Chapter Four (Kyler's POV)
Ash wasn't dead.
Of course he wasn't dead. I should've known he wasn't dead, and it wasn't Scythe fault. It was Jack's. It was always Jack's fault. I should've figured Ash would easily make it out of the explosion, like a fucking cockroach.
I had been there when Jack had operated on Ash. I remembered it because it was the highlight of my stay with Jack. I loved seeing Ash scream in pain, writhing on the surgical table like he was in complete and utter agony. I relished in it, but of course, he'd lost a lot of blood and when a vampire loses blood, he wants some in return and I had become his personal blood bank.
I didn't want to think about it anymore as Remi and I treked out of the ruined building for his truck. We were just about to reach it when I felt his hand clamp on my shoulder, spinning me around. I hissed at him as a response, backing away from him. He held up his hands, but I could sense his frustration.
He wanted to know what was going on.
I would too, but that involved telling Remi some things that I'm sure he didn't need to know...
Maybe I could bypass them?
Oh God, why am I even debating this?
He's nothing but a mangy mutt... Who just happens to have an education. A stab of jealousy struck me hard at the thought. I felt the same way when he had told me he'd gone through school and then off to college.
It wasn't fair.
I'd always wanted to go to school. People complained about it all the time, but I could never understand it. Why wouldn't someone want to be smart? To know the world around them?
There I go with the whole angst episode.
I took a deep breath as Remi stared at me with those bright green eyes of his.
"Kyler. I need to know what this is about. I have the right to know. There's a murderer in my town and I want to protect not just my pack, Blood Rain, or the humans, but you. I don't care how long it takes, but I'm going to keep telling you that I love you." He stated firmly. I stared at him.
Why was he so intent on this?
This desperate for a fuck or what?
"Look, I don't know what your game is. Actually, yes I do. If you wanted to have sex, you should've just said so. Don't act like you want something more," I responded bluntly, "Don't give me some bullshit excuse. Just ask for it." Remi suddenly looked offended.
"Excuse me? Who the hell said it was for sex?"
"Everyone."
"Well, I'm not everyone. Don't make assumptions about how I feel. I know how I feel, especially about you. This isn't about me wanting to get in your pants, Kyler. I just... seriously love you, but it's your option to accept me or not. And as much as I would like to rant about this, I need to know who this murderer is and how he works."
"To do that, I need to tell you about me and I'm not trusting you with that kind of information," I snapped, surprised by my hostility, "I can handle this myself. Ash doesn't give a shit about anyone else. I know for a fact that he's trying to draw me out. I'm going to find him myself and kill him. I don't need you riding my ass the whole way, screwing everything up. Because that's just what you werewolves do. You screw everything up until it's unrecognizable and I won't deal with your shit anymore. I'm done. We're leaving." I whirled around, heading to the other side of the truck, throwing the door open and hopping in.
Remi looked utterly peeved there for a minute and I figured he'd jerk me out of the car and clobber me, but he surprised me by staying silent and getting behind the wheel. He backed up and started out of the driveway.
Kyler....
"No!" I gasped, grabbing the door handle. Remi hit the brakes, wincing and whirling to face me as I frantically searched the woods, locking all the doors. I felt the hysteria rising in my throat, my heart pounding wildly as I searched the trees.
Where is he? Where is he?!
"Kyler, what the hell?" Remi demanded.
"Shut up! I can't hear!" I snarled at him, leaning over his lap to look out the window. Everything was silent, the sunshine pouring through the bright summer green leaves that reminded me painfully of Remi's eyes. However, nothing moved. Not even the leaves rustled as the wind tickled them. I sat back in my seat stiffly, squeezing my eyes shut.
What the fuck is your game, Ash?
I took a deep breath, trying to calm down as my heart fluttered around in my chest. I breathed gently, then sighed as I leaned back at the seat.
He's trying to drive me insane, I concluded logically.
"Kyler?" Remi asked. I blinked, then looked up to see him staring at me in concern. He looked like he wanted to touch me, but was struggling to contain himself. I grimaced, withdrawing from him.
"I heard his voice." I confessed. Part of me wondered why the hell I did that. I was spilling secrets....
No, I was spilling secrets about Ash, not me.
"Who's voice?" Remi asked firmly. I sighed, running my hands through my hair before leaning against the window.
"Ash's. Vampires have the ability to send telepathic messages to those they've bitten. It explains why I've been hearing my name called. I thought it was you before, but then I heard it again last night and just now." I admitted. Remi frowned and his eyes flickered around to the forest outside the truck before he looked back at me.
"Is there a range limit?" He asked. I shrugged.
"Hell if I know. I just know that it probably means he's nearby. He's hunting me, Remi, and he wants me to know." I muttered, slumping back in my seat. Remi gazed at me, the agony on his face surprising.
"He won't get you." He stated.
"He will. He always does." That was all I was going to say about the matter. My stomach was clenching and twisting with hunger pains seeing as I had missed my breakfast. I could remember the smell of it too, which just made it so much worse. Remi heard my stomach, however, even as he started the truck.
