Outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/11/set?id=115181563
Pic on side is Samantha xx
Lily's P.O.V
I slowly pulled my eyes open, I stared at the ceiling, Luke's arms tightly grasped my waist. Sighing to myself, I untangled myself from him and headed downstairs. I walked into the kitchen and stepped over Niall, who was still asleep in the here. I heard the letterbox go and I quickly picked up the letters.
Mr Clifford.
Mr Irwin.
Mr Irwin.
Miss Williams.
Guardian of: Miss Lily Rivers.
What?!
I slowly unpeeled the envelope, opening up the letter and pulling it open.
Dear Guardian of Miss Lily Rivers,
We have talked to you about taking Miss Rivers to therapy and you excepted, we have managed to find a good therapist and we have also made an appointment for today. Here is the address for the centre.
Health clinic,
42 Wallaby way,
Sydney. (Sorry, big Nemo fan!! hahaha)
Her appointment is at 12:30. Please attend, you agreed and it's free.
Thank you,
Doctor Flint.
My blood began to boil and I ran upstairs, stepping on Niall. Harry made his way out of the spare room in boxers, he grabbed my shoulders and I pushed him against the wall, it made a loud bang through the house.
"Don't you ever fucking touch me again!" I spat, that's when Luke walked out the room, he looked at Harry with angry eyes. I pushed him away from me before proceeding into Hollie and Ashton's room, throwing the door open, I was met by Hollie and Ashton in the middle of kissing. Hollie pulled away and I threw the letter at her.
"I HAVE TO GO TO THERAPY!" I screamed, Ashton flinched. Hollie's eyes scanned the letter and she gulped loudly.
"Lily-" I cut her off.
"Oh no, I understand just because I actually got to the point of killing myself, you wanna send me to fucking therapy but it's fine for you to cut your arms to shreds and get away with it. You know I wouldn't send you to therapy and while I was in the same metal state as you." I spat.
"No, the point is, I got better." Hollie replied back, looking at me with regret.
"Forget it. I hate you and you can shove therapy up your arse because you can't make me to go! I wish I did die now." I began crying and she went to get up, I grabbed the closest thing to me, which happened to be a mirror and threw it at the wall, the glass shattered around me and I fell to the floor crying, my mind was spinning and I couldn't control myself. I had no clue what I was doing.
Ashton came and picked me up by the way he was rocking me back and forth made me realise he had done this before, he was so natural I felt like he had been looking after someone in the same situation as me.
"Lily, stop. Think about what you just did." He muttered, I did and just realised I broke his mirror. I looked at him before covering my face.
"I'm sorry, I'll buy you a new one." I told him, he shook his head and sighed.
"No, Lily. I don't care about the mirror. Look what you did." He said grabbing my arms and lifting them up, I saw the marks, I had used to glass to damage my skin.
"Wha...I don't remember doing that." I told him, he nodded.
"You don't when you get in that state, how long were you clean for?" He asked me gently.
"2 months and 3 days." I told him. He looked upset but regained his normal self when I buried my face away.
"Calm down Lily. Let me clean those wounds." He said lifting me up, he walked into the bathroom and put me on the counter, he rolled up my sleeved and grabbed a tissue, he pulled down the first aid kit and pulled out some spray. I watched him spray it on before he looked at me.
"This will probably sting, a lot." He told me, I nodded and braced myself for the pain, he dabbed it on and I gasped as the stinging began, I think I cried but I'm not too sure, I was still completely out of it.
"You have a bit of glass still in a cut, hold on, this will hurt." He muttered and he grabbed some tweezers, he pulled out a small shard of glass and I ended up screaming.
"Mother of Calum." I screeched. Ashton bandaged up my arm before pulling me off the counter and lead me downstairs, Luke was on the couch with Hollie, she was crying and I knew it was my fault.
"Hollie." I called, she turned and I saw her tear stained cheeks.
"I'm sorry." I muttered, she nodded and held out her arms, I walked into the arms and we hugged.
"Do I still have to go to therapy?" I asked her, she pulled back and nodded.
"I think this kind if proved you need it." She muttered and I looked at my feet, I nodded and headed upstairs, I sat on the bed and closed my eyes, I heard the door open and I opened my eyes, Luke looked at me and smiled.
"Do you know where my shirts are?" I asked him, he shook his head before throwing his Sleeping with Sirens shirt at me.
"Wear that." He smiled, I nodded and grabbed some jeans before walking in the bathroom, I took a shower before changing into the clothes, I pulled on a blue necklace and a lot of bracelets before changing my phone case to a Mayday Parade one. I walked downstairs and grabbed my blue converse before slipping them on. I headed into the living room where Ashton and Luke were standing, my eyes flicked to the clock and I noticed it was noon.
"Lily. Stay." Ashton said, they both moved closer and I turned, before I could run Luke grabbed me.
