The bell rang on Friday afternoon, and I honestly had no idea how to feel about it. I mean, its great that it's the weekend, but now I'm just one step closer to tonight. I don't know why I'm so nervous about it, but I just can't see how it will be productive to sit in a room with Ashton, my mother, and my fucking father. Sorry for the foul words regaurding my own kin, but I really don't seem to even like my dad anymore. Oh well, what's the worse that can happen?
I packed my bag up, and got up to go over to Ashton's desk at the other end of the classroom. He looked up to meet my gaze, and flashed me an adorable smile. Jessie shoved past me, and I couldn't help but stop in my tracks and stare her down as he exited the classroom. Fucking bitch.
"What's the word, bird?" Ashton said, drapping his arm over my shoulders as we walked out of the room.
"Can we go to your place?" I asked, really not wanting to go to my house right now. Besides, I don't really see the point. We're just gonna end up there anyways.
"Of course!" He said happily. I smiled at his positive attitude, and kissed his cheek. We walked into the courtyard, to see our usual group standing in the usual spot. I made no hesitation to keep my eyes on the ground as we walked past all the jocky and preppy people, making sure to not make eye contact with any of those fuckers. I felt Ashton's grip on my hand grow tighter, and I looked up at him to see him glaring at all of them, with some of them glaring back at him. I tugged at Ashton's hand to get him to walk faster.
"Why are they so annoying?" I asked out of nowhere.
"I dunno," Ashton replied. "I guess the only thing they can get themselves to be happy is to make others feel like shit."
"I guess so." I mumbled quietly as we approached Michael, Sydney, Natalie, and Calum. I wasn't really sure where Luke was at the moment.
"Hey!" Natalie said happily, detangling her hand from Calum's to give me a hug. "You guys want to go somewhere tonight?"
I sighed, and shook my head no. "Tomorrow maybe?" I proposed at the sad look on her face.
"Okay!" She chirped. She looked over to Ashton and raised her eyebrows. "You busy?"
Ashton nodded, and tucked his arm around my waist. Natalie looked at us and nodded, finally catching up.
"Good luck," Michael joked, looking at Ashton.
"Thanks." Ashton said sarcastically, followed by a laugh. We said our goodbyes, and headed towards the student parking lot.
...
By the time it was about 7:00, Ashton and I pulled up to my house. We had spent the afternoon making Ashton look "presentable" as he put it, though I ended up just finding a white tshirt and a pair of jeans to roll up for him. Then we took a nap and now we're here.
"This is gonna be really fun." Ashton chuckled.
"Just smile through the pain, Ash." I joked.
"Smile through the pain?" He repeated with a laugh. "Come on." I got out of Ashton's old truck, and instantly wrapped his hand around mine as we walked up the steps of my front porch. I saw the lights on in the kitchen, and once again I began to feel extremely nervous. I don't want to do this, this is going to be awkward and a bad idea in general. At first I thought it would be a great idea... so my parents could see how smart and sweet Ashton actually is. But now, I wasn't quite sure.
"Hey." Ashton said softly beside me. I shook my head from all the thoughts I had, and I didn't even realize we have been standing infront of my door in silence for like, 30 seconds. I looked up at Ashton, who had an assuring look in his eyes.
"You alright, Love?" he asked.
"What-? Yeah, yeah of course." I replied with a smile, I dug through my pocket to find my house key, and I slowly unlocked my front door. I felt Ashton's grip on my hand tighten as we walked into the house.
Instantly, the smell of what seemed like steak or something filled my nose, causing my stomach to growl. I guess the good thing about this is I'm hungry as fuck.
"Hi we're here." I mumbled, tugging Ashton behind me. We walked into the kitchen to see my mother digging through the drawers and cabinents, making the sounds of clashing pots echo through the room.
"Oh! Hey," she said, turning around to look at us. "Sorry I'm a little behind and I just-"
"Mom calm down," I laughed. I looked from my mother to Ashton, to see them echanging friendly smiles with one another.
"How are you, Ashton?" She asked, setting down her oven mitts.
"Good," he replied. "And you?"
"Great!" she smiled.
"Where's dad?" I asked, trying not to cringe.
"Ummmm..." my mother's voice trailed off and she looked down. "I'm not really sure. I think he is upstairs doing something. Brandon!"
Ashton's grip on my hand tightened even more, and I led him to the middle of the kitchen to rest my back against the counter. I watched as my mother hastily made a salad and had a small yet decent conversation with Ashton about stuff I couldn't really pay attention too. I heard thumping on the staircase in the other room, and I knew it was my father.
