It was lunchtime at 6th Form and we were all in the playground sat on the bench at the back. Call it our 'hotspot' if you will. I peered around at all the school children messing about and playing football etc as I remained on the phone to Nathan since he had called me.
Nath: "So what do you prefer Stace, vanilla or chocolate?" I laughed.
Me: "Excuse me?"
Nath: "Answer the question init." I raised an eyebrow at the odd question.
Me: "But why?"
Nath: "I wanna know."
Me: "Erm... I dunna."
Nath: "It's simple; do you like vanilla, or chocolate?"
Me: "I like both."
Nath: "Pick one." I sighed.
Me: "Err, chocolate's quite nice." He laughed.
Nath: "I see..."
Me: "So can you tell me why now?"
Nath: "Nevermind, I've found my answer." I chuckled.
Me: "You're well weird."
Nath: "I love the way you talk, so fucking posh!" I gasped.
Me: "I'm not posh, how dare you!"
Nath: "You are."
Me: "Whatever, you muppet." We laughed in unison.
Nath: "I'm gonna go, I'll bell you later."
Me: "Okay, bye."
Nath: "Kool." He hung up and I put my phone back in my purse. Boys these days are weird. I noticed Rochelle was watching me the whole time. I glanced at her and laughed at her expression.
"What?"
"Who was that?"
"Boy from work." Now it was Chloe and Sarah's turn to watch me eagerly.
"Already? It's been a day and already boys are getting your number?" Chloe questioned. I giggled.
"He asked me, I couldn't say no."
"Oooh, you little slut!" Sarah said. I laughed and pushed her shoulder.
"What does he look like then?" I shrugged as I chewed on my bubble gum.
"Kinda tall, nice hair, nice eyes, nice lips-"
"So everythings nice basically?" Rochelle rolled her eyes. I laughed. "What's his name?"
"Nathan."
"And he's black I take it Stace?" Chloe asked with raised eyebrows. I nodded slowly.
"Not just him, there's another one working there too. Long cornrows, lovely brown eyes and nice lips with a sexy deep voice. Ugh! He's so lush." I smiled thinking about that Kayden boy. He was truely amazing, a gift from God. Rebecca was really lucky to have him, she just didn't realise.
"Check you Stace! Once you go black, you never go back." Chloe winked. I raised an eyebrow.
"I've never understood that saying."
"When you fuck that Nathan dude, then you'll know." I shook my head.
"No thanks! I've only just met him."
"Then a month later... BAM! He's in you're bed."
"And in other things." Rochelle drank her milkshake. I shook my head.
"I don't think so. I'm not like that."
"Sure Stace." Sarah smiled.
"Fuck off will ya, I don't like him!" I huffed and they all laughed at me. How could I fuck Nathan when I ain't even comfortable getting intimate with Aaron? David only recently got comfortable with the fact that Aaron was around, as long as he could 'share me' with him. Even though it's quite obvious, Aaron doesn't realise how David acts with me. He touches me and all sorts whenever Aaron's around, to prove a point, but he never notices.
After lunch it was time for Media. Chloe and I were the only ones out of the bunch who actually enjoyed this subject. We sat by the table at the far back and retrieved our folders and books.
"Have you finished the coursework?" I asked tapping my nails on the table.
"Please, I have a life." She tore some paper out of another book and began writing the date. I laughed, someone doesn't care about their future then. I got my pen out and did the same. 15 minutes into the lesson and Chloe and I were sat writing down notes on the board about Iconography and camera settings.
"Do you reckon you can get into the film industry?" I asked.
"Please. I'd rather be a journalist." She answered. I shrugged and continued writing. "I love this." She stated as she touched the bracelet my mother had given me. I smiled.
"Thanks."
"It's gorgeous, where'd you get it from?"
"Gonna have to ask me mum." I replied with a shrug.
"I really want one, saw something similar in Argos." I laughed.
"If you want I can ask my mum for you."
"Yeah, then get some money off David or something and buy it for me, I'd pay you back." I shuddered mildly at the mention of his name.
"Please don't mention his name in my presence." I said with a disgusted face. She laughed.
"Why don't you like him? He seems fine to me, he's peng you know." She licked her lips. Jesus.
"He's a piece of shit." My eyes narrowed just at the thought of him and his horrible antics. I was literally physically scarred by him.
"Cos he's replaced you're dad?"
"No one can ever replace my dad."
"Aww Stace!" She rubbed my head and I gave her an odd look. She laughed and looked at her nails. Soon I decided to get back to my notes as the exams were not too far away. I was quite a good student when it came down to it, I usually received grades ranging from A to C. I wouldn't mind persuing a career involving Media, so I really had to pass this course. As I worked silently, Chloe was sat there listening to music on her iPod and singing along to it like some whore. I looked up and noticed the teacher was saying something.
