The feeling of doing something after months of anticipation is, in my opinion, one of the best in the world. So, naturally, when I'm getting ready with Scarlett and Roxy before the Christmas ball, I feel... almost euphoric.
We're all at my place in our robes doing our make up before putting out dresses on.
A smokey eye and dark purple lip never do a girl wrong - take note.
"You done, KT?" Scarlett asks, moving on to her hair.
"Yeah, I think so." I look at my reflection in the mirror again. Enough but not too much is my make up motto, to be honest. "I'm just going to do a messy bun, keep the attention on the dress." I tie my hair back, pulling my bangs down in front of my face. I don't want to look like a mole.
I look at the other girls and they look great. Scarlett has done this elaborate glitter cut crease and Roxy's winged eyeliner looks Ariana Grande-esque. "Dresses?" Scarlett asks, looking at the both of us.
"Let's do it, bitches!" Roxy says grabbing her dress and dropping her robe. Her dress is amazing, it's a black two-piece, a long-sleeved patterned mesh top and a skirt with two leg slits. It's very Roxy.
Scarlett's is in this deep burgundy velvet floor length dress with strappy sleeves and a v neckline.
And then my dress is a little different. I thought it would be black, I really did. But I saw this dress and everything changed. It's a light grey maxi dress with long sleeves and a plunged neck. But the fabric is like when you put purple food dye in water and leave it a while. I don't really know how else to explain it. The thing is, when I first saw it, I didn't really like it because of the flowers at the front of the waist climbing to the top of the shoulders. But the more I looked at it, the more I liked it and realised it fit the theme perfectly. I was sold.
"Oh my god," Scarlett says. "We all just look so pretty!" She gushes, bouncing up and down.
"Calm down, the guys'll be here any minute. Speaking of guys," I turn to Roxy. "You still haven't told us who you're going with to the ball." This confuses me because Roxy is constantly going on about her latest 'thing'.
"Well... actually I don't really have a thing with any guy right now, so I'm going with Damon as he's kinda single right now." She looks at me worriedly and I do the same.
"I'm so sorry for you, Roxy. If you'd told me I would've found anyone else for you." I get up and go over to hug her. I know Damon's not that bad for other people but he still really annoys me.
"It's fine, we're friends. It's totally cool." She looks like she's hiding something as she says this. But I would be kinda mad if she told me she hated my brother or some shit along those lines.
"I'll get the door!" Scarlett shouts after we hear the bell. Roxy and I follow to the doorway holding our shoes in our hands.
The guys walk through the door and my eyes only go to Jack. Unlike most guys, who wear a tie to match their date's dress, Jack's whole suit is the colour of the purple in my dress and fuck me he suits it well. The jacket hugs his biceps and oh. My. God! Come on, Kat, this is weird. Look at his face! Look at his face!
I reluctantly pull my eyes up from Jack's body to his face to find his jaw slightly slacked. "See something you like?" I tease.
"You look absolutely breathtaking, Kat." He scans over my appearance again with bright eyes. Wow, he's a good actor.
"Don't I always?" I laugh. "But you don't look too bad yourself, handsome." He smiles before pulling me in for a quick kiss.
"Stop that!" Damon says sternly. "It's bad enough I walk in on this. You don't need to do it in front of my face."
"I thought you were okay with it, Damon." I roll my eyes at him.
"I am... just not right in my face." He shudders.
"Whatever, dumbass." I kiss Jack again slowly for show, to Damon's disgust.
"Aren't you guys just the cutest?!" A high pitched voice shrieks.
And no, it wasn't Scarlett.
"Fuck off, Dexter," I tell him.
"I was complimenting you!" He shouts defensively. I just shake my head at him.
"Okay, motherfuckers! Let's take some pics - I need a good gram!" Roxy yells. grabbing Damon's hand and pulling him into the centre of the room, beckoning everyone else to follow.
"There's going to be a photographer at the ball, Roxy."
