And I was late.
Of course I was fucking late. It doesn't even matter how early I leave for any occasion, it's like my fate is to be behind schedule.
However, this morning, it wasn't my fault. It was that boy. That little twink which would not leave my sex-crazed mind.
Oh my god, his hair, his eyes, his body, his voice, his personality.
I allowed my eyes to close as a smile crept across my face at the mere thought of this fictional character. He made me feel so many things, I just hope one day I can meet someone like that. Even someone with a quarter of his strength over me would be enough. He is too much to put into words. Too much to even begin to process. He just makes me so...
Oh Jesus, eyes on the road Scotty!
My eyes snapped open as I was reminded with the fact that I am driving a car at 110 kilometres per hour on a highway, and closing/letting my mind and eyes wander for even 3 seconds, could seriously harm someone.
Con-cen-trate!
By the time I got to Alex's I was the last one to arrive, naturally. The whole group had gathered for this occasion and we were not going to let anything stop us from having a good time. That's what Tyler said anyway. I would of been happy to just go back to bed but no, I was here. Physically, anyway, my body was here, but my mind. Oh no no. My mind was not. In my mind I was meeting this boy, kissing this boy, kneeling down to slowly unzip his pants and pull down his boxers. Oh my. This is what heaven feels like. My hands wrapped securely around his member whilst my eyes never left contact with his. He began to work his way through my hair, groaning and tilting his head back at the simple touch of my hands. His beautiful moans filled my head as my lips began to wrap themselves around his...
"Scott!"
Fuck me dead.
Why was he here.
Literally no one likes you, go home.
"Gregory!" (Onision) My voice dripped sarcasm as I proceeded to force my face into the most convincing 'You're actually a fucking dickhead who lives purely to drag peoples self esteem to as low as yours, I really don't like you but fake it till you make it I guess" expression and embraced the man into a heartless hug.
"What are you doing here...bro?" I put on the manliest voice I possibly could, failing, and sounding as gay as ever.
"Yo dude, lets not change the subject! I just saw you over here looking like you were having a 'during the day sex dream' and I want details man! Did she have big tits? No! Huge ass? Don't tell me! Did you fuck her? OH MY GOD DON'T SAY A WORD! Fuck yeah man you did! Congrats bro! Nice chat!"
And with that he pulled me into a bro hug, tapped me on the back, tussled my hair whilst giving me a quick wink and literally walked out the front door.
What the fuck.
My eyes still were set wide open as my brain attempted to process what just happened. I don't think I have ever actually spoken to him, as I usually don't want to hang out with complete assholes, aka Gregory. But that was very absurd. The bro hug, the fact that he saw me completely blissed out of my mind thinking about this boy, and not to mention the icing on the cake, he thought I was straight?!
'Yeah man she totally had the biggest tits I've ever seen!' Like no, don't make me gag unless it's on a dick.
Finally, Alex walked over to me, encouraging my shy ass self, to interact with the others and try to act like I wanted to be there. I mean, I did want to be there, but I think the 10 minutes of me standing near the doorway was enough and I should go home. But, I had promised my mum, and Alex was a really good friend to me, and overall, I needed to get away and maybe have a chat to him. Nobody really understood my relationship with Alex. Those who had two cents in their brain and knew I was indeed gay, thought that we were secretly dating. Alex had always been there for me and always helped me with whatever problem I ever had, besides homework because he was worse than I was, and that's saying something. Although there was one time where he did outsmart me.
"Blue and red make purple"
"You're right! Wait I thought it was blue and yellow?"
"Blue and yellow?"
"Yeah"
"That's green"
"Really?"
"Yeah. Blue and yellow make purple?"
"Oh?"
"No they don't I'm questioning your logic!"
"Oh!"
"Omg what is wrong with you?!"
And with that we both fell into fits of hysterical laughter and he made me food and sent my sleepy ass to bed.
But now I didn't feel like laughing. This was already becoming too much. I felt like I wanted to go to a quiet room and have a meaningful chat with my best friend. For some reason, for a few months I have had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to get some things off my chest. I knew that if I ever needed a friend to talk to about literally anything, that Alex would be there. Because Alex had always been there, through thick and thin, and I knew that nothing would ever change that. He had once told me that his dad mentioned to him, "Anyone who didn't know them personally, would think that we were married." But we were extremely close, "Always platonic" I constantly told my mother, and yet she still didn't 100% believe it, but she will, one day, when I bring another boy home.
I beckoned Alex farther away from the small crowd and noticed his expression mirrored mine, although it quickly turned to fear, and comfort.
