This day used to be happy. It used to be filled with warm laughter, Mrs. Barnes cooking, cake, gifts, and smiles. That was then, Steve learned. Now, Now was some much different. Now, he was alone instead of with his best friend. Now, there was no cake, no gifts, and no smiles to be given, because the person who is supposed to have them isn't there. There was nothing but the empty hole in his heart that seemed to get bigger when he woke up and realized that Bucky was dead.
Bucky was dead and even though it was seventy years later it was only two months ago for Steve. Bucky was dead and forever twenty-seven. He didn't even make it to his twenty-eighth birthday a few months later. Steve remembered that Bucky loved birthdays. He said it was the celebration of life and getting together with the people you'd want to spend your life with. He always seemed to have a big deep meaning for the simple things that Steve overlooked. Now, he gets it. There is no life to celebrate if the birthday boy himself is dead.
Steve remembered having a big plan too. The Commandos were almost done with the war and Steve was gonna take Bucky to the Grand Canyon once they got back. Bucky always wanted to see it and Steve wanted to do something nice for him for once instead of the other way around. Giving and receiving one of Steve's drawings about a happy memory that they made that year had to be getting old. In the war it was good but he was ready to change things up. If only he didn't fall...
Steve closed his eyes and rolled over on the bed. It would just be a normal day. A normal, Bucky-less day. He didn't think he was up to hanging out with the Avengers and he didn't think Bucky would mind. Bucky let him grieve on his parent's birthday. He didn't let Steve forget his Ma even though Bucky didn't like her. Bucky would probably be touched that Steve remembered his birthday and was taking this day to grieve him. Somehow, in the confusion of everything happening so fast the voice in his head, Bucky's voice, because only Bucky could tell Steve what to do and he would listen, was a normal part of his life now.
His voice drowned out Steve's nightmares, his voice that calmed him down. His voice that gave him direction when he was confused and his voice was a friend when he needed something familiar. It wasn't the same as actually having Bucky here (it would never be the same); the voice was made up to comfort Steve in his times of need and was obviously fake but he'll take what he can get. No sense in complaining when he was grateful that he could remember Bucky's voice perfectly well.
He sighed. That voice was strangely quiet and Steve needed direction at that moment. He didn't know how to go about a day like March 10th without being with Bucky in some sort of way. He actually didn't know how to go through any day without Bucky. The Avengers helped. He was calm enough to talk about Bucky around them when they asked or let them into his suite without his permission. Other days he would stare at an interesting spot on the wall for hours on end. The Avengers knew not to bother him then.
He felt as though he was a failure of a friend. He couldn't even be happy on Bucky's birthday. He didn't even know that there were tears in his eyes before he was sobbing uncontrollably into his sheets until he felt a hand touch his back. "Hey Cap, you alright?" Clint had come into his room for some reason. He'll have to ask later. For now, he'll try to calm down and remember the life of the past. "Cap, come on buddy, get up. What's got you crying this mornin'? You only just woke up. It wasn't a nightmare was it?" His voice was calm and the hand on his back was supposed to be grounding but he didn't think that it would work for this situation. "Cap come on, Talk to me here." He mumbled something probably inaudible in the pillow a few minutes later. He still sniffled and tears were still coming out of his eyes but not as much as before. "What? You're gonna have to speak up, can't hear you."
Steve rolled over and sat up on the bed. He pulled his legs up to his chest and looked over at the mirror. His eyes were puffy and red and he had tear tracks on his slightly flushed cheeks. His hair was messy and from sleep and his shirt was wet from crying on that and his pillow. He was an absolute mess.
"I said I miss 'em," Steve mumbled, more like whimpered. He looked up at Clint with wide sad puppy-dog eyes that he got from Bucky and whimpered again, "I just remembered something important and then I couldn't stop crying." He looked back down in his lap when he heard Clint sigh.
"Alright. Why don't you get up, shower, brush your teeth, eat and come to the living room? We'll do whatever to lift your spirits again." After that Clint left and Steve heard him in the kitchen slamming cabinets and rifling through the refrigerator. He got out the bed and trudged to the bathroom setting the water to a warm temperature. When he was mad or upset Bucky would always get Steve in a warm bath and relax for about thirty minutes before drying him off and sitting him on his lap on the couch talking to Steve and getting him to tell him what's wrong. It worked every time. He figured he could do the same thing now. He could take a warm shower and talk to Clint. It would be different but Bucky would be proud that he was at least trying.
He undressed slowly and when he got into the shower he released a soft sigh. The water felt good on his skin and calmed him down very quickly. He used some apple scented soap to rub all over himself and wash his hair. Bucky always said that he smelled like apples, coconuts, charcoal. He thought it was a weird combination but Bucky said it suited him. He smiled once he got out the shower and felt fresh. He walked back to his closet and pulled out what Bucky would've called Steve's comfort clothes. Really, his comfort clothes were Bucky's clothes. When he was small he would wear Bucky's oversized clothes around the apartment when he was upset or missed him. It had Bucky's smell on it, earthy, coffee, and cinnamon, and it instantly calmed him. Bucky liked Steve wearing his clothes. Something about it marking Steve as his when he couldn't and thought it looked cute on the blond. So, wearing the slightly oversized hoodie, long sweats, and slippers that had a shield on the front reminding him of Bucky in that way.
He walked out to the kitchen and sat on the stool next to Clint and took the offered coffee. He looked down when a cereal bowl of frosted flakes was put in front of him and he smiled in thanks.
They sat in silence while Steve was eating, the only noise was the clatter of spoons hitting the bowl and clink of coffee cups landing on the table. "So, what was that about?" Steve didn't get how Clint was a spy. He obviously isn't that subtle in asking sensitive or important questions.
"Umm. Jarvis?" He wasn't going to ignore Clint, that was just rude and Bucky and Mrs. Barnes taught him better than to be rude to people, especially his friends. "Can you call all the Avengers up to my floor, please?"
