My mouth hangs open and for a few minutes, I try to catch my breath. Mary stands in front of me, leaning forward with her hands on her hips. She’s waiting for some kind of response; however I have no idea what to say.
“What?” I finally choke out, fearing that I might throw up at any given second. Mary sighs, irritated and starts pacing around my room for about the fifth time.
“I’m jealous because you have Emery and I don’t, okay?” She crosses her arms and stares at me through narrowed eyes. For a minute, I feel like I’m going to pass out. I put my head between my knees and focus on my breathing. How can my best friend like my boyfriend all this time and never tell me?
“You…like Emery?” I gasp and Mary rolls her eyes. Wiping the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand, she avoids my eyes.
“River, when Emery first came here, you didn’t even want him around.” She slumps her shoulders as she sinks into my bed beside me. “I did. You two fight all the time, plus you never take his point of view into consideration. I do. I have to tell you to make you understand why he acts the way he does.” She sighs tiredly and stares at the floor, just like I am. “I understand him, River. You don’t.”
I can’t tell what makes me angrier; the tone of her voice or what she’s saying. With everything that’s going on lately and on top of that my mood swings, I jump to my feet and clench my fists.
“How can you even say that, Mary?” I shout, knowing the noise downstairs overpowers my voice. “I’m your best friend, not to mention that I’m pregnant!” My eyes blur and I blink back the tears that I haven’t realized are there.
“I don’t want to hurt you!” Mary cries, rising to her feet. “Believe me, I don’t! I can’t control how I feel and you know the things I said are true!”
I stare at my best friend and wonder how we could have got here. How one, single, boy has changed my entire life. Things that I thought would always be the same are quickly falling apart, and as awful as it sounds its Emery’s fault.
“How can you do this to me?” I sob, wrapping my arms around myself as I shake. “How can you hurt me like this?”
Suddenly, I hear the familiar creaking of my bedroom door opening behind me. I watch Mary’s eyes go to whoever is standing there and then she looks at the ground, covering her swollen eyes with her hand.
“I’m going home,” Mary mumbles, quickly brushing past me and out of my room. A moment later I feel arms wrap around me from behind, sliding over where I hug myself.
“What’s going on?” Emery asks softly, wiping the tears from my cheeks even though he can’t see that they’re there. “Why are you so upset?” I shake my head and close my eyes, feeling fresh tears roll down my cheeks.
I can’t tell Emery what’s going on as much as I want to. Even though I’m completely at a loss from what Mary said, I can’t tell Emery that. Mary’s still my best friend and as much as I hate how she feels, it’s not my place to tell her secret.
“River,” Emery murmurs, resting his chin on the top of my head. He hugs me tighter and I feel him kiss my hair. “If you don’t want to tell me what just happened, that’s fine, I understand.” He lets go of me and spins me around to face him. I avoid meeting his gaze and instead, tilt my head to face the floor. However it makes no difference as Emery crouches down to my eye level. “There’s a room full of people who love you downstairs and as much as I know you don’t want to, you have to go spend time with them.”
“Can’t you just tell them I don’t feel well?” I mumble, not wanting to face anyone right now.
“Well,” Emery smirks, straightening up. He gently grabs my chin and tilts my head up. “I could, but then I’d have to survive your Aunt Carols stories alone.”
I roll my eyes as Emery pulls me into him, laughing lightly. “You always know exactly what to say.” I give him a small smile as he brushes the tears from my cheeks.
“Now, go wash your face with cold water.” He pushes me gently towards the bathroom and when I get back a few moments later, I can tell by the expression on his face that he’s trying to figure out what possibly could have just happened.
Emery takes my hand and together we head down the wooden stairs into the living room. Most of my family is seated there, all looking at me once I reach the carpet. I turn left to look into the kitchen where I see my mom cooking and Miya helping her which only leaves my dad to my defense.
“There you are,” Aunt Bessie gives me a knowing look, however I know she’s probably thinking something else happened between Emery and I.
I look around and notice that Mary actually left, causing tears to threaten my eyes again. Blinking, I realize everyone is staring at me, waiting for some kind of explanation that I don’t have.
“River wasn’t feeling well,” Emery offers, putting his arm around my waist. “But she feels a bit better now.”
“Well that’s good,” Aunt Carol smiles, fixing her glasses. Beside her, Travis gestures to the couch where no one sits, clearly open for Emery and I to be right in the middle of everyone. I’m surprised when I walk over that no one asks where Mary went and wonder if she gave some kind of excuse on her way out.
