Gerard’s P.O.V
Dots of light prickled behind my eyes as I came to myself. The pillow underneath my head felt heavenly as a band marched through my head, making a lot of noise and making me cringe. I laid down into my pillow for a little longer, refusing to open my eyes. I was completely sure that I was hung-over and I wanted nothing more than a cup of coffee and a dose of aspirin.
I turned a little in my bed and the pain only intensified. It was times like these that I wish Lindsey was still here, sleeping next to me. She was much more responsible than I was. She didn’t drink excessively and she always seemed to know exactly what I needed when I needed it. I felt a soft pang in my heart and it was true what they say. Time did heal all wounds. It definitely wasn’t hurting as bad as it did a couple of months ago. I missed her. I missed her like fucking crazy, but I knew now that I could manage without her. Just the thought of managing without her made me upset, but it was enough to pull myself out of bed and grit my teeth against the throbbing in my head.
The room seemed to pitch and roll violently once I was standing. I had to grip the bed frame and close my mouth to avoid puking all over the floor. I bolted dizzily towards the bathroom in my room and barely had enough time to lean over the toilet before I was throwing up. It felt like my stomach was twisting itself inside out, but I had to admit that I felt better after getting rid of the contents in my stomach. Minutes later, I stood shakily at the counter and wiped my mouth sloppily with the back of my hand. I turned the cold water on and pulled the aspirin out of the medicine cabinet. I dipped my head down below the water and lapped it up like a dog from the sink, swallowing the pills with it. They’d take about thirty minutes to kick in, that I knew.
I looked at myself in the mirror and brushed my greasy hair out of my face, my lips looking swollen. Something about looking at my lips nagged the back of my brain, but I figured it was just the hangover and my sudden burning need for a cup of coffee. I rubbed my eyes tiredly before brushing my teeth quickly with my finger. If I used toothpaste, then my coffee would taste horribly and I didn’t need that at the moment.
I walked awkwardly out of my room and had to hold the banister on the stairs to hold myself upright, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. I felt a little more human, but my head was still scraping against itself relentlessly, and it was kind of pain to have to stop every other stair just to stop another dizzy spell.
When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I could hear shuffling coming from the kitchen and low voices and there was the familiar sound of mugs clanking together. I stumbled a bit on my way towards the kitchen and right before I was able to open the door, Mikey pulled it open. We jumped simultaneously and then Mikey gripped at his head, groaning, “Morning, Gee.”
“Mikey,” It took me a moment before it suddenly hit me. Last night had been Frank’s birthday, we sent the kids to Roz’s house, Ray had left when Christa picked him up, and Mikey had fallen asleep on the couch, but that didn’t account for Frank or how I managed to get into my bedroom.
“You’re worse than the rest of us. Frank’s still grumbling a bit, but two mugs and a third on the way seem to be helping. I’m good enough to drive home or whatever.” Mikey flapped his hand in the air dismissively. “Be good with Frank, he seems to be out of it this morning.”
Mikey looked at me pointedly before rolling his eyes and heading towards the door. He was almost out the door when I called to him, “What the hell is that even supposed to mean?” I was definitely too hung over for this and Mikey only waved absently over his shoulder before leaving.
I grumbled under my breath something about mysteriously acting brothers before pushing the kitchen door open and running right into Frank. His mug hit my chest and splashed burning hot coffee on the both of us. I yelled “Fuck!” at the same time Frank exclaimed “Jesus!” Coffee splattered and landed on the front of my shirt, dripping down onto my feet while it scorched Frank’s hands and the spilt all over the floor. Frank hissed before rushing over to the table and setting the mug down, blowing on his hands. I just stood there in shock before leaning forward and pulling the burning shirt away from my skin. It was quite the sight.
When we managed to recover whatever dignity we once had, Frank cut me a dirty look before stomping over to the paper towels. He ripped a couple off the roll viciously before I could say anything. I wasn’t too sure what had brought on this mood swing and I actually hoped that it was the coffee. I wasn’t sure what I was sorry for just yet, but I tried it anyways, “Hey, um, Frank, I’m sorry.”
Frank’s gripped tightened on the paper towels and he looked in my direction, his face showing nothing but fury. If looks could kill, then I’d have been dead for a while now. Frank only narrowed his eyes and managed out a “yeah, me too” before shoving the paper towels into my stomach, hard enough to make me grunt, and then disappeared from the kitchen, his coffee long forgotten.
