Smiling into the phone as you moved through the hotel hallway, you were exhausted from the entire day you had planned for yourself. It was the most fun you had had for a while, even though you were a complete blushing mess throughout all of it. Still able to feel the man's hands on you, you tried not to squeal like a school girl who just kissed her long-time crush.
"I still can't believe it," Kwon screeched in a whisper over the phone with you, "You have to give me every detail missy. This is some juicy shit."
"I can't really talk about it," you said, suddenly shy when smiling and walking towards Kennah's hotel room.
"Don't you dare," Kwon chuckled out, "I want to know if he's any good of a kisser like I'd think he'd be."
"He is," you giggled out, "I didn't really get the full effects of it on the day of the shoot but the amounts of times we've seen one another after the shoot...he is definitely a great kisser."
"Have you slept with him?"
You bit at your inner cheek, trying not to grow red as you glanced around the empty hall. "Not exactly."
Kwon had a complete breakdown. Freaking out over the phone, she was laughing as she curled up to hear you better. "You totally slept with Jay Park!" she exclaimed, finally addressing the name of the man you were going on and on about. "I knew it! I knew it—"
You flushed. "Would you keep it down?"
"How was it?"
"I didn't sleep with him."
"But you two have gotten close I'm presuming," Kwon amusingly sang out.
You tried not to smile and Kwon practically heard it over the phone. She was back to teasing and picking over at your phrases thrown at her.
"So that's what today was, going in for post-production viewings of the M/V but also getting to spend some time with your future husband."
"Kwon!" you laughed out, rolling your eyes when the woman simply kept going.
"Did I say something wrong? I mean, lock that boy up," Kwon demanded, still so highly jumpy and excited at such a revelation, "Might as well move on from your past and make yourself happy for a change."
"He keeps saying that as well..."
"And you're listening to him," Kwon teased, "Now look at you, you've been so happy this entire week because of him. I haven't seen you this way in a long time."
"He's just really understanding," you sighed finally reaching Kennah's door, "It's refreshing not to look at a man and feel infuriated."
"Like Hoseok makes you feel," Kwon mumbled, unimpressed by the idol, "Yeah, yeah. Just forget him and get your sexually frustrated self laid by Jay Park."
You laughed, "Byeeee," you sang out, hearing the woman clap back and tell you to stay on the line. Grinning, you told her you missed her before evilly shutting the line completely when she tried to beg on more questions.
Pursing your lips from smiling to yourself, you tried not thinking about the man you spent your entire day with before knocking at Kennah's door. It took a while, having you wait awkwardly only to be greeted with the boy who held the greatest smile on his face.
"Aye! You're back," he piped, his eyes squinting when he smiled.
"Yes and I'd like my son now," you laughed out, greeting the mysterious boy before taking out the money as a payment, "Thanks for watching him."
"Yeri ain't here, didn't the father contact you?" Kennah asked, taking the money slowly when your brows furrowed.
"What do you mean?"
"He came to get Yeri just a few hours ago and paid me well."
You glared over at the boy who smiled and shoved the money you just gave him into his pocket. "Thank you," he sang out, wiggling his eyebrows before closing the door before you could scold him.
Sighing when your face met the door, you couldn't help but smile just a tad bit. "You're a really weird kid you know that?"
"Yup. Come up with something I haven't heard before," he hollered from past the closed door.
-
"I can't really," Hoseok answered smiling as he loaded up his broadcast, "I'm running out of ideas."
"You've got this, have fun."
Jin chuckled before tapping at Hoseok's shoulder and moving out of his bedroom the man was resting in. Tired from the entire day of running around with Yeri, he was just glad he could catch a quick breather and talk to the fans for a while.
The boys stole Yeri the moment Hoseok walked in with him, the little one brightening up when seeing the men, he had already grown so close to since their first encounter.
Left alone in his room, Hoseok sat onto his bed, leaning his back against the headboard and starting to brainstorm all the important things he wanted to get out to the fans. He was excited over what he and the band had in store for the future and really wished to share it with the fans he hadn't communicated with for a while.
