PAST
The day was like any other.
I woke up desperately wanting to go to sleep again but mom and dad were having none of that.
Forcing me out of bed, they practically dragged me to the pharmacy where they continued on their lecture about getting 'back into it all'.
Drinking my coffee, I tried to look as if I was listening when really I wasn't and I wanted so desperately to leave.
It was Hannah who came to the rescue- kind of, her bubbly personality only giving mom and dad more of a reason to lecture me.
"See! Look at your sister! You should be smiling and looking like that."
Rolling my eyes, I looked at Hannah, "You high?"
Mom and dad both glared at me, their stern voices coming to use, "Annabelle."
Hannah chuckled as she made her way into the store, "No. But I do need more tapes for my project. Mom, dad?"
Mom nodded, "Just put them in the inventory. Which nobody bothers to look at..."
Seeing she was taking a dab at dad, I smirked at him, dad sighing as he tried to defend himself.
Mom dismissed him though, looking at Hannah again, "When do we get to hear about this project?"
"You don't. It's stupid. Don't even worry."
Mom shook her head, "Nothing you do is stupid."
Seeing Hannah start to get embarrassed, I chuckled as I stood up, "She's right Hannah Montana. Cmon, show us your radiant project."
Hannah rolled her eyes at that, chuckling, "Sure, Anna Banana after you show mom and dad your attendance sheet."
Glaring at her revelation, it was too late for me to try to defend myself, dad already speaking up, "What is she talking about?"
"Nothing! Gotta go. School awaits Hannah and I. Love you. Bye!"
Before either of them could protest, I dragged Hannah out, our short walk to school beginning in silence before she broke that silence with a comforting hand on my arm.
"Sorry for blowing up your spot back there. I'm just worried about you."
"Yeah? Well, I've been worried about you too. You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah," Hannah faked a smile, "Didn't you hear? I'm a real ray of sunshine this morning."
"And I'm a ray of sunshine whenever mom and dad start asking if I want to go to therapy. I can fake it and I know you can too. So tell me the truth, really. Are you okay?"
I had stopped Hannah to get a better look at her, her sighing as she brushed her hair back, "I can't say with 100% certainty that I'm fine but I will be."
Sighing, I shook my head, "Hannah-"
She cut me off though, this time grabbing me by the shoulders, "I'm going to talk to Mr. Porter and hopefully he'll give me all the answers I need."
"Hopefully?"
"I mean he did get a degree in talking to people, didn't he?"
"Yeah... still, if anything text me, okay?"
"Okay... wait where are you going?"
Giving her a sad smile, I shrugged, "It's still hard being in that school and not seeing Jeff around, Hannah... it's going to take me some time."
"Yeah. Okay."
Seeing the disappointed look on her face, I stopped, "Hannah do you need me at school? Cause if you do-"
"No." Hannah quickly protested, "I wouldn't make you go through that. I just- I love you, Anna Banana."
"And I love you, Hannah Montana."
With that we shared a hug, both going our separate ways.
But had I known that was the last time I would be seeing Hannah alive, maybe I would've appreciated the hug more.
Maybe I would've done a lot different.
Instead, I was at Monet's with my friends when mom and dad walked in, having caught me from another skipped school day.
"I think we're going to have to drive her to school now, honey," mom suggested as I got into the car, dad agreeing.
I surprisingly didn't get the big lecture though, instead mom and dad making me laugh which was maybe their way of trying to 'get me out of my funk'.
It worked for the most part.
"Oh please, mom!" I laughed, unlocking our front door, mom laughing too.
"What? It worked, didn't it? You're laughing!"
"Our Anna Banana's smile is back," dad joked, making me scoff.
"I hated that nickname back then- I hate it now, dad."
"You let Hannah call you that!"
"Yeah cause Hannah's Hannah," Dad only stuck his tongue out at me as I made my way through the house, "Speaking of, think Hannah's home yet?"
"Considering you decided to play hooky again, yeah, I'd think so."
