Music is "Compass" by Zella Day.
Picture is Natalie Dormer as Maria Stark.
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CHAPTER TEN: The Secrets We Carry
{January 1, 1953 - Fifty-Nine Years Ago}
"Sergeant Barnes!"
I turn to see a familiar soldier calling my name: Private Maria Lorraine, or as she's now known as Maria Stark. She flirted with Steve on many occasions, even laid a kiss on him once. It was always awkward, but she was young. Now she's grown into quite the dependable soldier, works for S.H.I.E.L.D., and married Howard.
Maria Lorraine is the one girl who's finally snagged Howard Stark. "Yes, Private Stark?" I reply, using her formal title with a teasing smile.
Maria walks over to me, folding her hands behind her back. "Director Carter requests your presence in her office."
"Did she say why?" I inquire, placing my previous assignment into my field bag.
Maria shakes her head. "Not to me, Ma'am."
I nod, sighing. "All right, then. Thank you, Maria. I'll head over right now."
"I meant to ask earlier," Maria inquires. "You're coming to the one year anniversary party on Saturday, right? It wouldn't be the same without you."
I nod, flashing a smile. "Of course. It's not every day that Howard Stark celebrates his one year anniversary."
Maria laughs, and I walk up to the Fort Lehigh ammunition building. On the outside of this building, it looks like an average American Army training facility. But, once I step inside, I see dozens of agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. bustling around. An equal selection of men and women, old and young, doing all sorts of tasks for the brand new intelligence organization. Three years running, and S.H.I.E.L.D. is blossoming into a beautiful part of the American government.
I get several nods as I walk through the room of offices towards the back. I can see through the glass wall that separates her office from the rest of the building. This way she is separate, but still able to oversee everything that goes on.
I spot the twenty-nine year old woman talking to someone else in her office. A man, a decade or so older, with a dark complexion. When I knock on the door, Peggy waves me inside. "You wanted to see me, Director?" I ask, formally addressing her to show respect.
Peggy nods and waves me over to her and her guest. "Yes. Sergeant, this is Gordon Langdon of the FBI. Agent Langdon, this is Emma Barnes. She helped found S.H.I.E.L.D. and is one of my most trusted friends."
Agent Langdon extends his hands, a polite smile on his face. "Pleased to meet you, Sergeant Barnes. You and Director Carter have done a marvelous job with S.H.I.E.L.D."
I nod in thanks. "Please, the pleasure is all mine."
"Agent Langdon is in charge of overseas intelligence," Peggy explains. "I was meeting with him to discuss an exchange program between our agencies. He would take two or three of ours over to Germany to acquire intelligence. We would take the same number of FBI to show them how S.H.I.E.L.D. works."
"That sounds very interesting," I reply.
Langdon places his fedora onto his head, tilting it towards Peggy and I. "Well, I'll leave you two ladies to your agency. Think about what I offered. You have until the end of the week to reply. Have a beautiful day."
Peggy waves in Maria. "Private Stark will walk you out. Thank you for coming, Agent Langdon."
Maria walks Langdon out, closing the office door on their way out. I turn to Peggy. "FBI? Since when are we getting into bed with the Federal Bureau of Investigation?"
Peggy takes a seat in her office chair, folding her hands on her desk as she looks up to me. "They extended their hand for this offer. I think it might be a wise idea. I've been trying to get the United Nation's permission to send agents over to Europe since we started. So far, they're not convinced we're established enough. If we go under the guise of the FBI, there will be no questions asked."
"What does this have to do with me?" I ask.
Peggy sighs. "Though I'm grateful for the offer, and I will probably take it, I don't trust the FBI as much as I'd like. If I'm going to send an agent or two to Germany, I want them to be my best. I have a feeling the FBI is going to try to keep you in certain areas of the country, restrict your access to real intelligence. If I'm going to accept this offer, I want your word that you'll be one of the agents I send."
It takes me a moment to process her request. "I don't know, Peg. Germany is far away. I don't know if I can leave Rose. I'm all the family she's got."
Peggy nods thoughtfully. "I know. I know what I'm asking is a lot, and I completely understand if you say no. I can find other agents for this mission?"
I cross my arms. "Who, might I ask?"
Peggy contemplates for a moment before saying, "Kowalski and Judge."
I make a face of disappointment. "Kowalski shot himself in the foot last week, and Judge wouldn't get passed the drug tests."
Peggy smirks. "I know."
With a heavy sigh, I shake my head. "I know you have better than that. Anyone is better than Kowalski and Judge. Send Daniel, send Maria. Hell, send Howard. At least he can sleep or drink himself close to anyone."
Peggy laughs, leaning back in her chair. "You see where my choices lie."
"Why didn't you tell me about this exchange before?"
"I didn't know until a few days ago. I don't keep secrets from you, Emma. We've been through too much together. We both lost our loves eight years ago." My eyes shift away from hers. "Besides, the secrets we keep have a habit of burying us. I owe you the truth."
I sigh. "How long would I be in Germany?"
"Six months. If you want to come home after that, you may. Every six months, we shift out new agents to learn about each of the agency's tactics. You'll be going undercover as a school teacher in East Berlin."
