Chapter 17 - Playing Pretend
*unedited
The next morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. I felt dirty and sick to my stomach. Sure, Ben didn't do anything to hurt me, but he didn't stop when I said no. Who knows how far he would've gone if I hadn't said anything? Just thinking about it made my stomach churn. My sisters were up and talking, but I just turned over and put a pillow over my head.
After about an hour, I heard my phone ring, but I decided to ignore it. Before it could turn off London scooped it up and answered the phone. I was in the haze where you aren't quite awake, but you aren't quite asleep either. I could hear the voices around me, but I also couldn't open my eyes. Seconds later, I jolted awake when a high pitched scream shot through the air.
"Our audition is today!" London exclaimed, jumping on top of me. I let out a grunt, forcing my eyes open. They were all squealing now, jumping up and down. "Shiloh, we're auditioning for a movie today! How cool is that?"
"Super cool," I muttered, trying to pull the pillow back over my head again. Before I could London grabbed it and threw it across the room. "Hey!"
"You have to get up and get ready!" She told me, hopping to the floor. "You're auditioning too, duh." That made me sit up with wide eyes. Slowly, I glanced around the room at all of my sisters who were jumping up and down, squealing. Even Arielle was excited.
"Who said anything about me?" I asked, raising one eyebrow. I was the oldest, I knew small town girls from Alaska didn't just audition for a movie one day and become famous. This wasn't going to happen for them, but what kind of sister was I if I just said that to them? They could have their fun, but that didn't mean I needed to be a part of it.
"Oh, come on," Zoe whined, tugging at the blankets that covered me. "We should all do this together. It'll be fun."
"Please, Shiloh," Arielle begged, looking a me with her puppy dog eyes. Her hair was a tangled mess, a big puff around her head. She made my heart melt. "We haven't really done anything together since grandma died..." Those were the words that broke my heart. The fact that my baby sister had to know what it was like to loose someone made me so angry. I wished I could protect her from everything, but I knew all I could do was try to make every day count just a little bit more.
"Fine," I huffed, rubbing a hand over my face. "Let's go audition for a movie."
For the next hour and a half I fought with my sisters. There were five of us and only one shower, that was not a good mix. Then they all insisted that I do their makeup and hair, even knowing that I was far from a beauty expert. When I was finally done with them, I had no time to get ready myself. I skipped the shower completely, and just put on foundation and a little mascara. I hadn't planned on going anywhere other than home that day, so the best outfit I could do was slip into a plain, white sundress London had brought.
As soon as I was slipping into a pair of sparkly sandals, I heard Savanna knocking at the door. "You girls better be ready, because we have to get going now!" The next ten minutes were a blur. Savanna herded us into a car that was waiting for us outside, everyone piling into the backseat. My stomach still hadn't stopped hurting.
"Thanks for staying in Florida for an extra day," Cora said to Savanna, giving her a smile.
"Well of course, it's not every day my girls get to audition for a movie," she laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. We were scheduled to return to Tennessee that morning, but when Savanna's director friend had called her, they decided to let us stay an extra day.
"This happened really fast," I mused, rubbing my hands against my dress. My palms were sweaty. "When the girls told me, I thought it would be a while before we heard anything." The truth was, I thought this whole thing would blow over and there would be no audition. I was wrong.
"He had a cancelation this morning," she told me with a smile. "He's here in Florida for the next week on business, so he's barely squeezing you girls in. Give it everything you've got. And remember, if they don't call you back it's not because you didn't do a great job, it's just really hard to get a job in Hollywood."
Thank you, I mouthed to her. She nodded back with a knowing grin. A few minutes later we pulled up to another hotel, this one slightly more fancy then the one we had stayed at. A man with salt and pepper hair stood out front, arms crossed over his chest. He looked kind, but also had a certain coldness about him. The grey suit he wore seemed expensive, which he matched with black Gucci sunglasses. When Savanna got out of the car, he waved.
"David," Savanna called, waving back. "I think you've met everyone except for Shiloh, here," she placed a hand around my shoulder, giving me a slight push forward.
"Hey," I said, awkwardly holding out a hand. God, I hated meeting new people.
"Hello, Shiloh," the man said, shaking my extended hand. His palms were cold, his hand rough and calloused. "I'm David Jackson." So this was David Jackson, the director my sisters couldn't stop raving about. Apparently he was a big deal, but I had never paid much attention to that sort of thing. When I only smiled back, he turned to my sisters. "Nice to see you girls again."