He walked in casually, out of his usual work clothes. He looked to Ashton and I, and only a small yet bored smile spread across his face. I nudged at Ashton as I kept my gaze on my dad, to try and get Ashton to say something. I looked up at him, and my heart sank. I know that look that Ashton had in his eyes; I've seen it many times before. It was the look of pure anxiety and hatred, yet somehow the way Ashton stood with such leisure didn't seem to give away how quickly his demeanor changed the moment my father walked into the room. They both stood there in silence, just staring at each other with my mother tossing salad quickly, and me staying completely silent.
"Hi." Ashton suddenly said awkwardly. I bit my lip to keep myself from laughing.
"Nice too see you again," my father said, walking up to us. He stuck out his hand, and I watched Ashton as he looked at it before putting his in it.
"Yeah," Ashton said casually, shaking my dad's hand. I watched as they both went silent, their hands clasped together, shaking up and down rather quickly. The skin on Ashton's finger tips turned white and I saw the veins on his neck begin to look more prominent before. His bottom lip was taken in between his teeth as he smiled at my father. The expression on my dad's face was full of confusion, and I kneed Ashton from the side, and his hard grip on my dad's hand let go.
"Right, so," my father said quickly, turning away to walk over to my mother. I nudged at Ashton again to shoot him a look that said 'what the hell was that?' but Ashton didn't look down at me. I watched in confusion as Ashton's eyes followed my father. They narrowed, and I could tell the muscles under his skin were tensed up, and I was actually on the verge of pulling him away to tell him to try and not attack my dad. As much as I wanted Ashton too, that would be really bad.
Ashton's eyes finally tore away from my father, and he looked down at me. I raised my eyebrows at him, but he just shrugged and shot me a look that said 'I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing right now.'
...
By the time all four of us were sitting at the table, the awkward mood had calmed down a little. I guess it was my mother and how she's managed to act like nothing was wrong, and she managed to keep conversations going. But, even I could see in her eyes that there was something on her mind, and I think Ashton could tell too.
"So," my mother said from the head of the table. My father sat at the other side, and Ashton sat next to me on the left side of the large wooden surface. I was surpised, actually. I knew Ashton was a generally charming guy, but his table manners were like, spot on. "I forget...which classes do you guys have together?"
"Just Art and english." I replied, shoving a forkful of salad into my mouth.
"English?" She asked, looking over to Ashton. He sat back a little, a small chuckle escaping his lips.
"It probably doesn't look like my thing," he said. "But that's kind of all I do."
"Read?" she asked.
"Yeah," he replied. "And if I'm in the mood I write sometimes."
"Oh, I used to love that," my mother said. I watched in awe and pure relief at the fact that Ashton and my mother have managed to start a full on conversation with each other. My dad, on the other hand, hasn't said a word. "Writing was my favorite thing to in highschool. What do you write?"
"Poetry, I guess?" Ashton replied. "Like song lyrics and stuff."
"Play an instrument?" My father finally spoke up. Ashton's eyes shot over to him, and he once again stared at my dad before answering.
"Yes sir, I do," Ashton said calmly, though I think I was the only one that could sense the hatred Ashton had towards my father. I don't really blame him. "I play the drums."
My father nodded, but said nothing else. The conversation went silent, so I decided to speak up.
"In a band." I said. Ashton looked over to me, his cheeks a little red.
"Really?" My mother asked, obviously really interested in Ashton's life. He nodded, a sincere smile on his face.
"Yeah, with some of my friends..." his voice trailed off and he looked down at his plate, chuckling at himself. By the look on his face, I could tell he wanted to say 'my only friends', but he went quiet. The whole table went quiet, and I tapped my foot with his under the table to encourage him to start a conversation.
"Are you a doctor?" He spoke up, looking over to my mom. A spark of proudness flashed through her eyes, and she smiled and nodded. "What do you do?" Ashton asked, a sincere tone of interest. I don't know if Ashton really cares about what my parents do for a living, but he sure was acting like it.
"Oh, a bunch of stuff, actually," she replied. "I run x-rays, and autopsies and all that confusing stuff."
Ashton nodded, and he seemed to be impressed with her. Maybe he was just acting that way.
"So let me get this straight," my father spoke up. Ashton and I looked over to him, and for some reason I reached over and took Ashton's hand in mine under the the table. "Where are you from again?"
Ashton was a little hesitant to answer, his fingers intertwining with mine tighter. He looked at my dad as he stared at him back, obviously waiting for an answer. "Australia." Ashton finally spoke up.
"Why did you move here?"
"Dad-"
"Because I had too." He said bluntly. "Why did you move to Las Vegas?"
