We all know the story of how the People's Crusade drastically failed; they never even made it to Jerusalem. The majority of those involved died to a Turkish attack while traveling through Nicea. But what if they had survived? What if only a small number had been massacred?
~
Raoul Furor never expected this cold cloudy day to be anything less than normal: feed the livestock, tend to the crops, buy and sell goods for the family, help the townsfolk if needed. Of all the things on Raoul's to-do list for the day, joining a "Crusade" was definitely not at the top.
The day started as any other would, with Raoul shoveling grain into the cattle's trough and collecting the eggs, when he heard a commotion arise from the town center from over the hill. Curious, Raoul finished his chores in haste and made a quick trip down the familiar dirt road to the town forum.
He immediately saw a scrawny looking man stood on the back of a wagon, shouting over the clamor of the people, "-we are willing to accept anyone! Believe me, for I have had a vision of the Lord himself, we will retake the Holy Land and make ourselves great heros! Legends! You too can become a legend, if you embark on this Crusade!"
The man continued to shout, his speech clearly exciting the crowd. Raoul walked over to Geoffrey, an older farmer who looked skeptical of the newest happenings. "What's all the commotion about, is there another war?"
"No, not another war... yet anyways." The farmer scoffed, "Remember the expedition that was planned to set out around September? This idiot ,Peter, wants to leave now."
"You think anyone will join?" Raoul asked, running his hand through his curly blond hair.
"Oh, sure. Look at the way they're practically buzzing with energy, I'll bet that they haven't had anything to get excited for before, he's brainwashing them into thinking this will give them purpose, like they've accomplished something."
"You think it's all for not?"
"Never said that, I just don't' think he's giving us the full truth."
Raoul nodded, the man on the wagon did in fact have a way with motivating people to join, he was even considering it himself, but he needed to stay home and care for his family. His father had died of a severe fever only months ago and his mother wasn't the same. He had to care for the animals now, while she spent hours staring off into space with a blank expression. She even neglected to care for her own children, who luckily were old enough to manage themselves. The second eldest, Henry, could even care for the farm if anything were to happen to Raoul.
Several townsfolk began to say goodbye to their loved ones, already enthusiastic to join the Crusade. Peter smiled gratefully at the crowd, "Thank you to all who have joined, we will be leaving at dawn tomorrow after we have resupplied and rested. All else who wish to join are welcomed with open arms."
Knowing he still had more chores, Raoul turned to head back to the farm, having seen what the big fuss was all about. As he shuffled through the people in the forum, Alicia ran into him, eyes wide and lit up with excitement. Raoul immediately beamed a smile down at her, having had a crush on her since he had first met her, some five years ago, when they were both only 13.
"Hey Raoul, you hear about the Crusade?" Alicia asked enthusiasm practically seeping from her every pore.
"It's a little hard not to." Raoul replied, blushing at her outgoing greeting.
"I wish I could go, but they wouldn't let a girl join. It's so amazing, you know. Those who are going, they're bringing honor home to their country, making a difference in the world." She threw her hands up to express how awestruck she was by the commoners' actions.
Unfortunately, Raoul had this dreadful disease called "being human." A side affect to this incurable illness, was the ability to be easily persuaded by what is called, "peer pressure," especially if the one pressuring him was an incredibly attractive girl by the name of Alicia.
"Well, I was actually, um, considering joining..."
"Really?! Woah, you're so courageous."
"Yeah, thanks... I should probably get going anyways..."
"Oh yeah, busy guy, aren't you? You go and get back the Holy Land for me, I believe in you!" Alicia smiled at Raoul before turning to head off.
With Alicia out of sight, Raoul groaned, just now fully realizing what he had signed himself up for. He didn't necessarily have to go, but that would put his ever so delicate ego at stake. Now that he seriously thought of it, there were hardly any ties keeping him here, other than never having a legitimate reason to leave before now. Henry could handle the family just fine without him, his existence would be far more helpful in going to Jerusalem than staying home. Plus, how could he pass up the adventure, far better than continuing this dull lifestyle he and all his ancestors had.
There was one small problem; actually leaving. His mother wouldn't care too much. His siblings would get over it eventually. The sun will still rise, with or without him. How did every other man who had decided to join live with the knowledge that they were leaving their entire life behind? It made them seem pretty heartless, although the same could be said for Raoul, who had no problem hacking off the head of an animal he had raised from birth, but this is an entirely different matter.
