Chapter 12: Jump In
In the morning, I am awoken by music blasting. When I finally bring myself to open my eyes, I see that everyone else is ready. Olivia and the other two counsellors, Megan and Isabella, take the rest of the campers to flag raising. Demya sticks around to talk to me.
“How are you feeling Melissa? That was a pretty rough night last night.” Demya looks concerned.
“I’m OK now. I’ve been having nightmares like that pretty frequently recently. I just hope I’ll grow out of it soon. They’re both emotionally and physically draining. The hard part is that there’s nothing that I can do to stop them. Like you saw last night.” I explain.
“Hey. It’s okay! My job is to be here for all my campers and help them whenever they need it. But I really want to be your friend Melissa. So I’m here whenever you need me. Even if it’s at 2:00 am!” Demya says laughing. “So, are you ready for something to eat?” she asks.
“Not really. But you can go. I’ll be fine. Really,”
“OK, but you know where we are.”
“Thanks for your help Demya”
She heads to the dining hall. I go into the bathroom. I start screaming. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE ALL THIS? WHY ARE PEOPLE BEING SO NICE TO ME?” i rip my hair out in a fit of rage. I stay in the bathroom until i hear the group come back from breakfast.
“Melissa are you in there?” I hear Demya ask. I don’t respond. “Look Melissa, I know this must be very hard for you,” Demya says through the door.
“Can I have my anxiety meds please?” I beg.
“Sure just give me a minute,”
I wait for Demya to bring 2 pills and my water bottle. I fill it up at the sink and then make it sound like I am swallowing the pills. I splash water on my face and walk out. Everyone is getting their bathing suits on. Demya goes into her room to get ready, satisfied that my pills are gone. I return to my bed, and when nobody's looking, discretely deposit them into a small clear baggie which I return into my pillow case.I stare at the pills and I know that they are my only real source of safety. I know that I need them in order to continue this ongoing battle that has become my life. If I even want to continue it…
My thoughts are cut short when Demya brings out the activity board. She is taking Olivia, Hailey and I to the Lagoon where the kayaks and canoes are kept. We’re all going kayaking. I’ve never done this in my life, but I’m excited to learn. Hailey and Olivia drag kayaks to the water on their own. Demya offers to take me out in the double kayak, and I am thankful for that.
We finally get into the kayak. It takes me a while to figure out how to use the paddle efficiently, but once I do, we are able to paddle over to the edge of the shoreline.
“We can usually find all kinds of turtles and snakes-”
“SNAKES!!!!?” I exclaim, tipping the kayak a little too far to the right. We both end up in the water. Good thing we have life jackets on, because the bottom of the lake looks pretty gross. I see a turtle swim under me, and a few minutes later, I am confronted with my worst nightmare-a snake.
“Demya!” I scream, as a huge snake approaches me.
“It’s okay, Melissa. Just grab my hand.” Demya says.
I swim closer to her and grab her hand. She pulls me up and boosts me up into the kayak. Hailey and Olivia come rushing over in their kayak.
“What happened? You two okay?” Olivia asks.
“Yeah, I just had a close call with a snake.” I reveal.
“Oh, those slimy slithery creatures are my worst pet peeve.” Hailey says, rolling her eyes.
“Same!” I shout, glad we have that in common.
Hailey and I stay up all night talking. Hailey makes me feel like a ‘normal’ girl again because she sees me for who I truly am, without the incorrect images that my chair and my prosthetics project to the ignorant people of this world. Even my friends from school have turned on me now. I think they are scared to be seen with me. But what they don’t understand, is inside, I’m still the same girl that I was before my accident.
I’m so glad to have Hailey. We have a lot of the same interests and hobbies, like art. We both love to draw and it’s great because it’s something that neither of our bodies can take from us. Too bad Hailey and I live more than eight hours away.
In the morning, I am already awake when the counsellors come to wake us up. Demya sees that I have been crying.
“What’s up Melissa?”
“I’ve just been thinking.”
“About what?”
“I had a conversation with Hailey last night and it was great to finally have someone to talk to that kind of understands what I am going through. I just wish she didn’t live so far away because sometimes I feel like she would be more of a support than my own family.”
“Speaking of family, Melissa, we need to have a chat.” I follow Demya out onto the porch while everyone else gets ready for the day.
