Sometimes life is pretty great. I bet some random famous dude once said that.
Why am I saying this? You probably will think I'm crazy, but it's because ... drumroll please ... my boyfriend broke up with me!
You: Holy what now?!?
Me: Hell to the yeah!
I was actually going to do it yesterday on the same day, but he beat me to it. His name is Mace Harrington, but from now on I will refer to him as Mace the Cow Face, Cow Face, or something with Cow. He is super annoying, even his family is annoying.
The only reason that I even went out with him is because I needed a date to the dance two weeks ago and he was hot enough that he had a fan club of 15-20 girls. I'm pretty sure Cow Brain thought I was super attached to him, and thought that I would drop to my knees and bawl like a sissy when he broke up with me. He was actually my first boyfriend, but I have gone on dates and I didn't do anything stupid like give away my first kiss. I think I did the last thing he expected, but he had it coming, asshole. P.S. I may or may not swear like a sailor.
Let's take a walk down memory lane shall we.
After school, I hoisted my backpack over my shoulder and did my usual stomp/dignified walk thing. I know, I'm strange.
As I came outside, I saw him wave me over, so being the nice person that I am *cough* sarcasm *cough* I went over to him.
Cow face then proceeded to make me stand on the tallest bench with him, so everyone could see us. At this point I'm thinking, "What the fuck is going on?" but I went along anyways.
Cow face shouted, "Everyone I have announcement to make! Me and my girlfriend..."
"My girlfriend and I, dumbass!" I interjected, "and soon ex-girlfriend." I muttered under my breath.
He frowned a little. "MY GIRLFRIEND AND I are about to experience the worst part of a relationship."
"oh really?" I said raising an eyebrow.
"Persephone Wayland, I don't think we are right for each other. Please don't take this the wrong way, its me not you..."
"HALLELUJAH! Its like the gods were sent down to save me from this mini devil spawn without enough brains to do devilish things." I shouted, but i was kinda pissed because i wanted to break up with him, not the other way around. Almost all the students laughed. I smirked, Thank you so much Cow Brain, I was going to do that today also, and I have a few criticisms on your breaking up technique."
"Uh.. but you... uh... never been through a breakup," He stuttered out like the grass chewing piece of live steak he is. Steak is delicious by the way, I don't know how vegetarians resist the pull.
"Oh puh-lease. I have planned at least 50 ways to breakup/reject someone since 6th grade." I think we had the whole schools attention now. "Number 1: The classic humiliate your ex is soooo over used. I mean seriously? Number 2: Even if you did this cliche stunt, at least pull it off with finesse like moi. I have thought of all the best ways to break up in public. You sounded like an announcer at like a chess match or some stupid shit like that. blah blah blah. BOOOORING. Number 3: Never, ever say its me not you. Just cut to the point and say, you suck we're done, excuse me while I walk away to laugh at your face with my buddies. I gotta say though, thanks for telling the truth, it is totally you not me." He sputtered in protest and I snickered because he looked like a fish. I continued to the best part, "Finally, I am fucking pissed at you for not letting me break up with you first so here's some punishment for the world to see." I smiled with a mischievous smirk and burst into song, "I hate you, you hate me, but now... you know what? Fuck this. Lets cut to the point."
Then, I did the unthinkably awesome. I punched him in the face and he dropped down and started bawling, I was laughing my ass off. "This is just for fun." Standing above him, I kicked him where the sun doesn't shine and I swear I think he fainted. Sucks for him I'm kickass at Kung Fu. Bring it on loser cow! ...and welcome detention room... oops.
And scene!
I should introduce myself. I'm Persephone Wayland as you probably guessed, but my friends call me Persy or Pers. I live in Calee49a (California, home of the 49ers Woo!), and am in my junior year of High School, and I don't really like dances or guys. Like seriously people are you going to spend valuable money going to a place where people just dry hump, become deaf, and sweat like a polar bear in Death Valley, while girls try to look slutty for guys and guys try to look macho? Of course i go to some anyways, but only like half of them. P.S. I LOVE WATCHING FOOTBALL!!!! But our school's team is so stuck up. It's like that cliche thingy where the football team dates the cheerleaders and shit like that.