My father was quiet, his eyes wandering off from Ashton's harsh gaze. "...Because I had to."
"Well there you go," Ashton said casually, raising his eyebrows and stuffing a bite of steak into his mouth.
"Well, yeah," my dad said. "For a job transfer."
"We are all just transferred places, aren't we?" Ashton said. I looked down at my plate, mixed emotions blubbling up inside of me. I could tell what Ashton was implying here, but I wasn't sure if it was a good idea. But, I can't stop the things that come out of Ashton's mouth.
"So...then what?" my father asked.
"What do you mean?" Ashton asked nicely...surprisingly. "I moved here, then went to school and that's basically where I'm still at right now."
"How old?" My father asked. I don't know why that really matters, but I guess he was just trying to continue the conversation.
"Like, twelve..." Ashton's voice trailed off, and he looked down to his lap, his eyebrows furrowed together in what looked like thought, and anger. I wasn't really sure what the hell he was thinking about, but it was deffintely something. I looked over to my mother, who was staring at Ashton as well. After what felt like 10 minutes of an awkward silence, Ashton spoke up.
"...But I didn't go to middle school." He said. Instantly I felt my eyebrows come together in utter confusion. Did I hear him wrong in that moment, or...?
"What do you mean?" My father asked.
"Like, I was uh..I was home schooled." Ashton replied.
Wait... what? What the fuck is he talking about? I stared at Ashton, wishing he could look back to me so I can shoot him a look that said 'what are you saying?' Of course he went to middle school here. That's where he met Jessie....isn't it?
"Why?" My mother asked.
"Bullied." Ashton replied. I stared at him, my face wrinkling in pure confusion and disbelief. Is he being serious right now? He can't be...he's never told me any of this! He's told me everything about his past and I can tell when he told me so many months ago that he as telling the truth. Is he bullshitting my parents right now? What the hell is he doing? Is he like, looking for pity or something? Why can't he just say he's bullied right now? I mean, considering the way people at school treat him all time, I don't see why anyone wouldn't call it 'bullying'.
My mother's eyes slightly widened, and she nodded her head. I looked over to my father, who just stared blankly at him. Then, I looked to Ashton, who had no expression in his eyes whatsoever. My stomach began to churn, and it wasn't until Ashton gave my hand a little squeeze that my heart began to pound.
Fucking shit, he's onto something.
"I'm sorry to hear that," my mother spoke up to break the uncomfortable silence. "Why did that happen?"
"That's the thing, Mrs. Anderson," Ashton replied, looking over to her. "There wasn't a reason at all."
He's lying...he has to be. From what Ashton has told me in the past (which is a lot) not once did he ever mention the fact that people bullied him in middle school.
God, he has to be onto something.
"No reason at all?" My father repeated with a question.
"Nope." Ashton said casually, whipping his head around to stare at my father. The room went silent, yet it felt like my brain was screaming. It felt like my brain was crying out or help because it was so overwhelmed with so much confusion. Ashton looked back down to his plate that actually hasn't been touched in a few minutes. His eyebrows furrowed together once again, and as I looked to those magnificent green eyes of his I no longer saw the way they usually shine.
Before anyone could say anything else to possibly change the subject, Ashton spoke up.
"Isn't that oddly strange, Mr. Anderson?" He said, looking up to glare at him. My dad was quiet for a few moments, looking just as confused as my mother and I looked.
"What is?"
"Oh, just you know..." Ashton's voice trialed off. "...like, there wasn't a reason for it at all, was there? People gave me shit for absolutely no reason at all. Doesn't that sound absurd to you?"
It was in that moment of silence that followed after Ashton's words that my heart seemed to stop. My eyes widened, and my muscles tensed up. My grip on Ashton's hand tightened, until I could feel the skin on my fingertips turn a bloody white. My heart seemed to beat again, but only now it was a furocious pound in my chest. I'm not stupid, you know. I know Ashton more than I seem to know anyone else.
And with that in mind, I knew exactly what he was doing.
My father opened his mouth to speak, but Ashton spoke up first.
"...Like, why do people hurt others for no reason at all? Why do people cause so much stress and sadness to people who don't deserve it at all? Do you have an answer for me, sir?"
Ashton ceased talking, but I didn't dare look over to him. I didn't want to see that hatred that I knew would be filling his eyes in this moment. I kept my gaze on my father, who was absolutely speechless. The look in his dull eyes seemed to change from bored, to confused...and then to down right furious. The atmoshpere in the room shifted from somewhat calm to extremely awkward and uncomfrotable. As I sat here in silence, my grasp on Ashton's hand only getting tighter, I wanted the ground to swallow me up. At this point, I knew exactly what was going on. Ashton was lying about this new addition to his backstory, and there were so many other things that he was implying through his words.