"Certainly, Captain Rogers," the posh British voice replied. It took Steve some time to get used to but he found a friend in Jarvis. He was nice, kind and was sarcastic when they got into odd conversations. Clint sat there confused but didn't say anything, just continued to eat his cereal of lucky charms. "Sir, would like to know, and I quote 'if grandpa says it's Story-Time and if he needs to bring popcorn or a box of tissues?' "
Steve smiled a little, Tony could get him to laugh at times and feel like punching him another. "Tell him to bring lots of ice-cream and and that yes 'grandpa' says it's Story-Time." Clint snickered in his seat and left to get on the couch with his coffee and cereal. The elevator opened to reveal a grumpy Natasha, Bruce, and Thor that came strolling over to the couch and sitting in the same seats as last time.
"Clint, you were supposed to bring back food and you were off talking and eating with Steve." Natasha grumped and kicked Clint in the shin before sitting down and stealing his cereal. Clint pouted but let it happen anyway and went back to drinking his coffee. They group started some small talk when the elevator door opened again.
"Wait, guys, don't start without me," Tony came with six tubs of ice-cream in a tray, with whipped cream, and other toppings getting carried in a separate one by DUM-E. He walked up to the sitting areas and handed everyone a tub. Clint got chocolate, Natasha got nutmeg, Bruce got strawberry, Thor got vanilla, Tony had coffee and Steve had butter pecan. He never tried that flavor and was intrigued. DUM-E put the other tray on the coffee table that was in the center and went to take his leave. "So, Capsicle, tell us: what's the story today?" It's only been a week since he'd told the Avengers about his and Bucky's meeting. Tony seemed to be into knowing about his life before and well, he just didn't want to be alone with his thoughts and the static in his head today. It was a reminder that Bucky wasn't here and he wanted to be distracted.
"What did you guys do for birthdays as kids?" He looked around the room and some of the expressions turned fond others turned grim or sad. He didn't want to bring up bad memories but he needs to know so he could tell his story.
"I grew up with my parents until they died and my brother and I headed off to the circus. Birthday's were the best with him. He would bring me a cake and steal all the balloons and get the clown to do tricks or something. When I was twelve, he brought me my first bow and it was all archery from there. We'd have big parties and the whole circus crew would join in," Clint smiled at the end of his sentence. He obviously was lost in thought of times with his brother.
"Where's your brother now?" Tony, ever the curious man, had asked.
"Hmm. Oh, he's around. He's got a family to take care of so he left the circus when I came to him with a job interview." He smiled and Steve could tell it wasn't from loss or strain. His brother was very much alive and was living a good life if Clint's face was anything to go by. He even seemed fond of his nieces or nephews. "What about you, Tony? What was your birthday experiences?"
"Well, you know, they were huge, dramatic and had nothing to do with me. My dad was the richest and most famous guy in America, so he'd throw me huge birthday parties but instead of letting me invite my friends, he invited press, a lot of business partners and their brats. He invited his other rich friends and other celebrities that he knew. They weren't great but I got a lot of gifts so I can't complain." Steve nodded his head and thought about Howard as he knew him. He was a really big guy when it came to birthdays and loved making fun of Steve's but other than that he wasn't that bad. Steve knew he missed a lot when he went under but he didn't like to think that the war changed his friends.
"I guess I should say something too," Bruce was quiet when he spoke but his tone suggested that he had something nice to say. "My parents couldn't have children so I was adopted. They loved me and thought of me as their own but they didn't let me forget where I came from. Birthdays were no different. They would wake me up early before school, give me one present and my dad made his special birthday day pancakes. We'd eat them and watch my favorite cartoon before I had to go on the bus for school. When I got home I would bring two of my friends and we'd have cupcakes and then I'd open more gifts and hang out with them until their parents' came to get them."
"That was a cute tale, Dr. Banner. I would have been honored to attend your date of birth celebration," Thor declared. He smiled at Bruce and turned his attention back to the room. "In Asgard, we didn't celebrate birthdays because we can't remember them. Being born one- thousand years ago can make a person forget somethings. But, there was Thor's Day. It was a holiday that celebrates my birth. I can't remember when but it was later declared a day that all Asgardians receive presents, like gift exchanging day expect Thor's day celebrates birth."
"I guess now it's my turn," Natasha looked to be deep in thought. Steve knew she didn't have a childhood because of the Red Room and he was about to give her an out before she spoke again. "In the Red Room, we weren't told our birthdates. It was deemed unimportant and a distraction. We didn't think of birthdays or things like that because all we cared about was training for our future missions. It was like that for years until one day, I think I was about nine when a new teacher came in. The teachers were all harsh and demanding and really mean. Everyone was scared of them, but there was this one teacher that looked really scary but he was the nicest one there. He told us to call him Yasha. Yasha had found our files and told us our birthdays and when we had asked why he said that hopefully one day it would be important. When it was someone's birthday, Yasha would sneak into our room after we were sent to bed and give us cupcakes. He made us appreciate each other and make friends. The Red Room never found out until someone snitched and he was taken away, probably killed. He was so nice. It was a shame he worked for the Red Room and the USSR. He gave us the best birthdays up until I was seventeen. It was the best part of living in the Red Room."
Steve smiled at her and nodded. "When I was growing up my parents were too busy to do anything for my birthday, so I never cared. But Bucky would always get excited and tell me that birthdays were important and that it was celebrating life and my life was something worth celebrating. He'd give me a gift every year and his sisters, ma, and da gave me something too. I loved Bucky's birthday though. His was worth celebrating every year. He would have parties with some friends from school and we would have a sleepover. I'd stay at his apartment the day before his birthday, we'd spend the entire day together. It was the best."
The captain smiled and turned to Tony waving his hand frantically trying to get Steve's attention. Steve nodded towards him and he took that as his cue to speak. "Why are you asking about birthday's, Cap? It's not yours, is it? I thought is was on the Fourth of July."
"I'm asking because, well, today's Bucky's birthday," he heard a sharp intake of breath coming from Clint and a look realization coming on his face. "And I finally understood what he meant when he said that birthdays are important and we have to make sure to be grateful and celebrate it every year for that person. You can't celebrate a birthday for someone if they're dead."
"How old was he?" Clint looked curiously at Steve. His eyes held sympathy for the boy that was only a hero to him but now was something he heard about on a daily basis.
