her forehead on my shoulder.
That was just her 2nd confession, yet it was already hard not to put the blame on myself. I went straight into wishing I could turn back time and change that part of our lives.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I sadly asked.
She pulled her head back to level our faces again.
"At first, I was doing it for myself. Though I was already doing fine that time... feeling ko, hindi ko pa kaya na mapalayo sayo. But after our sophomore year... you remember that time when Mom and I had to stay at Tito Ronnie's place for 2 days?"
"Yeah. 2 days which felt like years. That was the longest time of my life." I commented.
"And what was it that you told me over and over again when we got back?" She asked, her tone only letting me realize what exactly she was referring to.
I thought for a second, and when it hit me... I felt a little embarrassed, so I lowered my head.
"That don't you ever leave again because I couldn't last another day without you." I apologetically said.
"That was the first time that I saw you really cry. And you have no idea how much that broke me. Dun ko narealize na parehas pa nating hindi kaya. And then things got messed up during our junior year, at alam kong mas hindi na kita kayang iwan pa." She explained further.
I got teary-eyed with what she said, fully knowing what happened that time to make her stay. But what got me most was knowing the things Rhian had to let go of just because of it. I wanted to keep my promise a while ago that I wouldn't blame myself for everything, but it was difficult not to.
"Pero mali parin, mahal ko. Sana sinabi mo sakin para nagawan natin ng paraan. You know I would support your dreams no matter what." I softly said while caressing her cheek.
"I'd rather sacrifice my dream course than sacrifice the person I dream of spending my life with." She countered with pure honesty in her eyes.
And with that, I could no longer hold my tears. I was about to put my forehead on her shoulder but she stopped me and held my face with both of her hands. Rhian gently wiped the strains on my cheeks.
"I told you, don't blame yourself. That was my choice. A choice that I'd choose over and over again." She assured before giving me a kiss on the lips.
It was only short, and when she pulled back, I immediately hugged her tight.
"This time, I promise that you would never have to sacrifice anything again. Hindi ko na hahayaang gawin mo ulit un."
"Don't. Because I would still do it in a heartbeat if I have to. Basta para sayo." She answered back.
"Pero mahal ko, hi--"
"Would you not do it if it was the other way around? If you were in my position?"
That left me speechless for a few seconds because I realized that she was right. I would really do the same thing for her if our positions were reversed.
"See? So stop worrying. Mahal kita. Sapat ng dahilan un para dun." Rhian assured, which only made me hug her tighter.
We stayed it that position shortly before she started talking again.
"Dito, hahayaan kitang magalit sakin kung talagang magagalit ka man." She said when she pulled back.
"What do you mean? Bakit ako magagalit?" I wondered.
Rhian swallowed, making it obvious how worried and reluctant she was to tell me.
"Uhmm... you know how you normally have those fights every month before?"
"Okay, the last time you asked me that... I found out that you scheduled a fight. Please tell me na hindi naman un ang susunod mong sasabihin." I immediately answered.
"No. But I... I've seen all of those fights." She almost whispered.
"Wait, what?! What are you talking about?" I panicked as I didn't want to believe what she just said.
"I went to all of your fights. I was always there. Hindi mo lang alam." She admitted.
I was stunned for a moment with what I heard. There was pain that surrounded my chest yet it wasn't because she hid the truth from me, but because of realizing what Rhian had to bear while watching those fights.
"I'm sorry, baby." I apologized as I cried on her shoulder.
"No matter how much I was against it... pinilit kong intindihin un. Kahit gaano pa kasakit." She added, which only made me cry harder.
Everything was already making sense when Rhian kept begging me to stop before. It was hurting her more than it was hurting me.
"It came to a point where I could no longer take it. Titigil na dapat ako sa panonood. But the torture of just waiting for you to arrive back home alive and still breathing... that was more unbearable." Rhian wholeheartefly confessed.
"I'm really glad that you already stopped though." She comforted before kissing my temple several times.
"Bakit mo tiniis un, mahal ko? Paano mo nakaya?" I softly asked while we were looking at each other's eyes.
"You told me that you needed it. Ilang beses naman na kitang sinabihan na tumigil na pero ayaw mo. Kaya hinayaan nalang kita. I didn't need to force you to stop. Alam kong may sarili kang pag-iisip. It was your decision, and I just needed to be there with you incase anything happens." She explained.
"I'm really really sorry, mahal ko."
"Again, don't blame yourself. Choice ko un." She repeated.
"I love you."
Those were the only words that I could mutter because I felt like I just ran out of words. I only let my tears flow, showing how much I wish I could turn back time and save Rhian from all the pain I've caused.
"I love you too." She replied.
Then she kissed me on the lips, erasing the emotions we had from the dark memories of our yesterday. It didn't last long because she pulled back to wipe my tears. That gave me a bit of strength to form thoughts.
"I told you before that fighting was one of my escapes. But I had another. Bakit feeling ko, nasaktan din kita dun?" I asked.