I had caught on, and I think my parents did too.
I looked over to my mother, and I had to hold in a gasp that was about to force its way out of my mouth. My mother stared down at her plate, her hands in her lap, and her eyes blank. I guess I could say they were blank...because it looked to me that there was so much sadness and despair in them that they completely lost their color. She was emotionless and as still as a rock, seeming to not be able to look up at any of us. I think she was deffinitely catching on.
"Nancy," my father finally spoke up. My heart began to pound even harder. "Can I have a small talk with you in the kitchen?"
"W-why?" My mother asked, her voice shaky. The look in her eyes had changed to something I see a lot in them. I never really knew what kind of a look is was, until now. It was fear.
My father stood up. His jaw line tensed up, and he glared at my mother. "Don't. Disobey me." he said through gritted teeth. My mom looked up at him, and it looked like she wanted to start crying. Everyone was silent, and my heart felt like it was about to burst out of my chest as my mom slowly got up, and followed my dad towards the kitchen. I felt Ashton start to get up as well, but I pulled him back down into his seat. I looked up at him, but he didn't look down at me. He stared at them as they walked through the door, his eyes narrowed.
As soon as the door shut, the voices started.
"What the hell is going on-" my father's voice said. The way his harsh tone was so silent reminded me back to the night I had found out everything that has been going on. "-What do you think you're doing?"
"What do you mean?" my mother's cowardly voice answered.
"Don't play stupid, you bitch," he spat. Ashton sat up his eyes full of alarm. "How the actual fuck did he know that?"
"What are you t-talking about," my mother replied. "He doesn't know anything. He couldn't. You're taking his words the wrong way, or something."
"Oh my God, you're an idiot," he said an an angry whisper. "What did you tell them?"
"I didn't tell them-" my mother's voice was cut off by a wince of pain. "-Please let go."
Ashton started to get up again, but slowly. His eyebrows were furrowed together in complete anger and alarm, and the veins on his neck and forearms have never been as prominent as they were now.
"Ashton no," I whispered. I tried to pull him back down again, but he didn't budge. He stood there, his eyes glued to the door. From the way I could see them from this angle below him, they weren't shining at all anymore. They weren't that beautful mix of hazel and green, they were dark. I've only seen his eyes like this a couple times. When he's high, or extremely turned on. And I don't think he's either of those things right now.
"Tell me the truth," my father said. "How much have you managed to blow my cover?"
"I didn't-" my mother tried to say, but she was interrupted. She was interrupted by a sound I've only heard once before. The sound that told me everything. The sound that made my heart break. It was skin against skin, hand to cheek.
There we go, he slapped her.
My eyes instantly went to Ashton, who stood there, motionless. His body didn't move, but his eyes kind of did. His eyes held all the emotions he seemed to have in this moment, but even I couldn't read it. He stepped back, letting his hand go from mine. He slowly started to walk towards the door, but I didn't go after him or say anything. As much as I didn't want him to go in there, I couldn't find any strength to say anything. As Ashton got closer to the door the look in his eyes went from mixed emotions to pure fury. He pushed the door open, and my heart began to pound oce again.
"Hey you fucking jerk," Ashton's voice said angrily from the other room. "Mind getting your hands off her?"
"What the hell is going on?" My father shouted. I heard another wince of pain come from my mom, and I somehow got to my feet.
"What do you mean?" Ashton said back. "It's pretty fucking obvious-"
I staggered away from the table, and over to the door. My hands began to shake and my knees felt weak, but I couldn't go back now. No matter how scared I was, I had to go in there and do something.
I have to...it's all my fault.
"-that you're a dirty, filthly, liar." Ashton finished his statement as I came into the room. I saw my mother desperately leaned up against the counter, with my father standing a couple feet infront of her, staring Ashton down. Ashton stood with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes narrowed at my father. As soon as I opened the door all eyes shot to me, and the look Ashton gave me said 'go into the other room.' But I couldn't just leave now.
I wanted to shout out, and tell them everything that seemed to buzz around my head right now, but all I could do was stand there with my back to the door. Before I or Ashton could speak up, my father shouted.
"What is wrong with you?" He spat, looking over to me.
"Me?" I said back, somehow finding courage to speak.
"What, do you think I'm not phased by your little reference?" He said, stomping over to me. He came up close, and I could literally feel his heavy and angry breath on my neck and face.
"Um actually, you fucking idot," Ashton said, obviously trying to get my fahter away from me. "It was my reference."
