“How did your evening go?” Emmett asks me when I enter Chamberlin’s Music Store at 8:52 that night.
I smile at him. “I got a lot done. I went to the school and enrolled so that I start on Monday and I also avoided anybody that would recognize me. I know that when people find out that I’m back, I’ll get swarmed with people and I just want to postpone that as long as possible. Have you talked to Eli or our parents?”
He shakes his head. “Nope. I’ll let you surprise them if that’s what you want to do.”
“Thanks,” I sigh. “Do you think you’ll get away with leaving a few minutes early?”
Emmett nods. “Yeah, I’m closing tonight anyway so it’s fine.”
I watch as he clocks out and locks the cash register. I carry my suitcase out to his car and after he locks the store door behind us, he drives us through Great Falls towards the house that I’ve been dreading. I don’t know how he convinced me to stay at the house, but I’m really starting to regret that decision now but I know that it’d be hard to get Emmett to let me take it back.
“Do you think that they’ll hate me?” I ask my brother. “For leaving like I did?”
He shakes his head. “Not at all. I mean, I guess Mom was a bit aggravated, but you know how Mom is. I think it helped with Dad’s election though, so she wasn’t too mad about it.”
“I’m glad to be of service,” I respond dryly. Our dad is the governor of Montana, which is pretty cool I guess, but it’s some pretty intense pressure when elections come around for the candidates’ families and my mom was a stickler for a good appearance, which was annoying all of the time.
“Hey, you know Dad never thought of it like that,” He defends our dad. “Mom milked the sympathy vote for all that it was worth, but Dad blew off all of his debates and everything to help look for you.”
“Right,” I sigh. “Well, I didn’t miss Mom too much, so I guess that makes us even.”
It doesn’t make us even because of what she did, but I don’t tell Emmett that because that’s one of the things that I don’t want Emmett to ever know. “Mom and Dad aren’t even home right now though, they’re in Helena for some conference or something like that,” Emmett adds.
“So it’s just you and Eli at the house?” I wonder.
He nods. “Yep. Your room is still just the same though, so you can stay in there.”
“Great,” I sigh, leaning my forehead on the window. “This is just going to be so much fun.”
“I just can’t believe that you’re back,” Emmett grins beside me. “Just like that.”
“Just like that,” I shrug. “I missed you and I just couldn’t stay away any longer.”
“That’s nice of you,” He laughs, obviously not believing me. He shouldn’t believe me, because I didn’t come back for him. I mean, I did miss him like crazy, but I had other reasons that I choose not to think about right now.
The house is just a ten minute drive away and we ride the rest of the way in silence, just enjoying each other’s company for the first time in seven months. I try to think about how I’m going to deal with Eli when I see him, but I decide that it’s too stressful, so I’ll just wing it when our reunion happens. I haven’t talked to him since everything happened so I don’t know how he’s feeling towards me. I know exactly how I feel towards him though; I hate him. I feel bad about hating him because he’s my brother, but I do. I hate him so much.
“Eli’s home,” Emmett announces, seeing his car in the driveway. “You can go on in, I’ll get your suitcase.”
“You’re the best,” I grin at him before getting out of the car and I start on my way inside. The door is unlocked, so I go inside and I leave the door open for when Emmett comes in with my suitcase.
“Dude!” I hear Eli call from the kitchen. He probably heard the door open and he assumes that I’m Emmett. “Order pizza, I’m starving and I’m not cooking.”
The living room is carpeted, but if it wasn’t, Eli would be able to hear my crème lacy heels clacking against the floor and then he’d probably be able to tell that I’m not Emmett, but that’s obviously not the case and he still thinks that he’s talking to Emmett as I walk towards the kitchen with a confident sideways smile on my face because even though I’m seriously nervous about seeing him again, I won’t let him see that. “You eat too much pizza, brother. You’re going to get fat.”
He looks up at me, obviously startled by my female voice when he was expecting Emmett. When Eli realizes that I’m his long lost sister, his eyes to incredibly wide and he starts to stumble for words. “You… I… Venice… How… When… Holy shit.”
“I know, right?” I sigh, walking into the kitchen. “It’s pretty crazy. I really didn’t see this one coming.”
“You’re like… you’re alive,” He states, stepping forward like he’s about to hug me or something.
“Don’t touch me,” I snap, taking a small step back and I hold my hand out to stop him.
“You’re still mad,” He sighs, leaning against the counter. “I get that, but I’m really glad that you’re okay and that you’re like… alive. I’ve never forgiven myself for what happened to you, Vi.”
“As you shouldn’t,” I say. “Considering almost all of it was your fault.”
“So, we should celebrate tomorrow,” Emmett says, coming into the room from the living room. I smile at him and Eli does the same because he doesn’t know what Eli did and I don’t want to tell him. They’re twins, Eli and Emmett, and they’re absolutely identical. I’m the only one that can tell them apart just by looking at them. I don’t know how I can tell, but I just look at them and I know who’s Emmett and who’s Eli. Our parents are good at deciphering the two as well, but even they get confused sometimes. They’re not like, best friends or anything or at least, they weren’t when I left. They’re friends, but like, in school, they have separate circles of friends and they don’t really hang out when they aren’t at home. “Like, dinner or a movie or something.”
