Chapter 3 — Myrnin's POV — "When Yesterday Is Missing"
(set right before his encounter with Claire)
I couldn't find it! I knew it was around here somewhere, but the solution eluded me. Furious that the answer hadn't revealed itself after an hour of searching, I flung my arm across the table, books exploding in all directions. I took a deep breath, more to calm my anxiety, not because I needed it. Damn it, wasn't there some ten-step process to calmness?
Something had gone horribly wrong with the portals and I couldn't waste a minute figuring it out. I had already lost a day. Well, not intentionally; that was just my first glaring indication there was a problem.
I purposefully forced myself to stop (again, with the deep breathing exercises) and replayed the events over in my mind. I had to be missing something; some clue that was so obvious, I just couldn't visualize it in my current agitated state. I raked my fingers through my long hair and spun around to settle myself on the couch in cold determination to break through to the answers that remained concealed from me.
My eyes closed as I remembered.
Amelie had asked me to work on another project. She wanted to explore the potential for heat sensing as an additional safe guard to protecting the borders from people coming and going on foot. I didn't much see the value in it as Frank was doing a fine job, but acquiesced and began to prepare for the council meeting scheduled for the following day.
My initial plan was to take sample temperature readings at each border through thirty minute intervals, then bring back the data to compare and calculate it against other pertinent factors such as body temperatures for both humans and vampires; also taking in to account the position of the sun in relation to the Earth's axis for each day of the year, triangulated against Morganville's specific location. I didn't relish the thought of hanging around in the sun for hours, even with the protective gear of a hat and coat.
Flinging open the wardrobe, I had yanked out the first thing my fingers touched, then smiled in appreciation as I gently stroked the lime green velvet waistcoat with a pointed high collar and fur trimmed sleeves, and then dug around until I found a wide brimmed cowboy hat to go with it - perfect.
Wrapped up in my irritation over having to present my findings at the meeting the following day; I opened the portal to proceed to my first testing destination. That was when I was overcome with pain — horrendous pain — and I nearly stumbled my way through. The throbbing in my head eased as I passed, but then things became much more unexpected...
Even as quickly as my brain worked, I was having trouble organizing the scene in front of me as I stepped out the other side. Instead of a barren landscape of bushes, trees and unbearably hot sun, I was faced with a room full of people all staring at me with various expressions on their faces , ranging from patience (thank you Richard and Hannah) to irritation (well hello there Oliver) and finally to barely contained anger (oh no, Amelie).
What had just happened?! And what in the hell was happening now?
Amelie's steel gray eyes matched her hardened expression. She shifted impatiently in her pale blue suit, but never lost her perfect posture as she raised a single eyebrow at me in clear irritation. "Well, it is nice of you to finally join us."
"As always my pleasure, Milady." I bowed low, sweeping the Stetson from my head, hoping for a few extra seconds delay that would somehow bring clarity to the situation.
Amelie's expression was clearly not amused by my over-the-top formality.
Again — what the hell was happening?
Thankfully, Oliver couldn't contain his tongue as usual and provided my first clue. "Get on with it man! I haven't got all day. What did you find out about the alternate heat sensing we discussed yesterday?"
Yesterday? I knew I was sometimes prone to mind addled breaks, particularly after indulging my more primal desires, but this was extreme even for me. Fear began to tug at me, as the possibilities for the break in reality, started to come to mind. But I composed myself in the next instant and began an elaborate — if not entirely fact based — opinion of the heat sensors. Ending with the conclusion they would not be easily functional or overly useful at the present time.
Amelie eyed me suspiciously. She knew me well enough to suspect there was something off in my tone, so I rambled on, "I would happily let Oliver test the new system by running naked across the borders. Of course, I would need to get his base temperature first. Oliver, would you prefer to do that orally or..."
"That's enough!" Oliver roared. His fangs flashed as he propelled himself toward me with a dangerous glint in his eye. The humans in the room scattered to get out of the path of his destruction. But for me, it was like watching someone in slow motion as I effortlessly snaked to the side watching Oliver grasp at the air where I was just standing.
