It’s been two weeks since then. Adam messages me all the time but I only really reply with random things. School ends tomorrow and I can’t wait except my dad is going away for a week for work. I will really miss him. It’s Thursday night and I’m really bored. I walk into the lounge room and Adam is sitting on my couch with Ben.
“Hey Jessie.”
“Hey.” I mumble confused.
He isn’t meant to be here in my lounge room. I want to so badly give in and let my walls down for him but I can’t and his making it so difficult to keep pushing him away. I know as soon I let those walls down though and he enters my bubble, he will hurt me. I don’t want that. I walk to dad’s study and he is packing for when he leaves, tomorrow night.
“Hey sweetheart.”
“Hey dad.”
“What you doing kiddo?”
“Nothing, I’m bored.”
“Want to help me look for something then?”
“Sure.” I say smiling.
“A document dated 19.9.2008, it was a while ago but it is important.”
I start looking for the document through a lot of papers. I love spending time with my father ,even if it is looking for a needle in a haystack, like right now. I eventually find the document we are both looking for, 20 minutes later.
“Anything else?”
“Yeah, go be a kid.”
“It’s over rated,” I smile.
“No, it’s not. Go watch TV, chill with your brother and his mate.”
I’m avoiding my brother and his mate. I walk to the kitchen and het up some chicken nuggets. The lounge room is full of life, Ben and Adam are talking about cars. Both of them are extremely excited I am just sitting here in my comfy chair with my chicken nuggets listening to them chat about cars.
“Jessie, what is the major obsession with those bloody chicken nuggets?” Ben asks some stupid questions sometimes.
“I like them, duh.” I say smiling.
Adam pulls out his phone and starts texting. Please don’t be texting me. A few seconds later he looks at me and my phone vibrates in my bra. What am I going to do? I’m so scared of trusting gain. I don’t want to trust new people. I’m terrified. Stuff this, I get up and walk to my bedroom playing music. I check my phone.
Adam: Chicken nuggets are your favorite food now, this is very cute (:
Jessie: This has to stop. Please stop trying to break me… it won’t work…
Adam: I don’t want to break you, Jessie. I want to be in that bubble of yours. I want give up till you do trust me. You’re extremely special but you have no idea. One day you will though, I will make sure of that. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m really not that guy, Jessie. Ask your brother.
Jessie: I’m dangerously dangling over an edge. I want to trust you but I learnt my lesson the last time. I got hurt really badly. I want let that happen again. I’m sorry. You have the wrong girl.
Adam: No I don’t. I have the right girl. I just need her to trust me. I am hoping she will eventually because fuck, I have a lot to say to her.
Jessie: Adam, we can’t be friends…
Adam: Good. Be my girlfriend then, please?
Jessie: That’s not what I meant…
Adam: Yeah, I know. Will you though? I really do want you.
Jessie: That’s wonderful, really. However you can do so much better, I’m not worth the drama.
Adam: I’m never going away or giving up until the day you tell me that you hate me and wont me to go away.
Jessie: I hate you, go away…
Adam: Oh I forgot to add, you have to say it to my face. 9: I’m downstairs if you mean it.
Wow, he really won’t give up on this or me. I don’t want him to go away but its best. Although I know it will hurt to say it will be less painful in the long run. I put my phone down and walk to the lounge room. Five simple words, I can say five simple words. Adam is sitting down in the same spot. He isn’t smiling when he looks at me. Ben looks in my direction.
“What’s up, Jess?”
Okay I can say it. Five little words. I hate you, go away. It’s so far from the truth but I need to say them. I am looking at Adam, I open my mouth and I can’t do it… I look at Ben quickly and come up with some bullshit.
“Where’s dad?” I ask feeling so stupid.
“In his study.” Ben says confused.
Adam is smiling huge. I walk away quickly to my room, shutting the door. I cannot push him away, can I? I get a message.
Adam: That was so cute (: looks like I’m still here, not going anywhere. Don’t worry I’m not going to hurt you. I promise.