"GET OFF ME!! STOP!! PUT ME DOWN!!" I Screamed. Ashton grabbed my other arm and they lifted me up, I thrashed around trying to get out of their grasp, I think I'm kicking Luke, every time.
"HOLLIE! MICHAEL! CALUM!! NIALL? HARRY? ANYONE!" I yelled, they closed their eyes in guilt and I kicked everything I could, I definitely kicked Luke this time because his grip on my arm tightened making me whimper. I was throwing myself around but nothing I did worked, the managed to strap me into the car, I kicked the back of Ashton's chair. He continued to drive even though I was kicking it
"LILY YOU'RE GOING TO KILL US!" Ashton screamed before pulling over.
"I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYWAY!" I screamed back, they moved me over so I was kicking the passenger chair, I was screaming and Ashton ended up putting the radio on so loud you couldn't hear my screams. People looked at the car, with a screaming teen and the radio on 100+, of course it would draw attention. I stopped screaming and actually enjoyed the radio, and of course Therapy by All Time Low had to come on.
My ship went down
In a sea of sound.
When I woke up alone I had everything:
A handful of moments I wished I could change
And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade.
In a city of fools,
I was careful and cool,
But they tore me apart like a hurricane...
A handful of moments I wished I could change
But I was carried away.
Give me therapy.
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy...
You were never a friend to me
And you can keep all your misery.
My lungs gave out
As I faced the crowd.
I think that keeping this up could be dangerous.
I'm flesh and bone,
I'm a rolling stone
And the experts say I'm delirious.
Give me therapy.
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy...
You were never a friend to me
And you can take back your misery.
Arrogant boy,
Love yourself so no one has to.
They're better off without you.
(They're better off without you.)
Arrogant boy,
Cause a scene like you're supposed to.
They'll fall asleep without you.
You're lucky if your memory remains.
Give me therapy.
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy...
You were never a friend to me
And you can take back your misery.
Therapy...
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy...
You were never a friend to me
And you can choke on your misery.
I closed my eyes and thought back to when I was younger, this song meant a lot to me. I loved what it was about and what it meant. Alex has the best quotes, his quote about Therapy is my favourite-Therapy is every kids nightmare. When everyone is telling you, you need help and all you really want is a hug. - Alex Gaskarth.
My other favourite is- “This next song goes out to anybody who’s ever been told that the way that they think or the way that they feel is the wrong way to think or the wrong way to feel. Goes out to anybody who’s ever been pushed down, held back, walked on… Anybody who doesn’t feel comfortable in their own skin, anybody…everybody - It goes out to everybody. It goes out to all of you! And the reason it goes out to all of you is because every single one of you is fucking beautiful. I’ve noticed that there’s a lot of people in the world trying to tell other people that they’re not beautiful. And I don’t stand for that, I think that’s bullshit. Each and every single one of you are gorgeous, believe in yourselves. This song goes out to all of you. It’s called ‘Therapy’.”
I don't know why Therapy scared me so much.
"Lily. Get out." Luke told me, I refused, he pulled my seat belt off and pulled me out, quite harshly if you asked me, I whimpered and flinched.
"Luke not so hard." Ashton told him. They both grabbed my arms and we walked thought the doors, their hands tightly around my upper arms making sure I couldn't escape.
"Please don't make me go." I cried at Luke, he looked away and they sat me down on the chair, which were seriously not comfy. I sat trembling and the boys just sat next to me, making sure I couldn't run. I need a hug.
"Lily Rivers?" A nurse called, I tried to apply all pressure to my chair, but the boys managed to pick me up, I screamed and thrashed around again, the nurse didn't look fazed, obviously she had dealt with patients like this before. They pulled me down the corridor and pushed me into a room before closing the door, I tried to open it but it was locked.
"NO!! LET ME OUT!! PLEASE!! LET ME OUT!! PLEASE!!" I screamed, I banged on the door hoping someone would open it but no one ever did. I screamed for what felt like forever until I finally gave in and fell to the floor.
"Why don't you want to be here?" A voice asked, I lifted up my head and saw the small woman sat in the middle of the room, her legs crossed and a notebook in her hand. She had brown curly hair that fell around her shoulders and bluish-grey eyes. She watched me carefully as I pushed myself back up against the door, holding my knees to my chest. Hiding my face in my knees as I thought about what to say.
"Because you'll judge me." I whimpered.
"I'm not here to judge you, I'm here to help you." She said and I shook my head.
"NO! I can't be helped!" I exclaimed, covering my head again, I heard movement and that's when I felt a hand on my knee, I flinched and moved away.
"Why did you move?" she asked.
"Because I hate you." I replied.
"Why do you hate me?" She asked.
"Because you will say you'll 'help' me but in reality all you're doing is finding a valid reason to sent me to a mental institute." I told her.
"I thought we weren't judging." She stated.
