Harry's POV
"Ten minutes." I glanced up at the door as Allie passed by, spitting those words out to me then I walked over to the drawers that held most of my clothes and grabbed everything I could that I had brought with me and piled it all into my large travel bag.
Yesterday had been quite the day we all had. Secrets just came tumbling out one after another and emotions were boiling. The confessions that Josh, Allie and I were forced to confront had ended with Josh storming out of the house, Allie on the verge of collapsing to the floor in tears and Gracie and I in absolute confusion.
I knew just from the short time of seeing Allie and Josh together that they weren't as happy as they should be but I never picked up the vibe that it was so bad he would go and cheat on her...with her best friend.
This was all just too messed up. "Shit."
"I heard that."
Looking up, her small little frame was now jumping up onto the edge of my bed. "Yeah well cover you ears next time."
She ignored me. "Why are we leaving, Hammy?"
"Your mom thinks it would be best to go back home for a while. Her old home." I stood up straight, focusing on making sure I had everything packed and ready.
Once Allie had calmed down last night and explained a few simple things to Gracie about what she had just walked in on, she didn't hesitate to tell me she wanted to leave right away. She wanted to get away from the house, take Gracie and go back home.
I honestly couldn't believe it. I knew how much she hated where she came from. That would have been her absolute last resort to go to but she was stubborn and nothing I said could change her mind. She wanted out. She made it clear she wanted nothing to do with Josh for as long as she could hold it off.
"Why are you taking us? Why can't daddy take us?" I ran my hands through my hair, sweeping it to the side before meeting her green eyes. She was curious as any other kid would be. She wanted to know why her dad wasn't here. She wanted to know why her bags were packed overnight and ready to go by the door. She wanted to know why the guy her mom absolutely hated was now taking them somewhere away from their real home.
"Well kid, your mom talked to your dad earlier this morning and they both agreed that you and mom need a little vacation." That was a lie. Allie had argued with him over the phone for two hours until he finally gave her the okay to take Gracie away for a little while. "I just to happen to be the lucky guy that gets to drag your asses around for the day."
"But I don't want to leave." Sitting down on the bed, Gracie moved her way over and started poking my cheek.
"That's not up to me."
Her small finger continued to poke me and I couldn't help but chuckle. "Why not? You're a grown up just like momma. She gets to tell me what to do, how come you can't? How come I always have to listen to her and not you? Everytime you say its okay to do something she says no or daddy says no. That's not fair."
I took in a breath as I listened to this little girls' words. She was smart for her age. Bright and fun and carefree. I can't imagine what she will be like as a teenager.
Good God.
"She's your mom, Gracie. She has the power to tell you what to do. Thats how family works. I'm not your dad. I can't take over as a parent for you. It's not my job."
Using her hands to push herself up onto her feet, Gracie stood on the bed now, her eyes level with mine as I sat on the edge. "But daddy hasn't even been here. He's always working or watching tv or going out without momma." I laughed as she listed the things, everytime her arms waving in every which directon for emphasis.
"I can't control that one, kid."
"No, hush. Listen." Her hands soon covered my mouth in order to get me to shut up. "You have been the one making my dinner when momma is busy, you tried to take me to get ice cream, you let me watch cartoons, you're the one who talks to momma when she is bored. Daddy isn't around to do that stuff but when he is, he just doesn't."
I raised my eyebrows at her. "And you are telling me this why...?"
Just like the first day I met her, her tiny hands grabbed ahold of my cheeks and she squished them together. "I want you to be my daddy."
As the words came from her mouth, I wasn't sure if I should laugh at her "offer" or be appalled that she basically wanted to trade in fathers. I knew Josh wasn't the dad he was supposed to be but why in the hell would she even think her in little mind that I could count as a dad for her?
I was the farthest thing from a dad. My normal life consisted of waking up and waiting to see what the new day brings. I didn't have anything going on for me. Sure, money. I had that but this little girl didn't know the slighest thing about that much less who her father is or should be.
"I-"
"Gracie. Go get your jacket on. We're leaving."
My eyes shot over to see Allie standing there in the doorway, hair a mess on top of her head in a loose ponytail, her eyes were still slightly swollen from all the crying she had done the night before and earlier this morning.