Raoul shook his head as he walked through his house's door. His decision had been made, despite the complications. Whatever consequences he or his family faced, could be handled. It wasn't his problem to stress about, even if he was the instagator.
~
Surprisingly, his family took his decision quite well, even if they didn't think it was the best idea. It was now the next morning: time to leave with the Crusaders. Peter was shouting out commands for the new recruits to follow. "Today we will travel to where the rest of the group is camped and training. Once we get there will be continue our journey to Jerusalem, and take back what is ours!"
This earned great shouting from the townsfolk, all huddled around Peter in the still dark morning. Peter took the reins of a donkey from one of his men and effortlessly threw his leg over the saddle, nudging the animal on. Raoul adjusted the sack he had thrown over his shoulder as the group began to make their way out of the familiar town.
Raoul fell into the back of the line of people, along with a few other boys his age. He had known Edgar and Ralph since birth, but had never really bothered to strike up a lasting friendship with the two, who were practically joined at the hip.
Throughout the day, even while walking with them, Raoul felt left out. They effortlessly kept a conversation going, poking fun at each other and exchanging jokes and humorous stories. Raoul wasn't what was considered "extaordinarily social." Even as a kid, he valued quiet time and the company of animals to that of humans who were known for having mood swings and not being clear about their true intentions with him.
Raoul tried to push his self-pitying thoughts to the back of his minds but they kept coming back as Edgar and Ralph seemed to be rubbing their friendship in his face.
Luckily, just when Raoul thought he'd implode from his own mind overthinking, the camp came into view. Thousands of men, all either sitting by fires, training, or entertaining themselves with various games. Peter turned to look over the new men from the front of the line, giving more instructions on what to do next, but Raoul wasn't really listening. He and a few other moved past those lingering and made their way into the camp. Despite being one of the most introverted people on the planet, Raoul felt a strong desire to actually meet someone and have a person to talk to over the course of the next few months. He didn't know where this desire stemmed from, really. Whether it was from his jealousy of Edgar and Ralph, the adrenaline of having some form of purpose in life, or some other mystical force, he wanted to meet someone new.
After some time wandering around the maze like arrangement of the camp, Raoul spotted a raven-haired boy cleaning some leather pieces alone. Maybe he would want a friend, or at least someone to talk to.
Raoul took a seat a few feet from the boy with the dark hair, trying to get his attention, but this boy didn't even take notice to his presence. Raoul cleared his throat in attempt to get this stranger's attention.
The boy looked to his side, finally noticing the impatient curly haired Raoul. Raoul noticed the odd color of his eyes. Were they hazel? Nah. Green? Maybe. Or possibly yellow, with a hint of brown. He huffed an annoyed sigh, "Can I help you?"
"Oh. Well, my name is Raoul Furor." Raoul offered his hand, a hopeful smile across his face despite the other's already negative attitude towards him.
"Raoul?" The boy looked at his extended palm with disgust, as if it were something that been drug up from the waste. "That has to be the most vacuous name I've ever heard."
The arrogant boy was getting onto Raoul's nerves. "First of all, no one even knows what that means, and second; I received my name from my great grandfather who died in the war for us, so I carry my name with honor."
"Ok, 'Owl' I'm sure you were quite the hot shot back home, but look around Country Boy. You aren't home anymore, so you better learn your place real quick if you want to survive."
"Me? Me learn my place? I'm not the one making fun of something as unimportant as a name."
"Oh, there's plenty more I could make fun of, but I don't think your fragile self esteem could handle it. Why would I want to waste oxygen on someone like you?" The boy replied, keeping his relaxed persona as Raoul slowly became furious.
"Someone like me?!" Raoul exclaimed, now standing up in anger. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Yes, an uneducated peasant who seems to think his life is worth something."
"You are such a brat."
"And you appear to have anger issues."
Raoul realized his temper had gotten out of hand and took a few deep breaths to regain his composure. "I'm sorry. And I forgot to ask, what is your name?" He asked with feigned amicability.
"If you must know, I am Eraclius Berin Grimn Rendale. Move along now, Owl." He said as he shooed Raoul away.
As Raoul awkwardly walked away from Eraclius he noticed a boy only a little older than himself motioning him over.