He spun, eyes hard, promising me harm, when Amelie held up a hand. "I agree, I think that is quite enough. You are dismissed, Myrnin"
"Of course, of course" I contained a smile, pleased at my successful distraction, and then hurried out, carefully choosing to take the door this time.
I made it back to the lab and began my mad search for answers.
There were only two real possibilities. First, I had traveled through time when I stepped through the portal. Even to me, that sounded absurd. But the only other possibility filled me with dread — that somehow I was having large breaks in memory loss. Not again. I ran to the dresser and started throwing out drawers, hunting for the small red crystals. I thought we were cured, I agonized, not wanting to think about the ramifications if that were not true.
I felt a wave of horror wash through me as my whole being rejected the thought.
Furiously calculating the possibilities in my head, I paced the floor. Time travel — but if I traveled through time, why didn't I end up at the location I intended, just in another time? No. It had to be option two.
No! I screamed silently in my head.
Spent, I couldn't stop the tears, couldn't stop myself from feeling a loss so strongly that I couldn't bear the weight of my own body. Falling to my knees, I held my head in my hands. Just when I thought I had back the one thing I cherished most — my sanity — it had slipped through my fingers again. After years of struggle, we had finally found a cure, Bishop's blood. What had gone wrong?
"Myrnin?"
Oh shit, was that Claire? How did she get here so quickly? I jumped up to the nearest table and began furiously looking through the resource books I had left there, trying to regain some little ounce of composure before she saw me.
"Myrnin?" Claire called louder. I heard her heartbeat pick up in response to my silence.
"Claire!" I called out. Stall, stall, stall, I thought. I wasn't ready to talk yet and blurted out, "What took you so long? It's been almost twenty minutes!" Had it? I wasn't sure how much time had gone by since I called her.
I could hear her exhale slowly and then silence, for a moment, as she let go of her irritation with me. I still wasn't ready to face her. She had grown quite adept at reading my moods, which sometimes flustered me. Most humans...and vampires... could not discern what I was thinking at any given moment, and I immensely enjoyed the confusion I caused in their expressions. But Claire was different and she didn't even realize how much.
Furiously, I began flipping pages in the nearest book. My sorrow becoming anger, as I slammed the book shut and muttered, "Why, why, why?!" I grabbed the next book and began again. Why was this happening to me?
"Myrnin" Claire tried again. "Tell me what you meant when you called."
I stopped suddenly, confused, broken out of my angry tirade on the books. "What?"
She slowed down her speech patiently. "Earlier. When you called, you said yesterday was lost..." she stopped and waited for me.
I tried desperately to hide my inner turmoil as I raised my eyes to hers. It didn't work. I immediately saw her expression grow scared at the devastation on my face and she rushed to me, moving so suddenly, I didn't have time to control myself.
Oh...my sweet Claire, I saw it in her eyes as she crashed to a halt just a few steps away from me. She had triggered the monster and I loved it. I loved the look of fear that flashed over her before she could hide her emotions from me. I felt the natural dilation of my pupils as my senses heightened, my stance sliding down, preparing for the hunt.
But this was too easy, a mere human snack just a few feet away. I waited and let her take a few instinctive steps back before I advanced.
"Myrnin..."
Hmm...I enjoyed the sound her voice made when she called my name. "Yes, my sweet little Claire?"
Suddenly, Claire discarded the bag she held, revealing a silver dagger tight in her hand. Even better; I do so love it when they fight back.
I took a deliberate step toward her and Claire's voice caught as she whispered, "Stop. Don't do this. You don't want to...do this."
My smile grew wider as I ghosted silently forward. "Oh, but I think I do." I murmured, settling into a seductive tone that I knew frightened my prey. "You are so" — many adjectives came to mind, but I settled on — "sweet...and I am so hungry."
