☁︎
Anna
The clearing of a throat was the sound that interrupted my daydream. I blinked and looked up slowly, as to not meet the person's eyes. I expected Jin. He'd been quite adamant since the first day. But instead, Kim Namjoon stood in front of my desk. His eyes were focusing on something behind me, and I could tell he was uncomfortable. When I didn't say anything, he glanced down at me nonchalantly, then noticed I was watching him. He looked away again and shoved his hands into his pockets.
"Geum Shin Anna," Namjoon said.
I continued to watch him in silence. I already knew what he was going to say. I wanted to put it off.
"I..." he began, trailing off.
I'd never seen the class president so flustered. But I guess, I'd never really seen him in any other way either. Still, he seemed so composed and serious from what I knew and observed.
"Well, I was thinking we should talk about our schedules," he finally said.
"And?" I spoke.
He looked down at me and this time held the gaze. I already made sure I was watching his forehead.
"So when are you available? You know...for..."
"Anytime," I replied honestly.
I really didn't do much else other than school.
"Okay, so what about during lunch?" He suggested.
I was quiet for a second. I thought about missing lunch with all those who called me their friend. With those who gossiped about each other and got into petty arguments. The ones who stayed by my side for attention. But still. I didn't want any attention, but I'd rather it be good than bad if I must have it. And staying on everyone's good side meant socializing by at least sitting with them.
"Every other day," I finally said.
Namjoon nodded.
"And no one knows about this, okay?" He asked.
"No one," I confirmed.
If people knew, it would be worse for him. However, I also didn't want others to think I was connected to him somehow. Like I said, I'd rather have good attention.
Namjoon sighed quietly in what seemed like relief. He turned and walked back to his desk, just as more students began to trickle into the classroom. I wondered how long I'd have to tutor the class president. Hopefully, he'd catch on quickly and only need my help for this first month of school or so. But that was only a guess. The fact that he actually needed a tutor also came to my mind. Why would this picture perfect student be having trouble in history class, if any? I was under the impression that he was practically guaranteed a scholarship to Harvard. I took another look at Kim Namjoon, who was now perched over a text book.
I guess, everyone had their flaws. Flaws that some missed completely, or chose to ignore.
☁︎
Namjoon
I could feel Anna's icy gaze pass over me every now and then as the morning classes droned on. I ignored her as best I could, but it was impossible to imagine sitting across from this rude girl every other day, at the only time I actually felt free. It was funny of me really. I felt free then, at lunch, when I was alone in the silent library. But I'd come to realize it was only just that. A feeling. It wasn't the truth. I wasn't free, no matter where I was. No matter who I was with. And I wouldn't ever be free.
Stop, I told myself.
Those were the thoughts that dragged me down, drowned me. Distracted me from my goal. To leave this place. To go somewhere far away, where I could do what I wanted, when I wanted. But the only way for me to achieve this was to pass history. So I straightened up and decided to deal with it. Even if it meant I'd sink to the level of being tutored, by a student no less. I would deal with it. I had to.
☁︎
I stopped in front of the library doors, just to take a moment. She's probably not even here yet, I thought. But did that matter? I wasn't hesitating at the thought of seeing her, I was hesitating at the thought of being here at all. I wondered what would happen if I just left. If I just walked out of school and kept going. "Your whole world would collapse," I could imagine my mom say. Would it really be my world collapsing?
I shook my head and reached for the door handle. No more ridiculous thought. When I stepped inside, slight relief filled me. This was my time to feel free, even if only for a moment now. However, my stomach dropped when I saw the silky-haired back of Anna's head, sitting at one of the main tables. I clutched my backpack strap tighter, then walked over to her.
"This spot is barely concealed enough," I said.
Was she trying to get us found out? Anna turned to face me. Again, her indirect eye contact made me slightly annoyed.
"Then where do you suggest we sit?" She asked.
I was silent for a moment, considering showing her my regular table. But that table sort of felt like my special place, something I didn't want her to be part of. I glanced at the library entrance. It wasn't like anyone would be coming in at this time.
"This is fine," I muttered, sliding into the spot across from hers.
Anna watched me silently, an expressionless look on her face. But I could tell she was slightly annoyed. After I was settled, we both sort of sat there for a moment. She watched the table, and I gazed at the bookshelf behind her. Could we go like this through the whole of lunch period? Probably. But that would be a complete waste of my time.
"Didn't you bring lunch?" I finally asked, trying to break the silence.
And I was honestly curious.
"Let's start," she said, ignoring my question.
I shrugged it off and pulled out my history notes. Dread began to pool into my stomach as she also gathered her things.
It was finally here. I would finally have to be tutored by another student.