"Don't feel bad about Eraclius, he's a petty little prick to everyone. 'Names Jonas, and you?"
"Raoul." He replied, glad to have someone who was willing to be friendly towards him.
~
After living the life for a while, Raoul learned that being a Crusader wasn't all that bad. Sure, some days were worse than others and some people more annoying than others. Raoul quickly found that the less than enjoyable days were often a result of the less enjoyable people. Specifically, Eraclius.
This particular day was simply destined to be one of those less-than-enjoyable-days. Raoul sensed, somewhere deep down in his gut that Eraclius was going to start a particularly bad fight today.He had been raving about his broken bow all morning. Over the last couple of months, the two often got into fights, over simple things, like who was to get the last hog leg or just random yelling matches that no one knew what had truly started the argument.
Raoul was sitting at a fire with the small amount of friends he had made, all older men who had welcomed him with open arms. Raoul's leg shook nervously as he sat and listened to the ongoing conversation.
"Hey Raoul, what's on your mind?" Jonas asked, being the most empathetic of all of them.
"Oh," Raoul said, just now realizing his own nervous state, "I guess I'm a little paranoid about Eraclius. He's been really short tempered lately."
"He's always short tempered, thought you'd figured that out by now."
"I mean, I have, but he's worse than usual."
"Hey, chin up, no need to obsess over it."
Raoul nodded a thanks to Jonas and tried to relax and enjoy the time the crusaders had to rest before inevitably traveling again.
Sadly, Raoul's peace of mind only lasted a short while before a very angry Eraclius came stomping up to him.
"Ok Owl, I know you did this!" Eraclius yelled, holding up the bow, which had been snapped in half.
"I've never even touched your bow, bug off."
"Don't lie, I can tell you did it. God, you're such a terrible liar." Eraclius said, dropping the misshapen bow and packing a punch to Raoul's jaw, sending him flying over backwards from his seat on the log.
Before Raoul even had a chance to sit up, Eraclius was on him already aiming another punch, but Raoul caught ahold of his wrist and flipped their positions. Raoul was able to aim a few hits at Eraclius, but was soon overpowered and back on the muddy ground.
"You're going to pay for this, Owl" Eraclius snarled, holding Raoul's wrists above his head with one hand, while the other reached for his dagger in his boot.
"And how is that?" Raoul challenged, having not yet seeing the knife, but his face paled as the light caught the polished metal, Eraclius thoughtfully observing the blade as he held it.
"Well, I would take my time, cutting each of your various limbs open, pulling out your insides, all while you remain conscious to see your body slowly torn limb from limb by this small dagger. You knowing that this small device is all I need to kill you, but that'll have to wait, I would rather not get blood on this shirt."
Raoul knew Eraclius' threats were all empty, but he still feared what Eraclius intended to do with him. Eraclius silently trailed the knife down Raoul's cheek and neck before bringing it to rest just under his chin, the point of the knife caressing the skin, ready to pierce the tanned boy.
Raoul tilted back his head to avoid the sharp point, but Eraclius had other plans, lightly twisting the dagger as it remained pressed under Raoul's jawline.
"Never even think about touching my things again." Eraclius practically growled.
"I didn't touch your-" Raoul was cut off as the knife found it's mark, slicing through his skin. Raoul cried out and got a hand loose, finally grasping Eraclius' arm which held the dagger, pushing him off of himself.
"You are such a self absorbed twat!" Raoul yelled furiously, hand clutching the wound from where blood began to pour out.
Eraclius merely smirked at Raoul, clearly proud of his handiwork.
Raoul hastily rose to his feet and went to find William to complain about Eraclius' latest antics.
"Where do you think you're going?" Eraclius questioned, now standing up to follow Raoul.
"Nowhere and Everywhere." Raoul spat back over his shoulder.
Eraclius narrowed his eyes and followed Raoul closely as they neared William, who was talking to one of the other men. William was a knight, in charge of the Crusader's military training. He was at least 6'5 and built like a house, broad shoulders, and muscles protruding from every inch of his toned body. Despite his threatening appearance, he was quite hospitable and was known for helping put misbehaving Crusaders in their place.
"William," Raoul said, grabbing Eraclius' arm to pull him up beside himself, "He just tried to kill me." Raoul removed his bloody hand from his jaw to show where Eraclius had injured him.
"I did not!" Eraclius countered, "If I had wanted you dead, you wouldn't be yapping right now and I would have a far more peaceful way of living."