After posing for couples, friends, sibling and group photos we finally leave, heading off in the guys' cars.
"I'm excited about this, and it's the ultimate display of affection to get at Damon," Jack says enthusiastically, grinning like a child with candy.
"Yeah, it's gonna be fun," I say trying to hide the dejection in my voice. You can't even imagine how hard it is to pretend to be excited about making out with your crush because of your brother. For fuck's sake, I shouldn't have agreed to this.
I tried to stay upbeat the whole journey and I don't think Jack noticed, thank God.
"M'lady," Jack says with a fake British accent, taking my hand and helping me out of the car.
"Thank you, kind sir," I imitate. We walk hand in hand towards the gym.
We enter and it's more than I expected. The committee did so much with the theme. The slow wandering spotlights penetrating the otherwise dim lighting imitate snow amongst the bare trees painted white that line the edges of the gym. It looks absolutely magical.
"This insane," I say to no one in particular.
"You're right, this is motherfucking cool," Roxy replies. I chuckle at her and shake my head.
"Come on, Jackass. Let's go get photos," I take his hand and pull him to where the yearbook kid is taking photos.
"And the power couple appears! I've been waiting for you guys! I'm only spending about 20 minutes more over here before I move onto the floor to get different backdrops and candid ones and posed ones and yes! Let's snap your pictures while you're still listening to me." This guy, Shane, doesn't shut up half the time but he's sweet and takes pictures of all the school events and they're always amazing.
"Okay, dude," Jack says, a bit frightened by how fast Shane spoke.
We pose in front of the trees in tons of different poses. "Yes, Jack. You lookin' like a snack!" Shane shouts encouragingly. "My boyfriend is gonna kill me for this but you are the fly-est guy in this building!"
Jack looks at me hazardously and I laugh him off, he can have all the female attention in the world but as soon as a guy hits on him he doesn't know what to do.
"Okay try a kiss! I want it for the yearbook!" This time warning bells go off in my head and I turn to Jack.
"No one's meant to photograph it, isn't it going to be weird considering we're not actually dating," I whisper to him.
He brings a hand up to my face, leaning in close. I keep my eyes on his, waiting for a reply. "It's fine, Kat. Don't overthink it. It's just me and a fun memory we'll want to look back on." He smiles reassuringly and I can't help but smile back.
"But still! A picture of us kissing?! I'm trying not to overthink it but it will still be weird. We're not a real couple, remember?" I tell him.
"Well," he shrugs. "Not yet, anyway." And with that, he kisses me hard, not giving me even a chance to think about how to reply to that bombshell. But my thoughts melt away when the kiss is made deeper and he wraps an arm tightly around my waist, letting me sink into him.
But all good things must come to an end and I pulled away when I realised we're standing in front of Shane. "You guys killed it! These are my favourite shots tonight so far! I'll see you guys later now get outta here!"
Jack pulls on my hand, dragging me away from the scene as I'm still somewhat frozen in shock. "Don't overthink what I said, Kat. I was meaning that I haven't asked you to be my fake girlfriend yet. So we're not official and therefore not a real couple."
And just like that, the all too familiar feeling of my heart sinking in my chest comes again. It sucks because just as I think he might like me for real, he goes and ruins it again. I need to stop getting my hopes up like this, I'm setting myself up for disappointment.
"Right, of course. I was just worried that you forgot this was all about Damon," I contradict my thoughts completely.
Jack sighs heavily before pulling a smile back onto his face again. "Right. Hey, why don't we dance with everyone?"
"Why not?"
After what felt like hours of dancing with basically all of my friends (but what was probably 45 mins) everyone stopped for the Dark King and Queen to be announced.
"Okay," The Principal addresses us. "I am happy to announce that the Dark King for this year is... Jack Dickson!" Everyone cheers and claps and of course, no one is surprised. Jack pecks me on the cheek before going up to get his crown.
