CHAPER 41
CLAIRE
The text is accompanied with a picture of a map of Riverside Park, a red dot pinpointing where he wants me to meet him.
I blink twice, staring at the message, and the Z makes my insides churn with anxiety. My fingers start trembling, my grip on the phone loosening. I knew Zayn had Michael, but this makes it that more real. My lungs deflate of air as my face pales, unable to look away. This is a threat. If I don't meet him tonight, Michael will die.
It makes me lose balance, and I struggle to stand upright, making Niall stand up from the couch.
"Claire! What is going on?" he shouts as he makes his way over to me. I lock the phone before he is able to read the text, and he grabs my arm, making sure I don't fall down.
"Nothing, I'm okay I just got light headed for a second," I lie, trying my best to force a smile. It takes a few seconds for Niall's look of worry to melt away, and he lets me go as I find balance again. He strokes my back and I shake my head to reassure him.
My eyes lock on the digital clock under the television. It's 7PM. +60 minutes till' I have to meet Zayn in Riverside Park. I look up at Niall's blue eyes and I can't help but wonder if I'll ever come back to those eyes.
I take a breath and Niall shows an uncertain squint in his eyes. What do I do? Zayn said to come alone. And there's no way that'll happen if Niall or Harry sees that text. I can't tell them.
"Come sit down," he soothes, leading me over the couch. I do as he says, sitting down right next to him. He puts his arm around me, holding me tightly.
"It's gonna be alright, Claire," he whispers into my ear, but it doesn't comfort me at all. The only way for it to be alright is if I meet Zayn in an hour. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do everything to save Michael.
"I know," I say. Because I have already made up my mind. I am meeting Zayn.
"Can we get out of here?" I ask, leaning into his chest. By the time we get back to the hotel, it will be 7:30. That should give me enough time to find a way to sneak out of Niall's hotel room without him noticing.
"Of course," he lets out a relieved sigh, lifting me up with him.
"I just... have to say goodbye to Harry first," I say, backing away from his arms around me. He lets me go, nodding slightly with a displeased glance. He walks to the elevator.
"See you downstairs," he smiles weakly, pressing the button as I walk to the office.
I knock twice, but I hear no response, so I let myself in. He stands leaning towards the window, his arms placed firmly on the bottom of the window frame. His head turns towards me, and he stands upright. His shirt has a total of three buttons buttoned, and his jeans are low on his hips.
I see that his eye sockets are sore, and his back crouches slightly. He has a sturdy body, but somehow I've managed to weaken it by not loving him. And now I'm leaving him once more. Will I ever be able to forgive myself for hurting him like I have?
"Har-" I start, but he abruptly moves towards me, holding my voice.
"Are you leaving?" He asks, inches away from me.
"Yes," I say, and his shoulders lower. He closes his eyes for a second, and I expect there to be a tear, but he must be all dried up. He has cried far too many tears than what he deserves.
I place my hand on either side of his shoulders, holding him. I look into those green eyes of his, and I am preparing myself to leave them forever.
"Will I ever see you again?" he asks, his voice unsteady and fragile. His muscles stiffen under my touch as I look down on the ground.
I am meeting Zayn in an hour, and there is no telling if I'll come back. Zayn sent me home once, but I don't think he will do that again. I probably won't ever come back.
My lungs inhale unsteadily, and I keep from losing balance by tightening my grip on Harry. This will be the last time I see him. I'll be dead or held captive for the rest of my life. The realization that this is the last I'll see of his green eyes, surprisingly overwhelms me. Everything hits me like a blow to the chest. I smell his cologne, and it feels familiar. I let out a breath that feels like it has been stored in my lungs ever since I woke up a month ago.
No matter what, I am handing myself over to Zayn so Michael can live. This is the last he'll see of me. And I can't lie to him.
"No, you won't." I answer in a whisper, gathering the courage to look him in the eye. I see them lose color. His muscles weaken and I see his soul tearing in the depths of his eyes. It makes his eyes turn shiny again, and my gut drops when I have to back away. I have to leave him. For the third time.