"You too," they squeaked at the same time. I could tell they were trying to contain their excitement, but they were struggling. Instead of jumping up and down they had managed to keep their jitters to small bounces every now and then.
"Let's just going, shall we?" He asked, turning to walk inside. I grabbed Arielle's hand as we walked, just to keep her close to me. I didn't want to be doing this, so my plan was to wait until everyone had already auditioned and then tell them I wasn't going to. Mr. Jackson lead us inside to a kind of conference room, just down the hall off of the main lobby. The first thing that caught my eye when we went inside was a big camera set up in the corner. It made my stomach clinch, but then I reminded myself I wouldn't be in front of it. A couple of people sat at a long table, shifting through piles of paperwork. They looked up when they saw us and smiled. "These are my assistants," David said, motioning to them. "Jamie and Liza, these are the girls I was telling you about."
"Nice to meet you," One girl said, giving us a nod. She had her black hair tied into a tight bun, glasses sitting on the tip of her short, pointy nose. She was pretty, except for her crooked teeth when she smiled. The other girl just waved, her blond hair hiding the features of her face. It was like she was scared of us.
"So what we'll have you do is read a scene from the movie really quick, and then you'll act it for us in front of the camera. If we like what we see, we'll give you a call, but I make no promises, okay?" We all nodded. I think my sisters were a little more nervous at this point; the bouncing had stopped completely, and Cora looked like she would be sick. The girl with the blonde hair stood up and gave each of us a piece of paper, each with our name on it. "Everyone has a different scene. Arielle, can we start with you?"
"Yes!" She exclaimed, yanking her hand from mine. She ran over to the camera and flipped her hair, giving us a cheesy smile. I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head at her. She was something else.
"Everyone else, if you want to sit in the lobby while we take turns I would appreciate it. I don't want there to be any distractions." David told us. He walked over to the camera, leaving us to show ourselves out. I flopped down on a couch, quickly putting my headphones in so my sisters couldn't ask me questions. I couldn't lie to them, so if they tried to talk I knew I would disappoint them. Instead, I listen to music and pretended to read my script.
The scene was about a boy and girl having an argument. The girl, Sydney, was upset that the boy, Adam, had cheated on her with her best friend Katie. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at how cliche the movie seemed, and I only had one scene in my had. As we waiting, I read the lines over and over again. In the end, the boy kissed the girl and thats where my portion ended. It was emotional, there was lots of crying. Sydney talked about how she trusted Adam, how she couldn't believe he would cheat on her and how she felt so betrayed. The words made the pit in my stomach even heavier. Ben didn't cheat on me, but he sure did violate my trust.
Fifteen minutes later, the door opened and Arielle flew into my arms. "That was awesome!" She exclaimed, looking at me with the biggest grin. "You have to go next Shiloh, you have to !"
"Oh...I don't know..." I trailed off, looking at Savanna for help. She was lost in the magazine, completely unaware of my small panic. I was supposed to be last so we could just get out of there and I could deal with my sisters later, not second.
"Shiloh, are you ready?" David asked, poking his head through the door. "Arielle here insists that you go second."
"Please," Arielle said, sticking out her bottom lip.
"Come on Shi," London whined, making me look up. She was sitting across from me in a chair, phone in her hand and eyes wide. She looked pretty that day. Her hair was curled loosely, and she was wearing a tight fitting, flower print dress. She looked way too old to be my little sister.
"Don't be a baby," Zoe said, reaching her hand out to me. I grabbed it and smiled. Slowly, I nodded and stood up. This was no big deal, at least that's what I told myself. All I had to do was read those lines in front of a camera and then get out of there. No big deal. I wouldn't actually get cast in that movie, anyway, I was doing this for my sisters. With a deep breath, I stood up and walked to the room. From the door to the camera seemed like the longest walk ever. It was like with every step I took, it got farther away. My heart was beating so quickly I could feel it in my throat, and my palms were sweaty.
The girl with the glasses was now sitting behind the camera, holding a binder to her chest. When she saw me, she stood up and held out a hand. Hesitantly, I shook it. "I'm Jamie," she said, sitting back down. "I'm going to read Adam's lines while you read Sydney's, okay?" I nodded.
"This is one of the most important scenes in our movie," David said, leaning back on the wall. His arms were crossed as he looked me up and down, eyebrows raised. It made me squirm. "Do you know what the movie is about?"