"He attacked me!"
"You two stop!" William demanded sternly, "Normally I could care less about my men and their relationships with each other, but you have interrupted myself and others multiple times in the short time of knowing one another. I don't care if you despise each other, or of one of you killed the other's father, if you don't pull your acts together I will not hesitate to sell you to a Muslim slave trade. Have I made myself clear?"
"Yes, sir." Raoul replied bitterly as Eraclius nodded beside him.
William huffed and turned his back to the younger men, leaving them to handle their problems on their own. Raoul turned to work things out with Eraclius, but found him already walking away.
"Where do you think your going?"
"Away from you, seeing that nothing good comes from being around you."
"Well we have to talk about this, don't we?"
"There's nothing to talk about. I avoid you, you avoid me, we don't interrupt peace in the kingdom, simple as that."
Raoul wanted to reply, but Eraclius was already too far away to say anything else. Not that he'd want to talk to him any further, simply being in his presence seemed to lower the intelligence of the entire camp.
Raoul didn't have much time to think over his feud with Eraclius, as Peter was already telling the men it was time to get moving.
~
The others seemed to hate the endless walking, not even being certain that their flamboyant leader knew where he was taking them, but Raoul enjoyed mindless walking. It let his mind wander off to another universe; one where things could go his way, there would be world peace, no starvation, everyone would respect each other, no matter their differences.
But he didn't live in that universe, he lived here, trekking to the Holy Land, to get it back from the corrupt Muslims. All he could do was keep walking, head down, looking over the subtle changes in terrain as they made their way across the continent. An endless pattern of rock, dirt, grass. Rock, dirt, grass, rock, dirt, blood?
Raoul had been too lost in his own mind to notice the man a few paces ahead of him collapse, a harpoon through his chest. The sound of swords being unsheathed and arrows set in place filled Raoul's ears as he stood paralyzed, looking at the dead body below him.
A blood-curtling battle cry came from the trees surrounding them, as hordes of men and weapons came flooding out, taking down the unarmed men like a herd of wolves would to a herd of lambs.
Raoul was immediately greeted with a monster of a man, charging towards him with a battle axe, still coated in the blood of one of the Crusaders. Raoul knew this was the end, this was his fate.
But, no. A flash of silver swung directly in front of Raoul, effortlessly slicing off the head of the man. Surprisingly the red and gold hilted sword which had saved Raoul's life belonged to none other than Eraclius Berin Grimn Rendale.
Eraclius looked back at Raoul, sword still raised in the air, "Well, are you going to do anything besides stand there like a complete and total idiot?"
"I- I don't..." Raoul stuttered, surprised that Eraclius had prevented him from losing his life.
"Ugh, hold this." Eraclius said shoving the sword at Raoul's chest, who took the opportunity to inspect the handiwork on the sword's hilt, while Eraclius bent over backwards to pull an eight inch dagger from his boot. "Here." Eraclius grumbled, exchanging the dagger for his sword.
"Behind you!" Raoul yelled he saw a man with a bow aiming for them. Eraclius ducked as the arrow zipped past, missing Raoul by a hair's width.
In one swift movement, Eraclius had plunged his sword in to the chest of the intruder, sending him onto his knees as his eyes rolled to the back of his head, a small stream of blood spilling out of his lips.
Raoul noted another persuing Eraclius and threw the dagger, momentarily pausing the man as it found it's mark between his shoulder blades. The man stumbled, giving Eraclius enough time to pull his sword from the past enemy's chest and use it to slice off the next man's head.
Raoul was quick to retrieve the dagger and used it to slit the throat of another who had been wounded and was making an escape.
The ambush ended just as quick as it had started. The unknown group of men, later identified as Turks by those in the Crusade, disappeared without a trace, other than the small number they had managed to kill.
The Crusaders soon looted the corpses and found some things which held value. Several of the Crusaders had died in the ambush and even more were wounded. Without any doctors on the expedition, they had no way to properly take care of their wounds and everyone knew infection was inevitable.
With the men all busied taking care of themselves, Raoul approached Eraclius to figure out his motives behind helping him with fighting off the invaders.
"Hey, um... I just wanted to thank you... for you know... helping out back there..."
"Oh yeah, no problem." Eraclius replied nonchalantly, not even looking up from where he was carefully washing the blood off from his sword.