Claire flared her fingers quickly against the dagger, and I felt a low growl slip my lips as I appreciated her display of strength and defiance. I closed the gap between us, settling my chest right against the dagger— hoping she would try to use
Claire held her ground while I surveyed behind her. I was intrigued at how the furniture framed the walls and pieced together a prefect web. I wanted to select just the right location to trap her —when she suddenly let out a strangled giggle.
I was so shocked by her response, I snapped out of it.
What were we doing? What was I doing? Oh, No!
My heart broke for the second time today, as I realized how close I had come to succumbing to my bloodlust once again. How could I expect to be anything other than a monster? We were still so close, our bodies touching, but I didn't trust myself to move yet. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I wanted to say, but the words were stuck in my throat. She kept me locked in her gaze and ever so slowly brought her hand to my face and gently stroked the tortured lines she must have seen in my expression.
As her fingertips brushed my cheek, everything changed yet again in an instant. I had to shut my eyes, as I fiercely tried to keep my emotions for her locked down. I felt her body tense. I knew she was worried she had set me off again when she whispered, "Myrnin?"
I was in serious danger of showing her feelings I knew she wasn't ready for, that we both couldn't afford to deal with yet, but I didn't seem to have control over my body. It took every ounce of self-control, but still, I held on.
Claire pleaded with me softly, "Myrnin. Please. Don't shut me out."
It was too much and I broke under her command, my gaze unwillingly lifting to meet hers.
Claire froze and her eyes opened wide in shock, as she read my unrestrained desire for her. I felt naked before her, unable to conceal the passion I felt — it was a strange sense of vulnerability and intimacy.
I heard her heart race and her body temperature rose as she swayed slightly. I reached around her waist to steady her and gently withdrew the dagger from her grip; my lips curving slightly in pleasure as I felt her respond to my touch. Shockingly, she did not run. Quite the opposite in fact, she gazed back at me with a hunger that I recognized, an expression she had never shown me before.
I leaned toward her and stopped. I waited for what seemed an eternity, letting her choose.
Claire gently pulled me to her. When our lips touched, I was stunned trying to understand this new reality - holding her in my arms — as I had done so many times before, but only in my fantasies. I was overwhelmed by the realness of her, when suddenly she ran her tongue along my lip softly biting me. I let out a low growl before sliding my tongue into her mouth. Claire arched her back, pushing into me as she responded to the pressure of my lips.
Her hands slid under my shirt and over my arms, shyly exploring my chest and shoulders. I felt every muscle tense and then relax again, as she drew lines with her fingers. My acute restraint was becoming undone and I brought my lips down on hers fiercely, winding my other arm around her to keep her where I wanted her.
Claire gasp in response to my aggression, further heightening my senses - every nerve ending reacting to her touch, scent and taste.
My brain struggled to believe this was real. What if this was some horrible slip in reality again? If so, I didn't want to wake up. I leaned back to look into her eyes, to reassure myself that she was really there, and smiled as she moaned softly and tried to pull me back to her.
Then I saw the look I so feared, but knew would come — her eyes wide with guilt and shame over what she had just done.
"I...I can't." I hated that her voice broke. Hated that she felt pain as a result of the intimacy she had shared with me.
My shoulders slumped as I stepped away from her.
"I'm sorry," Claire spoke quickly as she turned her back and headed toward the door. "I...I have to go."
I dropped to the couch letting the pain of her retreat wash over me. "Claire" I tried again, but she stopped me.
"Myrnin...I can't," she said barely above a whisper.
I sighed in resignation. I knew it couldn't last. I never should have let myself get this far exposed, this vulnerable and to what, a silly human girl? "I know," I said quietly. "Just..." I wanted to say more, so much more, but the words were stuck in my throat and I knew they wouldn't do any good anyway. She was still leaving...running away from me. "Don't use the portals,'" I sighed.
Not that it mattered. The portals were probably fine and I was the thing that was broken, but I couldn't let go of the tiniest hope that I was wrong.
Without another word, she nodded to me and walked out the door.