"He wa- was twenty-seven," his voice cracked on was. Using past tense to describe Bucky was hard. It was like a bucket full of ice falling on you on a cold day, you'd feel cold and shiver and want to escape for the warmth that won't come. "Today was his twenty-eighth birthday and I was gonna take him to the Grand Canyon 'cause he always wanted to go."
"Why don't you tell us about one of his past birthdays? Maybe that would help you feel better." Leave it to Natasha to come up with good ideas. Talking about it was the whole reason for calling all the Avengers up here. They wanted Story-Time, they were going to get Story-Time.
"I remember Bucky's tenth birthday like it was yesterday..."
_________________________
Bucky and Steve ran from the school building to their favorite diner. It was cold out but that didn't stop the boys from running all the there to get their favorite snack; milkshakes. Despite Steve's constant sickness and asthma, he still ran with Bucky like his life depended on it. Bucky didn't even stop. Besides the occasional glance his direction, he kept going at a way faster pace than Steve. And even though Steve wasn't supposed to have milkshakes or ice cream, Bucky let it slide. In fact, it was Bucky who first gave it to him despite his protests.
Bucky had shrugged when he told him that he's not allowed to have any, that his parents would get really mad if he did and simply said, 'What they don't know can't kill 'em.' He had snorted and replied, 'But what I do know can kill me.' Bucky just shook his head and ruffled Steve's hair before dragging him into the shop. That was when Steve was six.
Now, at eight, he knows all the flavors and knows to eat and drink everything slowly. He knows everyone's favorites and which sprinkles are the best. "Come on, Stevie they ain't open forev'a," yelled Bucky. He only rushed him when he was really excited. They were meeting his cousins, Kevin and Toby, and then they were going to play baseball. Kevin and Bucky still didn't like each other but they played just because Kevin's parents wanted them to. Toby and Bucky got along perfectly. Toby was three years older but still loved to include his younger cousin and brother in his fun. Bucky adored Toby, but only got to see him a few times a year since he moved to Indiana. Steve dreaded Toby. Just like Kevin, Toby would pick on him and make him feel less of himself. He only stood up to Toby once and came to the conclusion that all Barnes men had a mean right hook. The only ones he didn't experience for himself was Mr. Barnes and Bucky. He knew how important this was to Bucky though, so he did what he alway did, ignore his own problems for Bucky's own enjoyment.
"I'm coming, don't rush me!"
"Well come faster!"
"Well come faster." Steve mocks in a weird voice that supposed to represent Bucky. He meant to keep it quiet but he could hear Bucky's laugh from here. He's not really annoyed, can't ever be annoyed at Bucky, he just loves hearing the guy laugh. It's satisfying making him laugh, a gorgeous sound that he had come from Bucky. "Don't you think Toby and Kevin will be there when we get there." He's finally caught up with the older boy when he stopped to open the door for him.
"So, that doesn't mean they want us late." Bucky ran straight towards the back where he saw Toby and Kevin sitting. "Hi, guys!" He was bouncing up and down like an excited puppy that finally got his treat. He slid into the seat across from Toby and patted the seat next to him for Steve. Steve sat down and shyly smiled and waved at Toby letting out a meek 'hi' before looking down at the table. Toby barely glanced his direction and instead started focusing on taking out a comic from his backpack.
"So, do you want to read this now or go play baseball after our milkshakes and fries?" The comic he pulled out was the new edition of Adventures of Toto. They loved the comic series, especially Bucky, but they also loved baseball, obviously, this was a tough decision. Both Bucky and Steve shared a look, silently asking each other what to do with their eyes. Steve nodded and Bucky smiled widely turning back Toby.
Steve smiled after Bucky, his smiles were always contagious. He thought that today was going to be a good day. Nobody had bothered anyone at school. The normal bullies didn't pound him at all or even came near him today. Bucky had a little extra money in his pocket for treats. He didn't have an asthma attack, and he was almost finished with Bucky's gift. Kevin didn't even bother him yet, he felt invincible. But all that invincibility shattered when he felt Kevin kick him hard under the table. "Oww! What was tha--"
"Toby didn't ask for your opinion. He doesn't care. He asked Bucky if he wanted to play not you."
Toby didn't do anything but nod as if Kevin was being obvious. Bucky frowns and moves closer towards Steve. "I asked him if he wanted to play, Kevin. He's my best friend, he plays what I play. S'what we do." He looked at Kevin for a long time silently daring him to challenge him. Kevin looked away but Toby looked more intrigued than anything else.
"What happens if he can't keep up?" He asked. Toby didn't like him either but he was quiet about it for the most part. He knew how important Steve was to Bucky and he didn't want to lose his relationship with his younger cousin like Kevin did.
"Then we'll play something else," Bucky says defensively. His hand was already migrating toward Steve like he was ready to pull him from another fight if he had too. He would willingly fight his cousins in a public place for a skinny little kid, Steve thought that Bucky couldn't ever get better. But, like every other time, Steve was wrong, because what he said next rocked Steve's little world. " 'Cause I'm with him 'til the end of the line." He turned and smiled at him, then patted his shoulder obviously happy that he was able to silence Toby's next remark and show Steve that he means a lot to him in the same sentence.
"Alright. Then let's just skip the food and play baseball," Toby said after a moment of silence. He stood up and grabbed his and Kevin's bags from off the floor before heading to the door. Bucky sighed and followed them out, Steve hot on his trail. "Oh, and I invited some of your friends that Uncle George says you play with at school. He said they were coming to your birthday party tomorrow."
That was another thing. Toby and Kevin only came to Brooklyn for one of three things; birthdays, holidays, and other random special occasions that the family might have. Tomorrow is Bucky's tenth birthday and like always, Toby and Kevin were here to celebrate it with him. Of course, Steve was going to be there, they basically been attached at the hip since they were three and four. He was considered part of the family now, but that didn't mean Bucky didn't have other friends. His friends were Steve's enemies. They were nice to him in front of Bucky but, when he turned his back they were the ones that tripped him, or laughed at him, or knocked him down and broke his books. Steve hoped that it wouldn't be that bad but, just his luck, Toby had invited the whole group. Josh, Dylan, Ken, Ted, William, and Gilmore were all there smirking.