"The hell did you just say to me?" my father challenged, whipping his head around to face Ashton. Ashton's eyes narrowed down again, his jaw line tensing up for the 100th time tonight.
"I said you're a fucking idiot," He said, slightly leaning forward and raising his voice. "You think this isn't obvious?"
"I..." my father's voice trailed off. He looked down and raised his eyebrows, obviously trying to think of a way to not blow his cover anymore. "...I don't know what you're talking about."
"You beat your own wife." I spat, narrowing my eyes and stepping forward. I heard gasps come from my mother and Ashton, and I felt Ashton's strong grip on my forearm as he pulled me next to him. I looked over to my mother, and her eyes were widened with fear as she stared at me. I couldn't read the look she gave me, it looked like a number of things:
"How did you know?"
"I'm so sorry."
"Please....just save me from this all."
"What?!" My father shouted. I wanted to laugh, because he's a pretty bad actor. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't play stupid, dad," I retorted. "You think I don't know what's going on?"
"I-"
"Well I do!" I yelled, my voice cracking. I stepped forward, not paying attention the tightening grip Ashton had on my arm. "I know everything, and I mean everything about what you do. I've been suspicious for a while, and I finally figured it all out not too long ago."
The room fell silent, and I kept my gaze on my father. He stared at me, with a look of utter disbelief. It was almost as if he was actualy shocked I knew this. I wanted to laugh again, because I couldn't see how he thought I would never figure it out.
"I'm not stupid, you know," I kept talking. I looked from my dad to my mom, and they both looked shocked. "It's obvious, now that I fully think about it."
My father didn't say anything, and niether did my mother. They both stared at me and Ashton, and I was waiting for Ashton to say something, but he didn't.
"Why." My mother's frail voice spoke up, which surprised me a little. All eyes went to her, as she stood in the corner with her tied eyes looking at my father.
"Why what?" my father snapped.
"WHY DO YOU DO THIS?!" Ashton blurted out, taking a step forward. His grip on my arm loosened, and I took that as my qeue to bring his hand in mine to keep him back. As soon as I did, my father began to laugh.
He was laughing, and looking down at Ashton and I's hands that were clasped together. We both froze, and looked at him like he was crazy.
"What?" Ashton snapped.
"You two are so pathetic." My father said.
"What the fuck, dad?" I replied, utterly shocked he just called his own daughter pathetic.
"You heard me," he laughed. "Holding onto each other's hands like you're all so madly in love. Well guess what? You look ridiculous!" He was still laughing, but it wasn't really a sincere laugh. Ashton's done this a couple times before, and it made my skin crawl. It was a cold, mean, and eerie laugh that was almost as fake as the smiles my mom always has.
"What the fuck are you saying?" Ashton said, as if what my father was saying is the most stupidest thing he's ever heard.
"I'm saying-" he began to reply, but he was interupted by my mother.
"Brandon just shut up." She said suddenly, taking a small step forward. I watched in utter shock and dismay as my father slowly turned around to face her, an angry expression on his face.
"Excuse me?" He said harshly.
"I said..." my mother's voice trailed off for a couple moments. She looked so scared. but I didn't know what to do. "...I said shut up! You have no right to say such mean things to your own daughter!"
"Shut up." He spat, pushing her back. She hit the ocunter with a thud, and her eyes shut in pain.
"THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?" Ashton yelled, wriggling out of my grasp and walking straight up to my father. I watched in fear as Ashton pushed his chest to his, their height about the same. The look on Ashton's face was nothing I could ever describe. It was like...a mix of anger and sadness and loneliness and so many other things I couldn't put together in one list.
It only made me more scared than I already was.
I looked over to my mother, to see her staring at me. There was so much pain and fear in her eyes, I had to do something right now. I took my hand and gestured it towards me, encouraging her to come over to me. She slowly nodded, and picked up her feet one by one to come over to my side of the kitchen.
"Where do you think you're going?" My father said harshly. He stuck his hand out to grab her, but Ashton slapped it away. "What the hell?" He bellowed.
"Don't touch her." Ashton said, his quiet tone of voice full of hatred. I watched as Ashton gently put his hand on my mother's back, as she quickly ran over to me. I was so confused at the way my mother looked at me. She looked like a scared little kid...like I was her mother, and she needed someone, anyone, to protect her. I took her sweaty and shaking hand in my own, trying to seem as stable as I could.
"Don't tell me what to do." My father said back. "Look, kid. I don't know who you think you are-"
"I could ask you the same question." Ashton interrupted. Their eyes were both narrowed at each other, and Ashton seemed to speak through gritted teeth. "You're disgusting."