My buddies are Julienne Taylor and Ashley Spencer. Ask anyone what our social grouping is (nerd, popular, badass, etc.) you shall get an array of answers that will confuse you to death.
I am a strange combination, I don't like doing illegal things, drinking, doing drugs, going to excessive amounts of parties or dances (some are fine), and the other common teenage activity *ahem*just like a nerdy good girl. I also have the brain of a nerd, I just don't use it as much as nerdy nerds do. But I still maintain mostly As with one or two B+s with a GPA of around 3.8-4.0. Finally, I have a rebellious streak that is "totally legal". but at the same time I have broken a few school rules, ditched class, and received detention, but who cares right? I like to call myself an intellectual badass, i even have a t-shirt that says it. what can I say? I'm special.
Some people call me a bitch, but who cares, social status isn't everything and they just call me that because of my candor. For you folks out there who have never seen that word before it means frankness or extreme honesty.
I am sometimes so blunt that its scary, like when i talk to someone for the first time i immediately classify them bitch/dick, to be decided, another random person, or prospective friend. There are plenty of other categories, but that is for another time. If they are in the bitch zone I will mutter bitch, slut, dickhead, or asshole when they walk by. And I absolutely despise popular kids who are all about the body and the makeup and how slutty, excuse me, sexy *cough* they look, and the guys who are players and are always like " Im sexy and i know it." I'm also as violent as hell and I'm pretty sure I scare half the guys that are my fellow juniors, but enough about me, time to describe my friends.
Julienne Taylor has been my best friend since kindergarten. Most people call her Julie, but I call her Jules. She has dirty blond hair that she usually wears in a braid, Katniss style. She has green-blue eyes and a spray of freckles across her nose. She's a smarty pants (>4.0), but shes really fun to hang out with. She's not like nerds at all, she acts like a total rebel sometimes. She loves going to dances and parties, but doesn't drink much and stays pretty sober. Lets classify her an intellectual rebel. (Not quite as badass as I am)
Ashley Spencer, known commonly as Ash, is my 'lets go crazy and do random things' friend. She has brown hair that she usually wears in a ponytail. We have made up parodies and random inside jokes together and say the sort of stuff that makes strangers go "what is wrong with those people? Do they need to go to a mental asylum?" She's really nice to everyone, even the mean bitches. I think I would call her a Crazy Samaritan, but she's awesome.
Now that we are done with introductions lets get back to the story.
Today is a Saturday, 12:30pm, I swear I worship this day like no other. My parents were on a business trip as usual and I was left in the house, but my neighbor Sarah checks on me because she's close friends with my parents. I sometimes babysit her adorable 2 year old, Detryn (Deetrin). That kid is too cute for words.
I woke up this morning to my phone dinging over and over with Facebook notifications and a text message from Jules.
'check ur fb right now! I swear u have like 100 more followers and 200 tags.'
I opened up the Facebook app and was overloaded with all of the posts about me and Cow's breakup. Apparently a lot of people recorded it. I smirked as I looked through the posts, most said something along the lines of 'u just got dissed @ULoveMyMace' (Mace's account) and '@PersayWhatNow is so awesome.' (my account) Some of my enemies posted things like 'ugh such a bitch. I feel bad for Mace.' but they're just jealous of my awesomeness.
I posted a new status 'Single and not gonna mingle cuz I wanna enjoy da freedom. SINGLE GIRL PARTAY!!!! Screw you @ULoveMyMace your such a cocky bastard.
Xoxo,
@PersayWhatNow'
I texted Jules back saying 'Omg that was a lot of notifications. Check my new status.'
J: U rock girlfriend! virtual high five for single girls
P: Virtual high five back! wanna come over later. lets have a single girl partayyyyyy
J: sure when?
p: ummm 3 pm I'm gonna invite Ash
J: kk coolsies c u
P: Ash dash splash crash smash flash rash bash cash gash hash mash sash
A: Pers nurse worse curse purse Grrr ur name doesn't rhyme with anything
P: :P how about a single girl mini party with Jules at my place at 3
A: u bet ur ass I'll be there
P: toodle poodle
A: later gater
p: peace out rainbow trout
A: after a while crocodile
~*~2.5 hours later ~*~
I saw Jules coming up the front steps and ran downstairs to open the door. Just as I opened the door I saw Ash's car pull up on my driveway. I invited them both in and got out a huge bag of chips.