"Hey Bucky," Gilmore said. "I see you brought ya cousins," he looked at Kevin and Toby then nodded his head. "And that Rogers kid with you." He sneered towards Steve's direction. He stepped forward again and smiled like nothing had happened and beat the bat down in his hand twice. "Ready to play baseball? Since you're the birthday boy, I'll let you make teams." Bucky simply snorted and shook his head. He didn't follow the crowd, the crowd followed him. More importantly, Gilmore followed him, even though he liked to act like the tough leader of the group. Like everybody else, Gilmore looked up to Bucky, and even though he didn't like to show it, he listened to him. Bucky was popular and everybody loved him, hanging out with him was boosting their reputation and making them less likely to be a target for bullies.
Bucky hummed and looked at them thoughtfully. He pointed to two sides of the sidewalk and told everybody who belonged on which side. "Ted, Dylan, Kevin, William and Ken, you guys be on that team." Each boy nodded and went to their side of the sidewalk. Bucky purposely put Kevin on the other team, knowing how he'd complain about Steve while playing."Me, Stevie, Toby, Gilmore, and Josh will be on this team. Anyone wanna switch." Bucky had looked at all of their shaking heads and nodded. Steve could hear the other boys around him groan but he didn't try and hide in himself again. At least they didn't try to immediately change sides because of him. "Well, let's go." They headed towards the closest park in a large group, Toby being the oldest, led the way.
They set in baseball formation and started to play. Steve enjoyed the game even though he couldn't play. He was a terrible catcher, he couldn't hit the ball because he couldn't see, and he couldn't run to save his life, literally. He sucked at baseball but Bucky glared at anyone who so much as opened their mouths to make fun of him. Eventually, Steve had opted out, much to the other boy's pleasure and Bucky's concern. He knew how much Steve loved baseball and didn't like him quitting things because of others. Bucky squinted his sharp eyes at Steve and stared long and hard, tilting his head to the side, scrutinizing him in a way that was a little deep for a nine-year-old. Bucky's stare could probably pierce through souls and he'd be able to pick through every single secret and break every wall and was frankly a little disturbing for a child. He finally smiled and a nodded his head, happy once again, switching through emotions so quickly it was scary.
"Just stay where I can see you," He warned and went to turn back to his game.
" 'Stay where I can see you,' " Steve mocked again, more to himself this time. "What're you, my momma?" He snorted and walked towards his book bag that was lying in a puddle of mud from yesterday's rain.
"Yeah, I am!" Came the reply that surprised Steve, not expecting Bucky to hear and actually answer. He laughed and retrieved his (gratefully) dry sketch book from his bag. Bucky had noticed he liked to draw and had brought Steve the book for his last birthday. It had touched him a lot and made him want to step up his game in gift giving. He'd normally get him a small toy from the gumball machine from the corner store but this year he'd be giving Bucky a picture he drew of the time when they had gone to Ms. Grayshawl's bakery, two weeks ago. He thought Bucky might appreciate it, all he had to finish was Bucky's book bag and Mrs. Barnes hair. He was done and was just finishing the floor tile's detail when Bucky had shown up.
"Ready'ta go?" He held out his hand for Steve to lift himself up then helped him pack his stuff.
"The boys left and I know how awkward you get when you have to say bye so I didn't bother to tell 'em." He grabbed his and Steve's stuff and frowned when he saw Steve's bag muddy and wet. "They didn't put this in that puddle did they?" He could hear the anger seeping into Bucky's voice and shook his head quickly. He hated it when Bucky was angry and didn't want him to lose more friends because of him. He didn't let himself speak, knowing that his voice would come up high pitched and squeaky when he lied, Bucky could see through him anyway. He rolled his eyes and slung an arm around Steve's shoulders. "Come on, let's get home." Home was the Barnes house, which was bigger than his small tenant but wasn't the biggest apartment either. It had become Steve's home over the years of them knowing.
Toby and Kevin walked beside them. It was only five but it was dark, meaning that anyone could be lurking the streets now. They hurried home and luckily didn't get stopped on the way.
"Uncle George, Aunt Winnie, we're back!" Toby shouted, kicking off his shoes in the direction of the door. They heard shuffling coming from the kitchen and saw a dirtied Mrs. Barnes covered in flour coming out. She put her hands on her hips and Mr. Barnes came out of his room with a crying Beth in his arms.
"Toby, you need to be quiet, some people are sleeping," Mr. Barnes scolded. He stared directly at Toby, his normal calm attitude was changed to serious in a second. As much as he appreciated his family he was protective over his kids if anyone so much as woke them up, he was on them. Mr. Barnes didn't particularly like Toby. He knew that Toby could be mean to Steve and he loved Steve like his child. His protectiveness kicked in on instinct but, family was family, and Bucky adored him.
"Sorry, Uncle George," Toby replied without a care in the world. He took Kevin's hand and pulled him towards Bailey's room. They were going to be staying there for the weekend for Bucky's birthday while Bailey and Beth roomed together. They heard the door close and Mr. Barnes sighed, Mrs. Barnes just shook her head and walked back to the kitchen.
"How was school Bucky?" Mr. Barnes asked. He was used to talking around the house in English instead of Romanian like he would prefer to, so Steve could understand. He didn't get how people could be so nice.
"It was fun, Dad. We got to multiplication in math and Gilmore needed help so I got to sit next to him and help him." Gilmore wasn't the smartest kid or the most behaved. Teachers normally hesitated when he had to sit next to another normally well-behaved kids, but Bucky was smart and very well behaved. He easily helps people with subjects they struggle with, that's how he met Gilmore. He was terrible at math but Bucky (like he was with everything else) was a champ at it. Bucky generally loved math. He loved math, science, literature, and history, so for him, school was always fun. "Then I invited some of my friends here for my birthday party tomorrow. Gilmore, Dylan and Ted will be coming."
"Alright, what about you, Steve, how was school?" Ever since he and Bucky met, Mr. Barnes had thought of Steve as a second son. It was something he always did, ask Steve about his day and actually caring about his answers.
"It was fine, Mr. Barnes."
"Good, good." He set Beth down and she ran over to Bucky, hugging his legs than doing the same to Steve. The girl disappeared into the kitchen, probably going to 'help' Mrs. Barnes make Bucky a cake.
