Dear Ollie
Unfortunately it was only that night when your presence seemed to calm my sleep. After that night I found it harder and harder to sleep the whole way through the night. Every time I woke up tossing and turning I expected you to still be there. Normally you weren’t and if you were, you were fast asleep on the blow up mattress, my mum had insisted on buying, on the floor.
For the next few weeks we found ourselves getting into a steady routine. Each week my mum would tell you what shifts she was working. If it was an day shift you’d come to my house as soon as you could after school and stay with me until my mum came home at around seven o’clock and if it was a night shift you’d turn up around six and then cook my mother and I dinner before she had to head off for work. You even came and stayed with me on Friday and Saturday nights if that’s when my mum was working. So many times I insisted that you went out and partied with your friends. But you were adamant on not leaving me on my own.
It was flattering to realise you cared so deeply about me, but I still couldn’t understand how, back then, you could show so much concern and worry for me when no one was around and yet treat me like gum on your shoe when we were a school. It just didn’t make sense to me.
A couple of weeks went by and I felt myself gradually became more comfortable with you touching me (appropriately), and hanging out with you became the best part of my day. However, unsurprisingly, school stayed the same. I still only had one friend (which was Taylor), you still blanked me, and the entire school population still hated me because the ‘it’ couple (you and Courtney) supposedly hated me.
By my birthday I would let you touch me pretty much anywhere (appropriate), but I was still a little skittish when it came to my face. When you touched my face it brought back too many horrific memories of the way my face was beaten and bruised by a hand that was suppose caress and care for me.
Before I knew it was the 7th of February; my birthday.
I remember sitting in bed that Tuesday morning listening to music as the smell of bacon became more and more prominent. Prominent, is that the right word to use? I couldn’t work out why I could smell bacon because my mum couldn’t even make soup without blowing up something, so there was no way she was cooking bacon.
I decided to go and investigate.
That night I’d only had about two hours sleep, so after a lot of inner coaxing I groggily pulled myself out of my bed and down the stairs. When I walked into the kitchen, because I was so tired and groggy I didn’t realise there was a pair of shoes by the kitchen door, so of course me being me, I completely stacked it over them. I think I should just admit it now. I am a complete and utter cluts who can’t do anything with out tripping over something, hurting someone, or breaking things. That literally sums me up in a nutshell.
I heard two people laughing. One was a manly laugh, and the other was a womanly laugh, so I just presumed it was you and my mum. “Ollie, help me up,” I muffled into the floor.
“What was that, stupid?” I heard ETHAN say, with a smirk in his voice.
As soon as I realised it was Ethan and not you, I jumped up quicker then a kangaroo on crack. When I was on my feet I looked round the kitchen and was shocked to see Taylor cooking bacon on the stove, and not so shocked to see Ethan sitting at the kitchen table reading page 3 of the Sun newspaper. I presume you know that’s the page in the newspaper with a rather revealing picture of a women, to put it nicely. Personally I, however, thought page three was vile and dehumanising and something that shouldn’t have been printed in a newspaper.
I walked over to Ethan and snatched the newspaper from him and threw it across the room. “Hey! I was reading that! If you wanted to see some tits you could have just asked,” Ethan said teasingly with a gigantic smirk on his face.
“Go die” I muttered, not wanting to go into how disrespectful it was to be looking at images like that.
I then turned to face Taylor. “Not to sound rude or anything, but what are you and the idiot doing here?” I asked. I heard Ethan fake gasp from behind me. I just flipped him off with my back still to him.
“It’s your birthday, so we came to give you your present, cook you breakfast and then drive you to school” Taylor chirped.
“Thank you, but you didn’t have to” I replied with a small smile.
“It’s really no problem” Taylor paused “So, do you wonna open your present? Ethan helped me pick it out, but he got his own card for you”
“Thank you, but neither of you needed to get me anything”
“We did! A birthday isn’t a birthday without loads of cards and presents,” Taylor sang happily before going back to cooking the bacon. “Now go open them!” she demanded.
I sighed and went and sat opposite Ethan at the kitchen table. It was weird sitting opposite Ethan. I had become so use to sitting opposite you.
