Chapter 48.
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Recap: In the previous chapter, Jade, Bisen and a young girl named Yiron travelled to the Capital City in hope of meeting the Emperor. They had to wait for few days outside the palace gates before they meet the Eunuch Wan who served Third Prince and remembered the face of Mistress Leanne. Eunuch Wan brought them into the palace and Jade then finally met Third Prince, now known as Emperor Ming. Jade then found out from Emperor Ming that Crown Prince had died in the hands of the Shine Generals. She was devastated by the news after ten years. She asked Emperor Ming where Crown Prince's tomb was, and he showed her. He was buried together with Crown Princess Shana who committed suicide after Crown Prince was killed. Jade asked to stay at the Imperial Graveyards as a tomb cleaner. She also asked Emperor Ming for them to never meet anymore.
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"W-what?"
"Your Majesty heard me." The fact that she refuses to repeat stabs him straight at the heart. Jade painstakingly pushes her sickly body up, facing Emperor Ming. She has never paid attention, how his height easily towers over her. Maybe because this will be the last time they will ever meet, so she makes sure that she pays more attention to him, for she does not want it to be another regret. He slightly resembles Consort Shine, now the Empress Dowager, and looks nothing like the late Emperor Shiv. His eyes are looking at hers, squinted, filled with emotions.
"Must you...be so cruel?" He asks, wanting a reason, wanting to stop her from further crushing his heart.
"I am not cruel. Life is. Just like what Your Majesty said before, life is what decides Your Majesty to become the Emperor Ming. Life is what decides me to be Mistress Leanne. If anything were to be blame, blame...life..."
"Mistress Leanne has died. You are alive. You can never be Mistress Leanne." His words bore deep into her, and she remembers, that he is right. Crown Prince has said before, that he would report her as dead to prevent anyone from searching for her. To the world, Mistress Jade Leanne is dead.
Then, I can be myself again, finally, she thinks. Yes, finally, she can live again as Jade Yeva. The times she is living as Jade Leanne has been extremely tormenting, both her mind and soul.
"I can give you a position in the palace, you can live with peace. I will make sure that no one dares to harm you." Then she remembers, what Crown Prince had said before, the very same promise that he broke. The very promise that he could not help but break, for he was the Crown Prince.
"That was what...Crown Prince promised to me...but could not do..." Again her tears are pouring. He dares not wipe them away, for he thinks that he has no rights to, for they will never stop as well.
"Let us just stop, Your Majesty and me." Emperor Ming stands still, rooted to the grounds, his eyes looking at her straight in the eyes, his pain seems to be obvious to her, but she pays no heed to it.
"I do not wish to return to the past. Let us...not relive it..." she pauses and swallow her saliva for her drying throat before she continues "...and let me be the tomb cleaner, while Your Majesty...will continue being your Emperor Ming. We will not be not related in any way." There is a long pause in between them, long enough for Jade to stop crying and for her face to return back to normal, instead of red and tired, though traces of tears can still be seen clearly.
"Aunt!" Yiron's voice can be heard from afar and they both turn towards her, finding Yiron running quickly towards them while Bisen running behind in panic as she tries to catch her.
"Yi-!" Jade stops before shouting her name. Jade takes few steps to catch her and wraps her arms around Yiron protectively, panicking in her mind.
"Kneel, quick. Meet His Majesty." Yiron just drops to her knees and never lift her eyes to meet Emperor Ming. Bisen also immediately drops down to her knees, her hands in front of her.
"Who is this child?" He asks, but Jade never answers. She just keeps her mouth shut. Seeing how she is not answering, he turns to ask the girl herself.
"Little girl, what is your name?"
"M-my name is Yiron." He remembers that name, the name of the lost princess. At the same time, he finds Jade's face losing all its colours. She must be extremely scared inside, scared that he will find out and take her away.
"Good girl, Yiron. Can you tell me, she is your who?" Emperor Ming points at Jade.
"My Aunt."
No, please...no. Do not take her away from me.
"Okay Yiron, can you go and play somewhere else first?" He asks again, and then Yiron leaves with Bisen. After making sure that they are out of sight, Jade rises slowly, not daring to meet his eyes.
"I only have one question." Jade still does not look at him.
"Yiron...is she a princess?" Her biggest fear seems like it is coming true. She shoots up her eyes at him, then raising her voice at him frantically.
"Yiron is not a princess." She emphases on the not, her teeth gritting as she trembles in fear, fear of being found out and being caught. Of course her reactions gives away the real answer, but Emperor Ming never asks anymore. He understands very well, that she does not want the little girl to go through what she has.
"Very well."
"..."
"I guess...for what I have done...the only way I can repent for my sins, is to grant your wish, right?"
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Emperor Ming has left while Bisen and Yiron has returned. Eunuch Wan, as ordered by Emperor Ming himself, guides them to an empty hut located at the outskirts of the Imperial Graveyard, left by the previous old woman who cleaned the tombs as well.
