"Promise me, that if we both survive, you will drop your façade, and return to the (f/n) I knew"
You gulped and looked away.
"I...I can't...You know I can't" you said.
"You said you would've kept the promise, no matter what it was" Kaneki said in a serious tone.
"But I would've never thought you would ask me that!" you exclaimed.
"It's not that difficult, (f/n). You have just to-"
You cut him off.
"It's not that difficult?! IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT?! You would never understand the situation I am in! I screwed up with my life and you could never understand what this means!" you shouted.
"What?! Do you know what are you talking about?! Yes, I didn't screw up with my life, because someone did it for me!"
Rize...
It was the first time you saw Kaneki this angry, but overall, it was the first time he had snapped at you.
Tears built up in your eyes and you took a step back.
He seemed to realise too, but then his expression returned angry.
"The only difference between mine and your situation is that I can't return back to my normal life, but you can!" he shouted.
Your expression became angry too.
"If you're talking about you returning human, what could I say about me? I was born as a ghoul, and I've never had a normal life! Plus, I can't drop my façade! What will everyone think about me?"
"Is it what you're thinking about? All you care about is your reputation? And you're right, you, born as a ghoul, you've never had a normal life, you've always been a monster. But me, who had never done anything wrong, from a human had to become one of those monsters!" Kaneki shouted.
Monster...?
You managed to gulp the knot in your throat.
"Well now you're one of us, a 'monster', or whatever you want, and you can't do anything about it!" you spat.
"I've already accepted that" Kaneki said, back in his normal tone.
Your eyes came back to normal, and a few tears left them.
"First Ayato, now you..." You said in a trembling voice.
Kaneki started to walk, until he was right in front of you.
"Listen, I won't let the things between us remain like this" he said as he hugged you.
You hesitated, but then you hugged back, hiding your face onto his chest.
"I'm sorry for what I said, (f/n)-chan" he said.
"I'm sorry too, Kane-kun"
Ayato's POV
Why did I do that, why did I do that, why did I do that...
The sentence kept running through my mind.
I was walking in circles in an empty room, deep in thought.
I was just in front of her, but when she said 'Make me' I could have just put a hand on her mouth or something, but I kissed her! Why?!
I kept staring at the ground with a scowl.
And what is that fucking feeling?! I feel that every time I'm near (f/n), or when someone talks about her, or when she talks to me, or when I think about her! Like now!
I stopped walking and punched the wall in frustration.
And more importantly... Why did Eyepatch punch me after I kissed her? He wasn't jealous, was he?
Instantly rage got over me.
If it's true that he was jealous, then it means that he- wait why am I so worried about that? I don't give a shit about it!
Suddenly I heard a giggle. I turned my head to see the bandaged woman.
"Hihi is someone a bit frustrated~~?" she asked in her usual tone.
"Eto leave me alone" I said.
She just giggled again and walked closer to me.
"You screwed up just before the attack~~" she whispered in my ear with an amused voice.
"Shut up" I growled.
"Aww but don't you remember when she suddenly disappeared?" she asked giggling.
Of course I remember, how could I forget that...
~Flashback~
'I finally won against (f/n), I was even about to kill her! I always thought that I would've been happy to kill her... But yesterday when Tatara stopped me I didn't object. Weird...'
I woke up with that though in my head and I smirked as I stood up and walked out of my room.
I was satisfied that I could rub my victory in (f/n)'s face, but when I walked in the corridor where we had fought, I heard a commotion.
Lots of Aogiri members were around something, whispering to each other, and they looked agitated.
I moved quickly between them to see what was causing the commotion.
And what I saw made me froze.
There was still the pool of blood caused by our fight, and on the wall next to the broken window, there was a bloody hand print, meaning that (f/n) had gotten up.
'Wait, the window wasn't broken before'
I looked out of the window with horror, and on the ground, I noticed another stain of blood, and then more little stains that proceeded until a corner.
I widened my eyes, not believing what I was seeing. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Hehe Ayato, you did it this time..." someone said in a sing sang voice.
I turned to Eto with a shocked face, and then she took my wrist and dragged me to her room.
To my shock, there was also Tatara.
"Ayato, you realise that we lost one of the strongest member of Aogiri, don't you?" Tatara said in a serious voice.
I gulped.
"And it's all due to your stupid behaviour" he continued.
"It's not only me! You know very well that from the very moment we met we've always fought!" I said angrily.
"Yes, but the words you said to her could've hurt her"
"What?! As if that girl could feel hurt!" I said as I walked out of the room, shutting the door close.
I felt like my mind was debating about something.
'I have to find her' a part of me was thinking.
'But why? So you can fight again?' the other part thought.
'I want to find her'
With this final thought, I jumped out of the broken window, ignoring all the calls of the other members.
I followed the stains of blood.
'She resisted more that I thought'
I walked for something like 10 minutes, following the stains, until I saw something that made my heart sink to my stomach.
There was a bigger stain, and then the blood stopped. But no trace of a body or something.
I started to breath heavily.
There were two options: one, she had stopped and healed, and then she had gone away, but where?
And two, she was found by another ghoul or a ghoul investigator and...
I couldn't even think about it.
'But it's impossible, right? I mean, she's one of the strongest ghouls here, if someone attacked her, surely she would've been able to defend herself'
But then I realised that I was wrong.
'I gave her those wounds... If she's dead, it's all my fault, fuck!'
I thought angrily as I kicked a rock.
'Why am I thinking this? I'm supposed to hate her...'
I kneeled in front of the big stain and started to punch the ground.
"Damn you, (f/n)!" I yelled.
And that was when I felt that feeling for the very first time.
'What is this feeling...'
"Are you maybe sad, Ayato?"
I turned my head to see Eto.
"What are you talking about?! Why would I ever be sad about this, if anything I should be happy!" I shouted at her.
"But you aren't, am I right?"
I gritted my teeth.
"I'm right, I guess... Just for you to know, she isn't dead" Eto said.
This information caught my full attention.
"Uh?! And where is she then?" I asked.
She just giggled.
"Just answer me already!" I shouted. She was getting me on nerves.
"Hehe, why are you so impatient? You don't care about her, do you?" she asked in a fake innocent voice.
"Shut up and tell me!" I yelled, standing up.
"I think this is a contradictory sentence" she said.
I growled, filling my eyes with kakugan.
"Ok, ok, I'll answer... I don't know where she is" Eto said giggling.
"You bitch!" I shouted.
Eto tilted her head to the side.
"How rude... This is why you have no success with women..." she said, and with a giggle, she jumped away.
I punched the wall.
'(f/n)... I swear to God that I'll find you'
~Flashback's end~
I turned my back to Eto and started to walk away.
"Where are you going now, Ayato~?" she asked.
"I'm going to clarify things with (f/n), and nothing will stop me from doing that, now" I said as I left the room to go on the roof, where I had seen her go.
But I was wrong: something stopped me.
Right when I spotted (f/n), I saw Kaneki pulling her into a thigh hug, her face pressed against his chest.
Rage boiled in my veins and I ran back down.