Although he was feeling better physically, his emotionally drained mind wasn't ready for what was about to come. Hiding behind excitement, he was confused over how fast and quick the fans responded back to him. Almost having him grow genuinely excited. But that slight happiness didn't last long when he felt like he was talking to screams instead of attentive ears. Trying not to grow upset and appreciate how long after he had come to speak with the fans, the constant shouts from some asking for the younger members of the group was getting on his nerves.
"I'm really excited for the projects to come and would really like for you all to hear them out," Hoseok said as politely as he could muster, but no use.
They all simply continued and Hoseok sighed before giving up and moving through the dorm and towards one of the members that wasn't playing with Yeri now. Interrupting Jimin who was minding his own business in his bedroom, Hoseok mumbled over for Jimin to take the phone before wanting to clear out and drift his mind away from such a disappointment.
"Hyung, you alright?" Jimin asked confused, staring down at the phone before glancing back at Hoseok who nodded and urged for him to talk for the broadcast.
Hoseok left after that, moving into his bedroom again. Frustrated and drained, Hoseok was mostly tired as he tried his hardest not to constantly have the dreams repeat and tear away at his day and time. Normally, in such broadcasts, Hoseok would ignore the fans that called out in such ways, but he didn't expect it to hurt him this excessively today.
Grabbing at his towel, he didn't take long to move into the bathroom, wanting to have hot water hit his aching muscles and mind. Wishing to feel any remote of relaxation, the idol hoped the water hitting his bare skin would be the start to him possibly having a nice night of sleep for a change.
"Let's take a few deep breaths and relax," Hoseok talked to himself, trying to soothe so his body wouldn't shake in agitation.
-
Breathing won't help you, you squeaked internally, hating that you were outside this place and alone. The last thing you wanted was to be surrounded by the boys that were highly uncomfortable around you...because that's what BTS did. Made you uncomfortable.
Thinking about how nervous and stiff they got around you, it was easy to understand that first impressions are everything. And what you had given the six boys was a terrible one. You didn't blame them for how they behaved, but did wish for it all to die down soon.
Moving to hold your hands by your stomach, you waited outside with the chill only to be greeted by the leader of the group. Nervous at first, you took in a breath when seeing him gently eye you and then smile.
"Come on in," he piped sweetly before making room for you to stroll through.
You tried not to stand too close to the man as you entired, staying clear of being an awkward mess when he chuckled and greeted you politely.
"Sorry, we've stolen Yeri."
"It's alright," you said and Namjoon ushered for you to enter.
You did, watching as all the boys got up to greet you the moment you were in view. Feeling more relieved when seeing their kind expressions, you found yourself to loosen up a little when Yeri excitedly ran to your bare legs to hug at.
Grinning, you crouched, making sure your dress didn't ride up and reveal something to the men you didn't want out there before kissing your son hello. Waving your hand through his hair, you smiled at the fact that Yeri genuinely seemed to look like he was having a blast playing with the six members.
"What were you playing kiddo?" you asked, chuckling when you almost tripped over from Yeri instantly grabbing your hand and dragging you to sit on the couch with Yoongi and Jin. You did, smiling and bowing you head as a greeting in their direction before focusing on Yeri who was excitedly explaining why the rest of the members were sitting against the opposing wall.
"I pick who I run to," Yeri squealed, moving between your legs and standing to face the boys who crouched down again. Jungkook and Taehyung seemed to be the most excited, hands out and wanting Yeri to run towards them, but Yeri being an evil child learned a lot from his Uncle Kevin when he twisted away and ran to Namjoon's lap each time.
"He enjoys them fighting for his affection," Namjoon laughed out, tickling Yeri who struggled in climbing off his lap only to giggle and run back towards you just so he could start the entire game over again.
Jungkook and Taehyung played along and pretended to be hurt each time. The moment they acted too well however was the best, having Yeri run over and comfort them with hugs.
"He's a smart little boy," Jin said smiling before catching your attention, "All credit goes to you of course."
You grinned. "...thanks. But he's got others close to him back home where he's learned a lot from as well." You felt warm and grateful when thinking about Kwon and Kevin; all that they had done for you and Yeri.
"You sure I'm not the father?" Yoongi blurted out, laughing when Jin snorted at the sudden question.
You blushed so hard but managed to chuckle a little yourself. Smiling at Yoongi who was being sweet as well, you nodded. "I'm sure."