I laughed as I continued to walk with mom, "Is that judgment I hear in your voice, mother?"
Mom chuckled as she nodded, "That is your mother being your mother. You shouldn't be skipping school."
I scoffed, "Dad said I could!"
"Never said that kiddo!" Dad called out, making his way into his room while I went to go to mine, stopping when I saw the floor wet outside.
"What the hell?"
"What is it- oh god!" mom groaned once she saw what I was looking at, "Hannah!"
"Jesus, Hannah did you leave the water running or something because this is- ridiculous."
I stopped the second I opened the door.
Pink water filled the floor and in the tub was a fully clothed Hannah, eyed closed as she laid in the water stained by her blood.
"Ha-Hannah?"
"Oh god!"
"Hannah, no!"
I was at her side within seconds, mom and I were with her while I tried to shake Hannah awake, "Hannah wake the hell up!"
But no matter how hard I tried to shake her or force her eyes open or even stop the bleeding, it was too late.
All I could do was hold her, hold her until the paramedics finally came and they had to pry my mom and I off of her.
And all I could think about was Hannah and all our memories together and how we wouldn't be having any more.
I wouldn't have my sister with me through any more first days or senior year or college or even our weddings.
She was gone.
And here were the paramedics forcing her body into a body bag, treating her as if she didn't mean a thing.
As if she wasn't the most precious thing in the world, which is what she was to the three of us who stood huddled, having only the comfort in each other through this heart-wrenching time.
It felt surreal to me, seeing the flashing lights from outside my house.
When Tony came rushing in, I was sitting down between my parents who held me close, both looking up confused.
We were all crying, neither of us sure why he was here, not expecting to see anyone for a while.
We did just lose Hannah- and even that felt surreal to think about.
"M-Mr. and Mrs. Baker. I-"
"To-Tony?" I mumbled, "What are you doing here?"
Tony was teary-eyed as he shook his head, "I-I'm so sorry."
I looked over at mom and dad who forced a thank you out to him, the police coming over in that moment.
"Mr. and Mrs. Baker- a word?"
Dad looked over at mom who shook her head, "No. W-we can't leave her."
"I'll be fine, mom. I'll be fine with Tony."
Mom was still hesitant but went to join the officer and dad, Tony taking a seat next to me.
He didn't say a thing though, obviously at loss for words as he looked around.
"Sh-she slit her wrists," I mumbled, Tony looking towards me sadly.
"They were deep cuts. The paramedics said she had been dead for a while, th-that there was nothing we or they could do."
Tony sighed at that, a hand on my shoulder, ready to comfort me when I spoke again.
"Bu-but I think ma-maybe if I wouldn't have skipped school, mo-mom and dad wouldn't have had to pick me up and- and they would gotten to her faster."
Tony shook his head though, "They would've gotten there seconds faster if anything, and the paramedics said she was gone already."
"Well then I should've come home!" I yelled, turning to Tony, "I shouldn't have skipped school and gone out, I should've just- I should've gone home! I should've been here with her when she- when she-"
Tony sighed, pulling me into a hug, making me sob in his arms.
It was then for the first time I noticed my blood stained hands.
Pulling away from Tony hastily, I looked down at my clothes, which were surely enough, all stained with Hannah's blood- or her bloody water that is.
Tony realized that too, "You should probably change."
I shook my head though, "I uh... I can't leave. They'll probably want to talk to me next- I uh- did I stain you?"
He shook his head, "I'm wearing all black, I'll be fine."
"Then I'll stay in this. I'll be fine."
Tony sighed at that, "Anna-"
"I think I'll go by Belle now," I cut him off, Tony surprised as he looked at me.
The truth was though, there was no longer a use for that name.
Anna was only chosen to match Hannah and now that Hannah Baker was gone- Anna Baker left with her.
Hannah took a piece of me with her and there was no getting that piece back.
written: may 10, 2017
*** I decided to switch this past piece with a present piece because it just made more sense to me that way, hope you don't mind