"Come. Come with me." Dean waved over at me, gesturing for me to follow him as we stood in a field of grass someplace unknown. I had no idea of where we were, but I was following Dean towards the woods.
"Why are you running from me. Wait! You're too fast!" I called out after Dean. He was getting faster and I could feel my legs getting heavier as I tried to run towards him.
"Follow me." Dean spoke softly, his voice warm and calming. He was reaching his hand out to me as I finally got closer to him. I made sure to stretch out my arm as far as I could and right as our fingertips touched - the ground beneath me slipped away.
I felt myself falling.
Falling.
Falling.
Falling.
I was scared and I didn't know what was happening. I was trying to scream and call out for help, but there was no sound coming out of my mouth. I closed my eyes for one moment and heard a sharp sound of something breaking. Being twisted and cut. Then I finally screamed in pain being as loud as possible without even wanting to, but I was hurting.
My back.
My wings.
They're gone.
I woke up trying to gasps for air when I opened my eyes and struggled to push myself up onto my elbows. It was freezing cold and I couldn't seem to remember where I was. I was laying in the dirt at the side of a road and all I could feel was an unbearable pain coming from my back. Something I've never felt before. I was full of blood and wet mud. My clothes were wet and dirty and my shirt was ripped. I didn't seem to have my trench coat anymore but that really didn't bother me at this very moment. All I could think of was what had happened to me last night. I know that I gave Lucifer my wings so he could wake up Dean from his coma, but I couldn't remember the details on how it all happened. How they had cut my wings or maybe if they ripped them out. I wasn't sure. I hadn't even seen my back yet. Don't think I really wanted to either.
I was groaning out in pain as I tried to sit up in the mud. I believe that I was dumped out here after what had happened the previous night before. Knowing Lucifer, I probably was.
It seemed like it was taking me forever to get up and check myself. The pain I was feeling was something I couldn't put into words. This was really something an Angel never wanted to have to feel.
I believe I was still bleeding as I made my way to the motel, feeling something drip down my back continuously. Never ending. Plus the mud that was covering me was probably getting into the open wounds, making everything even more worse. This was probably dangerous, but all I wanted was to get to our motel after I found out where the hell I was. I was glad when I saw a map of a hiking trail that lead into the woods, letting me know of my current location. I finally knew that I wasn't too far away from the motel Sam and I were staying at.
On my way there I tried to check my cellular device for any new messages or any voice mails. Sadly I couldn't check them since my battery was already wasted. I then fumbled my phone back into my pocket and concentrated on getting home.
Once I was finally there, I unlocked the door, hoping and praying that Sam wasn't home. Which to my luck, he wasn't. I let out a sigh and walked straight into the bathroom where I immediately went to throw my clothes away after taking my phone out and charging it up. I wanted to make sure that there was no trace of this ever happening.
Sam didn't need to know.
After stripping out of my clothes I immediately went under the shower. Still in excruciating pain, but what needed to be done, needed to be done. I had to make sure that the dirt got out of my open wounds so I could wrap bandage around myself after disinfecting it. I wasn't sure how weak I was now after losing my wings, but I wasn't going to take the risk of getting some kind of infection. If I was now able to feel the cold weather and so much pain, I surely was weaker than ever before. So I needed to make sure that I wasn't going to die now.
When the long, painful shower was finally over, I went to grab a disinfectant spray to get it onto my back as good as I could. Healing myself was not an option anymore. An angel would never be able to heal its scars from having lost their wings. It had to heal itself and that was going to take centuries. Although they would never grow back when clipped or ripped at its root. Which in my case, it was. I had nothing left. Lucifer went all big on my wings. I'm quite certain it was hard to do since he would have to reach inside of my vessel to get my wings off. They also must have burned through my vessel's back as he slowly tore them off. Would explain the big open wounds on my back since they're only made out of light and stardust and not like those wings people surely have read about in fictional books, where they have a physical form, looking like wings of birds.
Once I was all set and done, having wrapped as much bandage around myself to stop the bleeding for a while, I put on one of Dean's old band Tee's and sat down onto the soft mattress of the bed we should have been sharing. I surely wasn't going to lay down right now, fearing that I'll hurt myself even more if I ever accidentally move onto my back. So sitting was the best option. I honestly had no idea how I could walk with how bad I was hurting. I wanted to scream on top of my lungs and cry if that was possible, but I didn't want to catch anyone's attention. I couldn't let them know.
As I sat there I finally was able to check my phone for messages and missed calls once it was fully charged up. My eyes widened as I looked down at how many missed calls I got from Sam. I was confused at why I had so many when it only had been a day since I've last seen him.
Then I noticed the date.
12th of November, 2023.