Jessie: I can’t push you away anymore. You won’t budge so I am not trying anymore. I’m tired of pushing you away. You want to be in my world? Welcome, Adam. Don’t say I never tried to warn you.
Adam: Oh my god, do you mean that? O_o
Jessie: Yeah, unfortunately I do.
Adam: Oh wow, I’m so glad you finally give in. so you’re going to be nice now? You’ll let me in your bubble? XD
Jessie: We will see about my bubble, you major trust clearance for that! :D
Adam: I can’t wait for trust clearance then. So will you be my girlfriend now? (:
Jessie: Trust. Trust Adam. It is a big thing to me. When I trust you, ask again. I’m sorry.
Adam: You’ll trust me soon and then you shall be mine (:
Jessie: Tell me Adam why are you so nice to me?
Adam: Good question :/ there is just something about you that I want to have as mine. I kind of really like you… don’t freak out, okay?
Jessie: I’m not that special Adam…
Adam: To me you are very special. Like you honestly have no idea, Jessie. I would spend every day trying to get into that bubble of yours, if you let me.
Jessie: You would, wouldn’t you? (:
Adam: I really would :/
Jessie: Okay, let’s see it (:
Adam: Are you serious? (:
Jessie: Why not? My walls are already crumbling :/
Adam: Tomorrow I will be with you, making you smile. (:
Jessie: Doubt the smile part, you can always try though (:
Adam: Oh I will, you don’t realize how much happier you could be if you were mine, do you?(:
Jessie: Haha you’re pretty funny.
Adam: Adam = 1 Jessie = 2(:
Jessie: Nice, Haha don’t get used to winning though. :P
Adam: Oh snap (:I’m up for that (;
Jessie: Totally turning my phone off (: Haha
Adam: No! Don’t do that! :O
Jessie: Take it you went home then :P
Adam: Maybe… But if you turn your phone off I’ll be at your house in ten minutes.
Jessie: Why Haha?
Adam: Because I want to keep talking to you(:
Jessie: How old are you anyways? O_o
Adam: Ahem, I’m 18 and you’re 17. Do not try use that as an excuse. (:
Jessie: I wasn’t going too. I really know nothing about you Haha.
Adam: I’m 18, I work at the mechanic shop. I smoke. I have a blue ute. Your brother is my best mate. I live with my mum.my ex moved away to London, taking my dog with her -.-I love the band Skillet. The fast and the furious are amazing. I’m scared of spiders. I’m pretty much in love with Jessie Leery. Last but not least, my younger sister (16) is a pain in the ass. Happy? (:
Jessie: What an interesting life! :D Why is your little sister a pain in the ass?
Adam: She stole my iPad :/
Jessie: Oh Haha, how come?
Adam: I might have broken her iPod. Might have…
Jessie: Then she deserves yours. :P
Adam: Really? You’re that mean?
Jessie: Uh huh you bet :P
Adam: You really are something (: you have me smiling (:
Jessie: Naww that is sweet. Wait till I break your heart (;
Adam: You could never break my heart (:
Adam: Are you aware it’s 11:30PM? O-o
Jessie: I really can and yeah my eyes are getting really tired. I may have to say goodnight soon :/
Adam: ): No really? I like talking to you. Are you sure you’re tired? ):
Jessie: Haha yeah but just for you I’ll try and stay awake (:
Adam: That’s good to hear (: I need your help. I can’t decide. Sausage rolls or noodles? I’m hungry and these are my choices.
Jessie: You’re very cute. Depends on how hungry you are?
Adam: Very hungry.
Jessie: Both (:
Adam: Mmm are you serious?
Jessie: Depends, did you like the idea?
Adam: Very much so Haha. I’m hungry so I’m now cooking both. Thanks (: What are you doing?
Jessie: Hungry now, thanks! :/
Adam: Want a sausage roll? (:
Jessie: Sure, how do you suggest I get that? (: You have a funny sense of humor!