You felt completely relaxed now, seeing as they were all joking around and being freer with your presence. This in return only had you open up and relax next to them as well, feeling more engaged in the idea of talking to them even if the conversation was about Yeri. From small talk, it grew into them actually making you laugh whole-heartedly.
They were good guys. Funny, kind, and welcoming...you didn't want to admit it but it was nice.
Embarrassingly talking about Hoseok for a while, you couldn't help but absorb all the things thrown at you. Smiling and laughing at the stories they told to purposely have you become comfortable, you enjoyed them fooling around with the idea of Hoseok being a klutz at times; the stories making you smirk.
"Speaking of the devil," you popped, glancing around, "Where is he?"
"In his room," Jimin sighed out, moving to greet you as he made his appearance known.
Greeting the boy, your brows furrowed a little when seeing the younger member distressed.
"What's wrong?" Taehyung asked, hugging Yeri into his chest as the oblivious child giggled into his ear.
-
"Nothing's wrong," Hoseok said, smiling tiredly when he moved past your awkward form who peeked into his bedroom.
You puckered your painted lips slightly, watching him carefully as his eyes blinked with sleep. He moved past you with a smile before tossing his freshly used towel into the hamper by the door. Just as he did, he stood before you, keeping his distance however before officially greeting you.
"But hello to you too," he teased, side-grin present immediately when quickly managing to catch a glimpse of your attire. His eyes met your beautiful face before he nonchalantly continued, "I'm guessing Jimin's got everyone worried."
"They're just concerned," you said softly, smiling a tiny bit. You felt odd about being the one sent to check up on Hoseok. Sure, it was your initial idea, but you felt that it may have been better if one of the boys came instead. You genuinely didn't think the man before you would open to you if there was something holding him upset...
Hoseok tried to play it all off with a smile before turning and moving towards his bed. Sitting on it, he waved the whole situation off to nothing as you tried to have you leave and 'have fun with the boys'.
"I know it may sound weird coming from me," you started, awkward as you hesitantly moved towards the bed yourself. You sat next to him, keeping your distance however, "But if there's something bothering you, I'm a pretty good listener."
Hoseok's eyes narrowed at that, staring over at you for a moment, he studied your soft expression.
"I'm fine really," he reassured, forcing a smile onto his face, "Just tired..."
You smiled a little yourself, observing him before speaking, "I'm not dumb mister. Just because you're smiling doesn't mean you're okay...I've seen a lot of that in the past from you—I guess that's something that never really died."
"You know me well," Hoseok chuckled out before sighing and rubbing at his eyes.
He genuinely was tired, eyes starting to get red.
You didn't say anything, just watching him move from his eyes, to his entire face, and ending it off with rubbing at his wet hair.
"The fans got under my skin for a moment but that's all," he said lightly, "I'm over it now."
"Is that all?" you asked, not believing it for a second.
"Do you really care or have they put you up to this?" Hoseok asked, shifting his attention awkwardly in your direction.
You swallowed, staring over at the door before glancing back at the man. "I do," you let out honestly, nose scrunching as you spoke and revealed your intentions, "I care."
Hoseok stared at you.
You were starting to grow uncomfortable under his soft gaze before clearing at your throat and playfully smiling. "Now spill before I walk out that door, who knows when the next time you'll see me. So, make the most of me being here."
It took a bit for him to smile, but he did. Eyes narrowing all over again for distinct reasons, he was still trying to figure out what had gotten into you.
"If I tell you what's going on with me, do you promise to enlighten me on your behaviour change?"
You giggled, moving closer to the man unknowingly, but there was still enough space for both of you to breath and have a friendly conversation.
"I'm just happy," you said shrugging, "Does it kill you to have me smiling or something?"
Hoseok's brows jumped. "N-No," he struggled and you warmly smiled, "It's just our dynamic isn't—well—hasn't been so chirpy and sweet."
"Then let's work on making it that way. Let's be friendly for Yeri's sake," you kindly proposed, "I'm trying to move on from all the pain you've costed me, trying to trust you again...during that why not just be nice?"
"Seriously," Hoseok said out of breath, having his stomach warm up with butterflies, "Who are you?"
You pursed your lips before urging him to open now.
Hoseok sighed before nodding and shutting his eyes. He tried to find words when explaining the heaviness at his heart but it all came out awkward. He tried again and you softly listened, knowing that's all he needed. Sometimes, when people are hurting or need to vent, they don't need advice...all they need is an ear and a warming presence.