"What did he say?" I asked Clo.
"Dunno, not listening." She replied plainly as she cleaned out her nails. That's all she cares about, her nails. She always gets them done in different exotic colours and stuff. I couldn't do that, I just get the normal clear colour; it goes nice with my complexion.
"I need to get my nails done again." She said with a frown.
"You should go Camden for that. It's much cheaper." I said. She smiled.
"Isit?" I nodded.
"Went there 2 weeks ago, they do it nice too." Her smile widened.
"Alright, I'm going on Saturday, you're coming yeah?" I thought for awhile.
"Well I could, but-"
"What, you don't want me to get in the way of you're lovely new job?" She asked with slight sarcasm. I rolled my eyes.
"No course not, I was gonna see my dad that day."
"Oh forget it then."
"No I can go another time instead, I don't mind. We can have our girl day out." She smiled.
"Just the two of us."
"Yup."
"Good. I know some boomtings down there aswell." She smiled mischeviously, "And that breh I fucked." I gagged.
"Right. Too much info." She giggled.
"He was good." I stuck my tongue out in disgust. She was too sexually active, it needs to stop, immediately. Just then, a balled up piece of paper flew onto our table. We both looked up and saw Damien smiling at us from across the classroom. Chloe smiled back and opened the note, but tilted it so I couldn't see. They began passing notes back and forth to eachother continuously. Strangely enough the teacher didn't seem to notice. It was getting quite annoying. I swear something was going on between them; every minute their flirting and whispering to eachother, well weird. Damien threw another paper and it hit my head. I gave him a dirty look and he laughed.
"Sorry." He said.
"Turn around little boy." I said. He grinned and faced the front again. I rubbed my head and passed the scrunched paper onto Chloe. She read the note and giggled.
"Let me see." I said trying to peep.
"You'll find out soon enough." She said hiding the note. My eyebrow cocked upwards.
"What do you mean?"
"Someone's on yoouuu!" She sang. I gave a confused look but thought nothing of it. I carried on my work while Chloe mucked about the whole lesson. The bell soon rang and everyone made their way to registration.
As I got off the bus and walked down the road to get home, I recieved a text from this prick Aaron;
Bbe, im srry 4 da wai i acted
Can i cum rnd? xx
I rolled my eyes and deleted the text. When he decides to stop being horny, I'll let him know. I carried on walking untill I got to my house. I didn't have work today so it was all good. I got my keys and opened the front door and entered the house. I kicked off my dolly shoes and put my handbag down. It was extremely quiet, no sign of life what so ever. I raised an eyebrow.
"Hello?" I called out. There was no reply but I could hear footsteps from the foorboard upstairs. I went to the staircase and looked up.
"Mum?" I asked unsure. I heard the bedroom door open and more footsteps, then David appeared at the top of the stairs, and as usual, carried a perverted smile.
"She's at work." He said quietly. He slowly descended down onto the step below, and his smile grew, "Whatever you want, you can tell me." He said stepping down once again. I knew that look, and I knew what it meant. I stepped back.
"Stay away from me." I said sternly. He chuckled lightly and continued to descend the stairs.
"What's wrong Stace? Don't you wanna say hello to your dear old dad?"
"Fuck off! You're not my dad. You could never be." I spat louadly. He only laughed again as if it were all a joke. He then reached the bottom of the stairs and proceeded towards me, but I continued to walk backward, ending up in the living room. He carried on stepping to me, now sneering with animosity.
"Stay away from me." I said again.
"Why Stace?"
"Leave me alone."
"Tell me why." He bellowed, now turning aggressive. I took another step back but fell onto the sofa. He laughed and hastily got ontop of me, pressing himself against me. He smiled.
"Get off me!" I yelled. He clamped his hand down onto my mouth to prevent me from shouting.
"No-ones around Stace. It's just you and me, lets have some fun aye?" He then used his other hand to hold both of my wrists together. I wriggled underneath him uncomfortably as he kissed on my neck and bit me roughly. I was unable to do anything. I pleaded but my voice was muffled by his hand, until he removed it to perform his sick task.
"Wanna have fun Stace?" He whispered on my neck.
"P-please, stop." I whispered back. He grunted once and licked my neck.
"Just enjoy it Stacey. Enjoy it like all the other times we've had." He said. I felt him zipping down his jeans and my heart skipped a beat. I hated the sound of his zipper; once I hear it, I knew that there was no turning back. And the it begun. He started pulling down my leggings, and I kicked around to try and get him off of me.
"No! Please!" I yelled. He used the back of his hand to slap me hard on the cheek. I was silenced immediately.