I stood leaning against the counter for a long time afterwards feeling completely confused. It wasn’t until I heard the front door slam that I managed to unfreeze and lean down to clean up the spill. When that was taken care of, I grabbed Frank’s discarded coffee and tested the temperature before dumping it down the sink. It was already too cold for my taste, and, oddly enough, it felt weird to think about drinking after Frank even though I had done it millions of times before.
My thoughts were occupied as I poured myself a mug and I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out why Frank was in such a mood. What did I do? Yesterday, I could remember Frank sleeping on my lap and him waking up just as Ray was leaving. I could remember Frank trying to get up the stairs and being dizzy as I stood up to help him, but it was all fuzzy after that.
I was halfway through my second mug before I finally remembered the rest of last night. It replayed in my head like a scene from a horror movie and I had to set my mug down in order to keep my shaking hands from dropping it. My heart started slamming guiltily in my chest and I felt terrified. Then, everything rushed back at once. My headache intensified, my stomach flipped itself inside out, and I was leaning out of my chair and puking heavily into the sink. Everything suddenly made sense again. The way he was acting was completely justified, but even this only made things worse. If Frank never forgave me, then I deserved it. I had taken advantage of him. I had kissed Frank, my best friend who was still grieving over his dead wife.
Frank’s P.O.V:
I had woken up this morning a bit disgruntled with my head screaming at me for all it was worth. I was definitely hung over but not enough to completely forget what had happened last night. Gerard had kissed me and to say I was furious, would be an understatement.
Who the fuck does he think he is?
I gripped the wheel tightly, barely noticing the way my knuckles strained and turned a ghostly shade of white. I knew without a doubt that without Gerard I would’ve failed as a father and my kids would most likely be living full time with their grandma until I managed to figure things out. I was grateful for Gerard. He was always there when no one else was. He was someone to talk to when I thought even Jamia wouldn’t understand, but I thought that that just came naturally with friendship. I didn’t think that Gerard would expect something back. Was he expecting something back?
I slammed on my brakes as the light turned red and the car in front of me stopped suddenly to obey the law. My heart started thumping unevenly in my chest before I released my death grip on the steering wheel. My anger wasn’t worth dying for. Instead, I turned up whatever CD was playing and used it to drown out the rest of my thoughts.
Roz lived on the opposite side of town where the houses were a bit smaller but still known for their high reputation. I stopped in front of the familiar two-story, red bricked house and stopped the car. My hands were still shaking a bit, but I couldn’t tell if it was from the excessive coffee amount I had this morning, the fact that Gerard kissed me and I wasn’t really angry anymore, or from the almost accident I had just had. My mind was a bit scattered and I had to take several deep breaths before I could fully get out of the car.
I walked up the front yard leading up to the dark wooden door. I could hear the kids screaming and yelling from inside the door. I flinched when a particularly high pitched scream reached my ears and I almost laugh at the fact that I know Miles was responsible for that. Just hearing the kids playing innocently lifts the weight from my chest and relieves some of the stress I had been carrying. Sure, it was still there, nagging me, wanting me act like an adult about it, but when I was with my kids, I didn’t have to deal with relationships or lack thereof.
I ring the doorbell and most of the noise dies down. I can hear shuffling coming from inside and when Roz’s mom answers the door, five kids are peering out curiously from behind her. Lily is the first one to react and she throws herself excitedly at me, “Daddy! You’re back!”
After that, it’s like a race to get into the car first. Bandit and Miles hung back as Cherry and Lily argued over the middle seat before Bandit shrugged and entered the passenger seat. Both Lily and Cherry stopped talking at the same time and stared at Bandit as if she was some kind of genius. I figured they’d be pretty disappointed when I told them they weren’t old enough to do that yet.
As they got situated in the car, Miles helped me carry their long forgotten bags into the trunk like the little helper he was. When I was bending over to pick up Bandit’s suitcase full of Barbie’s, Miles jumped on my back excitedly, “Daddy, can I have piggyback ride?”
I laughed, “Miles, don’t tell the girls this, but you can have as many piggyback rides whenever you want until you’re too heavy for me to carry. Deal?”
Miles squealed excitedly and I could feel him nodding against my back. As I stood up, I looked in the circular mirror and caught his eyes, “Don’t tell the girls, little man. This is just our deal.”
Miles grinned widely and seemed to know that this was our way of bonding.