So, that's what you tried to give the man as he spoke on the incident that just occurred.
"There's this lurking feeling," he slowly finished, "This feeling over whether I'm..." He pursed his lips, whispering the end as it hurt his ego to say, "good enough."
"Sometimes you feel like an outcast within your own group," you summarized, seeing what the man was having trouble saying.
Hoseok nodded.
Your eyes were soft as you stared at your lap.
"...then those thoughts start to go all over the place—you know when your brain does that? Yeah, well, that happens and I overthink," Hoseok rambled, murmuring as he nibbled at his inner cheek, "I start to think about how the group would be without me...if I'm even needed...if leaving Yeri and you behind was the biggest mistake of my life."
"Leaving us the way you did was bad," you finally said softly, observing the man for too long now, "but even I can't deny that you're happiest when on that stage performing. You're a natural entertainer..."
Hoseok didn't say anything, nervously twitching as he roughly played with his fingers. He was anxious revealing and speaking about such troubles and you made sure your voice was softer than ever.
"You're talented."
Hoseok's jaw clenched and your eyes softened at his body language neglecting that fact.
"You don't think so?"
"I..." he trailed off, staring at his hands before playfully awkwardly with his fingers.
You pursed your lips before glancing at the door. Seeing the distance between the two of you, you allowed yourself to hesitantly move in his direction. Sitting and having your arm brush his, your fingers played in the fabric of his bed sheet before very, painfully awkwardly moving to try and hold his hand.
Hoseok watched as you did, staring at your nervous eyes. But there was a softness to them that made his anxiety fade. Focusing on your fingers in his, he was the one to take hold of your soft hands and stare at how amazing they looked in his. His thumb traced over your palm, fingers moving gently with yours.
"You're a wonderful dancer and rapper," you whispered, "I try to ignore how you inspire millions of your fans out there with just how hard and determined you are..."
Hoseok was dazed by the image of you as he listened to you speak. Watching all your face, he studied the colour on your lips when they moved to speak.
"You inspire Yeri...he's like your biggest fan," you popped, smiling when Hoseok's expression lightened at that, "He sees you as this strong and loving man. You may have made the mistake of leaving, but you've also been trying your hardest to tick around while working and growing with this group."
Hoseok felt his stomach turn, his mind on his dream and the truths of his world. The constant tug and struggle to want to pick one. He felt overwhelmed and sick when thinking that one day, because of him, he'd have to choose.
"You're trying to face responsibilities while scaring yourself in the process," you tied together, chuckling breathily, "Sometimes, just sometimes, pat yourself on the back and acknowledge that you've done well for yourself."
Hoseok couldn't help but smile when you adorably took his hand that was previously sweating in his and forced him to pat his shoulder with it. Letting go of his hand when he chuckled and nodded, you grinned yourself.
"Don't belittle yourself just 'cause," you finished, "Let me do that on my bitchy days for you."
He laughed when you wiggled your brows a little and stood up from beside him.
"Thanks," Hoseok sighed out, feeling insanely relieved. Sure, he didn't admit and open up completely, but it was more than he normally would have in such a situation.
"What are exs for," you joked, wiggling at his shoulder before telling him to 'get his lazy ass up'.
He tried to convince you to let him be, but you saw right through it. "Enough time moping," you scolded, grabbing his arm before dragging him towards the bedroom door, "Have some fun with your group members and our son."
Hoseok's grin grew, practically ripping from cheek-to-cheek when hearing you so freely say 'our' in a sentence revolving him as well, his heart was a mess for you now.
"Our son?"
"Shut up," you chuckled, seeing the amusement on his face.
Hoseok hesitantly moved his arm out from yours before sneaking his fingers down to grab yours a little. He tried to play it off as a causality when your brows furrowed and you stared at him. You didn't fight it even if you normally would have, letting him softly walk with you back to the joyfulness past the hallway.
Although you let his hand go near the end of the hall, Hoseok was still a fluttering example of love-struck when he stared after you merging into the crowd of boys that welcomed him back.
Licking his lip for a moment, he thought of one thing and one thing only. The one phrase he didn't have the courage to spill...
I love you.