"Shut up!" He shouted angrily. That's when the tears began to fall; it was like crying a river, or in this case an ocean. I really didn't want this to happen, not again. He was old enough to be my dad, just about. I thought of all the times he's probably fucked my mum, and now he's doing it to me. It sickens me that he wants the both of us, and this was by force. He eventually got my leggings and knickers down and was now pulling down his own jeans. I knew by now there was no use, no matter how hard I tried, he would do whatever he wanted regardless. I could never escape. I laid there shivering and sniffing as I cried.
"You don't have to do this." I whimpered.
"Be quiet Stace." He replied more calmly. I continued to cry, and then it happened. I felt it go inside of me and my back arched from the pain. More tears fell as he pushed into me roughly. "Relax." He said to me, as if I wanted this. The sick thing about David was he saw this as making love. I didn't recall me ever enjoying something like this with him, he was delusional to even think such a thing. He tore into me and began at a fast pace. I whimpered and squeezed my eyes shut as the excruciating pain proceeded. I thought of my dad and what he'd do to David if he ever found about this. He'd kill him without a care. I missed him alot, he's able to protect me from anything, it just made me cry even harder. He slapped me again. "Relax!" He shouted. He pushed into me deeper and I screamed. It hurt alot, but that never stopped him. As he quickned his pace and depth, cries of pain escaped my mouth, that only made him cover my mouth once again. "You do this to yourself Stace." He grunted as he picked up even more speed, "All you have to do is listen to me and it'll be less painfull." I tried to scream but it was muffled by his hand. He kept going for at least another half an hour and then he came inside. He pulled out of me and sighed in satisfaction then stood up and pulled up his boxers, then his jeans. I continued to cry on the sofa as he zipped up his jeans. I looked and saw there was blood on our cream sofa, it stood out and it was everywhere. He stared at me as I sniffed.
"Clean that up will ya?" He said before casually leaving the room. I sat up slowly and dried my eyes, but only more tears fell. I sniffed and struggled to stand up but eventually I did. I slid back on my knickers and my leggings, then went to the kithen and got a piece of cloth and disinfectant. I got back to the living-room and began wiping up all the blood. Every time he did it there was blood, it worried me because he could be damaging my insides, and I strongly believe he is. This is another reason why I didn't wanna do this kind of thing with Aaron, I didn't wanna experience any later damages to myself down there, it's already being used by David, I can't take on Aaron aswell. After cleaning up, I threw the cloth away and dried my eyes again. I went upstairs to my room and changed into something more comfortable to wear. I wasn't in the mood, I just wanted to sleep. I got into bed and lay down under my covers. I cried silently as I thought about what just happened, and all the other times it's happened aswell. I heard him calling my name from across the hallway, but I ignored him. He called me again more urgently, I still remained in bed. The door suddenly opened and he came walking in.
"When I call your name, you fucking answer me!" He shouted. I sighed.
"Yes David." I muttered. Suddenly pulled my up by my hair.
"Don't anger me Stace. I'll destroy you." He whispered in a conniving manner. I nodded and he let go. My scalp was now on fire. "I'm going out, tell your mum I'll be back soon." He said sternly.
"Okay."
"Don't ever pull that stunt again. I'll just mess up your minge again." He spat aggressively before leaving the room and slamming the door behind him. I heard his footsteps go down the stairs and then the front door slamming a few seconds later. I sighed and wiped my eyes and blew my nose into my tissue. If only mum was here to witness this shit, she was completely clueless to everything that tosser does. I wish I was stronger to rebell against him, but I never could. I hated him with a strong passion, but it's like I couldn't do anything about it. The doorbell went but I didn't move an inch. It rang again a minute later and I breathed deeply. The ringing stopped but then I saw a tiny stone being thrown at my window. I looked up and sighed. I got up and went to my window and looked out to see Aaron stood there on the street. I gave him evils whilst opening the window.
"What do you want?" I said, my strained voice from the previous screaming and crying.
"Let me in Stace." He called.
"Why should I?"
"I wanna speak to you."
"Speak then."
"Don't be like this." I rolled my eyes and closed the window and went downstairs to the front door. I opened it and he was there, talk about determined. I looked like shit with my puffy red eyes and runny nose, but he didn't seem to care. He gave me a pleading look and I stepped aside for him to come in. Once he did, I closed the door and led him upstairs to my room. We got in there and I sat on my bed, he done the same and the room was just filled with silence. He cleared his throat.
"I'm sorry for tryna rush you into things, sometimes I don't think of what I'm saying." I nodded slowly and looked away. "What's wrong Stace?" Vivd images of David flashed continuously in my head. I was unbelievably sore again, and the churning feeling was present.
"Nothing." I muttered, he moved closer.
"Tell me." He said softly.
"No really, it's nothing. I'm okay." I wiped the tear that was forming in my eye. He hugged me and I rested my head on his chest. All I needed right now was to be comforted, I need to correct male attention - I knew Aaron was the guy to give it for me...when he wasn't being a dick of course.