"I'm not judging I pointing out a fact." I mumbled.
"Well facts are supposed to be true and that isn't true." She told me.
"What is your name?" I asked.
"Samantha." She smiled, I nodded before looking at my nails, I had chewed most of them down. Yes, I bite my nails, yes it do it when nervous or stressed.
"How does coming to therapy make you feel?" She asked.
"Like sticking a pencil through my eye." I muttered under my breath.
"What was that?" She asked.
"Like I'm crazy." I drifted off.
"Why?" She asked.
"Because I wouldn't be here if there wasn't something wrong with me? And because I'm not normal this makes me crazy. You all say I'm feeling wrong but no one understands." I sighed.
"Why do you feel like no one understands?" She asked while writing something down on her notebook.
"I don't know, I just don't see anyone else feeling like this." I muttered.
"Feeling like what?" She asked looking me in the eyes, I pulled my gaze away from hers and thought of how to say this without revealing too much.
"Being constantly reminded that you're insane, being reminded of what a bad person you are every day just by waking up." I told her while running my fingers over the seam of my jeans.
"Are you unhappy with yourself?" She asked, I nodded.
"Why? What don't you like?" She asked raising a eyebrow.
"I push everyone away and end up alone. I always end up alone. Please don't let me be alone." I begged, the tears filled my eyes and she pulled me into a hug.
"You won't be alone." She told me.
"I always end up alone." I cried into her shoulder.
"You won't be this time."
Luke's P.O.V
I paced around the room wondering what was happening, she stopped screaming and it's been quiet for about an hour. I am worried, Ashton was sat down in front of the door.
"Will you stop pacing you're giving my ass a headache." Ashton growled, I nodded and sat facing him.
"Do you think she's OK?" I asked him.
"She's fine." Someone answered and I looked at the door, where Samantha and Lily stood, I jumped up and pulled Lily into a hug, she wrapped her arms around my neck. I leaned down and kissed her head gently before pulling away.
"Ashton, can I talk to you please?" Samantha asked. He nodded and walked off.
"Can we go home now?" Lily asked, I nodded and we walked to the car, we hopped in and waited for Ashton to arrive back. Lily was really quiet and that sort of worried me, she seemed very distant and it really freaked me out. I watched her as she tapped her fingers against her thighs tapping to a beat I couldn't recognise. Ashton climbed back into the car and we drove home. Once we arrived Lily immediately went upstairs, god she hates us now.
"What did Samantha say?" I asked.
"Lily needs to go to a session every Tuesday. She said she could have Monophobia(or Autophobia, saw both names) which is fear of being alone." I felt my heart sink, that is truly heart breaking. I sighed and nodded, I headed upstairs and walked in my room where Lily was on the bed, she was staring at the ceiling. I sat down next to her and she looked at me.
"I spend every day thinking you're going to leave me, I get so scared back to the way I was, I've never been this scared." She mumbled.
"I'm not going anywhere, why would I?" I asked her.
"Because I bring everyone down, I'm messed up, I need help, I'm stupid and a waste of space." She said, I felt my heart shatter how could she think so lowly of herself.
"No, you don't. You are beautiful. I wouldn't chose anyone over you. I love you." I told her.
"But how? How can you love me?!" She exclaimed.
"Because you're you." I told her, I hovered over her and I saw a smile cover her lips, I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers. Our lips moved quite fast against each other and I pulled her onto my lap, her hands ran through my hair and tugged on the ends. I can't explain how much I loved this girl, it's just unexplainable. Some one knocked on our door and I felt Lily began to pull away but I pulled her back.
"Ignore them." I mumbled against her lips, I felt her smile before she kissed me again.
"Luke, Lily open the door." I heard Harry call. I mentally groan, he never knows when to fuck off.
"Open the door or I'm coming in." He continued, once again Lily began to pull away but I pulled her back.
"He can do what he wants." I muttered, she laughed lightly before pressing her lips against mine. I heard the door open and I quickly pushed Lily onto the bed and climbed on top of her, I heard Harry gasp and that's when Lily pulled my top over my head.
"Oh god, I'm going." Harry mumbled and I almost began laughing. I heard our door close and I pulled back, I smiled at Lily and she passed me my shirt.
"Come on, let's go." I smiled and grabbed her hand, we walked downstairs and I saw Harry blush, I laughed and winked at him. I grabbed a pack of crisps and opened them, I handed them to Lily and she took one. I smiled as she ate it, she took another one making my smile grow. I kiss her nose before finishing off the pack.
We walked back upstairs and we got into our pyjamas before crawling into bed, I wrapped my arms around her from behind and brought her against my chest.
"I love you." I whispered in her ear.
"I think I love you too." She whispered back and I felt my heart jump, I leaned down and kissed her. I honestly want to spend the rest of my life with this girl.
A/N: HEYYYYYYY!!!
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