I've been extremely emotional all day, because something really sad happened...so I don't really know how good this chapter is, I've just felt like crying the whole time.
This song's chapter is "The hardest thing" by Tyler Ward. This is also the song that Chason's singing. I'm not a songwriter, so I couldn't write a new, original song, but I used Tyler Ward simply because I love it, and it's absolutely beautiful. As for the song's lyrics, I made a few changes so that it suited Chason's situation a little more. Please listen to the song while reading this.
While writing this chapter, I also listened to "Echo" by Jason Walker, it's seriously my favorite song at the moment, so please listen to that song too. The lyrics means a lot to me, and I can't even begin to tell what kind of feeling it brings out of me when I listen to it.
Not proofread, because I'm tired.
Remember to vote if you like it. A comment also means the world, even if you don't know why. I appreciate it so much.
Enough babbling. As I said, extremely emotional today.
Enjoy
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Chapter 16
It takes two nurses, one doctor, Martinius and Chason to drag me out of there, and even then, they’re struggling.
Eventually they manage to force me into the elevator, and then Chason carries me into our room, while I keep screaming for Cato. I throw myself down on my bed immediately, burying my face in the soft pillow.
I start sobbing. It feels nice, to finally be able to cry my heart out, let all the tears blind me. My chest is burning, my heart beating, my eyes stinging like crazy. But it feels good.
Chason leaves me alone, which makes me forever grateful.
Now that I’ve first started crying, it’s impossible to stop. The tears run down my face constantly, and for hours it feels like all I know is to cry. A fire could’ve started, and I wouldn’t have noticed. All I can think about is Cato. Why does all kind of crap always happen to him? Already twice today I’ve believed that he was dead. And just when I thought that he was finally safe, another disaster slaps me in the face. Yeah, my bestfriend is in a coma. A freaking coma. Oh, and might I just add that he’s possibly brain damaged too. Let’s not forget the fact that there’s a chance that he’ll never wake up. Ever.
What an eventful day I’ve had.
“Runa?” says Chason carefully, moving closer to sit on my bed beside me. He brushes a few hair locks from my face, studying it warily. “I’m sorry, I really wish there was something I could do to help you,” he mutters quietly.
“If you say that everything is going to be okay, I swear to God I will strangle you,” is my answer, my voice sounding hoarse, which gives a nice effect to my threatening tone.
He chuckled. “I know, it sounds really stupid right? I promise I won’t say it.”
I open my mouth to give him some snarky comment, but burst into tears instead.
Without a word, he climbs onto my bed, and put his arms protectively around me. How weird, this is the third time today he has shown me this kind of comfort. Not that I’m complaining. It makes me recall all of the moments when Cato and I used to hold around each other, and right now, I miss my best friend so badly that anything that reminds me of his presence is good enough for me. It feels like I haven’t seen him for weeks, rather than hours. I sob loudly until my eyes feel dry.
“Can I get you something, chestnut?” asks Chason half-jokingly, but he still sounds concerned.
I let out a shaky laugh. “Chason, why do you call me chestnut?” I’ve always wondered, I just never thought about asking him.
He chuckles lightly. “Because that’s your eye color.” He stares into my eyes intensely. “Chestnut brown,” he whispers, more to himself than to me. Then he shakes his head. “When we first met, remember? You ran into me while I was in the shower.”
I smile. Oh boy do I remember. His dripping, well-built…smoking hot… body isn’t something I can forget easily. “Technically, you were done showering,” I point out, my cheeks burning.
He rolls his eyes. “Whatever. I didn’t know your name by then, so I just decided that that would be your new nickname. But I did it mostly to annoy you.” He cracks a radiant smile.
“I have chocolate brown eyes, not chestnut. And why did you feel like annoying me?” Part of me was wondering because I really needed a distraction, but another part was genuinely curious.
“Hm, no, I’m pretty sure it’s chestnut,” he replies. Then his smile grows wider. “And you were a real pain in the ass at that time.”
I throw my pillow at him, but he avoids it ridiculously easy. “Was not.”
“Yeah you were. A grumpy, irritated and snappy chestnut you were.”
“Well, I had just found out that I would have to participate in the big Odium Games and that I most likely had one more month to live, so what did you expect? That I would jump around and sing happy and cheerful melodies?” I try to make my voice sound sarcastic, but it cracks at the end, which totally ruins the sarcasm. I don’t sound nonchalant, more like I’m about to burst into tears again at any moment. Well, that’s how long that distraction lasted.
Chason stops smiling abruptly. “Runa?” he asks, his brow furrowed with worry.