The crown is placed on his head and he heads to the podium to make a speech. "Students, of Manhattan High." This is fucking old now. "I would like to thank you for voting for me and giving me the honour of being your Dark King. Now, a little dedication to this girl I'm seeing."
Oh fuck.
"KT, Kat, Juliet," he greets me. "I think we all know that even if you don't have a crown on your head, you're without a doubt the Queen of Darkness. And even if everyone else here hates you and you're not voted the Dark Queen, I was wondering whether you'd be mine. So, Juliet, will you be my girlfriend?" Jack asks with hope from up on the stage.
"Before you answer, Katrina," Mr Johnson interrupts, cutting in front of Jack to get to the mic. "I'd like to announce that you're the Dark Queen so we can get you up on the stage for your response."
Everyone laughs at the principal but claps and cheers as they did for Jack as I get up to the podium. A black crown is placed on my head and I make my speech.
"Okay before I answer and everything is final and we get to the romantic dance and everything, I'm gonna make my speech. Thank you for voting for me even though you guys did your little hate speech in the cafeteria a couple weeks ago. That was pretty cool of you. So... I guess I should answer Jack's question now." I pause and the whole crowd cheers then stop to hear my answer. I lean into the microphone but keep my eyes on Jack. "Yes."
He steps forward quickly and pulls me into a passionate kiss. He should go into theatre with this standard of acting. "Thank fuck," he says.
We go down to the floor and everyone separates for us as a romantic song is played on the speakers.
"That was adorable," I laugh at Jack as we dance.
"And now we're a real couple," Jack smiles.
We continue making small talk and teasing each other for a while before deciding to stop dancing and I follow him to a table everyone's sitting at.
I sit on one side with the girls while the guys dissolve into their own conversation.
"So, your majesty, how're things with Jack?" Scarlett asks suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows.
I look over at Jack, who's laughing with the guys and force myself to smile before turning back to my friends. "They're going really well. I just can't believe we're finally together after such a long time, you know? And I'm getting to hang out with him so much and it's so easy. I'm really happy," I lie to them.
I think that's the hardest part of this whole plan. Not lying to my friends, although it does suck. It's the fact that I can't tell them, and therefore anyone, about my situation and how I feel about Jack and everything that's going on with that.
"Onto more important things. Apparently, Jesse finally asked you out, Scarlett." I change the subject smoothly.
"Well, technically. He asked me to this ball, but you know, it was really romantic, like we're actually going somewhere other than party hookups and daytime flirting," she tells us, blushing slightly.
"My mind is blown," Roxy states. "You've been his motherfucking booty-call for months now and he's finally asked you out? This is fucking exciting!" She shouts, doing a little dance for her.
We both laugh before Jack stands up and walks over to me. "I'm getting punch, you want some?" He asks, sweetly.
"No, I'm good, thanks. Blake's probably spiked it anyway and I'm still off drinking since... you know." Oh my god! It's still so awkward about that night! And it's still a haunting memory for me.
"I get it, I'm sorry," he says softly and I smile in return. "And you girls?" He nods to Roxy and Scarlett. "Punch?"
Scarlett shakes her head in response.
"Hell yes! I'll come with you!" Roxy answers him and gets up to go to the punch table with him.
"Oh, do you know who Blake's date is? She's cute but I've never seen before." I ask Scarlett.
"Oh yeah!" She laughs. "It's actually really cute, she's our cousin in the grade below and she has a dance on tonight at her school but no one asked her so Blake said he'd take her," she explains.
"That's... unexpectedly compassionate," I comment. Then the song switches to 'Saved' by Khalid and Scarlett shoots up and gets Jesse to go dance with her to her favourite song.
I smile as Jesse follows her lazily onto the dance floor, but they do look cute together. I think they'll last.
But I do love Khalid. I decide to go find Jack, who's taking a surprisingly long time. I walk up to them and catch the end of their conversation before they see me. It's Roxy talking.
"-so great that you guys are finally together after her liking you for soooooo long. I'm happy for you guys! But for real, though. I think it's been a couple years that she's had a crush on you."
