Chapter 9-
I cried on the plane, cried when I got home, and cried at work the next day. It seemed never-ending, as if I'd never be whole again. My old friends asked what was wrong countless times, and every time, I denied anything being wrong. It was all a lie.
My next few days were all a lie.
I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, but calling Jill was out of the question. It would only make things worse for me, knowing that she was in Colorado, and I wasn't. My aunt was there, my uncle was there, and I wasn't. I thought I might go mad.
Finally, I just had to join the army. My life was going nowhere anyway, so I figured the adrenaline and fear would keep my mind off of my lost love.
I wrote my first letter to Jill, almost a month after I'd landed.
Jill,
I know, I promised to write, and you don't have my address. But it was just too hard for me. I'm sorry, and I love you.
I haven't written in the last month because we both needed some time away. To keep us both from cracking, I thought it'd be best not to write for a while. But I've enlisted in the army. I'm going to Iraq.
I know, this is hard for you, making the distance between us that much greater, but I swear, these last few weeks have been unbearable for me too. I swear, when I come back, I'll be moving to Boulder to be with you.
I love you, forever and always.
Aaron Stewart
The final few words of this letter brought tears to my eyes. I sent the letter and my station address with it, hoping that I would live to keep my vow.
Weeks turned into months, and those months led me to a year. One whole year away from the love of my life. That was enough, but reading her letters somehow made it worse. How much sense does that make? Wouldn't a normal person want to hear from their loved ones? I didn't. It only made things harder for me. I knew I'd see her in another year, and that I'd spend the rest of my life with her. Well, that's what I thought I knew.
This letter was sent to me on almost the exact one year anniversary.
Aaron,
I know this is hard for you. It's even harder for me. There is no one that can take away the love that we share. I haven't done much since you left. It may be hard to think about that. But my life is dull without you here.
I don't go out with anyone else.
I don't want to go out with anyone else.
It's killing me, Aaron.
It's easier, knowing I'll see you in about a year. It's amazing. I miss you. I love you.
I love you.
Those three simple words will never be forgotten. Like I said, I don't date other guys anymore. I tried, I admit, but they all couldn't compare to you. Anyway, I'll be looking forward to another letter from you, and waiting for you to come to live here.
~Jill Brewer
This particular letter makes me cry, because before I received it, my station was bombed.