Ethan handed me two cards and a rather large wrapped present. I opened the cards first. The first card was from Taylor. Do you remember me showing it to you? It was obvious she had made it herself; it had a beautiful drawing of a young girl standing in an empty room staring off into the sunset, holding a fluffy brown teddy bear in her arms. I couldn’t help but stare at it in awe.
When I opened up the card inside it said ‘To Ammie, Happy Birthday, have a great day, love your best friend Taylor xoxo’. It really did make me feel special. She thought of me as her best friend and we’d only known each other just under a month.
“Thank you so much, it’s so beautiful,” I said in awe as I continued to stare at the front of it.
“You’re welcome, I love making cards” Taylor replied as she started buttering some rolls.
“Your cards are beautiful sis, but they’re for sissy’s. Now, Ammie, you will love my card” Ethan said with a cheeky grin, which got me a little wary.
I picked up the other envelope off the table and carefully pulled the card out of it.
On the front of this card there were three teenage girls in their underwear, holding bottles of alcohol, standing in front of three older looking boys who were lying on a bed with kiss marks all over them.
I gave Ethan a flat look.
“Keep going, you haven’t reached the best part yet!” he beamed.
I was kind of scared to open the card by then, but nonetheless I hesitantly did. The first thing I noticed was the condom tapped right in the middle of the card. “Ethan, why?” I asked feeling absolutely outraged and not to mention embarrassed.
“Just read the card! Its pretty self explanatory” Ethan exclaimed.
I sighed, but began to read the message anyway, “To my babe Ammie (the short, sexy, stupid, bae who punched me round the face). In this card I have stuck a condom. From past experiences I have learnt that when girls turn seventeen they like to lose their virginity. I don’t know why, they just do. SO to stop you getting pregnant I went to the trouble of buying you a raspberry flavoured condom, I hope you like it’ Then right at the bottom it said ‘By the way happy seventeenth birthday, lots of love and kisses Ethan, the most awesome, sexy guy in the world, ever <333333333 xoxoxox’. I groaned, I swear that boy has an ego bigger then Jupiter.
“Again, Ethan, why?” I sighed.
“When I was at school do you know how many girls came up and seduced me on their seventeenth birthdays?” I shook my head “There was at least one a month! And I don’t want my babe getting knocked up, so I took percussions for you” He said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
“Err… Well thank you, I guess, but I don’t plan on losing my virginity until I find, you know, someone special” I replied with a shy smile. Back then I didn’t think I would be able to let someone touch me like that for a long time, not after what my father had done.
“I don’t think you realise how adorably cute you are,” Ethan said with a genuine smile “You are one of those people I just want to wrap in a blanket and snuggle in bed with” Ethan continued to smile as he looked longingly off into the distance.
“You seem to be leaving an impression on my brother Ammie. I don’t think he’s ever just wanted to snuggle in bed with a girl. He normally bangs then and then kicks them out” Taylor explained as she set one bacon roll in front of me, one in front of herself and the freaking FOUR in front of Ethan. What is it with boys eating like ten times more then girls and not ever gaining an ounce of weight?
“Hey I’m not that bad. I give them an ‘I had sex with Ethan Darrok!’ sticker, then I tell them to never call me again and then I kick them out of the house” Ethan told me as if giving them a sticker made it all better.
We sat eating our bacon rolls just small talking when I suddenly felt the urge to ask, “Do you know if my mums coming down before we go to school?”
“Err… well. When we arrived she was just getting ready to head up to bed. She told us that she was really tired because of work and that she would see you later when you get home from school” Taylor said comfortingly. I knew she wouldn’t see me when I got in though. I know this sounds pathetic but I actually felt like I was going to cry. Every year my mum missed my birthday because something important came up, and then the weeks following we would constantly argue. You would have thought I was use to it by now, but it hurt more and more every year.
I felt tears forming in my eyes, but I looked up at the ceiling and refused to let them fall. I don’t know why my mum always missed my birthday, but she has ever year since I can remember. One year it occurred to me that maybe she never actually wanted me and that I was a mistake; that I ruined her life, but I don’t like to dwell on that thought too much.
I was so focused on not crying that I didn’t even realise when Ethan reached out and started gently stroking my hand. When I realised, my instant reaction was to move my hand away, but the gesture was comforting and even though I knew Ethan was a heart-breaking player, I didn’t think he would hurt me. I was his little sisters only friend and he cared after her so much. I couldn’t see him trying to ruin that friendship just to get into my pants when there was so many other fish in the sea. So for some weird reason I didn’t flinch away.