Adam: I’ll drive to your house? (:
Jessie: Then I’m not hungry (:
Adam: So I’ll be at your house soon with food. (:
Jessie: No you really won’t. I’m sleepy, I’m going to sleep.
Adam: Naww really?
Jessie: Yeah I’m falling asleep, sorry.
Adam: Don’t be sorry (: Goodnight Jessie (: It’s been really nice talking to you.
Jessie: Sweet dreams (:
I put my phone on the charge it is 1:30AM, I am so tired. I fall asleep in five minutes. My alarm is beeping and I hit it. Last day of school! Yay! I get dressed and have breakfast. Dad is hugging me goodbye, he is leaving ): I’m so sad. Ben hugs dad goodbye and dad leaves. Ben turns to me and hugs me as well.
“Can you message Adam? He rang me to see if you were awake yet. You do realize he likes you, yeah?”
“Yeah, Ben. I realise that.”
“Good, so you’re not pushing him away?”
“No, I gave up. He wouldn’t give up.”
“Adam is a good guy, Jess. He won’t hurt you. I promise you.”
“But what if he does?”
“I’ll beat him with a crowbar.” Ben says with a smile.
I walk upstairs and grab my phone, I have 3 messages.
Adam: They will be sweet dreams (:
Adam: Good morning Sunshine (:
Adam: Please don’t tell me you’re pushing me away again ):
Jessie: You’re so adorable. Morning, I’m not use to people messaging me, let alone this early. Hru? (:
Ben shouts from downstairs.
“Jessie, I’m leaving in 20.”
“Okay!” I yell back.
I finish putting stuff into my bag and carry it downstairs ready for school with my phone and iPod in my pocket. My earphones are weaved and hidden in my jumper, all the way up to my ear, I love my iPod.
Adam: I’m great and you?
Jessie: Sad, my dad just left for a week. ):
Adam: Don’t be sad, after work I’m going to kidnap you (:
Jessie: No, you’re really not haha.
“Ready?” Ben asks walking into the lounge room.
“I was born ready.” I laugh at my own joke.
We walk out to the car and I put my seatbelt on. Then the conversation starts.
“So, I hear Adam is kidnapping you after work?” Ben asks smiling.
“Mmm, I don’t know about that.”
“Just go, Jessie. You’ll have fun.”
“How would you know?”
“Who do you think gave him the idea?”
“Oh you’re so mean to me!”
“Jessie, you’ll love Adam.”
“Mmm.”
At school I was ignored and laughed at. My locker had 4 hate letters, telling me to go die. I have math’s first, yay! -.- That guy the other day, who threw that guy into the lockers closes my locker with a smile.
“Yeah, excuse me?” I say annoyed.
“My name is CJ.” He says smiling.
“That’s great, why do I care?”
“Oh, you care. Why don’t you stick up for yourself?” he asks grabbing the hate letters.
“Why do you care?” I ask still annoyed.
“Jessie, you deserve to be treated right.”
“Yeah, well I will one day.”
“I’ve noticed you have no friends. Why is that?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” I say locking my locker.
CJ is walking beside me, I don’t understand.
“Why are you talking to me anyway?”
“You need a friend. I want to be that friend.”
Nope, one guy is enough to let into my world, not letting another one in.
“Look, I don’t know who you are but clearly you don’t know me. I don’t have friends for a reason. I don’t want or need any.”
“Well, I have no friends. I’m in year 11 and I do believe I can help you.”
“With what?” I ask confused.
“Standing up for yourself.”
“Okay, CJ is it? It doesn’t bother me. So I don’t need to stand up for myself.”
“Well I do and I will. Jessie you’re cute, smart and obviously funny. So friends?”
“Whatever, I have to go to math.” I mumble walking away.
“History, I’ll find you after.”