"Dad, me and Steve are gonna go play in our room now," Bucky spoke excitedly. He grabbed Steve's arm and dragged him into their room. Bucky's room became Steve's room after the first year of them being friends. Since Steve's parents always got home late he basically lived at the Barnes' place. "Alright Stevie, wha'd'ya wanna play?"
"I don't know, can we read the comic Toby brought you?"
"Sure!"
He pulled out the Adventures of Toto comic and started reading it to Steve. It was something that he loved doing. Sometimes people ever wondered how he and Steve were friends. Bucky loved reading, Steve didn't. Bucky was very smart, Steve wasn't. Bucky was loved and talented, Steve wasn't and all he had was his measly art. They were basically opposites but their dynamic worked. They finished reading by the time Mrs. Barnes knocked on the door to the room.
"Bucky honey, Steve dear, dinner's ready," Mrs. Barnes' voice sounded through the door. The boys came barreling out the room when they heard her knock on Bailey's room to get Toby and Kevin. The dinner table was set with plates of spaghetti (Bucky's favorite) and orange juice. Beth, Bailey, and Becca were already at the table when they sat down (next to each other) at the table. Mr. Barnes came in and sat when Toby, Kevin and Mrs. Barnes, who was sporting an exasperated look, came into the dining room. "Alright, let's eat. Bucky and Steve, I want you to go to bed early tonight, and Bucky you won't have to wash the dishes since tomorrow's your birthday. Becca can do that," Becca huffed and pouted, but made no further protest. "Toby and Kevin, I want you in the bed early tonight too." She sat as she spoke and soon started eating the food after everyone nodded, knowing well enough not to argue with Mrs. Barnes.
Dinner was fast and simple, nobody was really talking about things that were important. Beth and Bailey were only filling everybody about their day at daycare.
At the same time, both Steve and Bucky got up and put their dishes in the sink. On their way back to their room, Bucky kissed all his sister's foreheads and hugged Toby goodnight. Getting ready for bed was always fun. They splashed water on each other while brushing their teeth and throwing clothes at each other while putting on their matching pajamas. They pushed the two cots, that mysteriously appeared in the room one day, together before climbing into the bed and snuggling up.
"What do you want for your birthday, Buck?"
Bucky turned toward him and snorted. "Don't'ya think it's a little too late to ask that? My birthday's tomorrow, Kitten."
"I know that. And I'm not a kitten," Steve huffed. "I meant what do you hope you're getting?"
"Hmmm," Bucky looked thoughtful for a second. "I don't know, Stevie. I think whatever I do get to I'll love it anyway. Then we can use it together. But, I would want a baseball glove, that way you can have my old one and me, you and Dad can play baseball together!"
Just then Mrs. Barnes walked into the room. "That's a nice plan, sweetheart." She commented. "Now it's time to sleep for your big day tomorrow. Love you, Bucky," she kissed his forehead, "Love you too, Steve," she kissed Steve's forehead too. "I don't want to hear a peep out of this room, understand?" She asked mock sternly. After two answers of yes, mom or Mr. Barnes, she nodded and walked out the room, leaving the door open a bit.
"Night, Bucky," Steve whispered.
"G'night," Bucky replied. "Kitten," he added as an afterthought. Steve huffed and wacked Bucky's arm in retaliation.
~*~*~*~
The next day went by fairly quickly the only real complication was when Beth had a breakdown in Mrs.Grayshwal's bakery when they went to pick up cupcakes and it wasn't the one's she wanted. By the time it was three, everything was set up and Bucky was practically vibrating with excitement. He had all his favorite's lined today, chocolate cupcakes, lemon cake with vanilla frosting and chocolate bars. Honestly, Bucky got what he wanted all day.
"Hey, Buck! Your friends are here," Kevin called from the fire escape. He was the only one outside since it was too cold for Steve and Bucky did whatever Steve did. Steve was currently wrapped in Bucky, who was reading Bambi to him. Bucky didn't even look up. He just nodded, even though Kevin couldn't see him, and continued reading. He always got lost in a book, Steve could understand, he got lost in his art. Kevin crawled through the window at the lack of response and exasperatedly said, "Bucky, come on! Your friends are coming. Don't'ya wanna go and get them instead of reading?"
Bucky stubbornly finished his paragraph when he finally looked up. "Sure, I'll get them. Next just don't interrupt me when I'm reading Kev, I don't like to lose my place. Up, Stevie." He tapped Steve's knee signaling for him to get off his lap. Steve did, even though he was somewhat reluctant to remove himself from his comfortable seat, and walked over toward the door behind Bucky. There was a knock on the door and a laugh that accompanied, signaling that Bucky's friends were there. "Hi, guys!" Bucky greeted as soon as the door was open. His enthusiasm was showing again as he smiled brightly.
"Hey Bucky, happy birthday," Gilmore said. He brushed passed Dylan and walked into the house. It wasn't his first time there but he obviously wasn't as common in coming as Steve was.
"Hey, Kevin." He handed Steve a small box and gave him a cruel smile, "Make yourself useful and put that somewhere." It wasn't a question, just another demand, and Steve was stubborn, he stood up for everybody and would fight everything that he considered a bully, but he never stuck up for himself. Dylan and Ted piled their boxes on top of Gilmore's then surrounded Bucky. Steve sighed, he had hoped he be included and be having fun today too.
"Bucky, what kind of cake ya have? Does it have frosting?" Dylan was a chubby kid, always eating, always stealing lunch money, and always asking for food. He knew that hanging with Bucky would give him protection from bullies and Bucky knew it too, but he didn't care he considered Dylan to be a friend.
"Wait, hold on," Bucky wormed between Dylan and Ted going toward Steve, who was still just standing there. "Stevie you don't haf'ta do that all by yourself. Let me help you." He grabbed two boxes and walked with Steve in the dining room, placing them on the table. Bucky looked at him intensely and Steve knew what was coming next, he tried to leave but Bucky had grabbed his arm, "Don't let them push you around alright?" He spoke calmly but seriously. When Steve didn't answer he tightened his grip and frowned. "Alright?" he repeated pointedly.