Once again, my father began to laugh.
"HA!" He said sarcastically. "I'm the disgusting one? Look at yourself, first."
"Oh really-"
"Yes really, you poor piece of shit."
"Excuse me?" I blurted out, my muscles tensing back up. Ashton and my dad looked over to me, and my heart began to sink. As I looked to Ashton's eyes, I recognized the two looks he seemed to possess at this time. The look of anger and protectiveness, as well as the look of utter sadness and defeat. My father turned back to Ashton, and unfortunately kept talking.
"You think you know everything, but you don't," he said to Ashton. "I don't care about the fact that you seem to have no money or family, because I can already see what your stupid childhood was probably like. Based on the way you act, I can see it perfectly. You're parents probably hated your guts-"
"Dad-"
"-Where are they, by the way?" He raised his eyebrows at Ashton, who just shrunk back a little. More of that look of fear filled his eyes, and my heart was starting to sink deeper.
No, please stand your ground, Ashton. I silently pleaded.
"I..." Ashton's voice trialed off, and it was suddenly really quiet. "I don't know."
"Brandon, please-" my mother spoke up, but instantly went quiet. Her eyes were wide and glossy with tears, and I could tell mine were as well.
"You don't know? You don't know?" My father went on, bringing his face closer to Ashton's. My heart was about to sink right to the bottom of my stomach, because that look of fear had totally taken over Ashton's eyes. No longer were they dark and full of anger. They were bright, wide, and terrified. "What kind of a child doesn't know where their own parents are?"
"Well my father's in prison if that makes you feel any better." Ashton replied, his eyes narrowing. He stood up straight, and I think some courage was coming back into him.
"Aw, poor you!" my father said sarcastically.
I was so. Fucking. Shocked. A couple months ago, I would have never guessed that my father, out of all people, would say things like this to someone who is so easy to break.
"Its not poor me," Ashton said, his voice shaking. "it's poor them."
"Who? Oh, you mean your mom?"
Ashton's eyes widned again, and he took a step back. "N-no..." his voice trailed off again, and he looked down at his hands that were clasped together.
"Dad, please-"
"Brooke it's fine." Ashton said quietly.
"No, it's not!" I yelled.
"Yes, it is." He said harshly, snapping his head up to glare at me. I was a little taken back by his mean look, but my confusion faded as his eyes went back to that look of fear.
"Where's your mom, huh?" My father kept going, and I wanted to punch his sorry self in the face.
"I already told you, dipshit," Ashton spat. "I don't know."
"Why not?" my father challenged. Ashton went quietly again, his eyebrows furrowing in thought as he looked down the floor. I could tell by the way he hung his head and shut his eyes...he was ashamed. Ashamed of what, I wasn't really sure. After a couple akward moments, my father chuckled.
"That's what I thought-"
"BECAUSE SHE'S A FUCKING DRUG ADDICT, OKAY?" Ashton bursted out, causing all of us to step back in surprise. Ashton's eyes were wide, and I wanted to cry. Infact, I already was; warm tears ran down my cheeks as I could tell the same would be happening to Ashton pretty soon. Before anyone could say anything, Ashton kept talking, his voice shaky. "And I already fucking know it's all my fault, okay? I know exactly how this all goes. You cause the woman you love so much pain, and you let your poor daughter stand here and watch it. Even though it's not everyday, its the same feeling. I have spent so many days of my short and pathetic life...pondering on about how there were so many things I could've done-"
No, he's wrong. There was nothing he could have done.
"-But I didn't do shit! You wanna get to know me? Here, this basically sums everything up. With everything great that happens to me, I manage to just screw it up. I loved my mother with all my heart, and sometimes I would think she was the only person who could actually manage to make me feel better about the shit I had to look at everyday. I was taken away from her, and it was all my fault. I could have helped her, but I didn't-"
Wrong again. He didn't nothing to make anything wrong.
"-And when I finally got away from it all, the same things kept happening. I managed to turn a sweet and innocent girl into a total whore, all because I was desperate for a friend. And-"
No. He's so wrong. Jessie did it to herself, remember?
"-somehow I have managed to figure everything that you've done out, yet I didn't do anything about it. And..." His voice trailed off and he looked over to me. I've seen that look maybe once before; The night I literally fell in love with him. As he spoke up again, he shook his head with shame. "...and it's gonna happen to her, too."
"What....?" I breathed, furrowing my eyebrows together.
"Brooke I know you think it's all your fault, even though you tell me you don't. I know exactly how you feel, and I know it fucking sucks." He turned back to my father, his eyes narrowing. "But it's not her fault. It's yours, dude. It's all your fuckng fault. Who do you think you even are?"
