Josh clenched and unclenched his hands as Tyler faced him, the look of trust overwhelming his gaze.
Goddamnit, even with being tapped out all the signs of love and trust were written all over the smaller boy's body like paint on a canvas. Goddamnit, the trust was so ironic it hurt.
That was the flaw with his ability that made it majorly less cool. It was different, it made him stand out. It made him out as a nosy, intrusive person who didn't know how to respect boundaries. He wasn't, but having tbe ability to see people's emotions, and consciously use it to detect what was wrong with Tyler was sneaky and underhanded at best.
Things had been going wo well between him and tyler. Despite the threat of Chris returning like a blotch ot ink on a page, Tyler had seemed generally happier and more comfortable. The blackness had been receeding more for larger amounts of time, replaced by pink and blue.
Trust.
Trust me, Josh wanted to say. Trust me when I tell you that I just wanted to make sure you were safe, that I looked in your head because I loved you. I love you.
But instead he wrung his hands, clearing his throat. He had never told anyone about this.
"This is gonna sound terrible, and you're probably gonna get mad, okay? But please, trust me. I- I meant the best for you, I still do."
Tyler nodded, his brows drawinf together with faint concern. But the trust was still there.
Josh took a deep breath. It was like ripping off a bandage, he just had to say it.
"Okay so I've had this thing with me since I was born where I can see people's emotions."
The sentence tumbled out of Josh before he could stop himself. Suprise and confusion etched their way onto Tyler's angelic face.
"What do you mean?" he asked, slowly now.
"I-" Josh grunted in irritation, tugging at a loose strand of silver hair. "I can see what people are feeling, okay? Their emotins appear over thier heads in clouds and stuff. I know what everyone is feeling."
Josh squeezed his fists arounf the pillow in his lap as Tyler shifted back noticeably. His eyes were clouding over with an unfamiliar emotion, at coming from Tyler.
Anger.
"You can see emotions? Everyone's emotions?"
Josh noddee, mouth dry.
Tyler's brows slammed together, eyes narrowing slightly. Hostility was radiating off of him now.
"What about me?"
Josh nodded again, nervously. Tyler's jaw clenched.
"You looked inside my head?"
One final nod, Josh's eyes on the floor. Tyler's hostility had changed to anger.
"Isn't that intrusive?" Tyler asked pointedly, small frame stiff.
"It's not like I can control it," Josh tried, knowing it was a weak argument. Tyler scowled slightly.
"So what, you just see everyone's emotions at all tiens, no matter where you are?"
"Well, no-"
"So you can control it?" Tyler stood up suddenly, backing away from Josh.
"Yes." Josh muttered, eyes fixed on Tyler's red socks.
"And it doesn't bother you at all that you read my mind for nearly two months?"
"I was worried about you!" Josh protested, looking up to see Tyler's cold and impassive face.
"You invaded my privacy." Tyler growled. "My head. You said you trusted me!"
"I do!"
"You read my mind, Josh! You looked at my secrets!"
"It doesn't work like that!" Josh protested helplessly. Tylers anger was battering him around the head.
"I don't give a fuck how it works!" Tyler yelled. "You said you trusted me!"
"I do!" Josh fought to keep tears out of his voice. Fuck, this was all going wrong.
"YOU READ MY MIND! HOW IS THAT TRUST?"
Tyler's shoulders heaved as he glared at Josh, cowering on the couch.
"You're working for him, of course you are. He sent you- you- to look after me, oh god....he sent you...."
"I wasn't sent by anyone!" Josh felt a mild wave of exasperation roll over him. "That's paranoid!"
"It's hard not to be paranoid when someone ypu though you could trust has been lying to you for two months!" Tyler snarled.
"It wasn't a lie!"
"You should've told me." Tyler growled. "If you trusted me, you should've told me."
"I didn't know how!" Josh shot back. "I don't know how to do this any more than you would!"
"You kept this from me." Tylers eyes were red now as he stalked away from Josh. "Who knows what else you've been hiding from me? Maybe you really do know my father, and he's using you to get to me. How c-can I know if you're telling the truth now?"
"I wouldn't lie to you!"
"Oh, really?"
Josh nodded desperately. Tyler's eyes bored into him as he spoke again, this time in a voice so soft Josh had to strain to hear it.
"Do you really care about me, or was that another lie?"
Josh couldn't answer, because how on earth could he tell Tyler how much he really cared for him, especially now? He couldn't even put into words how much he loved him, how angry he was with himself for messing everything up. He wanted to say it, say he loved Tyler, make him believe he was worth all the love in Josh's heart, but the words fell short on the tip of his tongue.
Tyler's face fell at Josh's silence. When he spoke again, there were tears in his eyes and broken glass in his voice.
"Get out."
Josh flinched. Tyler's shaking hand pointed to the door.
"Tyler, please-"
"Get out." Tyler repeated, his voice shaking.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, please-"
Tyler's face was a mask of rage as he jerked his hand towards the door.
"You're a liar, Joshua."
Josh hovered on the couch for a moment longer, but the finality in Tyler's eyes told him exactly what he needed to know. Heart pounding, lip wobbling slightly, he crossed the small room and opened the door.
"I wanted the best for you." he offered dully. "I just wanted to keep you safe."
Tyler's eyes were misting over as he responded.
"Is that another lie?"
Josh's negative response shot out of him with more aggression than anything else he had said to Tyler.
But he didn't believe him.
There was no more trust in his watery gaze.
Josh paused, already outisde in the hallway. Tyler was trembling and Josh couldn't help him anymore.
"Please."
Tyler turned away, shoulders shaking.
He could've helped. He could've reached out. But his hands wouldn't move and his mouth couldn't do anything but utter the word "please" over and over again like a mantra as Tyler walked away, arms wrapped around himself.
Josh should've helped.
But he knew anything he did or said would only make it worse. There were some things Tyler had to fight on his own. Some things Tyler wanted to fight alone. And Josh was the last person he wanted help from right now.
So he stood in the hallway, guilt and anger pounding though him so hard his head spun as the door to Tyler's home closed loudly in his face.
//aaaaHHH I fell like this was written poorly oopsie
Also I will be starting a new (possibly two) fic soon so keep tuned for that//