Maliah lightly snores against my face. As uncomfortable as this sounds, its actually pretty cute. We've been in this position for a little while now. I've been staring up at her ceiling for the duration. I'm still reeling from what she told me earlier. The crying didn't stop. She basically cried herself to sleep.
We ordered pizza, but I could barely eat it. She ate about three slices though, so I'm happy about that.
My heart is heavy in my chest. When you live with someone who sexually harasses you, what do you do? Who do you tell, especially with all the problems it'll cause. I don't understand how you get turned on in the slightest by your own kid. What makes people so fucked up?
Now I know why she can careless when her parents are gone. Everything clicked together instantly. If anything, she wants them gone all the time. Especially that piece of shit.
I wonder how she's remained so together this entire time. And I'm doing nothing, but stressing her out even more. She's busy yelling at me about school, meanwhile her sperm donor is trying to get in her pants. Maliah really is something else. So selfless and caring.
I already told her I plan to do everything in my power to keep her safe. If that means always being around, I'll do that. She's also going to come over my place more often. Its a win-win. My parents will leave me alone, Maliah will be safe. She won't have to worry.
I can't go to school tomorrow. I mean I can ... and risk being seen by Laurie. I'm assuming that my teachers will know I'm not supposed to be in school either. What a perfect time to get suspended. I'm actually anxious now even though there's nothing I'm really missing in school.
Maliah moves her head slightly. I try and adjust myself, but I'm afraid if I move too much she'll wake up. She needs rest. A whole nights worth. I guess I should try and sleep too.
**
I wake up to see Maliah typing away on her desktop. I can tell its super early just by the way my body feels right now. Maliah is in jeans and a ... white bra? Well this is a great way to start the morning.
I yawned, "Hey freckles."
She looks over at me and smiles, "Good morning."
"How did you sleep?" I asked stretching slightly.
"Like a baby actually."
I smiled, "Yeah because you were snoring in my face the entire night."
She shrugged, "You're my certified body pillow. What can I say?"
"Its my turn then."
"Yeah, no," She shook her head. "You're heavy and your breath stinks."
I scoffed, "Offense taken."
She smiled again, turning back around to face her desktop screen.
"You going to school right?" I asked.
"Yes, Hayden is picking me up."
And just like that I'm bitter and jealous. You know, I was almost forgetting that he even existed. I guess she really does like him.
"How sweet." I responded dryly, looking away from her and up at the ceiling.
She sighed, "You know, you haven't given him a chance. He's a really good guy."
"I'll take your word for it."
"How's Hielee?"
I kinda almost forgot about her too, leave it up to Maliah to just remind me of shit, "I assume she's alright. She always says how she doesn't have anything going on in her life. Guess that's a good thing."
"Make a move yet?"
I roll my eyes, "No."
"Why not?"
I shrugged, "Guess I just don't want to ruin our friendship."
That's not entirely a lie. I know I said I should probably try with Hielee, but I feel wrong doing so. My motive is to get over Maliah. Not because I have feelings for her. Hanging out with her is cool though, but it'd also suck to lose a friend I just made.
She stood quiet for a moment, "I respect that."
"Why don't you just stay friends with Hayden? Isn't it a little late to be worrying about a boy. You're leaving anyway ..."
She turned back to me pretty quick and frowned, "Because this is the first boy I actually like?"
"Yeah. So?"
"It's high school. I think I'm allowed to have someone I'm interested in. Plus, I still don't know if I'm leaving yet."
"Okay, but what if he is? Having you isn't gonna stop him."
She spoke dryly, "You're thinking way too far into it."
I scoffed, "I mean if you're not in it for the long run, then the fuck is the point?"
"It's called taking it day by day. And what do you know? You've never been with someone a day in your life." She retorted.
"So? I'm not an idiot. This is common fucking sense."
"Well I like him. It's nice knowing someone likes you ... in that way."
If only you knew, freckles.
"Right." I said bitterly.
"Anyways, I made you breakfast. Your plate is in the microwave."
"I don't eat breakfast."
"Yeah, I know. You barely eat anything actually. Which isn't good," She scolded. "You need to stop doing that."
"Okay Mom." I replied sarcastically.
"And about my father ... please don't tell anyone."
I quickly sit up and stare at her. She stares back, looking bothered, as if she wasn't balling her eyes out about it last night.
I swallowed, "Fine."
She sighed sadly, "I don't know if I'll ever tell my Mom ... or anyone ... I don't know if its going to get worse or better, but I'm not trying to let it ruin me."
I nodded, "You're strong, but I'm here. You don't have to be so strong all the time ..."
"Same to you."
I shook my head, "There's nothing wrong with me. Nothing going on with me either."
"I know you and I know when something is wrong."
"This isn't about me, Maliah and don't make it about me."
She stays quiet. I know she wants to get off this horrendous topic, but trying to shift on the awkward topic of me isn't the way to do it right now.
"Fine." She said softly.
"Did you eat yet ...?"
"No, I was waiting for you."
"How did you know I was gonna get up?"
She smirked, "I was gonna wake you regardless."
I rolled my eyes, "You're fucking annoying."
She laughed and got up from her chair. I slowly plant my feet on the ground. I feel my exhaustion just drowning me right now. I hate waking up so early. Thank fuck I get to just sleep all day and not attend school.
We walk to her kitchen. Watching Maliah's mostly bare torso is gonna take time to get used too. She's never really half naked like this. I'm usually the one whose half naked.
I brush my hair behind my ears, "So uh ... we're walking around without shirts now?"
She opens the microwave and takes out two white plates of pancakes and sausages, "You're always shirtless."
I smirked and pulled a chair out of the table, "So in other words you wanna be like me?"
She scoffed, "You're so narcissistic."
"I wish. I'd be confident." I responded sitting down.
She walks over and puts the plates down. I grab a random one and lick my lips. I don't eat breakfast, but this looks so good. I might as well eat now so I can go back to sleep on a full stomach.
"You're looking at this food how you look at girls." She commented.
I shrugged, "Girls are hot. This food is also hot."
"I'm flattered."
"I said the food."
"I made the food, asshole."
I mocked her, "I made the food asshole."
She rolled her beautiful eyes at me and started picking at her pancake. I smile in success.
"No more kissing, alright?" She said randomly.
I look up at her. Is she really still thinking about it?, "Can I ask why it bothers you so much?"
She sighed, "Because I can't kiss you. I know I'm super affectionate, but that's where I draw the line."
"Am I a bad kisser?" I asked seriously this time.
"No."
"Do you feel uncomfortable when we kiss?"
"No. There's just no point in kissing someone you don't have feelings for. Also, I'm not gay."
I almost choked on my own spit when that phrase registered in my head. Its like someone threw a wrench into my gut and tried to close my windpipe at the same time. I try not to show that I'm upset by that strand of truth though, so I just nod in response.
"That came out harsh. I mean that you're my best friend and I love you like a sister." She added.
"You're right. Its weird. No need to explain yourself."
And with that she started eating. Maybe a constant reminder is what I need from her. The more it hurts, the faster I'll be able to let the dream go. She doesn't even like girls. I should respect that. That itself should also be a deal breaker.
She needs me to be there for her, if anything, that comes first, but that doesn't mean the pain goes away instantly.