“I had an email through the night from the adoption agency, and it’s not good, Melissa,” she explains.
“What do you mean ‘not good’?”
“I’ll let you read the email.” she says, handing me a folded piece of paper. She must have printed off the email in the camp office earlier this morning.
I slowly open the paper, and take a deep breath.
Dear Melissa,
I am regretting to inform you that due to unforeseen circumstances, there has been an error in the fostering process with your placement at Mr. Bryan McDavidson and Mrs. Gina McDavidson’s place of residence, and you have therefore been removed from their care. An ongoing investigation is currently in place but as of now, you and Matthew will no longer be under the care of Mr. and Mrs. McDavidson. Arrangements will be made in the next few days to bring you home from camp at the end of the session.
Sincerely,
Julie Hansen
Child Protective Services
I can’t believe what I am reading. A tear rolls down my cheek. Demya hugs me. Megan comes around the corner. All of the counsellors have to stay in the loop about this sort of thing, so Demya has to tell Megan what is going on.
“I had an email last night from CPS.” she hands it to Megan.
Megan looks up at me sympathetically after reading the letter.
“Well, we’ll just have to make the most of your camp experience and not let this get you down. After all, these next few weeks are going to be the best two weeks of your life!” Megan says enthusiastically. You’ll be so busy you won’t even know what hit you-”
Megan stops abruptly.
“Uh, sorry, I-I-I guess I just- I didn’t think- I- I’m sorry”
“It’s OK, I know what you meant” I say, understandingly.
Just then, the rest of the campers head to flag raising.
“You can stay here if you like, Melissa. I’ll come check on you after flag raising. Read a book, put your feet up. If you’re hungry you can come to breakfast with us. If not, that’s OK too. But we have to go.” Demya says.
I return to my bed and watch the campers and counsellors walk down the hill to the flag pole. I know I have at least 20 minutes. I look at Demya’s bedroom door. There’s just a plank of wood separating me from my pills. I stand up and walk towards the door. One step. Two. three. Then I find myself right in front of the door. I reach for the handle slowly. I grasp it and twist my hand. The door slowly opens. Man this room is a mess! I notice Demya didn’t lock the med cabinet. A flood of emotions comes over me. I open the metal door. I see my name and pull out my tray. I take out my bottle. Then I stop. Why am I doing this to myself? What is Matthew going to think? How are my camp friends going to react? Then I hear footsteps. The cabin door opens.
“Just me,” Demya says.
I throw the cover over me so Demya doesn’t see me. She walks past the open door. I hold my breathe and don’t say a word.
“Melissa where are you?” she asks. She knocks on the bathroom doors. She opens them. I hear her turn back towards her room. The footsteps stop just outside her room.
“How did I forget to lock the med cabinet? How could I be so stupid?”
I really hope Demya thinks the lump under her comforter is just a pile of blankets. I watch from a tiny hole in the blanket as Demya closes the cabinet and locks it. I see her take the key from under her pillow and replace it after locking the cabinet. I wait until I hear her footsteps stop. She’s past the cabin. Off the ramp. Gone. I rip off the blanket and return to my bed. That was an extremely close call. I’m kind of glad she came in when she did, to be honest.
A few minutes later, Isabella comes in.
“Demya said she couldn’t find you...everything OK?”
“Yeah, I’m OK. Still not feeling great. I have a headache. Can I have my meds?”
“Sure just give me a minute.” Isabella goes into Demya’s room and takes two pills out for me. I stick them under my tongue, take a gulp of water, and pretend to swallow. Isabella signs off on my chart and puts it away. Isabella leaves to rejoin the group.
When I am sure she is gone, I take the baggie out of my pillowcase and deposit my new pill. I have three now. Still not enough for any real damage, but they’re starting to look really gross, so I’ll do it anyway. This is it. I’m done. I fill up my water bottle one last time. I toss the pills in my mouth and take a gulp of water. The pills are gone. I lie back and wait. I start to get really tired, and before I realize what is happening, I’m out.
I am awoken a while later by violent shaking. “MELISSA! MELISSA! WAKE UP MELISSA!” I open my eyes weakly to see Demya standing over me. I close my eyes. They are heavy. I still have a headache.
“Melissa what happened?”
“I just wanted everything to go away. The pain. The disgust. The disappointment.”
“Well I have something that might cheer you up.” she hands me a letter.