"I saw a McDonalds on the way here. We'll stop there for lunch. I'm starving too." He said quietly. I didn't say anything as he drove out of the driveway, leaving behind the abandoned and ruined laboratory that once belonged to the most inhumane being to ever walk the planet.
We were silent the whole way to McDonalds. As soon as we drove into the parking lot, my gut was wrenching and screaming for food, but I contained myself as we walked inside. I ordered five fish sandwiches before I went and found a table, sitting down and looking out the window. I spotted the hospital I had woken up at the night after Jack died.
I was pissed.
Why did they bring me to a hospital? Why hadn't they left me to die?
Then I wouldn't have to worry about Ash. He'd run off and find another psycho to work for, another were to torment.
But would that please you? To put someone else through the same shit you went through? A voice in the back of my head asked. I squeezed my eyes shut against it, turning back to the table before I heard the sound of a tray touching the table. I looked up to see Remi sitting down with our orders.
"You eat a lot." Remi commented as I chowed down on the sandwich, not caring that the sauce was smeared across my lower lip. Once upon a time, this would've concerned me. I used to be far more timid than I was now.
Hell. Nowadays, I said what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted because that was how I was. I knew no one liked me, but I couldn't care less. After all, I only had me, myself, and I.
"I'm a big boy." I replied with a mouthful of food. Remi raised an eyebrow, then cocked his head.
"Why are you staying with Blood Rain?" He asked, unwrapping his burger. I reached for my other sandwich, rolling my eyes.
"They're distant relatives. What? You want me to say they rescued me or something?"
"Did they?"
"... Maybe." I filled my mouth with fish to avoid talking anymore. I felt uncomfortable. He was trying to get to know me and the last time someone did that, I ended up in BDSM gear for almost several years. I wasn't about to make that mistake again.
"What's your favorite color?" Remi asked after finishing two of his Big Macs. I glared at him.
"Why do you care?" I demanded.
"I want to know you, Kyler. I may not be able to know your past, but I can know you."
"I am my past."
"You're your future."
"I have no future."
"And why do you say that? Do you really think Ash is going to kill you?" Remi asked, sounding agonized at the thought. I stared at him with a complete poker face as I set my sandwich down.
"Even if I managed to kill Ash without dying myself, I still have no future. The thing that kept me going is dead." I answered coldly. Remi stared at me for a long time, then looked away.
"I don't believe that." He replied, closing his eyes and reaching for another burger. I scowled.
"I just told you."
"Yea, but I still don't believe it."
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"No. I'm calling you a non-believer."
"Oooh, shun the non-believer. Shuuuun." I mocked, looking away when Remi gave me a weird look that actually made me blush. Oh god, I hated myself right now. Stop blushing, you idiot. Just stop, there's no reason to. You say stupid shit like this all the time.
"Kyler," Remi went on, "I don't know what happened to you. Sometimes I wonder if I should keep being nosy about it-"
"You really shouldn't."
"-But even so, I want to know you. I don't know if you realize it, but I know I do. I know you're my mate, whether you want to admit it or not. I want to be with you. Every time I see you come into town, I have to resist rushing to your side to check on you. You worry the shit out of me."
"You must watch a lot of Titantic, huh?"
"I'm serious. I'm in love with you."
"Well, if that's what you want to call it, fine. We'll just put your whole love to the test." I replied, surprised by the idea that was running through my head as I finished my meal. Remi looked at me, confused. I rose to my feet, grabbing his wrist and leading him behind me toward the bathrooms. I went into the largest stall, bringing Remi in with me. I locked the door behind us, then turned to face him, spreading my arms.
"All right, Remi. Do it. Fuck me." I announced.
Remi gaped at me. You'd think I had just slapped him across the face. He looked totally caught off guard, and I knew he would.
I bet he didn't think it would be this easy.
I am easy, aren't I?
Well, just because I was offering, didn't mean I was going to enjoy this. I never enjoyed people touching me, whether it be so-called romantics or rough handling. I didn't want to feel someone's fingernails digging into my skin, their teeth puncturing the skin of my throat, something violating me painfully from every angle. I've seen things that would make even the most BDSM obssessed person sick to their stomachs.
I could handle rough sex from a horny werewolf.
At least, that was what I was expecting until Remi took a step away from me, shaking his head.
"No." He stated. I blinked, dropping my arms to my sides.
"What?" I asked. Was my voice shaking? Seriously?
He just said no.
I told him he could fuck me. I gave him permission to do whatever he wanted. This was basically the present I promised him and he was refusing it. He was refusing me.
In all honesty, I didn't know what to do. This had never happened to me before. Everyone wanted me, just for sex anyway. They used me and went on their merry way. So why wasn't Remi doing it? Did I do something wrong? Did I smell bad? Was it my breath? It had to be my breath. What else could possibly turn him off like this?