I can't believe Jack knows. Oh my god, I completely forgot to say anything to them, of course, they'll think it's okay to say that. Oh my god, now Jack knows everything. I gasp audibly and cover my mouth to see Jack looking at me, stunned.
"I've got to go." I pick up my dress quickly run out the exit to the empty parking lot. I take deep breaths to try and calm myself down as I sink onto a bench, holding my head in my hands.
He knows everything now, and Roxy fucking told him. I can't even think right now.
"KT?" Roxy asks, walking out into the parking lot. She sits down next to me when I don't respond and taps me on the shoulder. "KT?"
I shoot my head up and shout at her more aggressively than I meant to. "What?!"
"Why are you so fucking angry? Why did you leave?" She asks, ignoring my tone.
"Because you fucking told Jack that I've always liked him!" I yell, irrationally.
"Why is that a bad thing? He's your boyfriend!" She yells back defensively.
I forgot that she didn't know everything. Why is my life so complicated. Now I have to think of a rational reason to explain why I'm angry. "It's a new relationship and I haven't told him about the longtime crush. He's probably creeped out and he's been scared off. He'll dump me."
These feelings aren't too far from what I'm actually thinking right now. There's no way I can face Jack now and from Jack's face I think he's frightened and he'll never talk to me again.
"That's bullshit, he'll think it's fucking cute... I think," Roxy says and I can't help but explode.
"That's the thing, Roxy. You didn't fucking think, did you? And now everything's ruined because you told him!" I know I shouldn't yell at her and it's not her fault that she doesn't know but I'm upset. And when I get upset I get angry, for no reason. And I lash out. And it sucks for everyone around me.
"What the fuck? No!" She stands up and looks down at me. "You're acting like it's the end of the fucking world! It's not!" She screams.
I stand up to level her. "You don't understand!" I shout.
"Yeah, I understand that you're being a whiny little bitch! This is fucking ridiculous! Even if I did ruin things between you and Jack there are worse things I could do!" She screams.
"Yeah like what, bitch?" I counter.
"How about... sleep with Damon. Oh, you'd hate that, wouldn't you?" She taunts.
"You wouldn't fucking dare," I warn.
"Try me, bitch." She death stares me and we're silent for a second, the anger dripping off us like sweat.
"You would never." I narrow my eyes at her, gauging her reaction.
"I already did," she says menacingly.
I stop, the harsh expression dropped from my face. I stagger back a bit, before dropping onto the bench. "You what?" I ask softly, afraid I might break if I speak louder.
"Fuck, I wasn't meant to-"
"You better explain yourself right now, Roxella Martinez," I say calmly.
"Oh shit. Well. Yeah, I slept with him, we had a whole relationship while you were gone, but we ended things when you came back because we didn't want to hurt you," she explains most of the menace gone from her tone.
"Well it's a bit too fucking late for that now, isn't it?" I ask rhetorically in an uncivil manner.
"You fucking forced me to, KT. If you hadn't got so worked up about nothing, then I wouldn't have got angry and you wouldn't know," she throws at me.
"Were you ever going to tell me? How long would you have fucking kept this from me?" I ask, some anger laced through my tone again.
"Come on, look at your reaction! This is why we weren't going to tell you. You're an impulsive hot-head who needs to keep her emotions in check!" She yells.
I start seething. "You better take that back right now, I swear to all the gods."
"Fuck no! It's true, maybe this is the wake-up call you need to be a better fucking person!" She screams.
"How fucking dare you?! Why the fuck are you even friends with me then? If you clearly hate me that much?" I yell, crumbling inside.
"I never said I hated you," she drops her voice a bit.
"You implied it," I mutter.
"Whatever, I'm done with this. You're out of control. You need to calm the fuck down," she growls and then walks off, back to the gym.