"Six months..." I repeat to myself. "All right. I'll do it, but under one condition."
"Name it."
"Ask Maria about being the second agent in the exchange program."
Peggy nods with a smile. "Done."
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{May 7, 2012 - Present Day}
As the scientists work their magic on finding the Cube, I show Steve around the Helicarrier. Though I'd never been on one before, Rose showed me many of her schematics when she was designing them. I tell him stories of how she got the inspiration for certain parts of the ship. Of course, the designs have been altered over the years, but the core structure remains the same.
When we enter the observation deck on the lower side of the ship, I tell him another story. "When she was designing this part of the Helicarrier, she had a four year old and a two year old." I smile to myself at the thought of Winnie and Denis being that young." She left her office in the Dugan home for just a second. While she was gone, Winnie spilled her cup of juice on the schematics."
Steve chuckles. "I bet Rose was pissed."
"She was," I laugh, leaning my elbows against the railing. The entire wall ahead of us is glass. We can see for miles across the sky, the sun high in the air. The clouds below us look like foam from a bubble bath. "This was always her favorite part of her design. Even though I never got to come here, she always told me how beautiful it was."
"It feels like you're flying," Steve agrees. There's a moment of silence before Steve turns towards me. I keep my eyes on the horizon, sensing a tense question coming. "Why did you jump in front of me?" he asks again.
"I told you. I heal, you don't. Better me than you."
Steve shakes his head. "Not good enough. I've taken way worse than a little energy blast. I've been shot, stabbed, burned, electrocuted, poisoned, and God knows what else. I know you're protective of me, but you're different now, Emma."
"Are you saying that is a bad thing?" I inquire.
Steve shrugs. "It's not bad, I don't think. It's not good, either. It just is. You're reckless, Em. You're taking risks you never would have back when you were young."
I shrug, turning to look at him. "I grew up, Steve. People change, even immortal ones."
"Why do you keep doin' that? Are you trying to prove a point?"
"Yes."
Steve wrings his hands. "Y'know, if you keep risking your life like that, you might just end up dead one day."
I shrug. "Then my debt will have been paid."
"You're trying to pay for what you did as Lady Justice," he puts together. "What you did was necessary, Emma. You did what you had to to keep HYDRA from growing back."
"I told you that because that's the lie I tell myself," I admit, closing my eyes. "Every time I close my eyes, I see their faces. Every night I relive my life over and over. You have photographic memory. You remember every moment, every word, every thing that has ever happened to you."
Steve nods. "Side affect of the serum."
"Mine is my dreams," I tell him. "My dreams are memories mixed with my worst nightmares. They turn something as happy as Rose and Dum Dum's wedding into a nightmare. Sometimes memories are the worst form of torture." I open my eyes to meet his worried blue. "I'm reckless because I need to pay for what I've done. The killing, the torture, the merciless shedding of blood."
Steve grabs my hand, reassuring me. "You helped people, Emma. Peggy told me some, Rose told me some, even Grant told me some. You took down Nazi camps. You released prisoners. You helped Jews, gays, and disabled people escape the capture of Hitler's forces. Hell, you even took down one of the Soviet Union's Red Rooms." He squeezes my hand. "You did good, Emma."
I look away from his intensity. "Did I? Did I do good to help people, or did I just take out my anger on the nearest enemy?"
Steve moves his arm to wrap around my shoulders, pulling me into his embrace. I lean my head against his shoulder as we look out onto the horizon. "We all do some things we regret when we're trying to survive."
I sigh, leaning in closer. "I have missed you."
He places a kiss on my forehead. "Me, too."
·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·
After a few hours, Steve and I head to the lab to make certain that the Tin Man and Cowardly Lion haven't blown anything up. The first thing we see when we get to the lab is Tony zapping Bruce in the ribs. He leans in closer, looking into his eyes, waiting for a response. "Nothing?"
"Hey!" Steve shouts as we enter. "Are you nuts?"
"Jury's out." Tony turns back to Bruce, who continues to work despite the distraction. "You really have got a lid on it, haven't you? What's your secret? Mellow jazz, bongo drums, huge bag of weed?"
"Is everything a joke to you?" Steve inquires rhetorically.
Tony turns back to him. "Funny things are."
"Yes," I agree, sarcastically. "Because it would be absolutely hilarious to have the Hulk go crazy inside the Helicarrier." I nod to Bruce. "No offense, of course, Doctor."
Bruce nods shyly. "None taken."
"Threatening the safety of everyone on this ship isn't funny," Steve chastises. Then he turns to Bruce as I did. "Again, no offense, Doc."
Bruce chuckles. "It's all right. I wouldn't have come aboard if I couldn't handle pointy things and a lot of worrying about...the other guy."
Tony walks around the station, taking the electric pointer he used on Bruce's ribs and pointing in his direction. "You're tip-toeing, big man. You need to strut."
"And how exactly would that help us solve the problem?" I ask, crossing my arms over my uniform.
"You need to focus, Mr. Stark," Steve agrees.
Tony scoffs, "You two think I'm not?" He walks back over towards us, a bag of blueberries in hand. "Why did Fury call us in? Why now? Why not before? What isn't he telling us? I can't do the equation unless I have all the variables."