“Can we just – not talk about this?” I ask quietly, wrapping my arms around me knees, holding them there tight against my chest to stop the aching pain from taking over.
“Sure, we don’t have to talk at all if you don’t want to.”
I nod my head, grateful that he understands. I start crying again now and then, but Chason’s strong arms are there to comfort me. Once again I find myself being utterly confused over this. We’ve known each other for two weeks, and yet, it feels like I’ve known him for years. It feels strange to have him so close to me, his warm body literally making contact with mine. And I’m not even protesting. I find myself…enjoying his company. Far more than I should. I feel a twinge of guilt as I think about Cato, and his current tragic state, but it passes rather quickly.
I don’t know how much time have passed before I’m drifting off to sleep.
I wake up late next morning, and skip breakfast to visit Cato in the hospital. I’m supposed to have training, but I doubt anyone will miss me. Besides, my best friend’s well-being is much more important than throwing knives at a stupid dummy. In a moment of stupidity, I even ask Chason if he wants to accompany me, but I’m a little relieved when he declines my invitation.
“I need to train,” he tells me, though I have a feeling that that’s not the entire reason. He sighs when I raise my eyebrows skeptically. “Okay, I don’t think you, he and I should be in the same room at the same time and especially not when he’s almost d – I mean, when he’s almost awake.”
I cross my arms over my chest again, waiting for the pain to hit me. “You’re probably right,” I manage to breathe out, and pretend like nothing, even though we both know what he was really saying.
When I reach the hospital, it’s practically empty, and no one is visiting Cato. Good. Then I can be with him alone, without anyone disturbing.
I sit beside him on the hospital bed, carefully caressing his face with my palm. He looks a little paler than usual, but he definitely seems to be in a better condition than last time I saw him. His peaceful expression and the way his chest is rising and falling slowly make it look like he could’ve been asleep. Which he kind of is, only it’s a might-never-wake up kind of sleep. For a long time, I actually have no idea for how long, I just sit there, staring at his beautiful face that usually wears a glowing smile, but now it’s full of scars and cuts and bruises. It’s beautiful all the same, though.
Oh God, what would I do without him?
I can feel the tears threatening to spill, so before I lose it completely, I stand up and walk out of there. I make it to the elevator before falling down on the floor, curling up into a ball. I let all the hurt and agony leave my body with the salty water drops. It’s unbelievable how much I’ve been crying in the last hours. I’d thought that there would soon be no more tears to shed.
I somehow – rather miraculously, if I say so myself – manage to drag myself back to my room, before falling asleep on the floor. It seems like my life is basically consisting of sleeping and crying these days. And complaining, of course. And whining.
When I wake up, I barely remember who I am, let alone where I am. It takes me a while to clear my chaotic mind, and then another while to wrap my head around the hard, crappy reality; I’m Runa Avelynne. I’m a contestant in the Odium Games. My best friend almost died. Now he’s in a coma. There’s a chance that he’ll never wake up. I might lose my best friend forever. Let’s not forget how truly screwed up I am.
Ever the optimistic, life-loving person, aren’t I?
My head hurts a little after sleeping on the marble floor. I discover that Chason hasn’t come back yet, so the room is empty except for me, which in all honesty feels a little…lonely. I’m so used to his company by now that being alone makes me a tad miserable.
I’m not the person that just sits around and waits for something to happen. No, if I’m feeling lonely, then I take matters into my own hands. Sure there must be something to do to kill time in this huge building. Training be damned.
I weigh my options, but don’t really come up with a good solution. So I just end up visiting Cato again. As soon as I see a glimpse of Veronica’s golden-brown hair, though, I spin on my heels and change direction. I don’t feel like sharing my inner emotions and worries about Cato with her, and I most certainly do not want to see her cry over his almost lifeless body. I don’t even know why she bothers visiting him. Why the hell does she care, anyway?
So in the end, I’m just back to where I started, hopelessly trying to find a way out of my misery. I stare at all of the 102 glass buttons, my finger living its own life when it pushes down the button with the number “13” on it. The music room.
I don’t exactly know what I have to accomplish by going there, but at least staring at the black piano is better than sitting in my room crying. Right?
To my surprise, the music room isn’t empty. There’s a person sitting there, already playing on the beautiful instrument that I vowed never to touch again. It’s Chason. I stand by the glass door, gaping, and somewhat appreciating the calming melodies. It’s the same song that he played for me last time we were here, but now it sounds more finished…and even more beautiful. I can hear him sing too, but his voice is too low for me to catch all of the words.