Without hesitation, Gracie hopped down onto the floor and walked out of the room.
With it just the two of us now, Allie and myself, silence fell over the the room. I stood from the bed and avoided her gaze as I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder then grabbed my phone from the bedside table.
She was upset, I knew that but for the past few hours she had been nothing but a bitch with an attitude.
I understood that she was hurt but I knew that Gracie was seeing a side of her mom that she wasn't used to and she shouldn't have to see all of this shit unfold in front of her at three years old.
I took a few steps forward and slid past Allie but not before getting me few words in while I could. "Try not to be so harsh on her, Al. She's already doubting her dad. I don't think she needs to doubt her mom too."
And just like that, I walked down the hall and out the front door, leaving Allie to get herself together.
Ten minutes later, Gracie was finally sat into the carseat that was thrown into the back of my car and Allie was silent in the passenger side next to me, her eyes set on the road as we began to move along.
"Momma, are we almost there?"
"Baby, it's been five minutes. We have a long drive." Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Allie's head resting against the car window, her hands placed in her lap and her eyes closed tightly now.
"But mommaaaaaa!" Gracie's high pitched voice whined.
"But nothing, Gracie!"
All it took was for Allie to raise her voice and Gracie quickly went quiet. I looked back in the review mirror and gave Gracie a small small of reassurance, hoping she knew her mom just wasn't in the best mood.
Once everything was calmed down and we were actually on the road and headed home, I reached my hand out with my eyes still on the road and turned on a random radio station, swtiching until a decent song played.
Just when John Mayer's voice started up on the station I had on, a small hand shot out and quickly turned the radio off, leaving us once again in a dead silence.
I turned my head slightly to give Allie a look of confusion when I'm sure I just looked purely annoyed.
"I don't want to listen to anything right now." The tone of her voice was not very humble.
"Yeah well-"
"Well nothing, Harry. I don't want to listen to any music. End of."
I sucked in a heavy breath in attempt to hold back the rude comments I wanted to throw her way. Glancing back in the mirror again, I saw that Gracie had fallen asleep, her head resting against the side of her carseat.
"Listen," I gripped my hands on the steering wheel tightly. "I know that you're upset and you have every right to be, Allie, but you can't act the way you are acting. Your kid isn't stupid. She's going to ask more questions because all she has seen from you is you acting like the whole world hates you. The past twenty-four hours, you haven't put in one ounce of consideration for her. Her dad left and now you're leaving, taking her away for some unknown reason. You hate where you came from. I never knew that even this situation could bring you running back."
Hey eyes were clearly open now, wide and set directly on me. "You don't know anything, Harry. You don't know the feelings I have been through these past few hours. You have no clue so before you open your big mouth and try to tell me what is best for me and my daughter, think a little."
"Excuse me?" My head instinctively shot in her direction before turning back to make sure I didn't lose any control of driving. "I don't know the feelings you're going through?"
"No, you don't."
"Right, because I've never had to walk away from something that mattered to me before. I never had to leave something behind that once meant the world to me. I never had to make a choice for the better of someone else. I never had to put aside my feelings for her, now did I?" I bit the inside of my cheek, refusing to give her the satisfaction of even looking her way.
I could feel her eyes boring into me though.
"That's not the same..." Her voice was soft now, almost too quiet to hear. She turned in her seat to get a look at Gracie's sleeping figure. "You even said it yourself. We were only kids. Either way, it wouldn't have grown into anything, Harry. You leaving was the best thing for everyone."
I tried my best to ignore her words. I focused on the long street in front of my eyes, all the cars passinbg by caused a decent enough distraction.
Two weeks ago I didn't doubt my choice in leaving. I thought it was the best thing. Walking out was a hard thing to do but at the time and the years leading up to now, I always believed I did what was best for her.
Until now.
Seeing Allie with Gracie was enough to send me into doubt. I was constantly thinking about how if I hadn't left, where would I be in this very moment. It replayed in my mind the image of Allie and I possibly together with a life of our own; the way it should have been.
~*~
"What do you think it will be like?"
"What?" I looked down at the dark haired girl I had come so familiarized with in the past few months.