“We can go see the nurse after you read that. Everyone else is at swimming lessons.
I open the letter carefully. The last letter was a rejection letter. What now?
Hey Melissa,
I know your last letter wasn’t what you were expecting, but I have something to tell you. You’re not going to like it. Not only are we being removed from Gina and Bryan’s care, but it’s because of me.
Bryan’s a mean guy. He hurts me. I think he likes to see me cry. He pulls me around the house by my ears. He shaved my head when I was sleeping. He punches me. He cuts us all with everything he can find. His newfound obsession is with razorblades. Melissa I’m really scared. Yesterday he cut me on the back of the neck with a blade and just laughed it off. I don’t know what to do.
I know you’re supposed to be having a good time at camp, but things are really falling apart without you. I want you home. Before Bryan does something more. He’s really not a nice person. He’s taking advantage of all of the girls.
And that’s not the worst. He did something really bad to me. Something really really really evil. And don’t get me started on Gina. She’s a mean old witch too. She pushed Alia down the stairs yesterday. Both of them are being mean to all of us. I think Alia has a broken jaw or something, but Bryan and Gina won’t let anyone leave the house.
Kaya and Olivia are both in pieces. Literally. Olivia has a broken nose from when Bryan ran her into the corner of the wall. We need you. Come back Melissa. Oh and by the way, hbsfkjfhgbjkgyvvjvutymbvgvghvg
After reading this, I am in a full out panic. I need to talk to him. Why did it end so abruptly? The writing got really messy. My brother has really neat writing. Did Bryan and Gina find him writing this and cut it off? Did they hurt him? I need to know! Oh how I need to know what they are doing to my poor little brother!
I let Demya read the letter. She decides she needs to make a phone call. She knows about the CPS and the other things happening with Bryan and Gina, so I’m sure she’s going to talk to someone from the CPS to explain what is going on. I’ve never had so many people interested in my wellbeing or my brother’s. But I am thankful. I give Demya the letter and she heads to the camp office. She is going to scan the letter to the CPS as she speaks to them.
By the time the period is over, I have moved outside, deciding that the sun may do me some good. I sit on the swing. I soon see the campers coming back up the hill. Some are going to water activities so they just have to grab lifejackets. Others have to change out of their bathing suits for land activities. I was supposed to go kayaking, but I’m not in the mood. Demya returns from the camp office shortly after. Everyone else heads their separate ways towards activities.
“Well?” I ask.
“CPS is already aware of the situation. Apparently there was a glitch in the system. Bryan and Gina were already on the no-foster list from several previous encounters with children. All of the children in their care have been placed in new foster homes. Both Bryan and Gina are facing prosecution.” Demya explains.
“Wow. that’s definitely not what I was expecting but I like it. Any word on how Matthew is doing?” I ask.
“That’s where things get tough Melissa,” Demya starts.
I am concerned. Demya has a very solemn look on her face. Is Matthew OK? Was that letter forced? Did he even write it?
“They told me that he is not well. He has suffered both emotionally and physically as a result of watching the other children endure the abuse as well as taking some himself. They said that they are going to have to split you up in order for him to receive the adequate treatment for his needs.” Demya explains.
“I want to be with him. Is there any way you can see if CPS can arrange for Matthew to come here on Visitor’s Day?”
“Unfortunately the CPS won’t bring him that far. I already asked. They said it would be too stressful for him.”
“HE’S MY BROTHER!!!!!!!” I explode.
“I know. Trust me I tried. That was the first thing I asked about. I know you’re very close to your brother. I know this is very hard Melissa but you need to know that we are all here for you so if you ever need to talk to someone, you know we are all on your side. If you are ever feeling like things just aren’t going your way, talking to any of the counsellors will be good for you.” Demya tries to comfort.
“I DON’T WANT ANYONE TO TALK TO! I NEED TO TALK TO MATTHEW!” I scream.
“Well, unfortunately, CPS doesn’t think that is the best thing for Matthew right now...What he’s been through has changed him. He needs to be in isolation for the time being. He’ll be okay, Melissa. He just needs time to heal. You need to give him that.” Demya states sternly.
I hear her words. They are perfectly sensible, yet in my mind, they make no sense. I’m his sister! He doesn’t need isolation, he needs me!