"I can't live without you," he shakes his head, pursing his lips together. I want to make his pain stop, but I can't. I have to leave him. For good this time.
"Yes you can, Harry. I was a part of your life for 5 months, and you had a life before me. Please, live it. For me," I plead, pressing my palms onto his chest, getting close to him.
"I don't want to go back to the life I lived before I met you, please! It was miserable!" His voice strengthens and his desperation reaches the surface, as he grips my waist tightly.
"You will find happiness again Harry," I say, gently placing my hand on the side of his face. He shakes his head in denial, as my eyes well up.
"It just won't be with me," I shrug as a tear falls down my cheek. I can't believe I have to say goodbye to him like this.
"I have to be with you! You can't do this to me!" He cries, grabbing ahold of my hand, pressing it against his chest.
"I have to go," I say quietly, running my fingers through his hair for the last time. He breathes heavily, almost panicked, as I stare into his eyes.
I lean close to him, our bodies pressing together as I connect his lips to mine. This will be our last kiss.
He puts his hand on my neck, a tear rolling from his cheek to mine. My shoulders tense as he holds me tightly, and my heart breaks when I back away, and walk out the door quickly.
•
•
We arrive at the hotel, and Niall strokes my hand as he stops the car. I couldn't stop crying after I left Harry. He was utterly broken, all because of me.
"Claire, he'll get over it, you shouldn't feel this bad," Niall tries to comfort me, but I only shudder at the reminder. He said he doesn't want to live without me.
"Do you want to go inside?" He asks as I stare at the parking lot. Riverside Park is a 20 minute walk from here. The sun is setting, and the city of lights of New York are getting apparent in the darkness.
"No," I shake my head.
"Can I get a few minutes alone?" I ask, turning to him. His brows furrow as he shuts the engine off, his lips pursing together.
"Okay. I'll be in the lobby, waiting," he reassures and I blink and nod my head. He gets out of the car, and I'm left in the silence. The lights in the car dim down and I look over my shoulder to check if Niall can see. But he went into the hotel building. I take a note that I wrote to Niall before I left Harry's out of my pocket, putting it on the driver's seat. I don't have time for a proper goodbye, so I just had to write all I wanted to say to him.
I open the car door, and bring out my phone from my pocket. I find the spot that was marked with a red dot on Google Maps, and I start walking. A couple of minutes pass and I'm out of sight of the hotel, of the car... That was the last I'll see of Niall.
As I warily stroll down the streets of New York, surrounded by people walking. Living their carefree lives, as I walk to a certain death. I take everything in, their smiles, their conversations, their joy. Knowing that I'm giving Michael all of this, makes me feel like it's all worth it.
The sounds fade away as I walk at the edge of the park, looking at the water beside the path. I check the phone, and I'm minutes away.
Either Zayn will kill me, or I'll be captive for the rest of my life. I would much rather die. I remember the time where I wasn't afraid of him. I even loved him.
But I got better. I could start fearing him, hating him. And that was a gift in itself. Knowing I'm in control of myself. I will never love Zayn. I have Niall to thank for that. He made me better.
Growing up, I didn't know what it was like to be deeply, madly loved by someone. Until I met Harry. He loves me so much, even when I couldn't love him, even when I hurt him. It was as close to unconditional love as I think I'll ever come.
I reach the red dot on the map, and I sit down on a bench, the cold air reaching underneath my clothes. I curl up, hugging my legs. I close my eyes as I breathe in the crisp air, waiting for his voice to appear. I gaze at the river, the tiny waves washing up at the shore. My fingers start freezing, so I cover them with the arms of my sweater.
I can't believe that after all of this, this is how it's going to end. Zayn is going to win.
"Hello love," the long awaited voice appears behind me, and I turn around to see him. His sculpted face, his black stubble and his dark eyes.
"Zayn."
-37 -51 -48 -48
A/N
HEYY guys what's up, did you like this chapter? hope you did!
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