I left to see Lucifer on the last day of October. It's almost been two weeks since I've been here. How long must I have been passed out on that road? I couldn't seem to remember anything from the moment after I had agreed to the deal with Lucifer. Nothing seemed to come into mind. Only my own screams and the sounds of my wings breaking throughout the process. I wasn't sure how long it took nor how it all affected me afterwards. All I know is that it will surely haunt me in my dreams.
I decided to check some of Sam's messages.
"Cass come to the hospital. You won't believe this."
"Cass I don't know where you are but you need to come to the hospital. It's urgent."
"Cass where the hell are you? Dean just woke up from his coma. We need you here. ASAP."
Then there was one was from today.
"Cass I'm not sure where the hell you are. You haven't replied to my messages and answered my calls for almost two weeks now, but if you somehow end up seeing this today, please come to the hospital. Dean is up and he's being let out of there today. He's coming home. "
Dean must have gotten out of his coma right after I had lost my wings. I immediately got up from the bed to put on some warmer clothes, knowing I'll probably freeze myself to death out there if I still had to make my way to get baby since she wasn't around when I woke up on the side of the road. I figured she was where I last left her. I had parked baby a little further away from the building Lucifer was hiding at so I was sure that I wasn't going to run into him or his demons.
It hadn't taken me too long to get there as I've decided to get a taxi that would drive me there. I was relieved when I found the impala sitting right at the spot I last left her. Dean probably would have killed me if she was gone.
During the drive to the hospital I decided to stop by a flower shop to bring Dean a bouquet of different assorted flowers. This was something I always did to show my affection to him in a light manner.
~
At the hospital I immediately made my way to the room Dean was staying at, feeling my heart start to race and the sweat beginning to drip down the sides of my face. I was quite nervous to see him again. At least alive and out of his coma. It's been 3 years since I've last heard his voice and looked into his beautiful green eyes. 3 painful years.
Just before I entered the room I had to loosen my tie as I began to feel a lump building up inside my throat and the tears starting to form in my eyes.
"I've seriously laid here for 3 years? Odd how I didn't seem to notice it at all." I could hear Dean's voice from behind the door and once I entered, him and Sam became silent as they stared at me.
"Cas where the hell were you?" Sam had sat himself down at the edge of the table, crossing his arms and looking at me as if I had betrayed him in some way.
I simply gave him my not now look and turned my gaze towards Dean who was looking at me as if he had looked at someone he had never seen before.
"Hello Dean." My voice was low and raspy while I was standing there awkwardly with the assorted flower bouquet I had bought for him earlier. We both stood there in silence, our eyes staring into each other.
Finally he spoke up.
"Cas come here buddy." Dean had taken a deep breath and walked toward me, pulling me into a long bear hug, squeezing me tightly. I handed him the flowers as we pulled away from each others embrace and scratched my head nervously, hoping he'd accept them.
"Those are for me? Wow... umm thanks Cas. Don't think you've ever done that before. Those are nice." Dean cleared his throat looking down at the flowers a bit awkwardly.
"What? You don't remem-" I was cut off by Sam who just looked at me sad, as if he was sorry for me.
"Cas not now. I need to talk to you. Would you mind if we'd step outside for a moment Dean? " Sam stood up and walked over to me after Dean had nod his head at the two of us and inspected his flowers a little closer while we headed out the door.
"What's wrong? " My eyes widened when Sam began to shake his head, seeming nervous to start talking.
"Look Cas, I hate to tell you this, but Dean doesn't remember anything about you two ever being in a relationship. The last thing he remembered was just before we had gotten locked up in the bunker in 2017. He doesn't remember you two ever being together." Sam had placed his right hand onto his neck as he stared down at me.
I stared into space while I took in all this new information. This couldn't be true. Why did this need to happen now? After I lost my wings? Why couldn't he remember us being together?
The emotional pain I was feeling in my heart was just as bad as the pain that was coming from my wings, maybe even worse if I'd admit. I don't care if I'd lost my wings a hundred times, but losing Dean was worse.
"I explained everything to him, what happened and what he missed. He of course didn't remember anything of it but I just needed to let him know where we are all standing at right now. I don't think it would be such a good idea to tell him of your relationship with him at this moment. I have a feeling that it would be too overwhelming for him and that he needs time getting adjusted to all of what happened first. You know how he always tried to deny his feelings at first, being scared of how everyone reacted, so I think if we'd tell him that you two are in a relationship, he might not like to hear that. I hope that makes sense to you? The doctors said we should take it slow with telling him of his current status. He needs time and it might overwhelm him quite a bit." Sam continued explaining the current situation of Dean to me. I was in shock but I somewhat understood what Sam was saying. No matter how much I hated the thought of Dean not remembering us ever being together. I had to respect it and take it slow.
Maybe even make him fall in love with me all over again.