"Yesss, fine, I won't, promise" he replied. There was no use trying to get Bucky to leave him alone. Just like his father, Bucky was fiercely protective of his family, especially Steve, and just like his mother, Bucky was hard to argue with. Bucky stared straight into his eyes and nodded, pleased with his answer. He let go and swung his arm around Steve's shoulder, walking them back into the living room. "Guy's, let's play a game!" he called. Everyone smiled.
It was around five when Mr. Barnes called everyone in to wash up for dinner. They were having leftover spaghetti and then cake and cupcakes. One by one, all the boys and Bucky's sister's washed up.
"So, Stevie," Dylan started cruelly. "What are you doing here? Bucky invited you," he pushed Steve's chest toward the back window, "to his party? Why?" He smiled and laughed cruelly when Steve stammered and blushed.
"I-I don't know?" It came out as a question. "We-We're friends?" He wished he was more confident in saying that. He and Bucky were friends. Bucky had said 'til the end of the line. He didn't want people doubting that. He himself didn't want to doubt that. He looked down but remember his promise to Bucky. "Leave me alone." His voice still wavered but he wasn't backing down. He could be stubborn too.
Ted laughed and pushed him back even more, "No. I don't think we will, Stevie." Steve was so glad Bucky didn't call him Kitten in public. He didn't think his already damaged ego could take it. He wished Bucky was here right now too, instead of currently in the bathroom probably trying to fix his hair, making it perfect was, as Bucky put it, an art, ('It has to be perfect Steve.' 'It is perfect Buck, it looks better than mine.' 'That's because you don't even try!') obviously very important to him. Mrs. and Mr. Barnes were currently trying to calm two excited kids, Toby didn't care and Becca was probably in her room trying to fix her play dress. He was alone, again. "I think Stevie, we'll see if Bucky really is your friend. Friends help friends and he's not here to help you now, is he?
"Huh? Wha'd'ya-" he was abruptly cut off by two arms around his waist picking him up and pulling him out the window. He tried kicking them off and worming his way out of his clutches, but he just tired himself out, on the verge of an asthma attack. Toby had gotten off the couch by then and laughed at Steve's slightly hopeful expression. He pushed Steve the rest of the way out and climbed out after him, Ted and Dylan following. Gilmore dropped him on the fire escape and laughed then closed the window.
"Look at the big baby!" Kevin laugh. He was holding a bucket of water that the Barnes kept out here in case of an actual fire. He poured it on Steve and as he instantly started shivering. His breaths were labored and he was getting colder as the March air hit his wet skin. "Aww, it's cold. It can't even stay outside." At some point in his existence, he was referred to as an 'it', to freaky, weird and small to be considered a person.
"Did it come with a warning label? Warning: Can't be left outside and must be monitored at all times," Gilmore didn't always have the most clever or smartest thing to say but the message went across either way. "I bet he's such'a burden to Bucky and his family. It's certainly a burden to me." He laughed some more and kicked Steve's already frail ribs. He looked up at the sky and hoped Bucky would come, but knowing it would be no use since he was known to take ten minutes just fixing his hair. He willed himself not to cry, he didn't want to give them the satisfaction. More kicking happened until he was abruptly moved. Hiding a wince he looked down and saw that they were holding him over the edge.
He looked up at Gilmore and Toby, who were both holding him over, with scared wide eyes. "Guys..." he trailed off, voice small and meek. He latched his hands to the railing still shivered and hissed when his already freezing hands came in contact with cold metal. Laughter was loud in his ears and his labored breaths were turning into wheezes, gasps involuntarily escaping his mouth. 'Great', he thought. 'I'm about to fall off of a fire escape while having an asthma attack. Could this day get any better?'
Just as it started, the laughter died down, replacing it was a "hey!" in a very familiar and very appreciated voice. "What are you doing?! Where's Steve?!" The hands that were holding him let go like they touched something hot and he couldn't be more grateful for holding on to the railing. The fall couldn't kill him, Bucky's apartment wasn't that far up, but it looked like it sure hurt. Steve's really didn't want to find out. He heard a gasp that didn't come from him and looked up graced with Bucky's concerned face. "Stevie..." he turned, but not before Steve could see the hatred and anger shining in his normally warm and cheerful eyes. "What did you DO?!" He heard a punch and a hurt yell. Then a constant stream of Romanian that he had no chance of keeping up with, "TATA! Am nevoie de ajutorul tau. Grabeste-te. Toby ce e în neregulă cu tine?!"
"Nimic! Am fost de gând să face de fapt. doar ne jucam. A fost doar o glumă, jur!" Toby responded much slower than Bucky had, rubbing his black eye that Bucky must have put there. Bucky pushed Gilmore out the way and grabbed onto both of Steve's hands.
"Ce vrei sa spui tu au fost glumesc? Asta nu e o gluma. Si ai lăsat să plece!" Whatever Bucky was saying, it sounded angry and worried. He looked down at Steve and attempted to lift him but his hands were too greasy with whatever it was that he put in his hair and Steve's already slippery and wet skin wasn't helping, he frowned and held on to Steve much tighter. The fire escape creaked softly, not really made for seven people to stand on.
Mr. Barnes climbed out and looked around at the situation. Eye's wide he rounded on Toby and Kevin, walking the few steps to Steve and grabbing his arms. "Ceea ce este greşit Bucky. o, Doamne. Toby, Kevin ce ai face?! De ce? Intri. ACUM!" He sounded angry too. Even though it wasn't the time, with him dangling from a fire escape wand on the verge of a dangerous asthma attack, Steve thought that both Bucky and Mr. Barnes sound the same when they are angry. Steve could hear Toby telling them all to go back into the house. Distantly, Steve heard the window open and the voices of the other boys farther away.
"Tata, vreau le plecat. Tot de pe ei. Toby, Kevin, Gilmore, Ted, Dylan toate trebuie să meargă. Te rog, nu vreau să staţi în cazul în care au rănit Stevie." He heard names and saw Bucky look betrayed before a stubborn look crossed his face. He still couldn't follow the conversation but he got the gist from Bucky's facial expression, everybody was leaving. It sounded like Toby and Kevin were too.