"From what I gather, a failing teenage relationship," I said sarcastically, chuckling. Neither of them laughed, so I coughed and looked away awkwardly. My cheeks flared red as I looked at my feet.
"It's about more than that," David sighed, "It's about a boy and a girl who were best friends, and then they decide to try a romance. There's other people involved and a lot happens, the boy get's involved in drugs and a gang to pay for his mother's operation and then things go bad. You'll understand if I can't reveal too much, the script isn't even completely finished yet, and I can't have the story getting out." I nodded, wrinkling my nose. "What do you think?"
"Honestly?" I asked, looking up slowly. He nodded. "I think it sounds like a story I've heard a million times, and I probably wouldn't go to see it."
That made him laugh. He threw his head back, almost snorting. "I like your honesty," he said through laughter, "Honestly, it isn't my favorite script either, but it's the one we've been given. Let's just get this over with, okay?"
"Yes sir," I nodded, handing Jamie the paper. It was a short scene, and I had always been good at memorizing things. The time I had been waiting was plenty of time to remember what was on that piece of paper. So I started reciting the lines, word for word, wishing that I was anywhere else in the world. But as the time went on, I loosened up a little. The first time we read it, I felt still and stiff, like I really was just reading the words straight off of the paper. The second time was a little better, but the third time I felt comfortable. I felt loose. I felt like I could really become Sydney.
When I was younger, I would spend days pretending to be someone else. I would be in a room all by myself, but come up with characters and a story and just be that person for a whole day. Sometimes, I would pretend with my sisters, and we would all be someone else. This was the same thing, except I was all grown up and someone was recording me. Once I thought of it that way, I actually allowed myself to have a little bit of fun.
Jamie was reading the part of Adam, it was my job to make Sydney come to life. In my mind, I pretended I was eight and playing with my grandmother's makeup, and Jamie's voice was the voice in my head.
"I trusted you," I said, feeling my eyes tear up. "I thought we were getting somewhere, I thought I had maybe found the person who knew me better than even I do. But then you go and pull this? You slept with someone else, Adam! Did you do it because I wouldn't have sex with you? Because I'm the first girl that's told you no? Well it's not okay, Adam, and there's not enough "I'm sorry's" in the world to make it better! I hate you!"
I was actually crying. If the words were any more specific, I would've thought someone had seen me and Ben on the rooftop last night and was able to read my mind. That was what I wished I had said to Ben instead of just running away. The tears running down my face were real, but David didn't know that. As soon as I finished speaking he started clapping, snapping me out of my daze. I forced a laugh, wiping the tears off of my face. I dipped my head so he couldn't see me blushing. I was so embarrassed.
"I have to say Shiloh, we had a bumpy start, but that last time was pretty good," David said, finally stepping away from the wall. "With some training, you wouldn't be so bad."
"Oh, I don't know about that," I said shyly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "I'm not an actor and I've never wanted to be. I'm just doing this because my sisters wanted to." He looked surprised for a moment, but quickly recovered with his signature grin.
"Like I said, I like your honesty. If you could do me a favor and head out, send in London for me."
"Sure," I nodded, practically running for the door. I really hoped you couldn't tell I had been crying, I knew my sisters would as me why. When I walked out, they were all huddled around Savanna, chatting away. "London, he's asking for you," I told her.
"Thanks," she squealed, throwing her arms around my neck. "I'm nervous," she whispered in my ear, so no one else could hear. I squeezed her extra tight, rubbing her back.
"Just pretend it's me and you playing like we used to at Gran's," I told her, blinking back more tears. She pulled back, looking surprised.
"I haven't thought about that in forever," she whispered, suddenly looking sad. I grabbed her hands, smiling at her. It was good to remember, but it hurt just a little bit. "Thank you for everything you do, Shiloh. I know I've been a bad sister recently, and I just want you to know that I really do appreciate you."
"Hey, you haven't been a bad sister," I insisted, "We've all been going through the same thing, but we have to deal with it in our own way, but I love you, London. You're my sister, my baby sister, and I'll always love you no matter what you do. Okay? Do you hear me?" She nodded, throwing her hands around my once again.
"London, are you ready?" I heard David's voice ask, forcing her to step away. She nodded, wiping her eyes before she stepped away from me. It was comforting to know the London I had once known was still in there somewhere. I meant it, I would love her no matter what, but I had sure missed the sweet, genuine girl I had grown up with.