"I won't have sex with you. Not until I know you're really consenting to it, Kyler. I don't know if you realize it, but sex is something you have with the person you love. It's not a free hand out. I won't touch you, only talk to you." Remi answered, stunning me with his honesty.
"You're lying." I returned quickly, but I knew he wasn't. It was so obvious that he wasn't lying. It was so obvious it scared me. Remi just looked back at me, his eyes studying me in all sincerity. I didn't like this. I didn't like this situation at all.
"Take me home." I managed. Remi frowned.
"Kyler-"
"Take me home or I'll walk!" I blurted, then whirled around and fumbled with the lock on the door before throwing it open. I felt even more embarrassed when I saw a man standing by the sinks, staring at us with his mouth open. I rushed past him out the door, slamming it shut behind me as I went out into the parking lot to wait by the car.
I didn't have to wait long before Remi was walking out of the fast food restaurant. He got in quietly, but didn't start the car. I just sat there, staring out the windshield.
Did I do something wrong? Was it really just my breath? Maybe I should've taken my clothes off first... What's going on? Why wasn't he taking me? Did he want me to do it in his truck? Or, did he want me to start or what?
He couldn't possibly have been serious with all that Shakespeare bullshit he was spewing earlier...
Your only purpose in life is sex, kitten. Ash's voice rang in my head, from the hundreds of times he's taken me by force. You have no other uses. You're damn lucky you're a hot piece of ass, because otherwise, you'd be worthless.
"Did I do something wrong?" I asked at last, trying to blot out his voice. Remi blinked, stared at me for the longest time, then shocked me when he exploded.
"Something wrong?! Kyler, you just asked me to have sex with you and we seriously don't know a thing about each other and you keep saying you hate me! Of course I'm not going to have sex with you! Not until you realize that you are my mate, not until you consent honestly. I'm not going to hurt you. I love you too much to do that!" He practically shouted. I stiffened in the seat, staring at him before he sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration before looking at me helplessly.
"I'm sorry. Look, let's forget about it and just-"
"I can't forget about it," I cried in exasperation, "I've lived my entire life...!" I cut myself off and quickly looked away, taking a deep breath to calm down. I almost told him everything. Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me?
"Kyler. You can tell me. Who am I going to tell? How could I possibly use it against you?" Remi asked quietly, tilting his head to look at me. I turned slowly to look at him, peering past my hair and debating if I should or not.
This is it.
This was a test.
Was Remi going to be like Jack? Or was he different? Part of me wanted so badly to trust him, it was practically an ache in my chest. The words forming in my mouth, but I gulped them all down and shook my head, looking away from him. Remi sighed, but said nothing more as he started the truck and drove out of the parking lot and back home.
The entire time, my heart ached.
This has never happened to me before.
Why was Remi so difficult to hate? So difficult to ignore? It hurt so much, I wanted to claw my heart out. It was so easy to hate everyone else. I could easily pick out any flaw in them, but with Remi, despite his flaws, I still couldn't hate him.
The warm scent of leather heated by the afternoon sun, the faintest hints of whiskey clinging to his clothes. His dark, curled hair and his spring green eyes. He was such an average American man, but at the same time, he was more than average.
Not too long ago, I saw him the same way I saw Scythe. Suddenly, I was struck dumb by him.
It wasn't just his handsome appearance
Or his intelligence, his ability to turn me down, his interest in me personally.
It was all of it combined into a strong feeling that I felt coming off him in waves. I could almost see them curling from him and dancing around me.
I shut my eyes tightly against the sensation. I didn't want to feel this. I didn't want to feel anything that made me feel attached to someone. The last time I let that happen, I was in Hell. The Devil had his arms around me and he never let me go...
We rode quietly back into Moonstone and not another word was said. Remi even drove me all the way to the Luna Plantation on the other side of town, deeply embedded in the woods. He pulled the truck to a stop in the driveway before turning to look at me.
"Kyler. I'm here for you. If you ever need someone to talk to, someone to listen... That's what I'm here for. Because I'm your mate. I just hope you realize it soon." He said quietly, then reached his hand out to touch me. I saw his fingertips moving, the pulse in his wrist, his muscles clenching as he brushed his hand on my cheek.
I suddenly felt light-headed. They felt soft and gentle, like butterfly wings brushing my skin as he cupped my cheek. I felt myself melting.
No.
Stop.
Stop touching me, please.
Remi's fingers drifted to brush my ear, making me suck in a deep breath as he leaned toward me.
He was going to kiss me.
He was going to push me down. He was going to pull my hair, cut my skin open with his nails, his teeth. He was going to hurt me.
But he didn't.
His lips brushed mine, just as lightly as his fingertips were touching me before he pulled away, sitting stiffly in his seat. I stared at him, then it clicked what had happened. I threw the car door open and bolted out, slamming it shut behind me and running inside the house. I shut the door and locked it behind me, pressing my back to it as I took deep breathes, grimacing in pain.
Please, Remi.
Please.
Just leave me alone...