Her warm body was nuzzled into mine, her back pressing against my torso and her head resting back against my chest. We were sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch that sat perfectly in the middle of my living room, our eyes both focused on the fire from the heated fireplace in front of us.
"The future. Our future." Nearly two months I had spent with this young girl, getting to know her, falling for her, being completely in love with her and here she was, asking me about the possible future we could have together.
But there was one thing in the way.
"I don't know, Al." I sighed into her hair. "I didn't even know tonight would happen. We never know when we will be able to actually see each other when Josh is around. We get lucky on the days he decides to go out of town or go out without the guys. I wish I knew , I really do but I honestly can't give you an answer right now."
Tonight was one of the rare nights we actually got alone. Josh had left for the day, going uptown to visit his brother and within minutes of him leaving, Allie was on my doorstep with a grin on her face.
Tonight was just another night to add to our burning secret.
I felt her shift, her small hands finding mine that were rested on her thighs. "You know I'm going to break it off with him, Harry. Just not now. I need to wait for the right time."
"He's going to kill me, you know."
She laughed at that. "No he wont. You know Josh, he could never stay mad if we explain it all to him."
"Hmm." That was my only unsure response.
I brought my chin to rest on top of her head as we sat together in a comfortable silence.
This was what I wanted with Allie. I wanted us to be able to be together without having to worry about anything. I wanted to have the chance like this to just sit with her and hold her without the constant thought that we could be caught at any moment.
"I want a big house with a white fence and blue shutters." I glanced down, seeing Allie's lips moving slowly as she explained something to me. "A big yard with a huge tree in the front."
"That is a demanding future." I chuckled under my breath, watching a smile come across her lips as she went more into her thoughts.
"Green eyes, just like yours. Dark curls." Her hands reached up behind her and her fingers wound on my hair. Her focus then went down to our laced fingers and she turned our hands over to examine her own hand. "Small hands, the tiniest of freckles on her nose and cheeks."
A small smile spread over my lips and my eyes stayed on hers. "What are you going on about, babe?"
She shifted her body fully to face me, her hand letting go of my hair while her other kept a good hold on my own. Her eyes moved over my face at the same time my eyes moved over hers. Her blue eyes were dark due to the dim lighting of the room we sat in, her lips were pulled into a sweet smile and her pink cheeks were flushed like they were the first time I met her.
She stopped her eyes from moving over my features and set them on mine. "Our daughter. When we have one. Years, years from now, but still. I know that's what she will look like. Just like you."
I shook my head and laughed. "Many, many years from now."
~*~
My mind suddenly felt like a truck had hit it dead on as the old memory flashed through my head. All the details were exact from the simple lighting of my living room to the feelings we had shared that night.
I felt my hands start to hurt when I noticed the tight grip I had of the wheel. I swallowed hard, trying to keep my eyes from looking every which way instead of where they needed to be.
I could feel Allie's gaze on me move away as she settled back into her seat, knowing that I wasn't about to open my mouth and acknowledge her anymore. Her own mind probably though I didn't want to fight when really, I had just come to the biggest realization.
I felt my stomach flip at the simple thought of the huge possibility in my mind right now.
Slowly moving my eyes back to the review mirror again, I saw her small sleeping figure in the backseat. Her familiar green eyes were shut, her dark lashes resting along her light skin. I caught the quick glimpse of her small hands resting in her lap, just like her mother had always done and was doing right now. The last thing my eyes saw though, before I payed my attention back to the road was her hair that was spread across her young face, the curls a crazy mess, just like mine had been as a kid.
Feelings, thought, emotions; they were all gone. All I could manage was the person who had kept this from me for so long.
I couldn't believe I didn't see it the second the little girl opened to front door two weeks ago. I don't understand how I was so stupid. It was obvious to the instant draw Gracie had to me but I just assumed I was someone who could take away her boredom since I actually payed attention to her.
I should have known. I should have known the first time my green eyes met hers.
I knew now though. I couldn't deny it. Allie couldn't deny it.
"Allie."
"What, Harry?" Her voice was rude and annoyed.
I took another deep breath, one of many that day. I took a second to answer her and when I stopped the car at a light, I turned my attention to her waiting face. "Her green eyes didn't come from you or Josh, did they?"