“Don’t cry, babe. It’s your birthday” Ethan said as he continued to rub circles on the back of my hand with his big manly hands. Now Ollie, I don’t want you getting jealous. Your hands were much more sex like then Ethan’s.
I gave him a small smile before rubbing the tears out of my eyes.
“Now give me that big bootiful smile of yours” I gave him a big toothy smile “And eat up your bacon. Bacon makes everything better” Ethan told me before taking his hand off of mine and continuing to eat his bacon rolls.
I wasn’t hungry after that though, so I picked up the present that I still hadn’t opened. “What is it?” I asked Taylor.
“Erm I don’t know, why don’t you open it” she replied jokingly.
I nodded and then began to tear off the purple and pink spotty wrapping paper. Underneath the wrapping paper was a beautiful, long sleeve, black, lacy dress, a pair of gorgeous black high heels with a pink heel and platform, and some rather exotic underwear…
“Thank you so much! The dress and the shoes are beautiful! But what’s with the underwear?” I asked curiously.
“Yeah that was Ethan’s idea, not mine” Taylor sighed.
I looked over to Ethan with a questioning look, and for the third time that day I turned to Ethan and went “Again Ethan, why?”
“You see lacy underwear is a good stimulator and I thought you were going to be begging me to take you rough and hard, so I thought you’d like some sexy lingerie to show me” Ethan said smugly, again as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“You are unbelievable,” I muttered to myself, before pulling the shoes out of the wrapping paper and trying them on to see if they fitted. Do you remember those shoes? They were my babies. Whenever you took me somewhere suitable for heels I would wear those shoes. I loved them; I would have married them if it were legal to marry shoes.
I sighed before excusing myself from the table, snagging my pills from the side and heading up stairs. I didn’t want Taylor and Ethan to know about the state of my mental health. To them I was normal and I liked that. They didn’t tread on egg shells around me. They just treated me like pain old Ammie. I wished everyone would treat me like that.
I quickly pulled some clothes suitable for sixth form, covered my tired looking eyes with makeup and took my pills with a large gulp of water. As much as I hated them damn pills they did stop me from feeling depressed.
Before I headed back downstairs I peeped into my mum’s room to see if she was still awake, but she wasn’t, she was fast asleep. A wave of sadness passed through as I retreated away from the door and down the stairs.
When I reached the bottom of the stairs Taylor and Ethan were standing at the front door ready and waiting to go. The drive to school was pretty boring, Ethan’s car was super fast and awesome, but nothing interesting was really said.
When we arrived at school hundreds of student swarmed Ethan’s car. All the girls were gushing about how they missed Ethan’s ‘sexiness’ around school and all the boys were complimenting him on his car. Taylor and I just quietly walked away unnoticed.
The rest of the day was normal for me and before I knew it I was home again.
When I arrived home I wasn’t surprised to find my birthday present and a note from my mum on the kitchen table. The note explained that she had gone on some overnight course. It didn’t even say she was sorry for missing my birthday. I remember letting out a scream of frustration. It wasn’t fair, why did my mum have to do it every year? It made me feel worthless and unwanted. I didn’t even try and stop the tears from falling that time. I just let them fall silently down my face. I didn’t want the present on the table; it disgusted me. I picking up the neatly wrapped present and threw it at the nearest wall. I heard the gift make a sickening smash as I sunk to the floor wrapping my arms around my legs, burying my head in my knees, letting a loud sob rip from my chest.
I sat on the kitchen floor sobbing to myself for what must have been an hour before I heard the front door click open. At that point I didn’t even care whom it was entering my house, I just stayed sobbing on the floor.
I heard the door click shut, and then I heard frantic footsteps heading my way. “Pickle! Where are you? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” I heard you shouting, your voice full of worry and panic.
“I’m down here” I stuttered as another sob ripped from my chest. In the blink of an eye you were squatted down in front of me.
“Amethyst what’s wrong? Talk to me,” you whispered.
I didn’t say anything if you remember I just pointed to the letter, which was lying astray in the middle of the kitchen floor.