Raoul shifted his weight from foot to foot impatiently, "Why'd you do it? I mean if you hadn't have saved me, I'd be dead, and your life would finally be happy."
Eraclius sighed and resheathed his sword. "You know Owl, I really don't hate you. I just hate how positivity literally radiates off of you. It annoys me how one person can be just so darn easy to get along with. To be completely honest, I had no idea what to make of you, just waltzing up to me and being all friendly, it's weird. I don't know. It's just easier to make everyone hate you so that you don't need to worry about anyone missing you, I guess."
"Oh, I guess I never thought of it like that." Raoul sat down in front of Eraclius. Raoul didn't trust Eraclius simply because he had saved his life, Eraclius could have just been in the right spot at the right time, or he just wanted to kill Raoul himself. Surely there couldn't be a decent person under all that self-absorbed ego and pretentious personality.
"So, are we friends or something?" Eraclius asked, suddenly sounding nothing like his usual arrogant self, but rather like a child who had been caught taking sugar. Of all the things Raoul had expected Eraclius to say, this was not one of them.
"Oh yeah, sure. Just uh, promise not to kill me in my sleep or anything." Eraclius had no reason to be trusted, but that didn't necessarily mean they couldn't be friendly towards one another, right?
"Sure, just don't take anymore of my stuff." Eraclius chuckled, "You know, I've never really had a friend before."
"Really? How?"
"Well, that's one of the downsides to living in a remote castle all your life with thirteen other siblings. The closest thing I ever had to a friend was the maid, and even she resented me."
"Woah, I always though the life of a spoiled rich boy was all glamorous and parties every night."
"Hey now, I'm not spoiled."
"Just keep telling yourself that..."
Jonas ran up next to where the two boys sat and motioned for them to follow. Raoul and Eraclius exchanged a confused glance before standing up and running after him.
A crowd of murmering people had gathered around a figure laying on the ground. As Raoul and Eraclius looked through the onslaught of people, they heard various accounts of what had happened.
"He was shot off from the back of his donkey."
"He tried to escpae! He wanted to leave us here to die under the Turks' siege."
"Peter would never leave us!"
"Peter was a coward!"
Despite what everyone had said, there was no doubt what had happened. Their leader had died.
~
A week had passed, and the Crusaders had made no progress in their journey. There had been much discussion on who was to take Peter's place as the "leader" of them, and eventually it all came down to the name game. Who had the most connections.
To Raoul's dismay, Eraclius had won the title. Eraclius was only a boy, he couldn't lead this multitude of men, even Raoul was older than him, and he was only 18. Despite his personal opinion of the matter, Raoul pretended to support Eraclius in his newfound position, in order to keep up the impression of being Eraclius' 'friend'.
Eraclius had soon loosened up around Raoul as they continued the journey North. He seemed to have a need to tell Raoul every random thought that popped into his head.
"Should I skin Peter's donkey? I mean, once he is free of his earthly flesh, then he can begin his descent into the 7th circle of hell where he belongs. Also I think his hide would make a nice blanket."
"I honestly could care less about what happens to that poor donkey, but please never say that again."
It was conversations like these that seriously made Raoul doubt Eraclius' competence to be their proper leader. Along with the general stupidity that was bound to fall from Eraclius, he also had a hard time keeping his emotions in check.
One night, Eraclius was asked to meet with William, so they could plan how they would get from their current location, East of the Bosphorus Strait, to Jerusalem. Raoul had decided to listen in from afar, along with a few other men.
"We have no time to waste, we need to immediately cross the strait and move towards our destination."
"The men have been traveling for 2 months on end, they need rest."
"They get plenty of rest, during the night. If they can't handle this, they should not have agreed to come."
"Eraclius, you need to be empathetic, I will not allow you to relentlessly work these men."
"Work? Walking down a pathway is hardly work, I'll bet you've never worked a day in your life."
"I can assure you I have known more labor than you ever will in your lifetime." William replied, his temper clearly rising.
"I don't care. We need to get to Jerusalem, now."
"Why? Why are we in such a hurry? It was Peter's eagerness which has us here with no funds anyway."
"If we do not attack soon, they will only grow stronger! We need to attack while they are weak due to the drought."
"Our men will not be strong enough, you need to listen to reason."