This is really weird, why is this CJ guy so keen to be my friend? Was he new or something? It’s very strange…
Adam: Hope you’re having fun at school. I know you’ll have fun later (:
Jessie: Oh gosh now I’m nervous…
Math’s passed quickly, nothing really happens in math. Last days of school are always a bludge. CJ finds me sitting out the back of the library. I’m surprised, does he actually want to be friends?
“Hey.” CJ smiles and sits down.
“So, you’re serious about that friend crap?”
“Yeah, I am. People around here are pathetic, you seem less pathetic. So let’s be friends.”
“No, I don’t let people in. I push them away.”
“Oh, that’s fine.” He picks his bag up with a sad look… “I guess, I’ll see you around.”
Fuck off, I feel like the biggest bitch! :/
“Fine, you can stay but don’t expect me to care and shit.” I give in.
CJ hugs me and I laugh.
“Thank you! You won’t regret this friendship, Jessie.”
“You’re welcome.” I smile.
CJ was very full of life, he might just make good friend. CJ is new to school but not too new, he has been here for three months. He was hanging with a stuck up group and then got over them and hung by himself. Maybe he isn’t so bad.
Jessie: Adam, my dad isn’t home ): I won’t have anyone to eat ice cream with when I get home. ):
I’m in science and we are watching some crappy movie so I’m on my phone.
Adam: What time do you normally get home? ):
Jessie: 4PM. Every afternoon when I get home, my dad and I eat ice cream but he isn’t there ):
Adam: I’ll eat ice cream with you (: We can’t have you being sad.
Jessie: You’re so sweet, how do you not have a girlfriend?
Adam: Maybe I do, will you go out with me?
Jessie: Haha no. (:
Adam: Oh well, I’ll keep trying (:. What are you doing?
Jessie: (: Science, not at all exciting. I’m bored and want to get out of here.
Adam: Well, you’re staying there. School is important Jessie.
Jessie: If it is so important why aren’t you here? Mmm, Adam?
Adam: Let’s not go there. (:
Jessie: That’s what I thought. What are you doing? (:
Adam: Working with your brother but I’m not doing much work :P
Jessie: Get your bum to work! Go do your job (: oh and tell Ben I made a friend :D
Adam: Who? O_0
Jessie: A guy named CJ.
I think, I’m pretty sure Adam will be jealous but he has nothing to be jealous of. No one else would be as silly as Adam, to like me.
Adam: Oh yeah, so umm, how did you meet him?
Jessie: He stuck up for me not too long ago and today he asked me to be his friend (: He is nice, I have a friend Adam! (:
Adam: That’s good, I’ve got to go, TTYL.
Jessie: Okay, have fun…
Mmm, he is definitely jealous, this is why I don’t trust/open up to people. It’s finally the last period of this day and CJ is in my art class.
“Jessie!” He screams.
“CJ!” I scream.
He sits next to me, no one else is here yet. Usually on the last period of school, no one will turn up anyway.
“So, are you excited for the holidays?” CJ asks.
No, I’m really not, I guess I am though. At least I won't be abused every day.
“Sure, you?”
“Yeah, on Monday the family is going water skiing. You should come! That would be so much fun!”
Oh gosh, really?
“I can’t water ski.” I say smiling.
The teacher walks in looking around.
“So it’s just the two of you.” She smiles.
CJ leans into my ear and whispers “You don’t have to ski.”
Miss holds up two movies. “Well, we have lord of the rings or national treasure?”
CJ made the choice and Miss puts National Treasure on the TV, not that either of us are actually watching it.
“Please Jessie? It will be fun!”
“CJ, I met you today. Going on a family outing with you and your family is a bit soon.”
CJ smiles at me and I know I’m in for a treat now.
“My name is Christopher Jay Hoken. I like music, race-cars, guitar and the color black. I have black car. My parents moved me and my brother here after the time I knocked the neighbors kid out for being a loser. Apparently moving here would fix all my problems. It hasn’t.” CJ smiles. “So what else do you want to know?”
“Nothing but I’m still not going.” I laugh.
CJ has had a hectic time, punching neighbors? My god what did the neighbor kid do?