“Celebrate?” I question excitedly. “Yes! We must! When do Mom and Dad come back?”
“They get back on Sunday. Today is Friday, so I guess that’s in two days,” Emmett says.
“I’ll order pizza,” Eli awkwardly clears his throat and pulls his phone out as he goes into the living room.
“Did something happen between you two before you left?” Emmett wonders, gesturing towards the living room door that Eli just left out of.
I shrug. “It’s complicated and now is not the time for complications. Let’s watch a movie and then sleep. I’m pretty tired.”
“Yeah, let’s watch a movie. Your choice,” He says with a wide grin. “Do you still like that Footloose movie? We can watch that if you want.”
“You hate Footloose though,” I say with a small laugh.
“Yes, but my baby sister isn’t dead and if she wants to watch Footloose, we’ll watch Footloose,” He assures me, wrapping one arm around my shoulders as he leads me into the living room that’s decorated just like I remember it. Everything is very sterile and clean thanks to the maid that comes once a week, but there are family pictures hanging up everywhere. Those are for interviews when the interviewer people come into our house to interview our whole family because, like I said, my dad is the governor of Montana. Anyway, my mom put up all of these family pictures so that we look like a close-knit family. I mean, for the most part we’re pretty close, but obviously, I ran away for a reason and half of that reason lives under this roof (Eli and my mother being that half).
“We don’t have to watch Footloose,” I assure him. “What about The Jerk? You really can’t go wrong with Steve Martin.”
“The Jerk it is,” He agrees. Eli isn’t on the phone anymore, he’s sitting on the couch and running his fingers through his blonde hair like he’s incredibly stressed out about something. “When’s the pizza going to be here?”
“Half an hour,” Eli mumbles, flicking on the TV.
I kick my heels off and leave them by the stairs that go upstairs and then I take off my leather jacket, leaving me in a lacy blue shark bite tank top. It’s an expensive tank top too. Actually, so is the leather jacket and pretty much everything that I’m wearing. That’s because Mr. Erickson is very generous with his money (especially when it goes to pretty girls) so he bought me a lot of clothes. “I am seriously starving,” I say.
“How’d you get money while you were gone?” Emmett wonders randomly as he grabs the DVD for The Jerk and puts it into the DVD player before changing the input thing and playing the movie.
“It’s complicated,” I say, deciding that blaming it on complication will be easier than telling him the disgusting truth. He would probably hate me if he found out how I made my money back in Billings for a whole seven months, so I decide that I don’t want to ever tell him that.
“It’s complicated or you don’t want to talk about it?” Eli asks me with raised eyebrows.
I turn and give him a subtle glare that tells him that I don’t want him talking to me, but I answer him anyway. “Both,” I say. “And the movie is starting, so no talking.”
“I don’t think it’s as complicated as you make it seem,” Eli accuses of me. “I just think that you don’t want to talk about it so you blow it off as complicated.”
I puff out my cheeks and stand up from the couch. “Okay well I’m going to go unpack my suitcase. You’ll let me know when the pizza is here, yes?” I speak to Emmett. I thought that I could just sit here and be civilized with Eli, but even when I try to be civilized, he is provoking me. I don’t know if he’s trying to provoke me or if it’s just part of his crummy personality, but either way it’s annoying and I don’t want to be around it.
“Vi,” Emmett sighs, but I don’t stop, I just trot up the stairs to my old room and my suitcase that is sitting outside of the door where Emmett probably put it when we got to the house. The walls are grossly pink and my bed is covered in a silver comforter with silver and black pillows. My dresser is covered in pictures of me and my old friends- friends that I haven’t spoken to in seven months and I’m sure that they hate me now.
There’s Jennifer, who I think always secretly hated me and I never had any idea why, but she’s in a lot of pictures that are stuck to the mirror on my dresser. And then there’s Lexi, and she was my best friend. I told her everything and anything about me, except for the one thing that changed everything. I didn’t tell her about that, I just ran. That’s kind of what I do when things get tough, I run. I never told her that I was going to run either, I just disappeared. It wasn’t fair for her. It wasn’t fair for anybody, actually.
My chest starts to ache when I come across the plethora of pictures I have on my mirror of me and Nate. I actually feel myself wanting to cry just at the thought of him, so I grab the first picture I see of him and I slap it face down on the dresser. I grab all of the pictures of Nate and I flip them face down so that I can’t see them. Out of all of the people I’ve felt guilty about leaving- I feel it most towards him.
I rub my eyes so that I don’t cry for him and I grab my suitcase and start unpacking my expensive clothes. I soon run out of room in my drawers because all of my old clothes are still in there. Apparently, my family was confident that I’d return, because my room literally has not changed at all. That’s unfortunate because I never realized how disgustingly girly I used to be before I left. I grab my old clothes and put them in the suitcase so that I have room for my new clothes and put the full suitcase in the deep closet.