“So you’re having a girl, River?” Uncle Rick gives me a small smile, trying not to make me uncomfortable.
“Yeah,” I smile back, fidgeting with my hands in my lap.
“What are you going to name her?” Aunt Bessie cuts in next, leaning forward with curiosity.
“Uh,” I stumble, embarrassed. I look over to Emery who is looking as nervous as I am and clearly isn’t going to be much help. “We don’t know yet, but when we figure it out we’re going to keep it a secret until she’s born.”
Aunt Bessie leans back in her chair, clearly unsatisfied with my answer. “Well that’s a shame,” she sighs quietly.
There’s an awkward silence that no one even tries to fill. We all sit quietly, no one meeting each other’s eyes until I see Taylor shift in her seat, folding her arms across her chest.
“Why didn’t you just get an abortion?”
Aunt Carol gasps and for a moment I think she’s going to pass out. Sarah, sitting beside Taylor snickers and I watch as her dad shakes his head. However Aunt Bessie just watches me curiously, clearly wanting to know the answer.
“I think that question is inappropriate, Taylor,” my dad says sternly. He gives me a sympathetic look as I do my best to stay calm.
“But clearly River has an answer, doesn’t she?” Aunt Bessie interrupts, turning to face me. She clasps her hands together, waiting. “Don’t you?”
I look to my dad for help but he’s rubbing his eyes with his palms, clearly stressed out just like I am. For a minute, I contemplate what to say. Honestly, I don’t think killing my child ever really crossed my mind. I can’t even kill a fly with a flyswatter, so how could I kill a human being?
“It’s something that I don’t believe in,” I answer quietly, hoping that my simple answer will just put this whole topic to rest.
“But you’re barely seventeen,” Taylor snaps, looking at me through narrowed eyes. “How do you expect to take care of a child?”
“We’re figuring it out,” I respond almost immediately, getting angry that my own cousin is doubting me.
“So you have plans?” Aunt Carol asks, brushing her hair behind her ear. Beside her, Travis sits quietly, giving me an I’m-sorry look for his mom asking a question.
“Um…” I mumble, trying to fill the silence while everyone waits for my answer. My dad stares at Emery intently, waiting for him to speak up.
“Do you have a job, Emery?” Aunt Bessie questions. “Some form of income? What about college or university?” Emery stares at her expressionless as she continues. “Do you plan on living here or living somewhere else?”
“Like River said before,” he replies, his voice even. Everyone immediately is looking at him, not daring to cut in however he doesn’t seem to even notice. “We’re figuring things out.”
Before, I had used the term ‘we’re’ simply because my family was asking me. However, it seems that I’m the only one preparing for our baby that’s not going to be in my stomach forever. The fact that Emery thinks we both are planning things for the future angers me and I make a mental note to talk to him about it later.
“Well then,” sighs Aunt Bessie. Again, another awkward silence consumes my entire family until the sound of something shattering in the kitchen sounds. Then, before any of us can ask what just happened, Miya runs into the room and jumps onto Aunt Carols lap.
“I’ll go see what that was,” I mutter and as I start to get to my feet, Emery rises to his and helps me up.
“I’ll help you,” he mumbles, clearly wanting to escape my family for a few minutes just like I do. But still, somewhere deep down, their questions are helping me realize all the things we really need to figure out in only a few months.
“What happened?” I ask as I step onto the kitchen tile. Shattered glass covers the floor where my mother kneels sweeping it all up with a dust pan.
“Miya dropped a bowl,” my mother explains quietly.
“I’ll help,” I whisper back, attempting to bend down beside her and failing. As I try again to kneel down, my stomach continuously gets in my way until Emery rests a hand on my shoulder.
“You shouldn’t be doing stuff like that. Let me.” Before I can object he’s sitting me in a chair and helping my mother get rid of the glass.
“Don’t tell me you’re only here to get away from your family,” my mother says, giving me a perceptive look. I shrug and she rolls her eyes. “That’s why I’m doing the cooking in the kitchen all by myself.”
“How long until dinner?” I ask once Emery is seated beside me and my mom is checking the oven.
“Not long and then after you have to open your presents!” A grin spreads across her lips and I start to dread opening gifts. My family has always gotten me and my parents things we didn’t want, didn’t wear or things we would question why anyone would want. I just hope that maybe the baby things will make up for sixteen years of ridiculous presents.
“Emery!” My Aunt Bessie calls from the living room. I turn to face him and watch his calm expression quickly change. His eyes grow wide in fear and his lips press together in a thin line. “What’s this about you breaking the Snow’s loft?”