I can’t take much more of this. What did I do to deserve all of this misfortune? This is all my fault too. If I hadn’t run out in front of that bus I wouldn’t have been hit. I wouldn’t have been in the hospital. We wouldn’t have had to go into school early. Those girls wouldn’t have said anything. Dad wouldn’t have lost his temper and punched a girl. She wouldn’t have died from injuries she didn’t even have. No matter what anyone else tries to tell me, I know this is my fault and only my fault. Nobody is ever going to change that.
“Do you feel like going to an activity? There are only 20 minutes left before lunch but we can do something if you want. You shouldn’t stay in here. I know this news is not the kind of thing you want to hear while at camp but you just need to keep yourself occupied.” Demya says.
“How am I supposed to focus on camp activities when my brother NEEDS ME DAMNIT!” I scream.
“I understand if you want to just stay here.” Demya says.
I go outside and sit on the back porch. Even though everyone will know that I am back here, I find it is a good spot to just think. They’ve all been good about just giving me space. I just hope none of the campers have figured out what happened with the pills.
“What Matthew needs is to time to heal from the trauma he has suffered from. I understand that you love him Melissa but right now he needs time to recover and you just need to keep yourself distracted and enjoy your time here Matthew will understand.”
I ignore Demya. I tell her to tell the other campers not to come out to me. She says she’ll pass the message on to the other campers. She also says that she’ll have the staff check on me every so often just in case I want someone to talk to. Just then, everyone comes back. I hear Demya telling everyone what I had said. I watch them move around in the cabin.
I lie down. I think of the mess of my life over the past several years. I’ve never had an easy life. No child is supposed to grow up without a parent. I had to grow up so quickly to help my dad raise my brother, only to have my dad turn his back on me, literally and figuratively speaking, when I needed him the most.
A flood of memories comes back to me. I remember all of the fun times I used to have with Dad and Matthew. I even remember a few things that I did when Mum was around. I was only three. I was innocent and didn’t have a care in the world. I don’t remember much about Mum, so I’ve had to rely on things I’ve been told from family. As specific memories come back, I snap out of it. I don’t want to remember these things. Not now. I turn my attention to two campers fighting about candy at the bottom of the hill. It’s sad some of the things little kids fight about. Little do they know they’ll have so much more to worry about when they’re older.
I am watching a squirrel so closely I don’t hear Isabella come around the corner. She says my name, breaking the silence.
“How are you doing Melissa? It’s a dress-up tonight. Demya wanted me to tell you that. She has to go to a section head meeting before dinner so she just left. Want to talk?” She asks. I really don’t, but it may be for the best.
“I’m just thinking about my life. Everything that has happened. I don’t really remember my mother. My life is a mess. I was never a happy child, but then to have this happen. It just doesn’t feel real. A girl my age is supposed to be out having fun with her friends, running across roads, being a rebel. Not relying on a wheelchair or stupid sticks on my limbs to get me from A to B. It’s just not fair. Dad’s in jail. My mother is dead, I’m in foster care with a couple of monsters.” I try to explain.
Nobody can really understand what I’m going through. I know the counsellors are just trying to help, and I am grateful for that, but it doesn’t make things any easier.
“Well just try and keep yourself busy while you’re here. I know you are enjoying yourself. I can see it in the way you talk to people and just the way you carry yourself around camp. I’ve noticed you and Hailey are becoming good friends. You are both quite the chatterboxes,” Isabella says, laughing. “Anyway, we should head to dinner,” she says, noticing campers starting to head towards the dining hall.
I go straight there and wait on the bench while the rest of my cabin mates get ready.
Dinner turns out to be chicken pot pie with rice and green beans. It’s actually a lot better than it looks.
Dessert is some sort of chocolate brownie, but I’m full. We head back to the cabin once everyone's finished their brownie and wait for the counsellors to tell us what evening program will be.
20 minutes later, Isabella comes around the corner. She is wearing a black tank top and black athletic shorts. She is tying a red bandana around her forehead.
“So are you guys ready for tonight’s evening program?” she asks.
Then, as if on cue, Olivia and Megan come around the corner. Megan’s long blonde hair is contained by a purple bandana while Olivia’s short red hair is complimented by a neon green bandana. Both are wearing black. Both are frozen in ninja poses.
I don’t know what is going on, and when we meet up with Demya on the tennis court, I am even more confused. She is wearing overalls and a plaid shirt with a pillow stuffed down her shirt. She greets us with an awkward southern accent.
