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Chapter Seven.
Madeline's Point of View.
I took my time walking home after I left the school grounds. My messenger bag bumped uncomfortably against my bony hip as I took each step. I ran my tongue over my lips, moistening them slightly as my thoughts began to stray. That final English lesson had been...Weird, to say the least. My plan to ignore Kyle had gone downhill pretty quickly. I hated how I had caved in so easily. To be fair though, he was really annoying me with all of that poking.
Talking to him hadn't been that bad though. I was curious as to why Kyle had held my hand in his own. I didn't peg him for a sentimental kind of person. Of course, I knew that it didn't mean anything- after all, he was with that Jenny person. I had to admit that I became slightly confused as Kyle's words flitted through my mind- 'Take no notice of Jenny. She's a bitch anyway.'
If Kyle thought that Jenny was a bitch then why was he with her? A frown pulled at my lips, tugging them down at the corners. I brushed my hair from my face after a gust of wind blew, and wet my lips with my tongue once more. Perhaps...Perhaps he had only said it to make me feel better? Yes, that must have been it. I mean, there were so many nice girls out there and Kyle could have had any one of them. But he had chosen Jenny. He didn't have to go out with her if he didn't want to, and seeing as he was with her, then he obviously wanted to be. Him calling her a bitch had been low, though. I couldn't decide whether or not he had meant it and the thought was driving me insane.
I sighed in exasperation as I mentally scolded myself for being stupid. Why was I think about this anyway? I had more important things to think about, like if mum had gone shopping for food or not. And if she hadn't, how could I get money to go myself? I was sorely tempted to get myself a job but that would mean William would either be at home alone with my mother more, or he would be spending more time at Mrs Norris' house. He was my responsibility which meant that I wouldn't have any time to work. I could always go through mum's purse and see what she had in there. I doubted that she would notice anyway. The only thing she would ever notice was if any of her alcohol went missing.
I hated how mum squandered all of our money on alcohol. Sometimes, she used the money to buy drugs too. That was the worst. When she was high as well as drunk. That was when the beatings would get ten times worse. Drugs and alcohol was a double whammy. They seemed to go hand in hand.
My main priority was always to protect my brother. He was too young to have to go through what mum put me through. Of course, he wasn't completely immune. Although I never let mum hit William, she still neglected him. I was the one who fed him, bathed him, played with him, comforted him. Although I loved William more than anything, I felt resentful toward my mother for not being the one to take care of him properly. I was only sixteen and yet I had big responsibilities. I wished that I was able to have friends and hang out with them. I wished that I could study for my exams without worrying whether or not my brother and I were going to have food the following day. More than anything, I wished that our mum loved us.
*~*
I lifted my hand and rapped on the door of Mrs Norris' house, which was next door to ours. I wondered if she heard the shouts. If she heard the sharp crack of calloused hands against soft, young skin. Did she have any suspicions about what was going on next door? About why the teenage daughter of a middle aged woman had to look after her little brother? About why the same middle aged woman came home in the middle of the night, stumbling and swearing as she struggled to get her key into the lock?
The door was pulled open and I was faced with Mrs Norris' wrinkled face. She looked to be around seventy years old, and she was still going strong. Her hair was soft and white, looking like a cloud had been put on her head. She was plump, with kind eyes and a gentle smile. She would make the perfect grandmother.
"Hi, Mrs Norris. I've come to pick up William."
The old woman nodded her head and pulled the door further open, stepping back so that I would be able to come inside. She made no mention of my face.
"He's just eating some dinner. Come on in honey."
I stepped gratefully into the toasty warmth of her house, smiling. I was thankful that she had given him some food.
"Would you like some dinner too? You look famished. You need to get some meat on those bones of yours."
I hesitated, sinking my teeth down into my lower lip. I was starving hungry and didn't know if mum had done any food shopping but...I didn't want to be a nuisance. I eventually shook my head as she led me through to the living room where William was sat on a pillow in front of the coffee table, eating some food.
"No thank you. I'm not really hungry."