When we got home, each girl was responsible for taking her own bags upstairs into her room and sorting the dirty clothes from the clean ones. Gerard was still standing in the kitchen as if he hadn’t moved the whole time I was gone, but I knew that he’d gone up and changed shirts because the coffee was no longer there and perhaps he showered, but I couldn’t tell from across the room. I stayed as far away from Gerard as I could and avoided meeting his eyes, even as he tried to meet mine on several occasions. Eventually, I just gave up on being downstairs with him and disappeared into my room for the rest of night.
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The following week was painfully awkward. Gerard and I hadn’t exchanged more than a sentence since my birthday and the kids were slowly catching on. The tension was always there when Gerard and I found ourselves in the same room. It was like the kids knew to be quiet or to make an excessive amount of noise to make up for the absence of ours. It got to the point where I started to consider moving out when Gerard did try and talk to me, but that was mostly because he got all choked up and it would just be too much for me to handle. I’d duck out of the room only seconds later just barely missing the sounds of him breaking something in the room and cursing at himself loudly.
I was spending another slow day in my room, staring at the walls and wondering why not talking to Gerard was a lot more painful than the silences between us when there was a small knock on my door. I felt my eyebrows raise in surprise before they furrowed in confusion, “Who is it?”
The door cracked open a bit and I held my breath until Bandit poked her little head in the room, looking absolutely frightened and worried, “It’s me, Bandit.”
I sat up in my bed and ran a lazy hand through my hair. I couldn’t help smiling at the fact that she introduced herself after I had already seen her, “What’s up, Beezle?”
She took that as an open invitation into my room. She looked around as if she was entering this side of the house for the first time in her life before sitting down on the bed beside me, “This used to be mom’s painting room before. She used it because it has so many windows to let in the light.”
I wasn’t sure what Bandit was trying to say or why she was even in my room, but I decided to play along. Perhaps she just wanted to talk about her mom, “Your mom was an extraordinary woman, you know. She and I got along quite a bit and her band was fucking rad.” I covered my mouth after cussing in front of Bandit and felt cliché saying it like that, but I meant it in the most sincere way.
Bandit just smiled, “Yeah, I know. Daddy tells me about her a lot. At first, he couldn’t, but since you’ve moved in here, he started doing it a lot more.” She was quiet for a long time, “He gave me a picture of her that I hide in my nightstand. I don’t tell Daddy, but I talk to her sometimes. I think she listens to me.”
I was still at a loss for words. The afterlife wasn’t my expertise and I wasn’t sure how Gerard was bringing Bandit up religion wise. I just zipped my lips and nudged her a bit with my shoulder like I did sometimes with Gerard. She nudged me back softly and we were good for a while. Bandit was exactly like her father when it came to personality. There was always the way they talked, how they explained things on a different level, but I could always decipher it. I always knew what they were trying to say.
Bandit was kicking her legs out slowly in front of her before she nudged me again, “After my mom died, dad stopped smiling so much. He’d always send me to grandma’s house and work extra hard on paintings and stuff. I read a few things daddy wrote in a book and he wasn’t happy. He was really sad for a long time, but he got better. He started smiling more when you moved in. Everything got better when you moved in with Lily, Cherry, and Miles. You smile a lot, too, now.”
Bandit didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, she nudged my shoulder again, kissed my cheek softly, and left the room, closing the door softly behind herself. I sat there, dumbfounded before laying back down on the bed. Gerard smiled more around me? I smiled more around him? I reviewed the last month in my head and thought about all that Gerard had provided for us. I thought about the way Gerard went out of his way to include me in things. I remembered Cherry and Lily’s birthday. I remembered my birthday and the kiss. I touched my lips, the same lips that Gerard had pressed his mouth to a week ago. I felt my stomach flip and my lips tingle where Gerard had touched them.
Gerard was always there. He never stopped taking care of me and suddenly I felt like the world’s biggest idiot. I didn’t love Gerard, not yet, but there was something there. There was something other than friendship lurking in the way my stomach flipped when he touched me. There was something in the way his smile that made my insides twist and swell. There was something in the way he made my lips tingle after a single kiss. I love Jamia. I’ve always loved Jamia, but perhaps I could feel that way about two people.
@TragicDeathStar
Author’s Note:
Hello. We just wanted to say, for those of you who didn’t already realized it, this story is officially off hold.
We have now worked very hard to get these last chapters up. I personally have worked through my own writer’s block, and I know Tragic has been sitting all night writing this chapter. We will try to update regularly, but we cannot promise you anything.
Now, this story now have over 2,400 reads and 150 votes. We are so grateful for this. Thank you to anyone who have read, voted and commented on this story. It means the world to us!
We hope you enjoyed this chapter, and we will see you soon with another one.
-Pamela and Tragic