“Hey y’all. I see you’ve met my friends, Oscar, Moe and Ivan. they’re not really ma’ friends, y’all see. They’ve gone and stolen all o’ ma’ gold, and it’s gonna be y’all’s job to go and find ma’ gold and bring it back to me right here. The three robbers’ll want to steal all y’all’s gold, so watch out. If they tag you, you got to drop all y’all’s gold,” Demya pauses and puts her hand to the side of her mouth “that’s the tennis balls” she says in a normal voice, before returning to the southern accent. “Y’all can only bring me back one piece o’ gold atta time, but you get points ever’ time y’all bring somethin’ back to me. Y’all can use those points to buy things in later rounds to distract the robbers. I’ll explain those in the next round, but for now, get ready, get set, GO!!!”
As soon as Demya shouts ‘go’, everyone scatters throughout the tennis court, gathering tennis balls. I grab one that rolls to my foot and try to bend to pick it up, but my prosthetic gives way, sending me to the ground, again. Isabella comes running to me.
“Are you OK Melissa?” Isabella asks, concerned. “I saw you take a little tumble,” she adds.
“I was bending to pick up a ball and my prosthetic just gave way. Can you get my chair?” I ask.
“Sure just give me a minute,” she says, smiling. Isabella helps me to the side of the court so the game can continue. She races back to the cabin and returns with my chair. I take my prosthetic off and Isabella helps me into my chair. It’s kind of difficult to reach the balls now, but I manage. I’m a lot faster in the chair, so I am able to get more balls to Demya.
At the end of the first round, I’m not doing very well. I’m not in last, but I’m pretty sure I’m in 4th. We continue the game, adding rules at the beginning of each new round. By the end of the 5th round, I’m exhausted. I have blisters on my fingers and I’m out of breath, but I am also really happy. I feel accomplished. We head back to the cabin to get ready for bed. Demya goes into her room to start calculating the winner.
“No matter what happens guys, I had a lot of fun and that’s all that counts,” I say, in case I win. I wouldn’t want there to be any hard feelings after all. I’ve always been a very competitive person, but I’ve always been one to let people down gently, if you know what I mean.
“That was a lot of fun. I hope we do it again before the session’s through.” says Olivia.
Over the next few days, I am able to keep my mind off of Matthew and Bryan and Gina by keeping busy with the other campers. As the time comes closer to head home, I am overcome with emotions. This calls for another chat with Demya. She’s been so helpful throughout the session. It’s rest hour right now, but that just means we have a lot of down time. Everyone is lying on their bed. Most of the campers are reading a book or writing in a journal, but a few have already fallen asleep. I get up from my bed and wheel over to Demya’s room.
“Demya?” I call.
“What’s up Melissa?” she asks.
“Can we talk outside?” I ask.
Demya opens the door.
“Everything OK?” she asks, concerned.
“Not really,” I say, rolling out of the cabin. I transfer to the new picnic table outside the cabin. Demya comes out a few minutes later.
“What’s up?” she asks.
“I’ve just been thinking. It’s been a few days since we last talked, so I just wanted to fill you in on what’s been going on.” I explain.
“OK,” Demya responds.
“We’re less than a week from going home right?” I ask rhetorically.
Demya nods respectively.
“I don’t know how I’m getting home. I don’t know where I’m going when I get home. Am I even going home? Where is home? I go to camp for the freedom and all I get in return is being kicked out of the house. My life is a mess Demya. I don’t know what to do or how to react to this sort of thing. Never in a million years did I dream of this life for myself. I knew my life would never be the same after my accident, but why does it have to be this bad? Why couldn’t my dad have just ignored those girls? He wouldn’t have knocked the girl out. She wouldn’t have fallen and hit her head and died of an aneurysm. He wouldn’t have gone to jail. Matthew and I wouldn’t have gone into foster care. We wouldn’t have had the bad experiences at the pool. Matthew wouldn’t have been taken advantage of by people who we thought we could trust.”
Demya does her best to console me, but it doesn’t really work.
I spend the last few days of activities trying to accomplish something. I manage to get my level 1 in tennis and kayaking. I guess that is something to be proud of. I bet Matthew will be happy for me, if I ever see him again.
By the time it is time to go home, I still have nowhere to go. Nobody knows where I am supposed to be picked up.