“Pizza’s here!” I hear Emmett call from downstairs after a while, just as I’ve finished unpacking my bathroom stuff.
“Okay, I’m coming,” I call, hurrying out of my room and down the stairs to where Eli is paying the delivery guy at the door and Emmett has two boxes of pizza, taking it over to the coffee table. Mom never lets us eat at the coffee table, if I recall correctly (which I do), but since she’s not here, we get to live a little bit crazy.
One of the pizzas is mushroom and pepperoni and the other one is just pepperoni. Eli passes out plates and then I eagerly go for the mushroom and pepperoni pizza.
“I haven’t had pizza in forever,” I say excitedly.
“They don’t have pizza in Billings?” Emmett wonders with a laugh.
“No, they do, I just didn’t eat it,” I explain vaguely. “Okay, so on a completely random note, who is that guy? The one that works with you in the music shop?”
“Ben?” He clarifies. “That’s Ben.”
“Tell me about him though,” I insist. “He’s kind of cute.”
“Um, well his full name is Benson Chamberlin and he’s the grandson of the guy who started the music store, which is why he works there. I mean, he plays guitar and I think he sings a little bit. Anyway, we never really have the same shifts, so I don’t really know all that much about him,” He explains. “Except for the fact that he’s trouble, so you should stay away from him.”
“Em,” I laugh. “I live for trouble.”
“Since when?” Eli wonders. “You were just the perfect little governor’s daughter when you left.”
That’s true. That’s painfully true, actually. Before all of this happened, I was the perfect little governor’s daughter. No drinking or flirting or partying or anything at all. I studied, I had good grades, I was in sports, I volunteered at a homeless shelter, I wore conservative clothes. I was the perfect daughter.
“Since things happened,” I snap at him. “Circumstances can change a person, El.”
“Okay seriously, what happened between you two?” Emmett demands, obviously sensing the tension between me and Eli.
“Not the time for that,” I say, shaking my head and taking a bite of my pizza. “How do you think Monday will go when I show up at school?”
“It’ll be exciting,” Emmett says, temporarily forgetting about the conflict between me and Eli, which I’m grateful for. “You’ll be stared at a lot and there will probably be news crews there to see your return.”
“I’m sure excited for it,” I chirp with a smile. “How’s Lexi, do you know?”
He shakes his head. “I haven’t spoken to her in a few months, but I think she has a boyfriend. I don’t know, I see her in the hallways a lot with… I think his name is Brent or something like that.”
“Brent Taylor?” I wonder with raised eyebrows. “You go, Lex. She’s had a crush on Brent Taylor since middle school. And Jennifer?”
“She dropped out at the beginning of the school year. I heard she’s pregnant,” He fills me in.
“That’s not very surprising,” I say, remembering how promiscuous she used to be.
“Aren’t you going to ask about Nate?” Emmett wonders curiously.
My chest starts to hurt again but I stuff my face with pizza and I try not to let it show. “I don’t want to know,” Honestly, I have no idea what I’ll do if I find out that he has a girlfriend. I mean, I know that he’ll never forgive me for what happened, but I just won’t be able to see him with another girl, I know that.
“But-“
“I don’t want to talk about him,” I say quickly.
“That’s one thing that hasn’t changed about you, Venice,” Eli tells me. “You’ve always loved avoiding tough discussions.”
I sigh an annoyed sigh and put another large piece of pizza on my plate before standing back up from the couch. “Gosh, Eli, I just got back. I just want to spend one night with my family before shit hits the fan and I didn’t think that was too much to ask for. After all that you’ve done, I didn’t think it was too much to just want one nice night, okay?”
“Vi,” He starts to say, but I cut him off.
“Just… just fuck you, El,” I snap at him before stomping away and going upstairs. I finish eating alone in my room and then I decide that I’m super tired and I want to sleep, so I change into some of my old pajamas. I have new ones that I brought back from Billings, but they’re silky and not as comfortable as just plaid shorts and a t-shirt, so I settle for my old pajamas instead of the new stuff.
I almost expect Emmett to come into my room and try to apologize on Eli’s behalf or try to talk to me or something, but he doesn’t. I get into my old bed that still smells like the old, innocent me who used to wear berry perfume. After I turn my light off, I fall into this dark pit of sorrow and grief and dark, repressed memories. I do this every night and I feel like it gets more painful every night, these memories that haunt me in the dark. It starts in my chest and then it starts to spread like roots under a tree. The burning starts to move into my neck and then my head and my belly and my legs and arms and suddenly, my whole body burns with the burden of unwanted memories.
I press my palms to my closed eyes and I turn onto my side, curling into a ball as I start to cry. I remember that night with Eli and I remember the next day with my mom and I remember Mr. Erickson and I remember Nate and I remember every single bad thing that has ever happened to me and I remember every single bad thing that I have ever done. And I cry myself to sleep as per usual.