My father was silent, and he looked pretty shocked at Ashton's little speech. "I..." his voice trialed off.
"I can answer that for you, actually," Ashton spat. "You're just a jerk. You're a jerk, who gets so much satisfaction out of causing other people pain. And...it's the people you love, man! What the hell is wrong with you? I don't understand it. I've never been able to understand this whole concept. Like, what makes you think its acceptable to cause these two so much pain? Whether its physical or emotional, you're fucked up. And I don't care how mean I sound, because you deserve to hear these words from someone who actually somehow has the guts to say them to you."
"Ashton-" I spoke up, but my words were ceased when my mother's hand brought me back. I looked at her, to see her eyes were full of concern. I turned my gaze back to Ashton, and panic took over me. Ashton's chest began to rise and fall quickly, and his knuckles couldn't be more tightly fisted together. His breathing was heavy, and he slightly rocked from side to side on his feet.
"I...I just..." he said quietly. Suddenly, his voice was loud, and furious. "I DON'T FUCKING GET IT! How could you live with yourself? How could you ever feel any happiness when deep down, you know you're a monster? You cause so many people so much grief and worry, yet you're totally fine with it! It's the scumbags like you that make people like me believe there will never be any way to love anyone. It's people like you that make me think no matter how hard I try to love, it will all just burst into a flaming fire of betrayal and saddness. It's people like you that make me wonder why the world is so fucked up, with its abiltiy to take things that are supposed to be good, and turn them into actual Hell. You literally beat the woman you love. Do you even fucking love her? Did you ever love her? Or were you just using her, because you thought hitting someone who doesn't deserve to feel pain makes you feel better about yourself? Mum doesn't deserve the shit you give her-"
Mum?
"-And she never will! You have fucked with her so much, that even her own child can barely sleep at night, knowing that everything will just come crashing down again. I don't know what makes you think you can do this...but you...you just can't, dad-"
It was in that moment that Ashton's voice was ceased, and his eyes widened. I felt my own eyes widen too, along with my mother and father. Ashton's shaking body stepped back, and I could no longer distinguish the look in his eyes. We all stared at him, and he just stared back. With the silence that followed, all I could think about was how he once again blew this whole metaphor over.
"Mr. Anderson...." Ashton said just above a whisper. He looked down the floor, and he sounded like he has met defeat. "I meant Mr. Anderson."
Silence seemed to be the only option at this point, because no one said anything. It felt like years of this agonizing silence before anyone got any courage to even move.
It was then that it all made sense to me. This whole night, and this whole argument was only half reality to Ashton. Yes, he was talking to my father, and yes he meant everything he said to him...but in the end, Ashton was in another nightmare. Of course it wasn't an actual dream, but it was almost as if it was now coming to life. All these years...those were the things that Ashton needed to say. This whole time...he's been waiting for the right moment to snap, infront of total strangers. I thought I had seen him shatter many times before, but this has deffinitely been the worst. It wasn't just the things he said, but the way he put them. I can tell, all this boy wants to do is a) tell every person that has made his life a living hell off, and b) appologize to every person whose lives he thinks he ruined. As much as I tell him he never ruined any lives, I can now tell he will never believe me. And when he said it's gonna happen to me...I know what he means. He doesn't actually mean it, but he's just worried. He's worried that I will one day live with the false guilt that Ashton lives with, and he doesn't want that for me. I'm not too sure on how many people Ashton really cares about, but I can tell now that I'm one of them. As we all stood in silence, I thought this through.
And it only seemed to make me fall in love with him, all over again.
I guess all he needs, is closure.
Ashton looked back up at us, and I don't think he cared that a few tears ran down his cheeks. He looked over to me, and shot me a look that said about 5 things:
"I'm so sorry."
"I just blew this, didn't I?"
"I just needed to say it."
"I'm so, so sorry."
"I just really need you."
I felt a sudden pain in my chest, and my own breathing was starting to grow heavier than before.
"Ashton-" my mother spoke up, but this time, I interrupted her. At this moment, I've had enough. The final crack in my heart has formed, and it was on the verge of shattering into a million pieces.
"FUCK YOU!" I yelled out, staggering over to my father. Ashton was quick enough to grab me by my wrists, pulling me back before I could literally tackle that man to the ground. My father looked at me, overwhelmed by my outburst. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Brooke-" My mother said quietly.