"Pirate Deck!" I shouted at my friends. It's what I call gossip time/truth or dare. Pirates are cool don't judge!
"Seriously Pers, do you have to call it that?" Jules sighed, being the practical one.
"Yuppidy doodles!" Ash and I replies simultaneously.
"Sometimes I don't know what to do with you..."
"Latest gossip update!" I shout. I love this part, I usually make sarcastic and sassy comments on all the stupid people. and it's kinda my source of news because I don't bother trying to talk with random people to see what's goin on.
"OMG did you here there is going to be a new guy?" Ash squeaked.
"Umm... lets see. Who are we talking to? Oh, me. And who never knows what's going on? That's right, ME! OF COURSE I DON'T" I said sarcastically, but my friends are used to it so they just laugh it off. I shoved a huge handful of chips disgustingly into my mouth.
"Oops, useless question. I heard that he was the star quarterback at his old school. I think he went to your old school," Ash continued. I immediately perked up at the mention of 'quarterback.' and only kind of heard the old school part. I used to go to different middle school and elementary school than Ash and Jules but we were still super good friends anyways.
"Quarterback?!" I semi-shout.
"You should not have mentioned that. Here we go again..." Jules sighed.
"Oh shut up Jules. Sooooo.... How many touchdowns? What makes him good? does he run the ball, throw it, or is he a good leader? Is he a douche bag? Can he actually play? If he's nice do you think he can help learn how to throw a football better?" I rambled.
Jules replied, "How would we know he's new. Starting this Monday. You already throw a football way better than both of us anyways Pers. Just try to be nice please?"
"No can do, I'm afraid I'm a 'hi, are you a dick? yes? okay I'm gonna cuss at you and kick you when you walk by, just because you're alive' kind of person." I said back.
"Let's move on to another topic!" Ash intervened, " Brianna totally messed up
her exclusive Gucci purse! She dropped it in the sink when she was in the bathroom."
"Rich ass bitch, her parents will probably get her a new one after she throws a tantrum, just like the spoiled princess brat she is." I muttered.
we continued for about an hour before I decided to start a movie marathon.
"Pirates of the Caribbean!" I shouted! I'm pretty sure I say that almost every time.
"Not again! Lets watch season 1 of Psych!" Jules countered.
"Hey! Why can't we watch the Disney Princess movies." Ash exclaimed. Jules
and I looked at her weirdly. " ugh fine, I won't insist on it."
P: " FOOTBALL RERUNS!"
J; " BASKETBALL RERUNS!"
A: " PICKLEBALL RERUNS!" *gets looked at weirdly again* " Fine, I just wanted to contribute and say a sport..."
P: " Star Wars!"
J: " John Tucker Must Die"
A: " Can we pweeeeeeeese watch Cinderella?"
P/J: " No!"
A: " Come on guys! Just decide!"
P: " Pirates"
J: " Psych"
P: " Ash, you are the tie breaker."
A: " umm... Pirates? Sorry Julie, but it's made by Disney."
P: " YAY!!!! Haha in your face!"
J: " Ugh... why do you always win." *rolls eyes*
This is what happens almost all the time, I didn't always win, but I did sometimes and when I did, I did victory dance on the coffee table in front of the TV.
I don't even know how I got my genes, my parents were top of their class and won tons of competition along with practically my whole family. Wherever my craziness came from I have no clue.
I jumped off of the table and grabbed my Pirates of the Caribbean CDs and stuck the Curse of the Black Pearl into the thingy that plays CDs.
It is by far the best out of all of them. We watched all four Pirates of the Caribbean movies until 1:00am. Jules, Ash, and I stayed in the guest bedroom because it was so late already.
Just as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard a moving truck park across the street. I went back into my room so that I could see across the street through the window.
It looked like a new family was moving in. I could barely make out the silhouette of a teenage looking guy carrying a football.
'So, looks like I'm going to be neighbors with the new kid.' I thought. 'For his sake, he better be nice or he should be prepared for hell.'
I walked back to the guest room and drifted into fluffy cloud land, where I dreamed of becoming a pirate on Jack Sparrow's ship.