You picked it up and carefully scanned over the writing. When you finished you looked up at me and gave me a sad smile before pulling me up off the floor and into a bone-crushing hug. You wrapped your arms round me shoulders and rested one of your hands on the back of my head, holding me to your chest. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around your waist and snuggled against you. You positioned your head on top of mine (because I am so small) and I continued to sob into your chest. You didn’t say anything to me; you just held me close to you and stroked my hair soothingly. That was our first hug you know. That was the hug you had waited for since we’d first met. That was the first hug that I had gladly accepted from anyone in a long time. Until that day I never realised how much I had missed hugging people.
You held me for a few minutes before pulling away and smiling “Alright, wipe away those tears and go upstairs and put on that sexy lingerie, that beautiful dress and the… interesting shoes that are on the table and I will then take you out to dinner. Just because your mum is being a prick doesn’t mean you have to have a crappy birthday,” you said picking up the pile of clothes that were on the table and placing them in my arms.
This is going to sound really strange but after my cry I felt really refreshed and wide-awake. I remember looking at you properly for the first time that evening and thinking ‘Damn he looks hot’. I remember you were wearing a red plaid shirt; navy skinny jeans and your black combat boots. I think you were planning to take me out even if my mum was in.
I nodded and whispered, “Okay” before heading up the stairs.
I was half way up the stairs when I heard you shout “And make sure you do wear the thong, because I will know if you do not”
I groaned and stormed off into my room. I angrily striped out of my school schools and I angrily pulled my tights up and dress on and then I angrily did my hair and makeup. Of course I didn’t put the thong on. If you remembered I hated thongs, in fact I didn’t just hate them, I hated them with a burning passion. I just hated the way they stuck up your bum and felt all-uncomfortable; well for me they did anyway. Maybe I wore them wrong? Then again how can you wear a thong wrong?
Back downstairs I found you in my living room casually flicking through TV channels as if you owned the place. When I walked in you smiled at me and then stood up. I almost jumped for joy when I realised that in my new heels I was wearing I was only a couple of inches shorter then you.
After your initial once over of me you walked over to me and demanded that I “Turn round, and walk forward!”
I hesitantly turned round and took a few steps forward. When I turned to look back at you again you had a sly smirk on your face. “You’re not wearing the thong are you,” you challenged, raising an eyebrow and crossing your arms across your chest.
I was actually kind of taken aback at how you knew that but I still insisted that I was wearing it “I am wearing it” I lied smoothly.
“No, you’re not” you said, your sly smirk growing wider by the second.
“I am” I stuttered under your intense stare. Your sly smirk was off putting and eventually after the longest minute of my life, I caved. “Okay, okay you got me” I finally admitted.
“Now, go put it on” You said you smirk growing even bigger.
“But why?” I moaned.
“Because you’re going to be wild tonight” you said with a genuine smile this time.
“But I don’t want to be wild” I pouted.
“Tough” you said sternly.
“Dickhead” I muttered as I exited the room.
Once I was back in my room I begrudgingly putting on the stupid thong. When I arrived back downstairs again you told me turn round and walk forward again. I did as I was told, and then when I turned round to face you, you had a big grin on your face.
“Good girl” you smiled “Okay right, you look beautiful, so grab a coat or something and lets go” you said grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the front door. I blushed at your comment but luckily I don’t think you didn’t notice.
“Wait!” I shouted.
“What?” you questioned.
“How did you know?”
“Magic” you said with an evil smirk.
The whole evening was perfect. We just sat and talked about anything and everything. We made stupid jokes about every person who walked past the window we were sitting by and we just generally enjoyed each other’s company. Towards the end of the night the waiter that I thought was extremely good looking came out the kitchen carrying a cake and singing happy birthday. By the time he reached me the whole restaurant was singing and I was pretty sure I was redder then a full fat cola can. When the waiter put the cake down he also handed me his number. I blushed even redder, but then you kicked him in the nuts, and, got us kicked out… I couldn’t stop laughing the whole way home. I was laughing so much that you actually had to drag me most of the way.
You Oliver Harrison never failed to cheer me up and that night was just one example. It’s strange how Batman never failed to put a smile on my face. You being my own personal batman, obviously.
Love always, Ammie x