"AND YOU!" I blurted out, spinning around the face her. I struggled to get anywhere, because Ashton had a firm grip on me, pulling me back. "You people suck!" I yelled. "How could you be so cold?" I spat, looking at my father. I shouldn't even call him my father, should I? "How could you be so mean and careless to someone who doesn't deserve any of the shit they take in? This is whole arguement has been disgusting! Do you even know the things you said to him, dad? You're a jerk! You're the bully, and I'm so sick of all of this!"
"Brooke-" Ashton said sternly from behind.
"I'VE HAD IT!" I screamed, falling to my knees. Ashton still had a grip on me, but it loosened as I shrunk to the floor. I didn't care how crazy I looked right now. "I'm sick and tired of the fuckers like you people that live to give people like him shit for nothing!" I staggered to my feet, and wriggled out of Ashton's grasp. I spun around to face him, my vison going blurry with tears.
"I'm sorry, Ashton." I cried out. "I'm sorry for everything that has ever happened to you, okay? I don't care about the fact that I've said that before because I have no fucking problem with saying it again! You have done absolutely nothing wrong, and to this day I'll n-never figure out why people choose you to pick on, or make fun of, or blame for their issues," I spun around and looked at my parents. As much as I shouldn't point this to my mother, I couldn't help any of the words that came out of my mouth. "I. Hate. ALL OF YOU! I FUCKING HATE THIS PLACE AND I DESPISE YOU! I can't think of a single thing or person that I love more than the boy that stands behind me, who you, and along with so many other people, have managed to break with the things you say-"
Yes, I'm aware I pretty much just said I loved Ashton infront of everyone, but I didn't care.
"Well we hate you too!" My father interrupted, stepping closer to me. His eyes narrowed at me, and I felt another strong force come from behind.
"Don't you dare fucking touch her." Ashton growled, putting his arm infront of me.
"Then why don't you just get out of here." My mother said quietly. I looked over to her, and she had that look of shame in her eyes as well. I looked up at Ashton, to see he has calmed down just enough to look at my mother. I ended up looking back and fourth between them, and I could tell they were somehow communicating through their dull facial expressions.
The room, once again, fell silent.
"...Maybe we should," I said quietly. Looking to the floor in defeat. Even though I did just tell almost everyone off, I still felt like I didn't win. I just bursted out into hysteria; I wanted to leave, because I was ashamed as well. I wasn't entiry ashamed with myself. No, I was ashamed with society. At this point, my parents have shown exactly what society is like, and how fucked up it really can be. So much pain and suffering and flase hope... it made me sick.
I looked up to Ashton, who stared at me with wide and worried eyes. I took his hand in mine, and stepped a couple steps towards the exit of the kitchen. "Come on."
Ashton stayed still for a little while, looking at me with sadness. I pulled at his hand, and looked back down to the floor as Ashton reluctantly followed me to leave.
"Yeah, go," my father spat. "And take my mistake of a daughter with you."
Insantly, my grip on Ashton's hand was torn away, and I whipped my head around to see Ashton yelling something that I couldn't quite make out. In the next couple of seconds, I lost all feeling in my body.
Ashton slammed his fist into my father's face, causing him to stumble back with his eyes shut. My mother screamed, I gasped, and I made no hesitation to grab Ashton by the wrists and pull him back. "I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD," Ashton yelled, struggling to get out of my grasp. But, I kept my hands on his wrists, pulling them behind his back and staggering as far back as I could. My mother instantly went to my father, who was rubbing his cheek with eyes shut.
"If you say that one more time," Ashton yelled. "One more time-"
"You're a freak!" My mother screamed, while my dad had somehow managed to look back at Ashton and I. In the mix of all the yelling and punching and my struggling to keep Ashton back from seriously hurting someone, I could somehow think about how peculiar it was that all of a sudden, my mother was at my father's side...as if she thought what Ashton just did was uncalled-for. As uncalled-for as it actually was, that son of a bitch deserved it.
I tugged at Ashton a couple more times, my vision going blurry again with tears. "Ashton please-"
"DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE JUST SAID?" Ashton yelled, spinning around to look at me. More tears filled my eyes, until they were pouring out. I couldn't take looking at Ashton this way, to be honest with you. As he looked at me, wondering why I wasn't standing up for myself, all I could see was that broken version of himself, and I just wanted to leave.
"I don't care!" I cried out, pulling at his wrist again. I heard more verbal blows and cussing coming from my parents, but I couldn't even make out what they were saying. I didn't care, though.
"Brooke-"
"Ashton, please..." my voice trailed off, and I couldn't fight the tears at all anymore. With so much concern in his eyes, Ashton's muscles relaxed.
With one more pull to Ashton's hands, we turned, and left the house.