I’m about to sneak up on him quietly so that I can hear him play better, but instead, I somehow manage to get my leg stuck in a cable, and trip. I land face first on the floor. Good job, Runa! Leave it to me to ruin the special, emotional moment. “Ow,” I whimper, tears already blinding my vision. I’ve had too many incidents with the damn floor today, at least for my liking.
Is it too much to hope for that Chason didn’t notice my little clumsy moment? Probably.
He jumps up startled, and looks at me flabbergasted. “Runa?” he says, half stunned, half amused. “What on earth are you doing on the floor?”
“Oh, the floor and I were just enjoying a cozy moment together, listening to you playing the piano,” I replied sarcastically. “What the hell does it look like.”
He chuckles and helps me up. “So…how long have you been standing here?”
I shrug. “Only for a few minutes. I’m sorry I disturbed you. I tried to move sophisticatedly, but my legs had other plans.”
He smiles. “You’re such a klutz.”
“Whatever.” It’s not like I don’t know already.
Chason blushes a little. “So…what did you think?”
I’m so caught off guard by his question that I stand and blink at him stupidly until he snaps his fingers. “Uh, what?” I ask dumbfounded.
He sighs, but then smiles. “I asked you what you thought of the song.”
“Oh.” I consider it for a moment. Then I just tell him what pops into my mind first. “It sounded… sad.”
His blinks, surprised by my answer. “Sad? Really?”
“I couldn’t really hear the lyrics clearly, but from what I heard, it sounded a little miserable. But it was really beautiful,” I tell him truthfully.
He thinks about it for a second. “I guess it kind of is a little miserable,” he admits. He hesitates, and then says: “Do you want to hear?”
To be honest, I don’t know if I’m ready to hear a sad song, because pretty much everything can make me cry at this moment, but a part of me really wants to hear him sing. “Sure,” I answer.
Chason sits down by the piano, and takes a deep breath. I take a seat beside him. He looks at me shyly. “Okay, here we go.”
I find his nervousness a little cute.
When he starts playing, I automatically hug my knees against my chest, assuming that the usual pain will strike me. It does hurt, but it’s not unbearable. I’m completely blown away with his amazing music, that he composed himself, but when he starts singing, I swear my heart beats faster. Or stops beating. I’m not sure.
“A still framed photograph of you and me together
is all I have of me and you anymore.
We were so in love and we thought it would last forever,
but in the storm, we were torn.
And I won’t forget you, don’t regret you.
The hardest thing I’ve had to is live without you.
And I wonder why, you just walked away.
I’m lost without you, still waiting for you
Just turn around, come back,
because your smile is overdue.
And I miss…I miss you.”
He stops abruptly, but I don’t want him to. He obviously expects me to say something. I struggle for words. What can I really say? Words seem so empty in a situation like this.
So instead of humiliating myself by trying to say something flattering about his song, I ask: “What happened to her?” Even in my dreamily state, it was hard to miss the meaning behind the lyrics.
“What do you mean?” he asks, but it’s evident that he knows exactly what I mean, by the way he tries to avoid looking at me.
“The girl you’re singing about. What happened to her? Why did you…lose her?” I suddenly regretted asking, it felt like I was intruding his personal life. This is definitely a touchy subject.
“She left me,” says Chason quietly. I get the same feeling like the other night when I asked him about his family; that there’s more to the story than what he’s telling. But again, I don’t push it. ‘Leave’ is about the same as ‘die’.
I think I can see a tear running down his cheek, but the next second, it’s already wiped away. “Do you still love her?” My voice is quiet as a breath. I don’t know why it’s so important to me to know all of this, but I somehow feel like I owe Chason. For all the times he’s been there, comforting me, I really want to return the favor. And…I’m also curious about this girl.
He suddenly looks at me straight in the eyes. “Runa, do you think that kind of love just goes away?” His deep-blue, strikingly beautiful eyes bore into mine.
“I – I don’t know,” I reply. For a moment we’re just staring at each other intensely.
He’s the first to snap out of it. “It doesn’t matter, anyway,” he says, sounding like he’s talking to himself. “She belongs to the past, and this…” his gaze flickers over the room, “this is my future…”
It feels like I’m looking at Chason with new eyes. I don’t know what we are yet, but right now, I’m extremely sure that there’s no way in hell I will be able to kill him in the Games. It feels like hurting him is the same thing as hurting myself.
It feels like I need to protect him somehow. No, more than that. Like I really need him, need his presence, need his comfort and simply his company.
What is going on?
My mind is a total chaos of confusing thoughts and feelings. Because that’s what it seems like everything is about. My feelings. How I feel. How do I feel?
I just don’t know.