This clearly sent Eraclius over the edge. He lunged at William, pinning him against a tree, hand pressing into his throat. Although William was larger, Eraclius had taken him by surprise, which allowed him to overtake the muscular man. "We will be continuing as quickly as is possible and that is final. No room for negotiation!" Eraclius shouted into William's face, before releasing his hold and storming off.
Raoul followed Eraclius to the outside of the encampment, as he sat down, looking out over the water. Raoul sat down beside him and let Eraclius decide whether or not he wanted to talk. If he didn't, Raoul wouldn't force anything out of him.
"I just really want to get this whole thing over with." Eraclius finally said, his voice cracking as he struggled to keep his composure.
"Agreed, but William's got a good point."
"I know, but I can't exactly go back on my word now that I've caused a stir around it. How would that make me look?" Eraclius chuckled, but his laugh was anything but humorous. "I don't like being that guy, I want to be someone who looks out for everyone else, I just... can't. I don't know how."
Raoul tilted his head, silently asking Eraclius to elaborate. "Well you couldn't imagine what it's like to have everything. You were raised to be humble, people love you... that's why I hate-er hated you. But when you can have everything, you just don't think about anything outside of that, I suppose."
"Well, right now it seems like you're thinking of someone other than yourself."
"Nah, I'm just pitying myself, that's all." Eraclius smirked, laying back and looking up at the stars that were sprinkled across the black abyss above them.
Raoul wrapped his arms around his legs and looked up at the sky with Eraclius.
"Why is there so much pain in the world?" Eraclius asked randomly after a while of comfortable silence.
"Well, sin and all that..."
"I know- I just don't get why everyone else has to go through all this awful stuff in life, while I'm here, completely happy. If anything, I deserve to die."
Raoul looked back at Raoul with his eyes like saucers, "You can't mean that. I mean, we all deserve to die I guess, humans are an awful species, but just because you aren't the nicest person, doesn't mean you deserve death."
"Yeah, let's change the topic. You know any constellations?"
"No, you?"
"Yeah, I had an expensive education. You see the stars in a squarish shape? Plus the five or so the left? That's the Big Dipper. And if you follow the two stars at the right edge, those point to the North Star, the only star which never moves."
"Wow." Raoul looked across the sky, finding each of the mentioned stars.
"Hey! You boys going to stay out there for the animals, or come back to camp?" Jon, Raoul's first friend called out to them.
"We'll be back in a minute!" Raoul hollered back. "Come on, we should get going."
"Yeah." Eraclius heaved himself up and gave Raoul a gentle smile as a thanks for helping him with his slight mental breakdown.
~
Raoul paced back and forth in the tight space of his tent, his chainmail rattling with each nervous step. The sun hadn't even risen yet, and most of the camp was still asleep; Raoul hadn't gotten any sleep. He knew what today brought. Today was the day they'd launch their attack on Jerusalem.
Raoul sat down and ran his hands through his hair, lightly tugging at the blond strands. He looked out through the opening of his tent to see the edges of the sky begin to lighten up. The time to go into battle was drawing all the more near. Raoul wished that he could just pause time so that he could have longer before meeting his potential doom. Raoul would have given anything to not go through with the day.
All the talk about fame and glory was just a fool's perspective. Reality didn't let anyone become a hero; there was no chance.
"Hey Owl, you awake?" A voice called from outside his tent.
"Oh yeah, what do you need?" Raoul replied, standing and walking over to where Eraclius stood outside of his tent.
"I need to give everyone a pep-talk once the sun rises, apparently. How am I supposed to be peppy? I'm probably the biggest pessimist here."
"Just say something about how they're doing their homeland honor, this isn't for them, it's for the greater good."
"Yeah, alright." Eraclius paused, looking down. "How on Earth are we going to do this, Owl?"
"No clue." Raoul shielded his eyes as the sun made its appearance over the horizon. "Everyone will be awake in a bit, let's go." He decided.
"Yeah, sure."
~
Three hours later, Raoul found himself marching alongside thousands of men, sword in hand, across the field which surrounded the Holy City. As they came to the top of a hill, they saw another army, poised and ready at the city's walls.
A man next to Raoul cursed, "How did they know we were coming?"
"They must have had spies." Another answered.