When he leaves, Jade brings Bisen and Yiron back Crown Prince and Crown Princess' tombs. She, holding Yiron's hand, kneels down. Seeing her Aunt doing so, Yiron kneels down as well, her eyes glued to Jade.
Your Highness Crown Prince, Your Highness Crown Princess... sorry, for I am unable to make Yiron pay her respects to you as your daughter. She will be safer this way, she will not be entangled in the life of the palace in any way. She then does not have to go through what we did, right?
She remembers, how ten years ago, Crown Princess Shana's servant, Ruyo, suddenly appeared in front of her hut, carrying a baby. She never said anything, other than telling her the baby's name, that the princess was Crown Princess' baby and also to take care of her. She rushed out of the hut immediately, leaving her in shock, leaving her questioning what has happened. Today, she has gotten the answers.
Thank you Sister, for trusting me with Yiron. It is unexpected, really, that you will entrust your princess with me.
Of course, for she has no one else to trust. Under the hands of Empress Dowager Laurann Shine, those who supported Empress Harv were faced with harsh punishments and treatments. She knew that it will happen, especially when Crown Prince was killed. Thus she committed suicide before she could do anything to her.
And sent her child away, to someone Empress Dowager Shine will never think of, to someone whose existence she knows of, without Crown Prince himself knowing that she knows.
Later, Yiron and Bisen go back to the hut while Jade wanders around herself, secretly, to another part of the Imperial Graveyard. Soon, before her is her tomb. Consort Lana, who committed suicide after finding out that Emperor passed away. Some of her servants followed her suit and she was sure that Rowena was one. She kneels before her tomb, kowtowing three times, paying her respects to the woman who resembled her so much but lived a life worse than hers.
She feels lost, she feels empty, she feels that so many things have happened in just within a span of few years. In just approximately seven years since she entered the palace, a new Emperor is coronated. She feels that all those seven years were a dream, a fleeting dream filled with people who have left this world, most of them. It feels like an illusion, like it has never happened, for now she is standing at a place which, ten years ago, she never thought she would.
It feels so surreal, way too surreal. She looks away, far into the horizon, thinking hard.
So, is this the life of the people in the palace?
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Time passes so quickly, that life seems so short. Five more winters have passed.
She is lying on her bed, with her son holding her hand tightly, gripping onto it as though it is his life. Wrinkles have formed on her face, her eyesight has worsened, she is tired.
Her life is nothing more than a short dream, indeed. She looks around, new faces of the servants she has been forgetting every single day. Her lady-in-waiting, Jane, has already passed away from an illness two years back. The only remaining person she can fully trust now is her son, Emperor Ming. They are each other's only ally.
She witnesses him, every single day, clenching his fists out of fear, fear of treason. His officials throw words at him against one another, so much that he cannot trust any of them. He is scared that the one he trusts betrays him. It pains her to see her own son going through that.
And the battle of the harem scares her even more. She was once part of the struggle, but now she has to witness women fighting for her son. The worst is, the fact that she is scared that there is anyone just like her among the women he has, someone who schemes to kill the Emperor. It is so ironic, that she has to be afraid of someone like herself who will finish her and Emperor Ming off. She may have endless ways to end the lives of those women, but she does not have any way to read a human's heart. Is this the price she has to pay? Has she not paid enough during the times she was still a Consort? Does she have to pay more?
She turns her eyes to look at her son in the eyes.
"The biggest and final loser is the one who won the throne."
She remembers his last words before he passed away, she finally understands what it all means.
"The fight for the throne is one that has no winner. This is the palace where winner does not exist."
He is right, it does not exist, the winner has never existed in the first place. I thought I won, then I found out that I lost. Living such a life, how is this winning?
What is the point of living a life of luxury and grandeur when you have to worry every single day?
Is this...the life that I have fought for...for my whole life? The life that I wanted so much, the life that I looked up to so much? This? Where regrets fill me with guilt every single day?
And she realises, that if she can turn back time, she will never ever repeat the same mistake ever again.
She knows that her time is up soon. She turns to look at Emperor Ming, the one and only reason she is living right now.
Should I tell him the truth? That he is not the son of Emperor Shiv? That he is only a son of a physician?
Then again she thinks, that she should not let Emperor Ming carry a secret that will be a burden to him for the rest of his life. So she thinks, that the secret should just die with her, that she should bring the secret with her until she dies. She no longer wants to drag her beloved son down with her anymore. Let him live in a lie that will at least keep him safe forever.
And so she feels her eyelids getting heavier, her breathing slowing down, her consciousness fading away and the world around her gradually silences.
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Ok so sorry for the long wait, I've been so busy lately oh my god...
And If you're wondering, yes, Consort Shine, aka the current Empress Dowager Shine passes away at the last scene of this chapter.
Idk what else to say... I love Yiron? Hahahahaha...
See you in the next chapter!