"You think Fury's hiding somethin'?" Steve asks, his voice calmer this time.
"He's one of the oldest members of S.H.I.E.L.D. that's still alive and active, Steve," I reply. "He's the director, for the King's sake. I know a few of the secrets he even keeps from himself."
"He's a spy," Tony adds, throwing some blueberries into his mouth. "Captain, he's the spy. His secrets have secrets."
"'The secrets we keep have a habit of burying us,'" I quote. "That's what Peggy Carter used to say to me."
Tony rolls his eyes. "Good ole Godmother Margaret Carter. She had quite a few secrets, too." He narrows his eyes at me. "A lot of them, I'm sure, are about you, Ms. Lécuyer. Or is it Barnes? Holmes, perhaps? Why so many name changes, again?"
"You know damn well why," Steve retorts, getting defensive.
"Chill, Capsicle. I'm just trying to make a point." He turns to Bruce. "It's bugging him, too, isn't it? The secrets Fury keeps."
Bruce looks over at Tony when he stops speaking. "Uh..." Bruce waves his hands as if to avoid the problem. "I just want to finish my work here and--"
"--Doctor?" Steve coaxes.
With a deep breath, Bruce takes off his glasses. "'A warm light for all mankind,'" he quotes Loki from earlier. "Loki's jab at Fury about the Cube."
"We heard it," Steve replies.
"Well, I think that was meant for you." Bruce motions to Tony, and Tony offers him his bag of blueberries. Bruce takes a few, hesitantly, and continues. "Even if Barton didn't tell Loki about the tower, it was still all over the news."
I turn to Steve to explain. "The Stark Tower was a building we passed on the way from Manhattan to Brooklyn the other day. Do you remember?"
Steve nods. "That big, ugly--" Tony shoots Steve a glare, "building in New York?"
"It's powered by an arc reactor, a self-sustaining energy source. That building will run itself for, what, a year?"
Tony nods. "It's just the prototype." He turns to Steve and I. "I'm kind of the only name in clean energy right now. That's what they're getting at."
"So, why didn't S.H.I.E.L.D. bring him in on the Tesseract project? What are they doing in the energy business in the first place?" Bruce shrugs, looking more and more uncertain as he talks.
Tony walks over to one of the holoscreens. "I should probably look into that once my decryption program finishes breaking into all of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s secure files."
Those words catch all our attentions. "I'm sorry, did you say--"
Tony walks over to us, the tiny holopad in his hand. "--Jarvis has been running it since I hit the Bridge."
I breathe a skeptical laugh. "I saw you run your hand under the screen. I knew you were up to something. I didn't, however, think you'd go this far."
Tony shrugs, putting the holopad in his pocket. "In a few hours, I'll know every dirty secret S.H.I.E.L.D. has ever tried to hide." He nods towards me. "I wonder how many of those involve you from your Lady Justice days. What happened then, by the way? No one seems to know, exactly, per say."
I give him a harsh stare. "Be careful, Stark. I'm much older and smarter than you."
Tony rolls his eyes. "Debatable." He offers his blueberries to Steve. "Blueberry?"
Steve doesn't take the fruit. He only stares at Tony with disapproval. "Yet you're confused about why they didn't want you around."
"An intelligence organization that fears intelligence? Historically, not awesome." He turns to me. "You would know, wouldn't you? Didn't you live in Germany during the Cold War? Lots of fear of intelligence there."
"I think Loki's tryin' to wind us up," Steve interrupts. "This is a man who means to start a war, and if we don't stay focused, he'll succeed." He looks to each of us in the room. "We have orders. We should follow them."
"Following's not really my style." Tony tosses another handful of blueberries into his mouth.
Steve smiles to hide his frustration. "And you're all about style, aren't you?"
Tony motions with his fingers as his words turn to knives. "Of the people in this room, which one is, A, wearing a spangly outfit, and, B, not of use?"
"How about which one of us is trying too hard to surpass his father?" I retaliate.
Tony glares at me as Bruce replies, "Steve, Emma, tell me none of this smells a little funny to you."
Steve looks to the two men, then towards the door. "Just find the Cube."
He walks off, and I turn to Tony with a scowl on my face. "You need to be more thoughtful of what he's just been through, Tony. He's still trying to adjust. Have a little sympathy."
Tony doesn't reply, so I turn to walk after Steve. I catch him as he's turning to walk down an empty hallway, determination in his step. "Steve!" I shout, running up behind him. "What are you doing?"
"Stark and Banner seem to be convinced that something fishy is goin' on. I intend to find out, if anything, what."
"Steve--"
"--Don't try to stop me, Emma."
I grab his arm, forcing him to stop and look at me. "And who told you I wanted to stop you, Steve? Breaking the rules is kind of our thing. Or have you forgotten the time we disobeyed orders and infiltrated a HYDRA base wearing tights?"
Steve smirks. "I remember."
"Good." I drop my arm and continue walking. "Obedience isn't patriotic. Doing the right thing is. So let's go find whatever it is that they don't want us to find, yes?"
END CHAPTER TEN: The Secrets We Carry.