I can't help it, the tears start rolling down my cheeks. Sure I've fought with Roxy before but never this bad. We've always made up straight after. But I don't think we'll make up for a while this time, if at all.
What the fuck have I done?
While I'm wallowing in self-pity someone comes down to sit beside me. It's the last person I want to see. "Are you okay, Kat?"
"I'm fine." I quickly wipe my eyes, trying to hide all traces of crying. "Why are you here? If you've come here to tease me this really isn't the time," I tell him sternly.
"What? No, I came here to check on you. Roxy told us all about your fight, it seemed pretty intense. She's quite worked up about it."
"Whatever, it's not like she even cares. But it all would've been avoided if we hadn't had this stupid fake relationship or I could've at least told Roxy about our plan so I could've explained everything to her. And then you wouldn't know about my stupid crush and everything would be okay," I spill out in one breath.
"Wait, you have a crush on me?" He asks, shocked.
I go wide-eyed at him. "Yes, for fuck's sake! No need to rub salt in the wound." I glare at him.
"What? I thought Roxy was drunk from the punch already. I thought she was talking garbage and it was lies you fed them her about our relationship. That you told her that you liked me before to add to the whole plausible relationship thing. I didn't think it was true," he explains and I go red in the face.
"No, I actually liked you for a really long time. Wait, why did you turn around with an 'oh-shit-she-likes-me' look on your face in the gym?" I ask.
"It wasn't an 'oh-shit-she-likes-me' look on my face, it was a look of worry because you gasped I thought something happened to you." He reached out and takes my hand.
I pull my hand back. "Then why didn't you run after me?"
"I thought Roxy would handle it better, clearly not." He leans back with his arms above his head.
"Yeah, you thought wrong," I agree.
"So, you know how you have a little crush on me?" He says.
"Yes," I growl.
"Me too," he says simply.
"Wow, hello Narcissus," I roll my eyes at him.
"No, I don't have a crush on myself. Think about it," he tells me. And then it clicks.
"Wait, you have a crush on me?" I ask, shook to the core.
"Yeah," he admits, scratching behind his neck.
"But, like, why?" I ask, actually dumbfounded. Like, I know I'm amazing but still. Jack? He's a fucking god.
"I don't know, you're hot, witty, athletic, sarcastic, smart... oh yeah! And you swear like a sailor! It's very fun." He says with a massive grin.
"Wow, we're pretty fucking oblivious people then, aren't we?" I realise.
"Yeah, I guess we are. But I don't get how you didn't notice I liked you. How did you think it was so easy for me to make out with you and fake date you all the time?" He laughs.
"Acting?" I ask through laughter.
"I'm good, but not that good," he laughs again.
"So this whole Damon plan?" I ask.
"A ploy to get close to you, to make up for what I did at the party, so I could do everything I want to do to you and not be restricted by our situation as friends," he goes on to explain.
"Wow," I draw out. "That's elaborate, I'm impressed. I think that's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me."
"So, because we've basically already done the beginning parts of dating and we both like each other... will you be my girlfriend, Juliet? For real this time?" He asks looking into my eyes, taking my hands in his.
I nod my head. "Sure, Romeo." We both grin like we won something and pull each other into a long, passionate kiss. And for the first time, it meant something. We both liked each other, this kiss wasn't forced or acted out. It was real. It was just a boy, sitting next to a girl, asking her to be his. And she said yes.
And it felt like I did win something. As if, my liking him all this time was the long distance race. And this moment was when I crossed the finish line and won. Although I know this isn't the end of something. It's the beginning.
+++
I really made you wait for this one, huh?! Well, I kind of have GCSEs right now (massive exams in the UK) so definite less frequent updates.
But leave your feels for this chapter in the comments (after you VOTE) and I swear I'll reply.
This is it from me this time, coffee lovers xxxxx
QOTW: Was KT totally unreasonable for exploding at Roxy?
Ciao, coffee lovers xxxxx
Teaser: tension with roxy, relationship with Jack and an unexpected reconciliation happens...