Lauren woke up around lunch time and that's when she felt how tired out her body is. Her muscles were sore.
She looks and sees Camila up already, watching TV. It was tuned on to National Geographic. Her back was facing her and Lauren was suddenly reminded of last night and it instantly. She tried to shake it off.
"Camila," the girl turned to her and she looked refreshed. It hit her that Camila was the type not to harbor any feelings of animosity towards anyone. She wished she could say the same for her. "I'm not feeling too well, would you mind if we leave around the afternoon? Don't think I can drive yet."
"It's fine Lauren." she turned back to the TV.
Lauren felt the mixed emotions she had from last night right up her gut and felt that she was still too tired to make any rational decision so she found herself resting her head back on her pillow before succumbing to sleep.
The next time she woke up, she was alone in the room. She groaned when she checked the time, that it was 2 PM already. She slept in for around 5 hours, and basically wasted crucial parts of the day she could be spending with Camila instead. She groggily got up and went to the bathroom to freshen up and to get dressed. She realized Camila's case was already gone, only her stuff remaining in the room. She grabbed some of the clothes she wore last that found its way on the floor, and put it back in her luggage. She bit her tongue to stop her thoughts from going back to last night because it was too painful for her, to completely bare herself for one person to only set her spirits back down. She felt the tears well up but she blinked them away, reminding herself she had to drive back all the way back to Miami.
When her luggage was all fixed, she got out the room, not giving the room one last look before she left. Why would she want to attach herself to a room that just gave her temporary memories with a temporary girl? It was stupid.
She checked out and paid the man at the front desk and made her way to the parking lot. She saw Camila leaning at her car hood, looking at something in her hands, Lauren figured it was her bucket list, her travel case near her feet. She hated how beautiful Camila looked then, when she felt she couldn't forgive the girl for last night.
Lauren made her way to the front door and unlocked it. Camila turned to her at the movement and quickly went in her way at the shotgun seat. Lauren packed both their bags at the trunk and headed out.
Realizing none of them ate lunch yet, Lauren stopped at the nearest cafe she found. When they got in, they ordered their food and ate in silence. Lauren was very willing to be passive aggressive, making her utensils drop at her plate and crumpling the paper napkin before throwing it on the table. Camila was just silent until when they waited for their bill. Either she didn't notice or just pretended not to see.
"Lauren, can we go to the beach?" she asked politely. The way her voice sounded like melted candy made Lauren's heartstrings melt, that she was acting like such an asshole in front of her but she couldn't do anything about it. Her mind was twisted like that. She nodded anyway.
Lauren drove her to the public beach she knew that was closest to them. When she parked and got out, she saw that it was fairly less occupied than most beaches they had passed. Lauren locked the car doors and looked up to see Camila already near the shore. Lauren carefully followed.
Camila was just looking at the afternoon sky, arms wide open. If she wasn't feeling so conflicted, she would have taken another photo of the girl right then. Camila was wearing a white knitted cardigan over jean shorts and a tank top. If she didn't know her, Lauren would just think she would be an ordinary girl you'd see at the beach.
She took a deep breath and soaked in the afternoon sun, feeling the warm breeze of the sea. She felt her head start to clear a bit.
She saw Camila sit down, her arms a wrapped around her knees. Lauren came up carefully and sat down beside her, watching the look on the younger girl's face. She looked calm, peaceful, serene and part of Lauren wished she would stay like that forever for she didn't want to see any ounce of pain on her face. Lauren looked at her feet, suddenly self conscious that she let herself stare for too long.
"This is the first time I felt truly free as an 18-year old. Thank you." she said. Brown eyes met green but this time Lauren didn't feel as if Camila was reading her mind at all. She was just looking at her with gratitude and appreciation.
"Why do I get the feeling you're saying goodbye." Lauren pondered on, forgetting all her passive aggressive sentiments just for the moment.
"It's only a goodbye when you think of it."
Lauren started driving around mid afternoon. The drive was long and they got stuck in some city traffic before reaching the highways. By the time they got there, it was turning dark. Lauren made sure to keep the music on, albeit on low volume, because she wasn't in the mood for talking and she had nothing to say. Camila was silent, arms crossed over her chest. It was getting to her too, and Lauren was lowkey glad she was affecting her. She was getting under her skin.
Camila turned to her, snapping suddenly. "Can we cut this out? I don't want to play this game anymore."
"We're not doing anything. And this isn't a game." Lauren remarked a bit defensively, hands tight on the steering wheel.
"You're mad Lauren. It's not that hard to tell. Can we just enjoy the remainder of the trip, like normal people." Camila sounded frustrated.
"But we're not normal people, Camila. I'm sick, you're dying. That's that. We are different. We'll never be normal." Lauren pointed out, keeping her eyes on the road.
"Stop making us into something so different. People get sick and eventually die. That's life. Stop thinking we're deep and beautiful and something else just because. We're just like everyone else." Camila reasoned. Lauren broke her gaze from the road and into her chocolate eyes and she saw the emotion those orbs held. "I'm dying but I don't look like I am. I want it to be like that."
Lauren kept silent, her mind was racing but she didn't know what to say.
"I'm dying, and that's it. What matters now is how you live your life." Camila said, settling back on her seat.
"You say we all die anyway. What does it matter if I die now or I die after you?" Lauren spat.
Camila was silent until she yelled. "Stop the car!"
Lauren followed her order anyway, pulling over at the side then looking at Camila with panic. Camila was stone faced. She looked scary and intimidating when she was absolutely straight faced and right now, she was exactly that.
"Get out." Camila ordered. Lauren was frozen in place, until Camila unlocked her seatbelt and got out of the door. She passed the front of the car, past the headlights and into Lauren's door. Lauren opened it, getting frantic and getting out. Camila got in the driver's seat and Lauren hurriedly made her way to the shotgun seat, feeling her hands tremble.