My stomach grumbled in response, contradicting my words. I felt my cheeks heat up as I blushed. Mrs Norris placed a hand on my shoulder, guiding me over to the sofa.
"Nonsense. I'll go get you something."
She waddled off in the direction of the kitchen. William turned around and on realising that I was there, he launched his small body at me, hugging me tightly. I ruffled his hair before he went to sit down in front of his food once more.
"Did you have a good time at nursery?"
William nodded his head as he carefully spooned some food into his mouth.
A moment later, Mrs Norris came back into the room, holding out a bowl of thick tomato soup to me. It smelled delicious, and I was really thankful that she had offered me food as I didn't know when I would next be getting a meal. I thanked Mrs Norris and spooned some of the soup into my mouth. An explosion of flavour blasted my taste buds, and I couldn't help but grin.
"This tastes so good, Mrs Norris."
I told her truthfully, quickly eating some more of it. I wished that I had a mother who could cook like this.
"So how's Cora doing?"
Mrs Norris asked me, referring to my mother as she took a seat on the other end of the sofa and put her fat feet up onto the patterned ottoman. I lifted my shoulders in a shrug and smiled at her, swallowing my spoonful of soup before I answered her.
"She's good, thanks for asking."
Of course I couldn't tell her the truth. If she knew what was really going on in our household then she would call social services, and I didn't want that. As much as I hated living with my mother, I didn't want William and I to be split up. Mrs Norris nodded her head before she spoke again.
"She asked me if I would be able to pick up William from nursery every day seeing as you're at school."
She commented, her gentle eyes watching me as her lips tugged into a frown, causing the skin on her cheeks to sag further.
"I'm sorry...I would pick him up myself but I'm still at school when he's supposed to finish."
I told her apologetically, finishing off the last of my soup and resting the warm bowl on my cold thighs. Mrs Norris waved a hand in front of her face, dismissing my apologies.
"It's no bother, dear. William's no trouble at all. I was just going to ask if you want me to give him dinner when he gets here?"
I hesitated for the second time since I had arrived at Mrs Norris' house, before nodding my head. It would be best for William to have a full belly before I was to come and get him from here in the evenings.
"Yes please...But only if you're sure that it's alright."
"Of course."
Mrs Norris stood up and took the empty bowl from my lap before she moved to check if William had finished eating. He had, so she took his bowl too and waddled off into the kitchen. I stood up to crouch beside William, and placed one of my hands lightly on the soft curls on his head. He looked at me, his small face lighting up as he lifted a chubby finger to point at the television that he was watching.
"Television."
He whispered, his voice filled with awe. I laughed and nodded my head.
"That's right, William. It's a television. Now, are you ready to go?"
He nodded his head, his dark curls bouncing. Mrs Norris came back into the warm room, and I turned my head to smile at her as I stood up from my crouch.
"We have to get going but, thank you for watching him. And thanks for the food."
"No worries, dear. I'll see you both tomorrow."
Mrs Norris led William and I to the door. William waved happily at Mrs Norris as we walked down her path and up ours. Reaching the front door, I pulled my keys from the pocket of my black trousers and stuck it into the lock. I opened the door and ushered William inside before closing the door behind us.
"Take your shoes off."
I whispered to William as I kicked off my penny loafers and put them neatly into the rotting shoe rack. I took William's small shoes and placed them beside mine.
I shivered- the house was cold. We hadn't had any heat in our old house either. I picked William up for speed as I walked up the stairs and took him into our bedroom. I could see that he was cold too, so I picked his warmest jumper and helped him to put it on. I then put an extra pair of socks onto his feet before I pulled a hoodie over my own head to keep myself warm. I was dreading the coming winter. If it was cold in our house now, then it would be ten times worse when winter actually came.
*~*
I looked at William's peaceful and relaxed face as he slept. He had dozed off about an hour ago and had most of the covers tucked around his small body. My books were spread around me on the other half of the bed, and my poetry anthology was balanced on my knee as I annotated poems.