Mr. Barnes nodded with a grim look on his face. "Nu vă faceţi griji, ei nu intorc. Hai sa doar-l cald şi -l calmeze înainte sa atac de astm bronşic se înrăutăţeşte. Vorbesc engleza asa ca el ar putea înţelege şi cere sora ta pentru a obţine prosoape." He pulled Steve up and placed his hand on the hard, cold metal floor. In the window, Steve could see that this attracted a crowd. Becca, was the first one at the window, looking at Steve with wide eyes.
Bucky spoke next, albeit frantically and pointed towards Steve. "Becca a lua eu niste prosoape. Rapid."
Hearing her name, she looked at Bucky and nodded responding in the same language as Bucky with more fluently than Toby. "Bine. Voi fi înapoi. nu îţi face griji." She ran off and came back with a pile of towels a minute later. She handed them to Bucky who immediately started rubbing Steve down and wrapping him in the extra fluffy one.
"Thanks." He said absently. "You're okay Steve," his hand was rubbing Steve's back, calming minimizing his wheezes and stopping his gasps. Steve nodded and after a few minutes was dragged back inside. "Sit. I'll be right back." Bucky left Steve on the couch and walked into the dining room where everybody else was.
"Hi, Steeb!" Bailey giggled, popping up from the side of the couch. "Are you cold?" She perched herself on the chair next to him looking at his face with the same with a smile. At Steve's nod, she giggled again and said, "Me too." Steve opened the towel and Bailey took that as her invitation to crawl in with him. They talked about what Bucky might have gotten for gifts when they heard his voice.
"I don't care, Gilmore. I want all of you out. Now! You are definitely not my friends anymore. I never want to see any of you again. And if you go near Steve, I promise you, you'll regret it." Bucky came into the living with a regretful Ted, and sour faced Dylan and Gilmore. He opened the door pointedly and they all filed out.
"Bucky, come on, you're making a mistake. You should kick Steve out instead. He's a skinny little twerp wad holdin' ya back. What is he good for? Come on we're your friends, he's just a burden." Gilmore said. Dylan nodded in agreement, but Ted was smart enough not to say anything. Bucky punched both of them, giving them twin bloody noses.
"He's my best friend. I'd do anything for him, cause I'm with him 'til the end of the line. So, leave now before I give you a black eye like Toby." He slammed the door. Turned around with a huff and faced Steve. "I won't let 'em bother you no more Steve, I promise. Toby and Kevin are leaving tomorrow 'cause that's when Aunt Karen and Uncle Shawn get here. Come on, let's go to our room and get you new clothes." Bucky picked up Bailey and carried her to the table. "Wait here, Bails, we'll have cake soon."
Bucky motioned for Steve to follow, and walked down the hall to his room. "Okay, you don't have any extra clothes here so you can just wear mine." He handed Steve a shirt and pajama pants when he found them in his dresser. Steve slowly got dressed, trying to get the doubt out of his mind, trying to make sure that Bucky won't notice. But like everything when it comes to Steve he did. "Steve, you know I'm your best friend right? You can't listen to Gilmore, he's full of hooey. And you promised me that you'd try and fight back! You could've gotten hurt if you fell, or worse you could've died!"
"I'm fine, m'just a little cold, I swear. And did try to fight them all off, but I was scared. Normally I'd wait 'til the person they were bullying left and I'd try to hold 'em off 'til you come. And I wouldn'ta have died, so what if I did, what difference would it make?"
"It'll make a world of a difference to me. You're my best friend. I don't know what I'll do without you. And if you died, we wouldn't be able to celebrate your birthday."
"So, a birthday is just when you get stuff and cake."
"No, Stevie. A birthday is when you celebrate life, not getting things."
"Life? I don't get it."
"I know, Steve, but you will one day. Just promise me you won't doubt our friendship. You're one of the most important people to me ever. Okay?"
"Yeah, okay, I promise." If Steve wasn't so cold, he probably would've blushed. They hugged and left the room, somehow that conversation made Steve feel lighter. A feeling in his gut lifting, probably because he knows that he and Bucky are forever.
They ate dinner, had cake and cupcakes, ("Don't you kids think that's enough?" "Nope! It's my birthday, Mom, I can have as much as I want." "Okay, just don't blame me when you have a stomach ache tomorrow.") and Bucky opened his presents. He got a baseball from Gilmore, a bat from Ted, a ball cap from Dylan, two baseball gloves from Mr. Barnes and a broken doll from Beth, Bailey, and Becca. He smiled and hugged his sister's promising to let them play with it when they asked for it back.
Around eleven Mr. Barnes had tired the girls out and put them to bed. "I think it's time for you to go to bed, kiddos, don't you think?" Mr. Barnes walked over to where Bucky was showing Steve how to wear the extra glove that now belonged to Steve, ("But it's your gift, I can't take that from you. Mr. Barnes brought that for you. Not me, it's yours." "Exactly it's mine to do what I want with it. I want to give it to you." "You can't do that." "Yeah I can, it's mine.") and patted both of their shoulders. "Come on, you can play tomorrow. Steve's staying the weekend, right?"
"Yep, Mr. Barnes. Come on Bucky, can we go to bed? I'm tired." Steve faked a yawn that he knew didn't fool Bucky. Steve was a terrible liar. Bucky had thought him to always tell the truth, and that affected him a lot apparently. It was odd though, Steve seen Bucky lie straight through his teeth and not look the least bit guilty. He was such a hypocrite at times.
"Sure, Kitten," Bucky drawled. He packed up his and Steve's glove and walked to their room with Steve in tow. "What's wrong? Stevie? You're not hurt are'ya?" He started to look over him, but Steve shoved him a little.
"I'm fine. I just wanna give you your gift." He looked around for his book bag and pulled out his sketch book, clutching it tightly in his hands. "I hope you like it, it's not really good." The prospect of giving Bucky a drawing was a good idea at first, but know when he actually had to give it up he hesitated. Thoughts raced through his mind already. What if he doesn't like it? What if it's not good enough? Why did I think this was a good idea? Why am I freaking out like this? If I can't show my best friend a drawing then how am I supposed to become an artist? What if-
He was abruptly cut off by a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'll love your gift, Stevie I promise. Come on, show me." Steve nodded and ripped the drawing out of his book. He slowly handed it over to Bucky with shaking hands.