From the front of the lines, Eraclius bellowed over the heads of restless Crusaders. "Men, we not have gotten the conditions which we had expected, but we will work with what we get. Several of you may die today, but you will not go without a cause; we will reconquer Jerusalem!" Cheering erupted from the crowd. Once they had quieted down, Eraclius continued, "Men, today we may lose, but we will not go down without a fight. We will not fall easily, now let's show these Muslims what we are made of!" Earclius shouted, lifting his sword and pointing it towards the city.
The Crusaders let out a combined war cry as they stormed past Eraclius, running towards the city with their weapons raised. Raoul yelled and followed suit. Adrenaline pumping through his veins like metal heated to the point that it glows white.
A challenging war cry arose from the army opposite the Crusaders as the Muslims also charged forward. The two armies met, with swords clashing and sparks flying as blade hit blade. As Raoul swung his puny weapon, managing to bring one of the Muslims to his knees, Crusaders were dropping all around him. The dirt already muddy from the wetness of blood being steadily mixed into it. Raoul planted himself in a position in which he couldn't slip on the slick ground and plunged his short sword into the back of the man whom he had an advantage over. The man fell forward, dead and Raoul pulled his blade out from his lifeless body.
As some unknown force of energy spurred Raoul forward, he ran through the onslaught of fighting bloody men, towards the city's walls, making an effort to at least injure any Muslim whom he passed. As he dodged between fighting men and the corpses which littered the ground, Raoul caught sight of Eraclius fighting one-on-one with a man nearly twice his size.
Raoul paused for a second to watch Eraclius fight the larger man, as he was surprisingly winning. Eraclius swung his sword, splitting the man's arm open, blood immediately rushing out, coating his muscular limb in red. The man didn't even flinch, continuing to swing at Eraclius with a bat covered in rusting spikes.
Raoul saw another man running up behind Eraclius. "Eraclius behind-" but he was cut off by someone sending a blow to the back of his head, knocking him to the ground. Being used to Eraclius' roughhousing, Raoul scrambled up and turned, throwing his sword so that it impaled the man's leg. With his attacker temporarily stopped, Raoul looked back to where Eraclius was fighting, but the two others were nowhere to be seen.
Raoul looked down and saw Eraclius, laying facedown on the ground, which was slick with the blood of the crusaders. Time seemed to stop completely as Raoul looked down at Eraclius' dead form. He had to get out of here; he no longer cared about his "honor". He'd lost that the moment he joined the Crusades.
Raoul felt lightheaded as he looked around him, bodies littering the ground as a foul stench rose from those dead. Raoul hardly realized he was running until he was tripping over the arms splayed out across the earth.
Raoul's legs carried him out of the midst of battle, past the fighting, over the hill that overlooked the city and still further. His chest was burning as he gasped for air, legs threatening to give out under each step.
As Raoul tried to climb up yet another hill, his legs did finally give out. It was only then did Raoul notice the tears streaming from his eyes. Voices swirled through his head, whispering things to him which only made the tears fall at a more desperate pace. Different sides of his mind battled, fighting for dominance with tearing Raoul down.
'You are a coward, a selfish coward.'
'You let Eraclius die.'
'You should not have left, they needed you'
'You should be fighting right now, not crying over your pathetic self.'
Raoul hid face in his arms, hands grasping at his arms, looking for something to hold. They soon took hold of his hair, pulling it harshly as if that would make the voices stop. "Shut up, shut up, shut up." He chanted, in an attempt to subdue the thoughts swirling his head.
After what felt like forever, Raoul regained control of his emotions and laid down in the grass, his breathing still shaky as he hiccupped the last of his sobs away. Now that he could think rationally again, Raoul began to actually realize that he had no idea where he was, or what he was going to do next. One of the downsides to getting lost in thought while walking hundreds of miles, was not knowing where the heck you were.
The only real option was to return home he supposed. Although, how would it look being the only one to return? Possibly others had made it out alive? No, no one else was as cowardly as he, running away from the midst of battle. It was a losing battle anyway, the Muslims were better armed, had greater numbers, they were actually an organized army. The crusaders had never stood a chance.
Eraclius was no help either, he rushed them in unprepared. No, Raoul can't put the blame onto Eraclius, he had allowed Eraclius to do so. Raoul was perfectly capable of convincing Eraclius to give the Crusaders a break. Raoul was the only one Eraclius seemed to treat as an actual human. The entire outcome of today rested upon Raoul's shoulders, and while everyone else had heroically died on the battlefield, Raoul was here, in some random field, still alive and practically unharmed besides a cut on his arm that honestly didn't hurt in the least.