"Whenever you're ready to, you can tell me." I nodded and hugged him back. I'd never tell Aaron! He was the kinda guy with a bad temper, and going after a bloke like David would be a huge mistake. After a minute of silence I looked up at him.
"Don't ever pressure me again." I said sternly. He nodded.
"Never. I'm sorry babe." He kissed my forehead gently and rocked me in his arms. I looked into his lush blue eyes and he done the same. We leaned closer and began to kiss passionately. His arms enclosed me as he kissed me deeply. After a few minutes he pulled away and smiled, showing a full set of teeth.
"I love you so much." He said.
"Me too." I smiled but a sudden pain in my stomach caused my face to scrunch up from the pain. I held my stomach and he gave me an odd look. I simply told him it was nothing important and that I was suffering from period pains to prevent any further questions. I then sighed and laid back on my bed, my belly was killing me but I couldn't do anything about it. Tablets and paracetamols never usually helped me, I always wait unill the pain goes away. He laid down beside me and rubbed my stomach softly.
"When are you going back to work?" He asked.
"Tomorrow hopefully."
"How is it?" I shrugged.
"It's alright, I have to stack things though. Pretty time consuming." He chuckled.
"Maybe one day I can come and see you in action." I nodded.
"That would be fab."
"Yeah." He kissed my cheek, "I've missed you."
"It's been 2 days." I said blankly.
"Yeah, still missed you though." I laughed gently and my phone rang. I looked and saw it was Nathan calling. I glanced at Aaron and stupidly answered.
Me: "Hey."
Nath: "You alright b?"
Me: "Yes, you?"
Nath: "I'm cool. Why weren't you in work today?"
Me: "It wasn't my shift."
Nath: "Oh skeen, you bare left man on his j's and that."
Me: "What?" He laughed
Nath: "Nevermind, you coming tomorrow?"
Me: "Yup, defo." Aaron turned on my TV and began to flick through channels carelessly.
Nath: "Aight. What you doing?"
Me: "In my bed with my boyfriend." He fell silent.
Nath: "You have a man?" I chuckled.
Me: "Yeah, did I not tell you?"
Nath: "Nah."
Me: "Oh... well I do." He laughed.
Nath: "What is he?" I raised an eyebrow.
Me: "What do you mean?"
Nath: "Is he black?"
Me: "No, white."
Nath: "Arh skeen."
Me: "Why does it matter?"
Nath: "It doesn't, but you said you prefered chocolate." I raised an eyebrow.
Me: "Erm... I do."
Nath: "So why you wid a white breh?"
Me: "I don't understand!" He laughed.
Nath: "Nevermind. What you two doing?"
Me: "Nothing."
Nath: "So you're just sat there?"
Me: "Pretty much so." Aaron looked at me oddly.
Nath: "If I was there instead of him we wouldn't just be sitting around, trust me." I laughed.
Me: "So what would we be doing?"
Nath: "Stuff."
Me: "What kinda stuff?"
Nath: "Grown up stuff." I laughed.
Me: "You're crazy."
Nath: "I'm horny." He whispered.
Me: "That's disgusting!" He laughed again.
Nath: "How old are you again?"
Me: "Sixteen."
Nath: "Swear down? You got some big tits!" I screwed up my face.
Me: "That's inappropriate." He chuckled.
Nath: "Sorry, it's true doh. Some next Pamela Anderson shit."
Me: "Stop it."
Nath: "You look like her you know."
Me: "No I don't."
Nath: "You do."
Me: "Whatever, call me back soon."
Nath: "Why?"
Me: "Just call me back."
Nath: "Aight, later." He hung up and I turned to Aaron.
"Who was that?" He asked.
"A friend. Do you think I look like Pamela Anderson?" He stared at my face for awhile.
"A little." I frowned. I don't wanna look like her. He laughed. "It's not a bad thing, she's really buff."
"I don't care." I covered up my assets slightly, I should get a reduction if boys are just gonna eye rape me all the time.
"Where is everyone anyway?" He asked me.
"Mum's at work and... David's gone out somewhere." I looked away once I said his name. I didn't like to mention his name but I need to force myself sometimes. I sighed. He looked at his phone then back at me.
"I have to go." He said. I nodded and he kissed me on the lips and I followed him back downstairs then he eventually left. I went to the toilet and pee'd, when I was done I wiped myself and saw more blood. It brought tears to my eyes, just knowing that he's been doing this since I was 10, I've been damaged down there for 6 years. It made it even worse because I know that there was nothing I can do about it.
I'm gonna be stuck in this same routine forever, and then act like everything's okay afterwards. I'm alone in this, I can't tell a soul because every time I do, no-one seems to believe me. I have to suffer all on my own.
Guess this is the way my life is meant to be...