One of the things I used to do before was sleep with other people. But not once did she mention how against she was of it. But I feel it in my gut that I should also be regretting those times.
"Anong gusto mong marinig? Na pinagselosan ko silang lahat?" Rhian joked, which caused us both to chuckle.
"Did you?"
"Malamang!" She immediately answered, and then we both laughed loudly.
My hand traveled from her back to hold her hand. I intertwined our fingers while we remained silent. After a while, she threw a weak smile as I noticed her eyes turned a bit sad. She beat me to it when I was about to ask if she was okay.
"Of course I would be jealous. Why wouldn't I? They get to share something with you that I don't. Tingin mo b--"
"Wait lang, mahal ko. Hold up. No. Kahit kailan, hinding-hindi kita babastusin ng ganun. Never kong gagawin un sayo." I interrupted.
"What do you mean babastusin?" She asked, scrunching her eyebrows from the sudden confusion.
"Those were pure sex. No strings attached. No emotions included. Rough and fast. Why would you be jealous of that?"
I became straight forward with her because I didn't want her to think I was doing something special with other people.
"Please spare me the details for now. I don't think I'm ready to hear them. Pero sabagay kasi, hindi ko naman sila masisi. They saw how perfect you are. Like... who wouldn't fall for you?" Rhian commented.
"Stop it, mahal ko. Hindi mo sila kailangang pagselosan. First of all... you're the one that I love, while they were just people in my life that are meant to come and go within a day. Gusto mo bang maging ganun nalang din?" I explained.
"But they get to be with you in a way th--"
"Baby, don't be jealous when you deserve something more than that. Hindi mo sila kaparehas kaya wag mong ibaba ang sarili mo. It's like you want me to treat you less than how I should be treating you." I ranted.
Somehow, it was a bit frustrating that Rhian was actually serious about the issue. I didn't know that her selflessness was already at that level.
She remained silent and just lowered her head, probably realizing what I was trying to point out.
"You know better than to be like them, mahal ko." I added.
Rhian kept her head down and didn't answer. But then after a moment of just looking at her, I've finally put two and two together. She was being jealous not just because of what I was doing, but because she thought I've already given up something that she probably wanted to claim.
That thought just put a smile on my face.
"Mahal ko..." I called for her attention.
She didn't disappoint as she met my eyes almost instantly.
"May sasabihin ako sayo."
"What is it?" She asked.
Before answering, I hastily kissed her on the lips.
"I've never surrendered myself to anyone." I sincerely admitted while looking straight into her eyes.
"What do you mean?" It got her confused.
"I mean... I've never had my first. I promised myself before that I will only give that to the one I'd love for the rest of my life." I elaborated.
"Wait. What are you talking about?!" Her tone became surprised from what she heard.
I knew she understood what I meant. She probably just couldn't believe it.
"I've never let anyone reach that point. I always did most of the work." I confessed.
"Okay, you shouldn't have said that last part. But are you seriously telling me that after all those times, you're still a..." She didn't finish her question, and just let me fill in the blanks.
I only looked at her with a smile on my face and let my silence give the answer to her question.
"Hindi nga? Seryoso ka talaga, mahal ko?" She repeated.
"Bakit naman ako magsisinungaling sayo?"
"But I thought y--"
"Wrong. You thought wrong. Kaya nga ang sabi ko, wala kang dapat ikaselos. Cause I never gave in to anyone yet." I clarified.
She looked at me like trying to double check if I was really telling the truth. Then she laughed lightly and landed her forehead on mine.
"Ngayon natatawa ka nalang. Cause you realized that you've spent all those times assuming that I've let them claim me. Pero ang hindi mo alam, sa isang tao ko lang balak isuko ang sarili ko." I stated.
Rhian stared into my eyes like she was trying to read if I was actually referring to her. I knew she just didn't want to get her hopes up. She wanted to hear it from me.
But instead of telling her, I only pulled her for a kiss and she reciprocated instantly. Nothing was rushed. Yet our movements were passionate. The way we both deepened the kiss, tongues also meeting, and how we pulled each other closer like we couldn't get enough... I knew we just opened up another connection between us. We were taking another step forward.
Rhian pulled back to stop our kiss shortly. I thought it was only for us to regain our breaths, but then the next words she delivered just made my heart race more.
"Make love with me."
***********
Oyy oh, excited na sila sa next chapter. HAHAHAHA! Pagbibigyan ko na kayo kasi alam kong kailangan ko ring bumawi dahil nalate ang update. Sorry, guys. Sooooobrang stressful lang talaga sa work the past weeks. Laging wala sa condition ang utak ko kaya di ako makapagsulat. Sorry talaga.
But I hope y'all liked this. Feeling ko, medyo critical and sensitive ung magiging approach ko sa next chapter... kaya sana, hintay lang ng konti. Babawi naman ako. ✌
Anyway... thank you, guys. For reading and for all the comments and messages. 'Til next time!