"Here, I hope you like it..." he trailed off, not really knowing how to continue that sentence. Bucky looked at it and smiled, then he gasped.
"Stevie..." he looked at Steve with admiration. "You drew this?" At Steve's nod, he put the drawing down and rushed up to him, hugging him tightly. "It's amazing! Thank you," he whispered into his ear. Steve blushed and squirmed at the praise but he was undeniably happy. He did something right that day.
"Alright, boys, sorry to ruin the hug but, bedtime." At the sound of Mr. Barnes cheerful voice, they laughed and changed quickly. "Love you, boys." He turned and look at the picture Steve drew sitting on Bucky's end table. "Steve, did you draw that?" He pointed toward the drawing and looked at Steve.
"Yeah..."
"It's amazing. You should be proud of yourself. You have some real talent there, Steve." He pulled the covers over both boys outed the light and left the room. The only sound was breathing and slight wheezing coming from them until Steve broke the silence.
"Sorry for ruining your birthday, Buck."
"Ruining my...? Are you kidding? If anyone ruined my birthday it was Gilmore, his friends, Toby and Kevin. And besides, this was the best birthday ever!"
"Are you sure?" His own voice sounded small in his ears. Bucky turned around to face him and kissed his forehead.
"The very best, Stevie."
They fell asleep quickly after that, and Steve dreamt about two boys, one brunette one blonde, celebrating birthdays with cake, cupcakes and the Barnes family.
___________________________
"It was one of my fondest memories," Steve finished. He went back for another spoon of ice cream but realized that he ate it all. Huh, that was quick. It was silent until Clint finally spoke:
"So, you're telling us that you're one of your favorite memories includes you almost getting dropped off of a fire escape?" He looked at Steve like he was crazy. At Steve's nod, he laughed and shook his head. "You're crazy, Rogers."
"Yeah, I know. Bucky wouldn't stop reminding me."
Thor looked to be in deep thought before speaking. "Why was this one of your favorite memories?" He looked at Steve like he found a brother or someone who finally understands him.
"Because that was the day that I finally stopped doubting me and Bucky's friendship. I started thinking that I'm better than what I thought, and realized that I had a family with the Barnes too. It's the little things that made it special."
Thor nodded before Tony suddenly shot out of his chair and looked as if he just found the answers to the universe. "I have an idea," he singsonged. "What if, wait for it, wait for it, Jarvis drum roll please." The sound of drums came from the ceiling and Steve smiled. Jarvis could humor Steve at times. "What if we take Cap to Buckster's grave?" He looked proud of himself and his suggestion was so generous and actually sounded like a good idea that Steve could help but get up and hug him. Tony squeaked and patted him on the back. "Well looks like Cap's in. Who else?"
The other Avengers gave their consent and started cleaning up their ice cream. "Alright. We shall visit this grave. In Asgard when a warrior dies, their souls go up to Valhalla. We could not visit them there, but you Midgardians have a completely different custom, it seems."
"How do they get to Valhalla?" Bruce questioned. He and Thor were trying to understand each other still. Bruce was a man of science, for him and Tony everything had an explanation, but Thor came from a world of magic. Magic was his form of science, it just didn't have a clear explanation or origin.
"We put them in boats and set the boats on fire, while it travels down the river and we watch as the soul travels up to Valhalla," Thor responded. Bruce cringed a little but otherwise nodded. He probably wanted to know how that worked but kept his mouth shut. They didn't need another heated discussion about sciences that they both didn't understand.
They rode in Tony's two sports cars to the gravesite in Brooklyn. Bucky wasn't supposed to be buried there but Steve wanted him to be buried home, even though they couldn't find the body. Nobody could deny a crying national treasure and super soldier anything. When they reached the grave Steve's was already down on his knees in front of it. His eyes were watering but he didn't have it in him to wipe it away. They only times he cried in public was when he was seven and he got beat up and when Bucky died. Now, this makes three times.
"Hey Buck," he sniffed. "Long time, no see, huh? I miss you, but you could probably tell with all the blubbering I've been doing lately. I've been doing good considering. I made new friends like you said to do if something ever happened to you. They're nice, you would've liked 'em. They have been keeping me company and it was their idea to come here." Tony cleared his throat pointedly from somewhere behind him and Steve chuckled wetly. "Well, it was Tony's idea. You'd like Tony, he's Howard's son. Much, much smarter than his Dad though, and a much bigger ego too.
"You'd like Natasha, a lot. Hell, you'd probably flirt and charm Natasha. She's a lot like Peggy, just with red hair and higher heels," Natasha laughed in the background and he smiled weakly. "She's deadlier too. I think you'd try to go against her and fail, but then you'd keep trying 'til you realize you can't beat her, then ask her out. You'd love Clint. He's a sniper like you. I can't tell which one of you are better though considering that neither of you had ever missed. You probably would try and go against him too. I can definitely see you guys being good friends. And you two hanging around in the vents being general nuisances." Steve heard an indignant 'Hey!' and laughed, albeit shakily.
"You'd be excited to meet Bruce. You'd want to know more about the Hulk and probably encourage Bruce to let himself be more carefree and help him control his anger. Then, you'll do science with him and Tony all day in the lab and become one of the 'science bros'." Tony and Bruce chuckled in unison. "Then you'd be fascinated in Thor. You'd ask questions and try to figure out if all of the mythology you read to me was true or not." Thor made a questioning noise but didn't make any further comment. "You'd trick- I mean charm, him into taking us to Asgard then get us kicked out the next day because of your curiosity. Then you'd get us back in again and become a regular guest with Thor.
"It would've been fun if you have been here. Oh, and I understand what you mean when you said that birthdays celebrate life. Can't celebrate a birthday if the person is not alive to celebrate it for. Sorry, it took you dying to finally understand. And Happy birthday, by the way. Sorry I couldn't tell you in person." Steve took out the knife that he normally keeps under his pillow and carved the words, 'til the end of the line' under Bucky's description.
The Avengers came closer to Steve to give him comfort and mumbled 'Happy Birthday, Bucky' under their breaths. Personally, Steve doesn't think that he could ask for better friends to do this with.