Raoul's breathing was back to normal and he knew that he'd be no good staying here out in the open, he needed to get back to some form of civilization. He stood up and continued walking through the field in hopes of finding something, anything that could provide shelter. He wasn't a master of living in the wild, but he could at least manage for a bit, until he found a small town that might take him in. Perhaps he could live there instead of returning home, he could make a living in the first town he came across, he was willing to convert to whatever religion they had there, in order to save his own hide. It was the cowards way out, but then again, he seemed to be falling more and more under that category.
The walk was a lot harder than Raoul had expected, he missed at least having the knowledge of where he was going, he had been just aimlessly wandering for over 3 hours. He knew better than to not pay attention where he was going, so to avoid going in circles, he would pick a patch of grass or dirt and walk towards it. He mostly followed the direction of the sun, he knew that if he went fare enough west, he would eventually reach the coast.
Once Raoul was certain he couldn't go any further due to exhaustion and dehydration, he saw a forest on the horizon. The sun was starting to set, so Raoul was thankful that he'd at least have a chance of surviving the night, where there was trees, there was most likely water.
By the time darkness had completely engulfed the land, Raoul had found a small stream that luckily had a cave nearby which he would use to sleep in for the night. He made a small fire that he hoped would repel any animals wandering about, and gathered some dried leaves to use as bedding towards the back of the cave.
Despite having to sleep on the uncomfortable surface, Raoul fell asleep as soon as he laid down.
Raoul was standing in a dark room, he couldn't tell where the walls started or ended, but he felt small and alone. Then, he wasn't alone. The boy with the raven hair and hazel eyes looked down at Raoul. Raoul stood up, but Eraclius was still much taller than him. Raoul zoned out, focusing on Eraclius' eyes as they turned form a welcoming expression to a stone cold glare as his pupils shrunk into nothing, leaving just the whites of his eyes. Raoul noticed Eraclius' mouth moving. He was yelling, was he yelling at Raoul? Raoul couldn't hear, he couldn't hear anything. His heart began to speed up as Eraclius continued to angrily shout profanities at him. Raoul looked down to find blood dripping from is hands, he was standing on a pile of decaying bodies. When he began to back up, he tripped as a stray arm grabbed his ankle. The arm began to pull him down into the pile of rotting flesh and Eraclius just stood above Raoul, now laughing a malicious mockful form of a chuckle. Raoul's heart dropped as he sunk deeper and deeper into the prison of bodies. As his eyes were about to disappear under the sea if blood, Eraclius knelt down and whispered, "This is all your fault, you killed them all." Darkness surrounded Raoul's vision, and a noiseless scream came from his throat as the blood began to flow in through his pores.
A loud crash awoke Raoul from his nightmare. Raoul looked around as his eyes adjusted, his fire had been blown out and rain was pouring down from the entrance of the cave. Raoul sat up and rubbed his arms in an attempt to warm up. It may have been hot during the day, but he was freezing from the combined effect of the rain and wind.
Raoul walked to the edge of the cave, torrents of rain drenching his hair, as he looked at the source of the crash. A bolt of lightning had struck a tree and flames were starting to pick up, despite the rain that was still coming down in sheets. Certainly the waterfall will put out the flames, right?
That was not the case; instead the opposite happened. The rain let up and soon was nothing more than a half-hearted sprinkle. The flames began to grow at a faster pace and Raoul somehow found himself walking towards them.
His auburn eyes were transfixed by the flames as they slashed about like a wild beast. He felt the heaviness in his chest that wasn't from the earlier sadness, but rather the smoke. He felt the scolding heat on his skin as he calmly walked closer and closer to the deadly flames.
Many could attempt a guess at Raoul's current feelings: fear, terror, stupidity, or even senselessness. No one would have known that Raoul was at ease, he smiled and tilted his head, the light beginning to make his eyes water. He was in complete control of his life. He could choose whether or not to end it. He could be the one who makes decisions; he could win.
Raoul felt a sense of serenity as he laid down in the middle of the forest, only 10 feet away from the flames. He felt something in him begging to run, to get out of here, to save himself, but he ignored it. He didn't care anymore.
Raoul closed his eyes and simply let the flames engulf him. He was in control.