"Hey Scott, are you okay? You look a little bit...out of it" His voice was quiet and full of genuine concern. He placed a hand on my shoulder and I shuddered at the touch, my body falling further back into a small boy who was afraid of the dark.
"Scott?" Alex repeated, his facials getting more worried by the second.
"Uh, yeah I guess. Can we, uh, talk or something?" Immediately, my brain regretted opening up to him and I faltered. "You know what? I'm fine! Totally fine! Practically skipping with joy!" My face now replicated the false happiness I had earlier given to Gregory, however, with a hint of sadness in my eyes. Alex tilted his head to the side and pulled me into a loving hug. I didn't realise how much I had needed his touch, but once he was there, I didn't want him to leave. Although I was taller than he was, he made me feel at home, and protected, like nothing could harm me. But that wasn't the case. It was already too late for that.
"No Scotty, you know I'm here for you. I've been here for you for more than 10 years now and I'm not going to run away when things get a little tough." He pulled out of the hug, hands resting on my shoulders, but continuing to look deep into my soul with his piercing eyes. "You know I love a challenge, and for God's sake you know I love you, so even though you're scared, talk to me. Vent to me. Keep me in the loop and let me know what's going on. Please don't shut me out again. I care for you too much to allow you to do what you did last time. And I know it wasn't your fault, but I can't let you self destruct. I can't lose you Scott. You don't have to feel alone, ever. Let me be here for you. Let me help you. Let someone else protect you for once."
It took all of my willpower to not let that one bastard of a tear fall from my eyes. My face remained in an expressionless position, not showing how I felt whatsoever. Except for my eyes. They always let me down. The welled up tears gave away every thought in my brain, and once again Alex knew just what to say to break me.
"Now your eyes really do resemble the ocean"
That one line held so much significance, so much meaning, and although it was comedic, it still forced me to snap out of my front and a tear slid slowly down my cheeks onto the soft carpet beneath my feet.
"Come on Scott, I've got you" Alex voice was soft and held as much passion as a mother comforting her child from the boogie monster. But my monsters weren't hiding under the bed or in the closet, they weren't purely fictional and they were definitely not a figment of my imagination. They were real, and they had the ability to make a grown man cower.
Alex led me slowly towards his bedroom, which felt like an extension of my own house from the amount of times I had stayed at his place. His parents weren't home very often and so his home had always been the one that everyone gathered at. It had become second nature to spend the night in his bed rather than my own, and I doubted tonight would be any different.
He placed me gently on the edge of the bed as silent tears dribbled down my face, my head hanging towards the ground in utter surrender. 2 years was too long to have this bottled up inside me and I had to tell someone, and who better to tell than Alex? He kneeled in front of me, real terror shown in his face now. He knew something was very wrong, and whilst all of him wanted to help his best friend, a part of him feared that he couldn't help. But he'd face that bridge when he was forced to. If he was forced to.
"Before you tell me anything, just know that I will cancel this whole trip for you if you say so. Just one word and it's off, because you mean a lot more to me than a stupid party."
His pure and kind heart made me want to bottle it up even more, not wanting to ruin his vacation.
"Just remember that you aren't ruining anything if you would prefer to stay here"
It's like this boy can read my mind.
"No. I-I want to go. I just think I need to...to talk first."
Alex's head nodded slowly, not wanting to interrupt.
"Do.." My voice trailed off after one word, not wanting to expose my darkest secrets and biggest fears. Not wanting to look weak.
"Go on Scotty"
"Do, do you remember that boy I, uh, dated briefly? It was a couple years ago?"
Alex's eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he racked his brains, and finally, he recalled the boy, a few years to Scott's senior, with the out of date 2009 Justin Bieber haircut.
"Uh yeah I do. What about him? You broke it off with him pretty suddenly actually? You never did tell me why.."
My head fell in shame once again as the memories I had been trying to suppress for years came flooding back to me in one huge tidal wave, intent on sending my mental state over the edge.
"Would you sit with me Alex? Please? Just sit on the bed with me and, and I'll try and tell you. Everything."
Hey guys! Thank you for all the support thus far! I deeply apologise for the delay for this update, I find I write better at night, and recently I've just been wanting to sleep so I haven't been writing all that much. I wasn't going to get into the nitty gritty of this story so early, but why the fuck not? Also PLEASE don't hate Alex in this story. Regardless of what MAY of occurred in real life, the Alex in this story is kind, caring and just wants to help Scott. So keep and open mind because he is a good person.
Anyway, please vote and comment! I love you all so much ❤️