Hearing the door slam shut downstairs, I panicked, gathering all of my things together and shoving them to the floor by my bag. I flicked off the light switch and jumped under the covers, closing my eyes tightly as I tried to make my breathing more even so that mum would think that I was sleeping. My heart was beating rapidly against my breastbone, and my hands had turned clammy. Please don't come in here. Please don't come in here. I chanted under my breath as my stomach churned with nerves. Just because I was used to my mum being drunk, doesn't mean that it didn't make me nervous. I quietened my breathing as the bedroom door creaked open, closing my eyes even tighter.
"Madeline."
That eerie voice came floating in through the doorway, washing into the room and sending my heart beat into an erratic rhythm. I swallowed hard, breathing shallowly.
"I know you're awake, Madeline."
Shit. Maybe if I keep on pretending to be asleep she'll just go away.
"Get out here before I come in there and get you."
I should have known better. I blinked my eyes open, slowly pushing the covers back and getting off the bed before replacing the covers over William as he continued to sleep. I stepped out into the hallway and pulled the door shut behind me. I yelped as mum grabbed me by the scruff of the neck- reminding me of how dogs carried their puppies- and pulled me down the stairs.
"You should know by now that you shouldn't lie to me."
Mum growled, letting go of me when we got to the bottom of the stairs. She gestured for me to follow her. I rubbed at my neck and obediently trailed after her. She picked up a still closed bottle of vodka and unscrewed the cap. She poured a fair amount into a glass before adding some cola; effectively diluting it. She took a swig, narrowing her eyes at me as she watched me lazily from the other end of the kitchen. I stood awkwardly, hands clasped together behind my back. Had she brought me downstairs just so that she could stare at me?
Mum pointed one of her long, thin fingers at me, her greasy hair falling forward and hanging in her piercing brown eyes as they bore into mine.
"We need to have a little talk, you and I."
She said, taking another gulp from her glass.
"You need to be careful what you say to people, Madeline. This is a new town and I don't want people to get suspicious again. We were lucky last time. We left before anyone knew for sure. You need to be extra careful this time."
Mum narrowed her eyes into slits as she drained her glass. Rather than filling it again, she took a swig from the vodka bottle, placing it down on the table before wiping the back of her hand over her lips. She stood up, walking over to me with her thin legs wobbling beneath her.
"You know that wasn't my fault, mum."
I whispered. It hadn't been my fault that mum had come waltzing into my old school when she had been high and drunk. It hadn't been my fault that her little stunt had made people suspicious.
Enraged by my back talk, mum picked up her empty glass and threw it. I ducked at the last second and the glass smashed into the wall behind me, shattering into small shards.
"Don't contradict me Madeline!"
She bellowed, spittle flying from her mouth.
"You better watch your mouth young lady. Now clean that glass up and get the fuck out of my sight."
I hurried to the cupboard, glass shards cutting into my bare feet. Finding the dustpan and brush, I swept up every last bit of glass before tipping it into the bin. I put the dustpan and brush back, and risked a glance at mum.
"Don't stand there staring at me! Go!"
I didn't need telling twice. I ran from the room and up the stairs, my cut feet leaving sprinkles of blood as I went.
I opened the door to mine and William's bedroom and closed it behind me before getting into bed and pulling the covers around me. It was late- I would tend to my feet in the morning.
"Maddy?"
I flicked on the bedside lamp and looked at WIlliam who was had his eyes fized on me.
"Maddy why doesn't mummy love us?"
My heart broke just a little as fat tears leaked from my brothers eyes and ran down his face. I pulled him toward me, and his little hands held tightly onto my shirt, the material balled up in his small fists. I could feel him shaking as I held him. He was so young, yet he knew that we weren't loved. No three year old should be asking that question. I didn't want to answer truthfully, but I couldn't lie to him. I kissed the top of William's head, my lips brushing over his curls as tears began to fall from my own eyes. They rolled down my cheeks and onto William's hair, matting it slightly.
"I don't know."
I whispered.
"I don't know."