Camila was still stone faced as she gripped the wheel hard and stepped on the pedal. They made their way back in the lane, slowly at first but then they began to accelerate fast. She wasn't wearing a seatbelt but she was gripping at the car door and her other hand was pressed against the dashboard.
Camila was driving at speeds Lauren never went past. They were going faster and faster and Lauren felt her throat hitch up, the lump rising and the tears forming. She thought they were gonna crash. She was brought back to that night and she didn't want to open her eyes because what she saw was different, she knew she would see that old country lane in front and the blonde haired boy at her side. It was too painful. She closed her eyes, hoping she would disappear but she felt stuck in that moment, that endless loop she visited almost every night in her dreams.
"Camila, stop." She found herself sobbing, her shoulders rising up and down as her grip tightened. "Stop, please."
Camila turned hard on the wheel and they were back in the side of the lane and Camila pulled up hard. Lauren slowly opened her tear-stricken eyes and saw Camila panting as she closed her eyes, releasing her grip on the wheel. For a good two minutes, none of them spoke but just sat there catching a breath. Lauren tried her best to keep her hands from trembling, taking deep inhales, as she tried to suppress the feelings she felt that reminded her too much of the night of her accident.
Camila hung her hand on the headrest, and shut her eyes. Lauren was too preoccupied to really tell what the other girl could possibly be thinking.
"Now you don't want to die? It doesn't matter if I'm here or not. You don't want that. I don't want that for you." Camila scolded. Lauren felt her words pierce her as she felt she almost came into another life or death situation. Camila was trying to make her feel guilty and it was working.
Camila turned to Lauren, noticing how Lauren was still recovering from the panic she just felt. Camila's face softened. "Look I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that to prove my point. I know you know better."
Lauren didn't reply, feeling too drained to produce tears. Camila started the drive again in silence as Lauren closed her eyes, and thought of any good thing she could to try to forget the hurt and anxiety she felt. She felt herself start to doze off until Camila shook her shoulder awake, telling her that it was her turn to drive. Lauren felt much better after dozing off, and switched seats with Camila who seemed more tired from driving than she let on.
As Lauren drove the whole way back, she tried to just keep her eyes on the road. It cleared her mind of the things and places it went to. It was better that way. Occasionally she'd find herself staring at the Cuban girl beside her who was curled to her side, sleeping facing opposite her. Lauren couldn't help the smile that crept up her face, though she knew her eyes weren't smiling. She was still faced with the dilemma of being trying to remember every single bit of Camila so she would never forget, or trying her best to ignore it so it wouldn't hurt her any less.
She remembered what happened last night and it tugged at her guts because it meant so much to her even if it was just nothing to Camila. Lauren decided that she wouldn't let that make the moment any less beautiful. It was beautiful in that night, in that light, in her eyes and it would stay that way for as long as she wanted to.
The drive back was calm and serene as Lauren would describe it. As she approached Miami she couldn't help but realize how much she missed it, despite just being gone for almost two days.
She got at their drive and it was around 8pm. She pulled up in front of the Cabellos, then looked at the girl who was resting at her side. Camila had woken up already when they entered Miami but she resumed back to her original position. Lauren smiled as she watched the girl be still in the seat of her car.
She gently shook her awake. "Camila, we're home."
Camila slowly sat up and rubbed at her eyes. She turned around her, until the place registered to her and she made a soft smile. "Home sweet home." Camila got down and with Lauren's help, got her old travel case from the trunk. When Lauren shut the trunk, Camila was waiting for her, leaning on the back door. "Lauren, thanks for the trip. I mean it was a crazy experience, something for the books."
"Well I'm glad you feel that way. Sorry I kind of ruined-it." Lauren shuffled consciously.
Camila put a hand on her shoulder. "No you didn't, I promise. It was fine for me. I appreciate you planning it out. Sorry too, if I came off a bit demanding."
Lauren waved her off, she didn't want Camila to be burdened with whatever she felt. "Let's just forget any bad that happened, just focus on the good."
Camila smiled. "I'd like that." She made her way to the pathway, then her porch and turned to wave one last time. "Bye, Lauren!"
Lauren waved goodbye and got in the car and parked it on the opposite end of the road. She saw from her rear view mirror the doors at the Cabello household open and Camila coming home to the arms of her parents before the door shut. Lauren sighed and got out, grabbing her luggage before opening the door.
She set down her luggage near the door when she realized the lights were all shut. She looked over and saw her mom sleeping on the couch, her glasses still on, the newspaper in her hand. Lauren couldn't help but smile. She knelt next to her mom and gently shook her.
"Mom, I'm home." she gently said.
Clara slowly awoke and when she saw Lauren, her eyes lit up and she sat, embracing her daughter. "I missed you so much, darling. How was the trip? Had a lot of fun?"
"Yeah, I guess you could say that." she answered. She didn't want to divulge any further.
Her mom prepared dinner for her and they ate together, Lauren recounting some of the high points of their trip, leaving the bit in the motel. It was too personal for her to speak about it. But that didn't mean that she couldn't think about them, and that was what she did. For the rest of the night, she thought about what happened with Camila, trying to figure out what she could be feeling the whole time and what she wanted for Lauren.
Those thoughts consumed her until she fell asleep in the safe confines of her room, though Lauren dreaming about the room they had shared in the motel.
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A/N: It was lovely seeing your reactions to the previous chapter, so here is the final saga of their road trip. Lauren still doesn't get it and is so bent on believing they're different, while Camila breaks the sad truth to her. Let me know your thoughts!
-Sofia