“Okay.” He says defeated. “At least, give me your number, so we can chill in the holidays.”
I write my number on his hand. “Don’t give it to anyone?”
“Yeah, cause I’m that rude.” CJ laughs.
“Mmm.” I smile.
“So how come you don’t have a boyfriend?”
“Oh, well I have trust issues, there is this one guy in my life at the moment trying to gain my trust but it’s hard for me trust.
“Why? Who hurt you honey?”
“Long story, 11 months ago I pushed everyone away and I trust no one now.”
“Well, I will do my best to gain your trust.”
“Good luck.” I say smiling.
“I think I will need it.”
“So what did the neighbor do that got him a punch?” I ask curious.
“He told my girlfriend, at the time, he was going to rape her. So I knocked him out. I moved here and she dumped me for him.” CJ laughed to himself. “Fucking losers.”
“Oh true, she sounds…”
“Like a whore? She is.” CJ said before I could finish my sentence.
We both laugh and continue talking throughout the lesson. CJ is not too bad, I think he may be a nice friend to have. Still all in all, Adam has no reason to be jealous. My walk home was terribly boring, my iPod kept me company but my phone died when the bell went ): by 4PM I’m dumping my bag on the ground and charging my phone. I walk to the kitchen, I guess I’m alone this afternoon. I get the ice cream out but it feels wrong so I put it back. I can’t eat ice cream by myself :/ I’m a little disappointed, Adam let me down. This is the reason I don’t trust. My phone went off.
Adam: Hey, I’m stuck at work ): Please don’t hate me?
Jessie: No it’s fine, I understand…
Adam: Don’t you dare shut me out again, Jessie.
Jessie: I’m sorry, I think it’s for the best. You’ll forget me quickly (: I promise.
It won’t hurt as much, as him not turning up. I’m quitting. I changed the song that was blasting through the house. I’m in a Skillet mood and I don’t want to mope around over some boy. I grab my iPod and phone and lock the house up. I place my skateboard on the ground and skate off into the air to the one place I can go when I’m not at school or home. I found this place years ago, far as I can tell, it’s my place. An old cubby house behind a park, a few meters climb up a tree. I nailed some wooden planks for steps ages ago. I balance my board and climb up to the destination. I smile as my book was still here, along with my dollar coin. I sit in the corner and check my phone, half battery.
Adam: No, no, no. Don’t do this shit again. Jessie, stop pushing me away. Come see me. We have ice cream here. My boss wants Ben and I to Finnish the car we are working on, only take an hour. Then I can chill with you because I’m still kidnapping you.
Jessie: Rein check?
Adam: No, please don’t let me down…
Seriously? Togo or not? I’m not sure what to do. I’ll flip my coin. Heads I stay and tails I go. I pick the coin up and flip it in the air. I catch up and turn it over on my palm. Heads I stay, tails I go see him. I move my hand and reveal it is Tails. I never ignore a coin…
Jessie: Okay.
I put the coin down and climb back down, I love this place. It’s my own safe house and getaway. I skate my way to the mechanic shop enjoying the wind in my face and the fresh air. My brother’s car is parked in the usual spot, I get off my board and carry it inside.
“Hey sis.” Ben greets me.
I smile at him, he has grease everywhere on his clothes and his skin. Adam pokes his head up out of the car near me. Adam looks worse than Ben but he smiles at me anyway.
“Well if it isn’t Jessie-I-push-everyone-away-Leery.” Adam says smiling.
I laugh, that was cute in a way.
“Do you want me to leave?” I ask.
“Not at all.” Adam says getting up. “Come with me.”
I follow Adam into the office and he leans on an ice cream freezer.
“See, I told you we had ice cream.” He says smiling.
“Uh huh but my ice cream would have been better.” I say poking my tongue out.
Adam gets to ice creams out and gives me one.
“Here, now don’t say I never gave you anything.”
“I would never complain.”
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Told you it would be longer! How am I going? (:
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Cheers[: